She enjoyed fishing, collecting stamps, singing, and travelling, all to connect with the world. She liked recording her life in her way, leaving marks on the pages of memories. At times, she resembled a painter, creating a depiction of “Old Man Chen”—a tea-drinking, newspaper-reading, fishing enthusiast—in her high school classmates’ memories. At times, she expresses herself like a poet, using eloquent English and Japanese to transform her life’s memories into poetry. At times, she acts like an actress, concealing her deepest pain beneath the importance she places on friendship and playing the reliable listener when others share their troubles.
In the final moments of her life, she cast a farewell glow to all who knew her. That glow is like the mist rolling over mountains, like the night music brought by a gentle breeze from a tranquil world, and like moonlight glistening on the creek. Then, it leaves her ashes as a mark, symbolizing she was once here.
But perhaps God, in His sense of “fairness,” made her meet with family misunderstandings and pressure. Her phone was taken and checked; soon after, family interfered with her relationships, and the dreams locked in her heart were repeatedly obstructed when she was outed.
So, she’s a girl who can be trusted. You see, far across the mountains and seas, she gave the clearest directions in the most complicated of situations.
Even when burdened with both physical and psychological pressure, she would still take care of her companions.
She planned meals and itineraries, providing reliable solutions when she learned about their busy schedules or personal preferences. The memories she left for her companions will always be cherished by everyone. She was not the weak child of stereotypes; she was a reliable “senior” and a trusted “teacher.”
She wants to share her cuteness and bring joy to others.
Because she loved cute things, she sometimes presented herself in the cutest ways.
She once made a deep impression with the images of Alona and Atori. As a responsible Kigurumi performer, she always brought these two cute girls to life with graceful steps and lively actions, letting them meet everyone in the real world.
Her Kigurumi headpiece was large and heavy, so her eyes could barely catch a glimpse of the world while she was wearing it. But whenever she catches a glimpse of those she has healed, the cute Kigurumi doll feels the recognition and joy in their warm gaze.
> Well, do you like this cute side of me? Can you stay with this cute little doll for a while? I really love it! If you like, we can hug, okay? Wanna come?
>
> Wearing this headpiece and being seen as a girl makes me so happy! No matter how many troubles I face, I can hide them under a smile!
Since high school, she has become the “high-performance robot” (a reference to a cute character she cosplayed as) in the memories of close friends. Even on the night before her passing, she still managed to bury the greatest worries, choosing to show her cutest side to those who shared her passion.
Kigurumi was the few moments of happiness in her life when she could appear as a doll. It was a conversation with the Sun, the Moon, and the stars, a dialogue with rivers and lakes, a handshake with trees, and a brush against the grass—a timeless eternity.
Pain never truly leaves; it just shifts from one place to another, or perhaps from psychological to physical. The sensations from HRT never made things easy, but it brought her closer to her ideal self, and so she chose to keep going.
However, due to her underlying health conditions, the side effects of hormones were especially evident in her body. Even so, she still wanted to calm her fluctuating body, for only by being in a better state could she make more people happy.
The sweet little pills floated through her body, and the hormones slowly entered her system as if a warm current drove her to edit the final message she would leave us:
Her memory and imprint turned into a small box scattered in the Jialing River. The water washed away the traces, but the last memory remained in the fishing spot.
She fought silently with bipolar disorder and lost, but the meme she created still flickers through the fragmented lives of others, a fleeting glow, a smile almost familiar.
There, the cute girl will continue to comfort everyone. There, the cute doll will continue to play the beloved role. There, she’ll take good care of herself, just as she promised.
