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[O] localize en_ca
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Elihuso Quigley
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---
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name: Lyna
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info:
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alias: yulian, Nyanner
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alias: Yulian, Nyanner
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location: Dalian, Liaoning
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---
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> This world is fake, I have a masturbation fantasy
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## Introduction
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> What’s the point of living? If you work until you die, what kind of happiness can you buy? You’ve already experienced happiness in your 20s, right? By the time you’re 30, you’re just a corpse.
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<!-- (This section is an objective description) -->
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Lonely as a Lyna, but still looking for the meaning of life
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Lyna is a girl who loves hugging her IKEA shark, enjoys rock music, and immerses herself in her own little world.
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It’s just that didn’t return to the present world like Misaka'Sisters .
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She fantasizes about being a rock star and releasing an album that moves all of humanity (just a fantasy, but it's such a lovely one!).
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> Let’s fight against this unfair world together after death
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> <PhotoScroll photos={["${path}/photos/image0.png"]} />
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"I think Radiohead is a great band, but they're definitely not for everyone. There's a certain quality about them that somehow captivated me."
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I want to be something, I want to be, it doesn't matter who I am
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So, would Bocchi-chan enjoy Radiohead too?
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But can we really find that star?
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<!-- Bocchi-chan (Gotou Hitori): Bocchi from *Bocchi the Rock!*. -->
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> Fuck it! Never mind him
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> All thus fake,
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Maybe it's ADHD? When doing something challenging, her mind always drifts. Is that it?
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> "Ah, this style is so similar to that band's song." "So that's why certain things are the way they are." "Dreaming of some unrealistic goals..."
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Light as a feather, yet just like Kanade, she's reluctant to admit she's an angel.
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<!-- Kanade (Tachibana Kanade): The Angel from *Angel Beats!*. -->
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Lonely like a ripple, yet still searching for the meaning of life.
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It's just that, unlike Misaka's little sister, she hasn't returned to the world of the living.
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<!-- Misaka's little sister: Refers to the Misaka clones from *A Certain Scientific Railgun* and *A Certain Magical Index*. -->
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## Shackles
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<!-- (This section is first-person narration.) -->
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When I was a child, I was too scared to approach girls, wishing I could understand them.
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Then my parents and everyone around me snuffed out that part of me, forcing me to play with boys.
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Ah, walking around like a freak every day... by the time I graduated, I'd probably been assimilated.
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Every year, a part of me dies, and I can't even remember who I was the year before.
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Gender identity? A boy? A girl? I can't recall at all...
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I think I might have been a girl before third grade? But now, no matter how hard I try, I can't remember anymore.
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I always fantasized about being a bride, getting married.
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Did I secretly like a boy in middle school?
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Well, all those details are entirely lost to me now.
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As for hate? I hated them so much. That was all I thought about in middle school.
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When I was shut off, they just stood there watching.
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I was trained, forced to obey, and eventually became like a dog.
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And so I forgot anything about gender, becoming a tortured slave all the way until high school.
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What about stress? I closed myself off in my own world.
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Then I tormented myself, turning into a walking corpse.
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## Dysphoria
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<!-- (This section is first-person narration.) -->
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Adam's apple, broad shoulders? And my voice.
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What a nuisance... Every month, I find myself hating these things multiple times.
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But I had no awareness of the reason for it at the time.
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Later, I fell for someone for the first time and learned what it meant to get close to someone online.
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I was willing to give him everything.
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Maybe it’s because I wasn’t cute enough that I was rejected.
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I cried so many times... I no longer knew what I was thinking...
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The girl in me was killed off again.
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Perhaps I don’t want to be 100% female — I just want a body that’s feminine.
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Although, internally, one could count me as being on the female side too.
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When feeling lonely, I fantasize about being held by someone.
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But relying purely on emotions won’t do anymore; I can only think rationally now.
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So frustrating...
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## Wishes
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<!-- (This section is an objective description.) -->
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Why did the gods take away her wishes?
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She also has dreams in her heart, like forming a band that lasts a lifetime.
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But music is just an escape from pain.
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> "I wish I could have the youth and love of a girl, but it seems like there’s no chance anymore..."
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That’s what she says.
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A tragic life, fleeting youth. Choices like those in a galgame, nothing but the gods' mockery.
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It’s just like what Kessoku Band sings...
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<!-- Kessoku Band: A fictional band from *Bocchi the Rock!*. -->
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> なにかになりたい なりたい 何者かでいい
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> I want, I want to be something, just be someone
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> 馬鹿なわたしは歌うだけ
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> The idiot that I am, I just sing
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> ぶちまけちゃおうか 星に
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> Why don’t I just lay it all out to the stars
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But can we ever find that star?
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## Final Chapter
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<!-- (This section begins in first-person narration.) -->
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> This world is fake, just one of my self-pleasing fantasies.
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>
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> What's the meaning of living? Working until death — what kind of happiness can be bought with that?
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>
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> Happiness was all used up by the time I hit my twenties. By thirty, wouldn’t I just be a walking corpse?
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Let’s go to the beach together, watch the seagulls, and listen to music by The Strokes.
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If only we could grab surfboards and go surfing, that’d be great.
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<PhotoScroll photos={[
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'${path}/photos/photo1.jpg',
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'${path}/photos/photo2.jpg',
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]} />
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The piano upstairs sounds so beautiful — usually, I’d find it annoying.
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But with a different mood, it feels different, doesn’t it?
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I got emotionally wrecked while playing *ATRI*, but at least Atri was there.
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<!-- ATRI: Refers to *ATRI -My Dear Moments-*, a visual novel. -->
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<!-- Atri: The main character from the visual novel. -->
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She was the one who stayed with me till my last moments...
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Maybe all this is real, after all?
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Many transgender people live difficult lives, right?
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Everyone fights hard to live; that’s how so many memories are etched into existence.
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No matter what kind of life it is, it’s the culmination of everything we go through.
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If that’s the case...
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> Take up arms if you have them.
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>
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> Just like *Angel Beats*, let’s rally together and resist this unjust world after death.
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>
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> <PhotoScroll photos={["${path}/photos/photo3.png"]} />
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<!-- (Switching back to objective narration here.) -->
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In the end, we heard her voice.
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Her name is Lyna.
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