diff --git a/people/XingZ60/page.en.json b/people/XingZ60/page.en.json index 1dd7e468..15981101 100644 --- a/people/XingZ60/page.en.json +++ b/people/XingZ60/page.en.json @@ -1 +1 @@ -"\"use strict\";Object.defineProperty(exports,\"__esModule\",{value:true});Object.defineProperty(exports,\"default\",{enumerable:true,get:function(){return _default}});function _createMdxContent(props){var _components=Object.assign({p:\"p\",strong:\"strong\",blockquote:\"blockquote\",h2:\"h2\",a:\"a\",h3:\"h3\",em:\"em\",hr:\"hr\",code:\"code\"},props.components),PhotoScroll=_components.PhotoScroll,BlurBlock=_components.BlurBlock;if(!BlurBlock)_missingMdxReference(\"BlurBlock\",true);if(!PhotoScroll)_missingMdxReference(\"PhotoScroll\",true);return Vue.h(Vue.Fragment,null,Vue.h(_components.p,null,Vue.h(_components.strong,null,\"Come back later!\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,Vue.h(\"svg\",{style:\"display: inline-block; overflow: visible !important; vertical-align: sub; fill: rgb(154, 103, 0); margin-right: 10px;\",viewBox:\"0 0 16 16\",version:\"1.1\",width:\"16\",height:\"16\",\"aria-hidden\":\"true\"},Vue.h(\"path\",{d:\"M6.457 1.047c.659-1.234 2.427-1.234 3.086 0l6.082 11.378A1.75 1.75 0 0 1 14.082 15H1.918a1.75 1.75 0 0 1-1.543-2.575Zm1.763.707a.25.25 0 0 0-.44 0L1.698 13.132a.25.25 0 0 0 .22.368h12.164a.25.25 0 0 0 .22-.368Zm.53 3.996v2.5a.75.75 0 0 1-1.5 0v-2.5a.75.75 0 0 1 1.5 0ZM9 11a1 1 0 1 1-2 0 1 1 0 0 1 2 0Z\"})),\" This version is NOT the formal version. Maintainers will update this after finishing Simplified Chinese version.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,Vue.h(\"svg\",{style:\"display: inline-block; overflow: visible !important; vertical-align: sub; fill: rgb(209, 36, 47); margin-right: 10px;\",viewBox:\"0 0 16 16\",version:\"1.1\",width:\"16\",height:\"16\",\"aria-hidden\":\"true\"},Vue.h(\"path\",{d:\"M4.47.22A.749.749 0 0 1 5 0h6c.199 0 .389.079.53.22l4.25 4.25c.141.14.22.331.22.53v6a.749.749 0 0 1-.22.53l-4.25 4.25A.749.749 0 0 1 11 16H5a.749.749 0 0 1-.53-.22L.22 11.53A.749.749 0 0 1 0 11V5c0-.199.079-.389.22-.53Zm.84 1.28L1.5 5.31v5.38l3.81 3.81h5.38l3.81-3.81V5.31L10.69 1.5ZM8 4a.75.75 0 0 1 .75.75v3.5a.75.75 0 0 1-1.5 0v-3.5A.75.75 0 0 1 8 4Zm0 8a1 1 0 1 1 0-2 1 1 0 0 1 0 2Z\"})),\" This is an unfinished version. Please refer to the Traditional Chinese page.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Yes, life is a game, so living is my right, not my obligation. So, I can even do something while holding a cyanide capsule. I’m willing to do it, and I am preparing to do it. That means, in some dangerous situations, I might even do such things. In situations where I might get caught, I would still say, “Yes, I’ll do it, and I will absolutely not let my enemies get me.”\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,Vue.h(\"svg\",{style:\"display: inline-block; overflow: visible !important; vertical-align: sub; fill: rgb(26, 127, 55); margin-right: 10px;\",viewBox:\"0 0 16 16\",version:\"1.1\",width:\"16\",height:\"16\",\"aria-hidden\":\"true\"},Vue.h(\"path\",{d:\"M8 1.5c-2.363 0-4 1.69-4 3.75 0 .984.424 1.625.984 2.304l.214.253c.223.264.47.556.673.848.284.411.537.896.621 1.49a.75.75 0 0 1-1.484.211c-.04-.282-.163-.547-.37-.847a8.456 8.456 0 0 0-.542-.68c-.084-.1-.173-.205-.268-.32C3.201 7.75 2.5 6.766 2.5 5.25 2.5 2.31 4.863 0 8 0s5.5 2.31 5.5 5.25c0 1.516-.701 2.5-1.328 3.259-.095.115-.184.22-.268.319-.207.245-.383.453-.541.681-.208.3-.33.565-.37.847a.751.751 0 0 1-1.485-.212c.084-.593.337-1.078.621-1.489.203-.292.45-.584.673-.848.075-.088.147-.173.213-.253.561-.679.985-1.32.985-2.304 0-2.06-1.637-3.75-4-3.75ZM5.75 12h4.5a.75.75 0 0 1 0 1.5h-4.5a.75.75 0 0 1 0-1.5ZM6 15.25a.75.75 0 0 1 .75-.75h2.5a.75.75 0 0 1 0 1.5h-2.5a.75.75 0 0 1-.75-.75Z\"})),\" The following text was written in accordance with the wishes of XingZ60 herself. Because of the large time span, the loss of some of the suicide note, and the fact that after her death her friends were generally in a state of great grief and acted in their own ways, it is difficult to write this article in a way that fully realizes the arrangements and ideas that she had in mind before she passed away.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h2,null,\"Introduction\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"XingZ60 (contemporary trans “xyn” community); originally known as Z60 (limelight); Wu Siya (ZhiHu).\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"During her active years on ZhiHu, she was a trans ally boy. In early 2022, after losing her phone, she became a part of limelight and continued her activities there, still maintaining the personal image of an ally.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Until July 2022, she started transition. In October 2022, she attempted suicide for the first time. Afterward, she disappeared from the community and retreated from her transition for a period, from October 2022 to April 2023. During this time, she returned for her interest in the rhythmic game “Maimai”, diving deeper into trans culture.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Finally she came out as a trans in September 2023. Afterward, she was able to get diagnosed for her identity.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"The inclination of transition is something that cannot be changed.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(PhotoScroll,{photos:[\"${path}/photos/image0.webp\"]}),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"She had a very good intuition of rhythmic games, but due to her concentration problem, she did not play the purple (hardest) tracks.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h2,null,\"Engagement in Trans Aid\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"In her view, helping others, especially those in marginalized groups, to survive, live, and develop better has always been very important.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"In her spare time, she organized and participated in numerous suicide intervention and rescue operations. She was involved in the rescue of \",Vue.h(_components.a,{href:\"https://one-among.us/profile/GLaDOSister\"},\"Shizuha\"),\". , which had a significant impact in daily life. Trans aid work had always been a part in her daily life. \"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Her actions helped marginalized people. Through her efforts, she did her utmost to prevent self-harm and suicide.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h2,null,\"Memories by Friends\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"Irako\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Z60 is the second stupidest person I have ever seen in my life\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——Irako, February 7, 2025\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"Lingyu\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"This article is written to commemorate my old friend XingZ60\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: center;\"},\"Lingyu\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"(I. Preface)\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"According to XingZ60's will, I am writing this article to commemorate XingZ60. \",Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),\"Originally, this article should have been completed a long time ago, but firstly, XingZ60 had a great influence on me, and my language skills were limited, so a few words didn’t seem enough to write a good article; secondly, XingZ60’s departure also brought me a great shock, so this article was put on hold. Later, after my mental state recovered a little, I began to try to understand and know XingZ60 from all aspects and angles, and this article came about. \",Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),'Some people say that XingZ60 is an \"abstract\" person, and everyone has a unique understanding of XingZ60. The XingZ60 reflected in this article may only be limited to my personal understanding of XingZ60. Don’t just listen to one person’s opinion; listen to both sides and you will be enlightened, while listening to only one side will lead you to confusion. '),Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"(II)\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'\"The dead are the greatest\" and \"Respect the deceased\" seem to be self-evident and self-evident truths in the minds of most of us. However, everyone seems to have a different understanding of what \"respecting the deceased\" means.'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"We once witnessed with our own eyes how XingZ60's parents dressed up her appearance to represent the traditional male gender at her funeral, and hung a headshot with a buzz cut in the center of the mourning hall; we also watched with our own eyes as XingZ60's parents threw her ashes into the trunk of a car and dragged them away. At that time, many people were shocked and angry at the behavior of XingZ60's parents. The respect for the deceased in the eyes of TA's parents seems to be overridden by so-called social customs and the deep-rooted prejudices of the living themselves.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'Throughout the ages, people tend to \"write some good words on the tombstone\", talking more about achievements and less or even not talking about faults. Only Wu Zetian erected a stele without words at Ganling Mausoleum, and her merits and demerits will be judged by future generations. In this matter, XingZ60 is somewhat similar to the latter. TA once said that when a person dies, all the right and wrong, merits and demerits are \"finally judged\"; everyone can make their own judgments. This is also reflected in his suicide note - he invited people who had different opinions from her to write the earlier part of One Among Us, and also left a message saying \"Anyone can write whatever they want.\"'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Since XingZ60 has this idea, I will just write some stories casually. I would like to write down some of the thoughts that XingZ60 brought to me, but I will try not to make any value judgments on her behavior, and let future generations judge her right and wrong, merits and demerits.\"),Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"(III)\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'XingZ60 seems to have split personality. She said she has at least three personalities, \"Nebula\", \"Dream\" and \"Benzene Ring\". Among them, the gender identity of one personality is male, the gender identity of another personality is female, and the gender identity of another personality is not clear to the author.'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"The author once thought XingZ60 was a transgender woman for a long time, but after learning about this situation, he still pondered for a long time - perhaps this is somewhat similar to the situation of Gender Fluid, and it seems that no personal pronoun is appropriate to refer to the other party.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"This is the first time I have met such a friend. Later, I saw a badge in the shape of a pointer turntable on some of my other friends. The turntable was divided into three parts: sky blue (he), pink (she) and purple (they). You can adjust the direction of the pointer to point to any part to indicate your status.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Maybe this thing is suitable for her.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"However, if we look at it from a higher level, the essence of this confusion is actually the conflict between XingZ60's various personalities; and such a problem of personal pronouns may just be a side effect of this personality conflict at the gender level. What about on other levels? Perhaps the temperament, character, abilities, needs, interests, ideals, and values ​​of XingZ60's various personalities are different. As friends, how should we treat these personalities, or how should we treat such a \\\"complex of multiple personalities\\\"? Even more so, if XingZ60's will only represents the wishes of a certain personality of XingZ60, then is this will valid? If I execute this will and write this article for him/her, is this respecting the deceased as mentioned above, or not?\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'I studied law and hold a legal professional qualification certificate; but I don’t know the answer to this question. I tried to search online, but all I got were the same old, mechanical applications of legal provisions: \"Whether a person with split personality has civil capacity depends on whether he or she can recognize his or her own behavior.\" It seems that this answer does not fundamentally solve the problem.'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'So someone patched it up and said, \"If this is a behavior done in a normal personality state, then it is effective; if this is a behavior done in an abnormal personality state, then it is ineffective.\" So how do we distinguish between normal personality and abnormal personality? Why can an outsider forcibly label \"Nebula\" as \"normal personality\" and forcibly label \"Dream\" as \"abnormal personality\" (or vice versa)?'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I don't know the answers to these questions.\"),Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"(IV)\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"XingZ60 (or possibly one of her personalities) publicly made jokes about other deceased sexual minorities more than once during her lifetime; therefore, some of XingZ60's friends also made jokes about the deceased XingZ60 more than once. This sparked quite a bit of debate - these friends believed that XingZ60's behavior showed that she was a person who agreed that \\\"it's okay to make fun of the deceased\\\", so making fun of her was actually a manifestation of respect for her behavior patterns and values. However, some of XingZ60's friends think that this is unacceptable. So the two sides started arguing, and it ended up in a mess.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Yes, human beings’ sorrows and joys are not the same, and human thought circuits are not the same. But who can be blamed for this? People's brain power and nervous system development are different, people's growth environment and life experience are also very different, people's rationality and sensibility are clearly controlled by the neurotransmitters in the human body, and the deep thinking and communication required for people to understand each other requires enormous energy. Therefore, human freedom is still constrained by conditions that are beyond one’s control; or in other words, human freedom is “always in chains”\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-1\",id:\"footnote-ref-1\"},\"1\")),\" - and for this reason, mediation often ends up being futile, and resonance between people with “different ideologies” is a luxury. Instead, people go to war, attack each other, and hurt each other. So the world became a disguised Colosseum.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'\"A certain group\" is even more of such an arena. Some people ridicule each other in the group and even attack each other offline. In the past, in order to \"make everyone live in peace\", I \"mediated\" the conflicts among \"a certain group\" without any bottom line, but there was no obvious effect, and it was even counterproductive. And XingZ60 said this:'),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I can understand both sides, but I can't reconcile them.\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"What a helpless reality. And the world is full of helplessness. Whether it is between people or between people and things.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Faced with such a contradiction, XingZ60's approach was to separate the two groups by creating a group. Since people who have achieved success through their own efforts are attacking those who gain attention by playing the victim, let them join different groups. So he created a new group:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"This is a place to lick your wounds, not a place to show off your superiority.\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"He added many members to the new group who he believed were not successful in the secular sense (or even failed in the secular sense), some of whom had repeatedly self-harmed and abused drugs - but XingZ60 showed special tolerance for all kinds of people:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"They were all forced.\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"XingZ60 even publicly said:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I am no different from everyone else. Although you think I am a highly educated talent of Beihang University, the admission score line of Beihang University was broken that year, and I was just lucky to get in. I was supposed to be like everyone else.\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Later, I checked the admission score line of Beihang University on the Internet and found that there was no gap in the admission score line that year.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I didn't take it seriously at the time, until I heard about the story of another friend - the general situation was that he grew up in a single-parent family and was emotionally neglected by his guardian while growing up; this environment shaped his distorted personality, causing her to become addicted to drug abuse and be dealt with by the public security authorities.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'After hearing this story and thinking about it, I suddenly had a creepy feeling of surviving a disaster: if my life was also \"interrupted\" by chance, and I started out in a single-parent family with no emotional support, then my ending might not be much better than that of this friend. Maybe I should have been shot for murder and arson.'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'XingZ60\\'s parents are both teachers. This seemed to make me suddenly understand XingZ60\\'s \"modesty\" about her academic qualifications. I once regarded XingZ60 as a god in my heart. Later, I suddenly realized that there was no need for this. Because, by the same logic, if I \"upgrade\" and become XingZ60\\'s life, then \"I can do it too\"; if XingZ60 \"downgrades\" and becomes my life, then \"TA can\\'t step down either\".'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Thinking of this, I suddenly felt a sense of relief.\"),Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"(V)\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"However, the operating mode of this world is not controlled by a single variable.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Of course, the beginning of life is just one of the variables. It may be an important variable, but it is not the only variable.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"The world is a huge web, with seven billion people acting together on it, collectively exerting large or small influences on the direction of this web.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Everyone is a part of this big network, being influenced by it and also influencing it.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"No one knows what kind of people they will meet or what kind of things will happen on this big Internet; it is even more impossible to predict what impact these things will have on their future.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"When XingZ60 passed away, some people blamed themselves:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"If only I had looked at her more.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I should have noticed that his mental state was not right.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"There was something wrong with the meal he invited me to the day before yesterday. I was so dumbfounded that I didn’t react.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I was free that day, otherwise I would have gone straight to the hospital.\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'However, the arrival of the \"big net\" was so accidental. It just so happened that XingZ60 encountered a not-so-good growing environment, and it just so happened that her parents knew everything, and it just so happened that no one had time, and it just so happened that the hospital couldn\\'t find out what the disease was, and it just so happened that all the coincidences came together.'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"So this is the result.\"),Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"(VI)\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'But, XingZ60 still hopes that I will \"stick to what I insist on\" - I think it means \"mediate the conflict\".'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"But I guess I really can’t keep on insisting anymore. XingZ60's way of understanding these interpersonal conflicts seemed to have turned into something that was deeply rooted in me. It seems that I have inherited a little bit of his thoughts and continue to live - maybe one day I will die, and if someone reads what I wrote and gains some insights, they will also live with these feelings...\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'Later, I accidentally saw a famous saying by a poet: \"When a person dies, it is like water disappearing into water.\"',Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-2\",id:\"footnote-ref-2\"},\"2\"))),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"So I opened the window, and what came into my sight was the boundless sea with spring flowers blooming.\"),Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"(VII)\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'However, \"Genshin Impact\" is a brand new open world adventure game independently developed by miHoYo. XingZ60 plays \"Genshin Impact\". This \"Genshin Impact\" is not that \"Genshin Impact\"; for example, \"Wu Meng DX\", which is called \"Arcade Genshin Impact\" by everyone, is also a type of \"Genshin Impact\".'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"XingZ60 has complained more than once that \\\"Genshin Impact\\\" is very addictive, and has expressed the idea of ​​quitting the game - every day, she has to face the same daily tasks, repeating day after day, and if she doesn't complete a task one day, she will receive one less day's daily reward. However, when talking about quitting, he would always force herself to stop. However, one day, the following conversation occurred between me and him/her:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Hey, have you played the new song updated on the Chinese server? It's called something like Trans or something. It's really fun. Other songs are all tap, slide or tap, tap, slide, but this song is tap, tap, tap, slide. It's really fun.\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I vaguely remember that his tone was actually full of laughter.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Later, he and I hugged each other and said goodbye. This was the first time he and I hugged each other, and he looked very happy.\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,'\"I will always be with you, sir.\"'),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"The glory is always there, and I will always be with you, wherever you are.\"),Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"(VIII. Written at the end)\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I have written so much without realizing it. Perhaps, I think the more important experiences with her and the thoughts and ideas he brought to me should all be written here. Due to length and other reasons, I think this article should end here. There are many stories in life that are the same and different every day. Some of them I will present in other ways, and others I will just let remain in my memories.\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——Lingyu, December 24, 2024\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"HiYku\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Born of love, by love undone.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——HiYku, December 17, 2024\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"Ann\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,'You wanted me to write what you called the \"final conclusion\" for you, so I wrote it. '),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I always have a question about this: I am almost the person you have chosen who has the least time with you and knows you the least. Why did you choose me, and what do you want to see me write? I think you should know that when you choose the people who write this section for you, you also choose the content that will be presented in this section. Many things about you, especially those that are generally considered bad, I only learned about them after you passed away. Perhaps if you hadn't ended your life so simply, I would have had the chance to hear you tell me these things in person, but there is really no chance anymore. I decided to write only based on my experiences with you while you were still alive. This is probably what you want, right?\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"In addition, there is another difficult dilemma: it is difficult for me to describe what kind of person you are as you want, and it is difficult to summarize you with concise words and capable sentences. People's deviations and imaginations in their understanding of words and short sentences will deviate from your true self. So please allow me to recall and narrate some past events that have connected me with you and make some lengthy and vague evaluations. As for what kind of person you are, please let the friends who come to this page to mourn find out from these words. Of course, no matter who reads these words, they will feel that it is more appropriate to put them in the comments section, but please allow me to complete what you have asked me to do in the way that I can barely do. This is my privilege as a living person towards you as a dead person. If you were still alive, these things would not happen.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"The first time I met you and the only time I saw you was on August 12, 2023, when I had just ended a long period of hesitation and decided to start GAHT and get in touch with the transgender community. I still remember the scene of our meeting very clearly. At noon, I was sitting in a KFC seat with a window near the street opposite the Peking University Third Hospital and eating lunch. When I saw you push open the door and come in wearing a blue, pink and white mask, I unintentionally pulled out a chair to greet you. Later I discovered that I had actually been in contact with you in the online world for a long time. I am a nobody in the QQ group who dares not speak much, and I often just watch silently. Although you always say that you are numb to everything including tragedy, you always provide medication advice to those in need, always comfort those who are hurt, and always make decisive judgments and effective arrangements in response to crises. In my heart, you have always been a knowledgeable, lovely, respectable and approachable helper. You always try to be tolerant and understanding of everyone, and always do your best, even giving your all.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"At that time, as a transgender girl who was just starting out in many things, it was a great fortune for me to meet you. I regard you as a respected senior and a close sister. You would share some unique perspectives with me, give me GAHT advice, and teach me how to fight against the malice from every corner of the world... At that time, when you were in the active group chat, people were always arguing over something. I always feel something similar from your speeches, of course, yours is always much deeper than mine. This made me very interested in your ideas, but I am not good at communicating with people, so we agreed to have a serious chat during the winter vacation. At that time, I didn't know that all this would become impossible in less than a month.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Although I was an eyewitness to the \\\"Werewolf Killing\\\" that took place on December 21, 2023, I still don't know the full story, let alone figure it out. At that time, I was attracted by your profound thoughts and gentle personality, and it was impossible for me to accept that you said such words and did such things. I was instantly disheartened and didn't have any desire to think or ask about it anymore. I chose to stay away from you quietly. But I never thought that just a few days later, I would hear the tragic news of your suicide. I never thought that I could only listen to your situation as told by others. I never thought that the separation on that day might be a real separation. At that time, I found that I was like a stubborn and sulky child. I didn't want to leave you at all, and I didn't want you to leave either.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"On December 26, I asked for a dextromethorphan medicine box to make a handmade gift for a friend in another group chat where you were, and you promised to give me one.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"On the 27th, you said that you forgot to send the express delivery due to an emergency. I simply thought that you were busy with something and didn't care about you at all.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"On the 30th, when I was opening the express package, someone had just told me that you had committed suicide. I hurriedly dug out the express delivery label from the trash can, wanting to keep it as a souvenir, but I didn't expect that I would tear your name neatly in the middle horizontally. All the anxiety, regret and sadness were concentrated in that moment. I was deeply afraid that all this foreshadowed an irreversible tragedy...\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I started to have a fever the day after hearing the news, a fever I had never had before. During this period, I could only repeat between pure drowsiness and pure crying with a high fever. Although there seemed to be some not-so-bad news during this period, my memory is really vague, and these not-so-bad news did not turn into not-so-bad facts.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Finally, at 23:56 on January 1, 2024, the nebula, which used to be full of vitality, shining and changing, quietly dissipated in the endless darkness of the universe, became a part of the silence, and merged into the cold darkness.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I read your will with a feeling that I don't know how to describe. There was almost nothing about you in it. It was all about your care, instructions and messages to your friends. When everything for you might be over, you were still caring about the people around you.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I have some selfish desires that I am not ashamed of. If I had not left your personal group on December 21, 2023 because of those things, I would have been able to get your relics as a souvenir, and I would definitely have been able to hear a few of the words you wanted to say to me. In your last words, write what you want to say to your group members at the very beginning. Before reading the will, I didn't know that you cared so much about everyone in that group. My action of leaving the group and distancing myself from you not only caused me endless regret in the future, but also must have hurt you at that time. You didn't say anything to me in your will, but you chose me to be the one to write these things on those autumn leaves. I don't understand why, so just consider it as a punishment for me. However, compared with other people, the interactions between you and me are too few. Maybe you just feel that there is nothing much to say to me. I don’t know, or maybe you have simply forgotten.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I followed my original idea and gave the quicksand mahjong made from the dextromethorphan medicine box you gave me to a friend instead of keeping it for myself as a souvenir. She was also sad that she didn't have the chance to meet you and really get to know you.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"It is only in the days when you were gone that I deeply feel your influence on me in every aspect of my daily life. Not only does my GAHT program look almost identical to yours, I have also unconsciously internalized many of your concepts, which factor heavily into my decision-making in life. Although I used to feel that your practice of burning paper, medicine boxes and changing gray portraits to commemorate the deceased was pretentious, I was away from home and could not attend the farewell ceremony to mourn you in person, so I don't know what other reasons drove me to do this for you. In addition to these natural actions, I can't help but think seriously about how I can become a person like you in my eyes. I want to be like you and share the beauty and goodness you bring to me with more people who need them. I hope I can do it.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I am still in my own predicament and see no hope, which makes me miss you even more. I've never told you this, but I guess you won't hate it. Whenever I feel hopeless for various reasons and find it difficult to express or communicate with others, I always wish I could hear what you would say about this situation. Even if I had talked to you more in the past, if I could remember more of your thoughts, I might be able to try to find a way out of them, and my helplessness might be alleviated. I also think that if I could internalize your outlook on life and your view on life, which may seem crazy to others, then I would be able to live freely.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Many things have ended, but many things are still going on. Many people died, but many people still have to continue living.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"You often compare the past and future changes in the transgender community to an ongoing war, which I didn’t take seriously in the past. I thought it was a bit naive at the time. But for now, wish me good luck in this war, wish us good luck.\\nI don't know what kind of feelings I have for you, but I feel that at least I loved you.\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——Ann, May 4, 2024, cloudy\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"Shinonome\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"With heavy hearts, we mourn the loss of a brave and resilient soul. Though her life was short, it was filled with unwavering struggle and defiance. She lived much like the words spoken by Big Boss in \",Vue.h(_components.em,null,\"Metal Gear Solid 2\"),': \"The loser will be liberated from the battlefield. And the winner... will remain. The survivor will live out every one of the rest of his days as a soldier.\" She was a warrior on this battlefield, and although she was unable to escape the cruelty of the fight, her spirit and determination will never be forgotten.'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Her passing is not a defeat, but a different kind of liberation—freedom from the oppressive forces of a society that could not understand or accept her. She has been released from the endless battle. Her departure is not surrender, but the conclusion of an unjust fight. She no longer has to endure the pain and pressure that society inflicted on her. In the end, she has earned the freedom of her true self.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'However, as the quote reminds us, \"The winner will remain.\" Her departure does not mark the end of her story. Her spirit lives on in each of us. She was a warrior to the very end, holding onto strength and courage. We will continue her mission and fight for those still struggling on this battlefield. Her victory was the hope she brought to every transgender person, and the call for more compassion and acceptance in society.'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"May her soul find peace in another world, free from the confines of this one. Her legacy will continue to inspire us to carry on her unfinished work and keep fighting for a better future.\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——Shinonome, December 31, 2024\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"Mik\\xe4\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,Vue.h(\"blockquote\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"Meowvelous Demise\"),Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——Xu\"))),Vue.h(BlurBlock,null,Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I don’t know why Mik\\xe4 did not appear in XingZ60’s epitaph designation,\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"so I was thinking that if this was the case, maybe it would be better for me not to comment.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"However, there seems to be a saying in it that “anyone who wants to write can write it.”\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Oh, and it seems that I shouldn’t mention it.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"After all, this part of the so-called suicide note was written by me personally after spending several afternoons looking at Jinji Lake outside the window and listening to XingZ60’s voice.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"And maybe because of the above, my departure from XingZ60 happened again. There seems to be a close connection that cannot be ignored.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Maybe it also includes the so-called role-playing game of Fake Haku.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"After all, playing with her for so long, it literally means playing to death.\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I didn't expect that I would lose so completely in this two-sided game.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"But I also didn't expect that I lost the two-party game and the other party didn't win.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"But who won? Think about it carefully. In fact, I, LingYu, KouHaku, and you both won.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"If you explain the reason, the originally short message will be too lengthy.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I must mention it. Even the brain can understand it,\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"so, Meowvelous Demise\"))),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——Mik\\xe4, January 23, 2025\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"wing\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I didn't know her very well, but in my opinion he was a good man who supported some disadvantaged people and did a lot of unnecessary and troublesome things. He once tried to suppress his feminine personality and claimed that he would die if he let it go. I thought hrt would make her a better person and encourage her to be herself, but I didn't expect this result.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Perhaps it would have been better to encourage her to correct his mistakes. In my opinion, he is a rational person, just like Zifeng, but they are both dead, okay. And they are all overdosed. Overdose is harmful!\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"It has been more than a year since then. I hope he can rest in peace.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——wing, February 9, 2025\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"Baimao suki\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"My acquaintance with XingZ60 stems from my exploration of my own gender. We met during the exploration and had a lot in common. Perhaps we are of the same kind or have other similarities. We have become very familiar with each other after knowing each other for seven days. Just 72 days left an indelible mark on your life. \"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'XingZ60 is a very mature person. When I expressed my anxiety about learning about weight, she not only gave me experience and help, but also said \"take it slow\".'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"At school, I often call or chat with her to ease the boredom of studying in the third year of high school, listen to them talk about various interesting things, and listen to their stories. From this we learn that XingZ60 is actually quite indifferent to life and death, which adds fun to the grand funeral. Perhaps it was because of depression that death was not far away from her, and perhaps this day would always come. But I didn't expect it to come so suddenly, after half a year of depression...\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'When I discussed my own spiritual exploration with her, she commented on my words as \"no hope\". But in her last words, she told me not to flip over. Maybe she was persuading me based on her own experience, but I still embarked on this difficult road.'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"From what others said, XingZ60 is more complicated and abstract than I had imagined. What I know is just the tip of the iceberg, either because of Yasasi or because of lack of time. But anyway, the second half of XingZ60 is as interesting as a game. I regret that I will never have the chance to meet you again, but in a corner of my heart there will always be a guy named XingZ60 teasing me.\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"The sunset will eventually set\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"The dream will soon be shattered\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"XingZ60 cuts through the sky and falls into the atmosphere\"),\"\\n\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"—— Baimao Suki, February 4, 2025\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"__\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"Three sentences to follow the title\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"__ /[] Written at 23:56 on January 1, 2024, when the collapse occurred\"),Vue.h(\"p\"),Vue.h(\"blockquote\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",null,'\"Eloi, Eloi, Lama Sabathani? ',Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-4\",id:\"footnote-ref-4\"},\"4\")),'\" And they hated their future more miserably. ',Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-5\",id:\"footnote-ref-5\"},\"5\"))),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"This ugly world doesn't deserve her beauty\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"《Maybe All Transgender People Are Really Vampires》\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-6\",id:\"footnote-ref-6\"},\"6\"))))),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.hr),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"2024.1.2 09.26 Tang Ze: Friends who want to say goodbye to XingZ60 can go to Changping Funeral Home to pay their respects today.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'——XingZ60\\'s parents held a funeral for \"him\"'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'2024.1.2 afternoon Blank: I plan to hold a simple funeral that truly belongs to \"her\" in the evening'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"——Blank initiated but not hosted, everyone spontaneously gathered strength to hold a small memorial ceremony for her\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.hr),Vue.h(\"br\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,Vue.h(_components.code,null,\"Under Construction\")),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\"))}function MDXContent(props){if(props===void 0)props={};var _ref=props.components||{},MDXLayout=_ref.wrapper;return MDXLayout?Vue.h(MDXLayout,props,Vue.h(_createMdxContent,props)):_createMdxContent(props)}var _default=MDXContent;function _missingMdxReference(id,component){throw new Error(\"Expected \"+(component?\"component\":\"object\")+\" `\"+id+\"` to be defined: you likely forgot to import, pass, or provide it.\")}" \ No newline at end of file +"\"use strict\";Object.defineProperty(exports,\"__esModule\",{value:true});Object.defineProperty(exports,\"default\",{enumerable:true,get:function(){return _default}});function _createMdxContent(props){var _components=Object.assign({p:\"p\",strong:\"strong\",blockquote:\"blockquote\",h2:\"h2\",a:\"a\",h3:\"h3\",em:\"em\",hr:\"hr\",code:\"code\"},props.components),PhotoScroll=_components.PhotoScroll,DottedNumber=_components.DottedNumber,BlurBlock=_components.BlurBlock;if(!BlurBlock)_missingMdxReference(\"BlurBlock\",true);if(!DottedNumber)_missingMdxReference(\"DottedNumber\",true);if(!PhotoScroll)_missingMdxReference(\"PhotoScroll\",true);return Vue.h(Vue.Fragment,null,Vue.h(_components.p,null,Vue.h(_components.strong,null,\"Come back later!\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,Vue.h(\"svg\",{style:\"display: inline-block; overflow: visible !important; vertical-align: sub; fill: rgb(154, 103, 0); margin-right: 10px;\",viewBox:\"0 0 16 16\",version:\"1.1\",width:\"16\",height:\"16\",\"aria-hidden\":\"true\"},Vue.h(\"path\",{d:\"M6.457 1.047c.659-1.234 2.427-1.234 3.086 0l6.082 11.378A1.75 1.75 0 0 1 14.082 15H1.918a1.75 1.75 0 0 1-1.543-2.575Zm1.763.707a.25.25 0 0 0-.44 0L1.698 13.132a.25.25 0 0 0 .22.368h12.164a.25.25 0 0 0 .22-.368Zm.53 3.996v2.5a.75.75 0 0 1-1.5 0v-2.5a.75.75 0 0 1 1.5 0ZM9 11a1 1 0 1 1-2 0 1 1 0 0 1 2 0Z\"})),\" This version is NOT the formal version. Maintainers will update this after finishing Simplified Chinese version.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,Vue.h(\"svg\",{style:\"display: inline-block; overflow: visible !important; vertical-align: sub; fill: rgb(209, 36, 47); margin-right: 10px;\",viewBox:\"0 0 16 16\",version:\"1.1\",width:\"16\",height:\"16\",\"aria-hidden\":\"true\"},Vue.h(\"path\",{d:\"M4.47.22A.749.749 0 0 1 5 0h6c.199 0 .389.079.53.22l4.25 4.25c.141.14.22.331.22.53v6a.749.749 0 0 1-.22.53l-4.25 4.25A.749.749 0 0 1 11 16H5a.749.749 0 0 1-.53-.22L.22 11.53A.749.749 0 0 1 0 11V5c0-.199.079-.389.22-.53Zm.84 1.28L1.5 5.31v5.38l3.81 3.81h5.38l3.81-3.81V5.31L10.69 1.5ZM8 4a.75.75 0 0 1 .75.75v3.5a.75.75 0 0 1-1.5 0v-3.5A.75.75 0 0 1 8 4Zm0 8a1 1 0 1 1 0-2 1 1 0 0 1 0 2Z\"})),\" This is an unfinished version. Please refer to the Traditional Chinese page.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Yes, life is a game, so living is my right, not my obligation. So, I can even do something while holding a cyanide capsule. I’m willing to do it, and I am preparing to do it. That means, in some dangerous situations, I might even do such things. In situations where I might get caught, I would still say, “Yes, I’ll do it, and I will absolutely not let my enemies get me.”\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,Vue.h(\"svg\",{style:\"display: inline-block; overflow: visible !important; vertical-align: sub; fill: rgb(26, 127, 55); margin-right: 10px;\",viewBox:\"0 0 16 16\",version:\"1.1\",width:\"16\",height:\"16\",\"aria-hidden\":\"true\"},Vue.h(\"path\",{d:\"M8 1.5c-2.363 0-4 1.69-4 3.75 0 .984.424 1.625.984 2.304l.214.253c.223.264.47.556.673.848.284.411.537.896.621 1.49a.75.75 0 0 1-1.484.211c-.04-.282-.163-.547-.37-.847a8.456 8.456 0 0 0-.542-.68c-.084-.1-.173-.205-.268-.32C3.201 7.75 2.5 6.766 2.5 5.25 2.5 2.31 4.863 0 8 0s5.5 2.31 5.5 5.25c0 1.516-.701 2.5-1.328 3.259-.095.115-.184.22-.268.319-.207.245-.383.453-.541.681-.208.3-.33.565-.37.847a.751.751 0 0 1-1.485-.212c.084-.593.337-1.078.621-1.489.203-.292.45-.584.673-.848.075-.088.147-.173.213-.253.561-.679.985-1.32.985-2.304 0-2.06-1.637-3.75-4-3.75ZM5.75 12h4.5a.75.75 0 0 1 0 1.5h-4.5a.75.75 0 0 1 0-1.5ZM6 15.25a.75.75 0 0 1 .75-.75h2.5a.75.75 0 0 1 0 1.5h-2.5a.75.75 0 0 1-.75-.75Z\"})),\" The following text was written in accordance with the wishes of XingZ60 herself. Because of the large time span, the loss of some of the suicide note, and the fact that after her death her friends were generally in a state of great grief and acted in their own ways, it is difficult to write this article in a way that fully realizes the arrangements and ideas that she had in mind before she passed away.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h2,null,\"Introduction\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"XingZ60 (contemporary trans “xyn” community); originally known as Z60 (limelight); Wu Siya (ZhiHu).\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"During her active years on ZhiHu, she was a trans ally boy. In early 2022, after losing her phone, she became a part of limelight and continued her activities there, still maintaining the personal image of an ally.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Until July 2022, she started transition. In October 2022, she attempted suicide for the first time. Afterward, she disappeared from the community and retreated from her transition for a period, from October 2022 to April 2023. During this time, she returned for her interest in the rhythmic game “Maimai”, diving deeper into trans culture.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Finally she came out as a trans in September 2023. Afterward, she was able to get diagnosed for her identity.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"The inclination of transition is something that cannot be changed.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(PhotoScroll,{photos:[\"${path}/photos/image0.webp\"]}),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"She had a very good intuition of rhythmic games, but due to her concentration problem, she did not play the purple (hardest) tracks.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h2,null,\"Engagement in Trans Aid\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"In her view, helping others, especially those in marginalized groups, to survive, live, and develop better has always been very important.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"In her spare time, she organized and participated in numerous suicide intervention and rescue operations. She was involved in the rescue of \",Vue.h(_components.a,{href:\"https://one-among.us/profile/GLaDOSister\"},\"Shizuha\"),\". , which had a significant impact in daily life. Trans aid work had always been a part in her daily life. \"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Her actions helped marginalized people. Through her efforts, she did her utmost to prevent self-harm and suicide.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h2,null,\"Memories by Friends\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"Irako\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Z60 is the second stupidest person I have ever seen in my life\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——Irako, February 7, 2025\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"Lingyu\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"This article is written to commemorate my old friend XingZ60\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: center;\"},\"Lingyu\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(DottedNumber,{n:\"I. Preface\"}),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"According to XingZ60's will, I am writing this article to commemorate XingZ60. \",Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),\"Originally, this article should have been completed a long time ago, but firstly, XingZ60 had a great influence on me, and my language skills were limited, so a few words didn’t seem enough to write a good article; secondly, XingZ60’s departure also brought me a great shock, so this article was put on hold. Later, after my mental state recovered a little, I began to try to understand and know XingZ60 from all aspects and angles, and this article came about. \",Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),'Some people say that XingZ60 is an \"abstract\" person, and everyone has a unique understanding of XingZ60. The XingZ60 reflected in this article may only be limited to my personal understanding of XingZ60. Don’t just listen to one person’s opinion; listen to both sides and you will be enlightened, while listening to only one side will lead you to confusion. '),Vue.h(DottedNumber,{n:\"II\"}),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'\"The dead are the greatest\" and \"Respect the deceased\" seem to be self-evident and self-evident truths in the minds of most of us. However, everyone seems to have a different understanding of what \"respecting the deceased\" means.'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"We once witnessed with our own eyes how XingZ60's parents dressed up her appearance to represent the traditional male gender at her funeral, and hung a headshot with a buzz cut in the center of the mourning hall; we also watched with our own eyes as XingZ60's parents threw her ashes into the trunk of a car and dragged them away. At that time, many people were shocked and angry at the behavior of XingZ60's parents. The respect for the deceased in the eyes of TA's parents seems to be overridden by so-called social customs and the deep-rooted prejudices of the living themselves.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'Throughout the ages, people tend to \"write some good words on the tombstone\", talking more about achievements and less or even not talking about faults. Only Wu Zetian erected a stele without words at Ganling Mausoleum, and her merits and demerits will be judged by future generations. In this matter, XingZ60 is somewhat similar to the latter. TA once said that when a person dies, all the right and wrong, merits and demerits are \"finally judged\"; everyone can make their own judgments. This is also reflected in his suicide note - he invited people who had different opinions from her to write the earlier part of One Among Us, and also left a message saying \"Anyone can write whatever they want.\"'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Since XingZ60 has this idea, I will just write some stories casually. I would like to write down some of the thoughts that XingZ60 brought to me, but I will try not to make any value judgments on her behavior, and let future generations judge her right and wrong, merits and demerits.\"),Vue.h(DottedNumber,{n:\"III\"}),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'XingZ60 seems to have split personality. She said she has at least three personalities, \"Nebula\", \"Dream\" and \"Benzene Ring\". Among them, the gender identity of one personality is male, the gender identity of another personality is female, and the gender identity of another personality is not clear to the author.'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"The author once thought XingZ60 was a transgender woman for a long time, but after learning about this situation, he still pondered for a long time - perhaps this is somewhat similar to the situation of Gender Fluid, and it seems that no personal pronoun is appropriate to refer to the other party.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"This is the first time I have met such a friend. Later, I saw a badge in the shape of a pointer turntable on some of my other friends. The turntable was divided into three parts: sky blue (he), pink (she) and purple (they). You can adjust the direction of the pointer to point to any part to indicate your status.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Maybe this thing is suitable for her.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"However, if we look at it from a higher level, the essence of this confusion is actually the conflict between XingZ60's various personalities; and such a problem of personal pronouns may just be a side effect of this personality conflict at the gender level. What about on other levels? Perhaps the temperament, character, abilities, needs, interests, ideals, and values ​​of XingZ60's various personalities are different. As friends, how should we treat these personalities, or how should we treat such a \\\"complex of multiple personalities\\\"? Even more so, if XingZ60's will only represents the wishes of a certain personality of XingZ60, then is this will valid? If I execute this will and write this article for him/her, is this respecting the deceased as mentioned above, or not?\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'I studied law and hold a legal professional qualification certificate; but I don’t know the answer to this question. I tried to search online, but all I got were the same old, mechanical applications of legal provisions: \"Whether a person with split personality has civil capacity depends on whether he or she can recognize his or her own behavior.\" It seems that this answer does not fundamentally solve the problem.'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'So someone patched it up and said, \"If this is a behavior done in a normal personality state, then it is effective; if this is a behavior done in an abnormal personality state, then it is ineffective.\" So how do we distinguish between normal personality and abnormal personality? Why can an outsider forcibly label \"Nebula\" as \"normal personality\" and forcibly label \"Dream\" as \"abnormal personality\" (or vice versa)?'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I don't know the answers to these questions.\"),Vue.h(DottedNumber,{n:\"IV\"}),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"XingZ60 (or possibly one of her personalities) publicly made jokes about other deceased sexual minorities more than once during her lifetime; therefore, some of XingZ60's friends also made jokes about the deceased XingZ60 more than once. This sparked quite a bit of debate - these friends believed that XingZ60's behavior showed that she was a person who agreed that \\\"it's okay to make fun of the deceased\\\", so making fun of her was actually a manifestation of respect for her behavior patterns and values. However, some of XingZ60's friends think that this is unacceptable. So the two sides started arguing, and it ended up in a mess.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Yes, human beings’ sorrows and joys are not the same, and human thought circuits are not the same. But who can be blamed for this? People's brain power and nervous system development are different, people's growth environment and life experience are also very different, people's rationality and sensibility are clearly controlled by the neurotransmitters in the human body, and the deep thinking and communication required for people to understand each other requires enormous energy. Therefore, human freedom is still constrained by conditions that are beyond one’s control; or in other words, human freedom is “always in chains”\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-1\",id:\"footnote-ref-1\"},\"1\")),\" - and for this reason, mediation often ends up being futile, and resonance between people with “different ideologies” is a luxury. Instead, people go to war, attack each other, and hurt each other. So the world became a disguised Colosseum.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'\"A certain group\" is even more of such an arena. Some people ridicule each other in the group and even attack each other offline. In the past, in order to \"make everyone live in peace\", I \"mediated\" the conflicts among \"a certain group\" without any bottom line, but there was no obvious effect, and it was even counterproductive. And XingZ60 said this:'),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I can understand both sides, but I can't reconcile them.\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"What a helpless reality. And the world is full of helplessness. Whether it is between people or between people and things.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Faced with such a contradiction, XingZ60's approach was to separate the two groups by creating a group. Since people who have achieved success through their own efforts are attacking those who gain attention by playing the victim, let them join different groups. So he created a new group:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"This is a place to lick your wounds, not a place to show off your superiority.\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"He added many members to the new group who he believed were not successful in the secular sense (or even failed in the secular sense), some of whom had repeatedly self-harmed and abused drugs - but XingZ60 showed special tolerance for all kinds of people:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"They were all forced.\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"XingZ60 even publicly said:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I am no different from everyone else. Although you think I am a highly educated talent of Beihang University, the admission score line of Beihang University was broken that year, and I was just lucky to get in. I was supposed to be like everyone else.\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Later, I checked the admission score line of Beihang University on the Internet and found that there was no gap in the admission score line that year.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I didn't take it seriously at the time, until I heard about the story of another friend - the general situation was that he grew up in a single-parent family and was emotionally neglected by his guardian while growing up; this environment shaped his distorted personality, causing her to become addicted to drug abuse and be dealt with by the public security authorities.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'After hearing this story and thinking about it, I suddenly had a creepy feeling of surviving a disaster: if my life was also \"interrupted\" by chance, and I started out in a single-parent family with no emotional support, then my ending might not be much better than that of this friend. Maybe I should have been shot for murder and arson.'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'XingZ60\\'s parents are both teachers. This seemed to make me suddenly understand XingZ60\\'s \"modesty\" about her academic qualifications. I once regarded XingZ60 as a god in my heart. Later, I suddenly realized that there was no need for this. Because, by the same logic, if I \"upgrade\" and become XingZ60\\'s life, then \"I can do it too\"; if XingZ60 \"downgrades\" and becomes my life, then \"TA can\\'t step down either\".'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Thinking of this, I suddenly felt a sense of relief.\"),Vue.h(DottedNumber,{n:\"V\"}),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"However, the operating mode of this world is not controlled by a single variable.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Of course, the beginning of life is just one of the variables. It may be an important variable, but it is not the only variable.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"The world is a huge web, with seven billion people acting together on it, collectively exerting large or small influences on the direction of this web.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Everyone is a part of this big network, being influenced by it and also influencing it.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"No one knows what kind of people they will meet or what kind of things will happen on this big Internet; it is even more impossible to predict what impact these things will have on their future.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"When XingZ60 passed away, some people blamed themselves:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"If only I had looked at her more.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I should have noticed that his mental state was not right.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"There was something wrong with the meal he invited me to the day before yesterday. I was so dumbfounded that I didn’t react.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I was free that day, otherwise I would have gone straight to the hospital.\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'However, the arrival of the \"big net\" was so accidental. It just so happened that XingZ60 encountered a not-so-good growing environment, and it just so happened that her parents knew everything, and it just so happened that no one had time, and it just so happened that the hospital couldn\\'t find out what the disease was, and it just so happened that all the coincidences came together.'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"So this is the result.\"),Vue.h(DottedNumber,{n:\"VI\"}),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'But, XingZ60 still hopes that I will \"stick to what I insist on\" - I think it means \"mediate the conflict\".'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"But I guess I really can’t keep on insisting anymore. XingZ60's way of understanding these interpersonal conflicts seemed to have turned into something that was deeply rooted in me. It seems that I have inherited a little bit of his thoughts and continue to live - maybe one day I will die, and if someone reads what I wrote and gains some insights, they will also live with these feelings...\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'Later, I accidentally saw a famous saying by a poet: \"When a person dies, it is like water disappearing into water.\"',Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-2\",id:\"footnote-ref-2\"},\"2\"))),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"So I opened the window, and what came into my sight was the boundless sea with spring flowers blooming.\"),Vue.h(DottedNumber,{n:\"VII\"}),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'However, \"Genshin Impact\" is a brand new open world adventure game independently developed by miHoYo. XingZ60 plays \"Genshin Impact\". This \"Genshin Impact\" is not that \"Genshin Impact\"; for example, \"Wu Meng DX\", which is called \"Arcade Genshin Impact\" by everyone, is also a type of \"Genshin Impact\".'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"XingZ60 has complained more than once that \\\"Genshin Impact\\\" is very addictive, and has expressed the idea of ​​quitting the game - every day, she has to face the same daily tasks, repeating day after day, and if she doesn't complete a task one day, she will receive one less day's daily reward. However, when talking about quitting, he would always force herself to stop. However, one day, the following conversation occurred between me and him/her:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Hey, have you played the new song updated on the Chinese server? It's called something like Trans or something. It's really fun. Other songs are all tap, slide or tap, tap, slide, but this song is tap, tap, tap, slide. It's really fun.\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I vaguely remember that his tone was actually full of laughter.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Later, he and I hugged each other and said goodbye. This was the first time he and I hugged each other, and he looked very happy.\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,'\"I will always be with you, sir.\"'),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"The glory is always there, and I will always be with you, wherever you are.\"),Vue.h(DottedNumber,{n:\"VIII. Written at the end\"}),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I have written so much without realizing it. Perhaps, I think the more important experiences with her and the thoughts and ideas he brought to me should all be written here. Due to length and other reasons, I think this article should end here. There are many stories in life that are the same and different every day. Some of them I will present in other ways, and others I will just let remain in my memories.\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——Lingyu, December 24, 2024\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"HiYku\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Born of love, by love undone.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——HiYku, December 17, 2024\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"Ann\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,'You wanted me to write what you called the \"final conclusion\" for you, so I wrote it. '),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I always have a question about this: I am almost the person you have chosen who has the least time with you and knows you the least. Why did you choose me, and what do you want to see me write? I think you should know that when you choose the people who write this section for you, you also choose the content that will be presented in this section. Many things about you, especially those that are generally considered bad, I only learned about them after you passed away. Perhaps if you hadn't ended your life so simply, I would have had the chance to hear you tell me these things in person, but there is really no chance anymore. I decided to write only based on my experiences with you while you were still alive. This is probably what you want, right?\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"In addition, there is another difficult dilemma: it is difficult for me to describe what kind of person you are as you want, and it is difficult to summarize you with concise words and capable sentences. People's deviations and imaginations in their understanding of words and short sentences will deviate from your true self. So please allow me to recall and narrate some past events that have connected me with you and make some lengthy and vague evaluations. As for what kind of person you are, please let the friends who come to this page to mourn find out from these words. Of course, no matter who reads these words, they will feel that it is more appropriate to put them in the comments section, but please allow me to complete what you have asked me to do in the way that I can barely do. This is my privilege as a living person towards you as a dead person. If you were still alive, these things would not happen.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"The first time I met you and the only time I saw you was on August 12, 2023, when I had just ended a long period of hesitation and decided to start GAHT and get in touch with the transgender community. I still remember the scene of our meeting very clearly. At noon, I was sitting in a KFC seat with a window near the street opposite the Peking University Third Hospital and eating lunch. When I saw you push open the door and come in wearing a blue, pink and white mask, I unintentionally pulled out a chair to greet you. Later I discovered that I had actually been in contact with you in the online world for a long time. I am a nobody in the QQ group who dares not speak much, and I often just watch silently. Although you always say that you are numb to everything including tragedy, you always provide medication advice to those in need, always comfort those who are hurt, and always make decisive judgments and effective arrangements in response to crises. In my heart, you have always been a knowledgeable, lovely, respectable and approachable helper. You always try to be tolerant and understanding of everyone, and always do your best, even giving your all.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"At that time, as a transgender girl who was just starting out in many things, it was a great fortune for me to meet you. I regard you as a respected senior and a close sister. You would share some unique perspectives with me, give me GAHT advice, and teach me how to fight against the malice from every corner of the world... At that time, when you were in the active group chat, people were always arguing over something. I always feel something similar from your speeches, of course, yours is always much deeper than mine. This made me very interested in your ideas, but I am not good at communicating with people, so we agreed to have a serious chat during the winter vacation. At that time, I didn't know that all this would become impossible in less than a month.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Although I was an eyewitness to the \\\"Werewolf Killing\\\" that took place on December 21, 2023, I still don't know the full story, let alone figure it out. At that time, I was attracted by your profound thoughts and gentle personality, and it was impossible for me to accept that you said such words and did such things. I was instantly disheartened and didn't have any desire to think or ask about it anymore. I chose to stay away from you quietly. But I never thought that just a few days later, I would hear the tragic news of your suicide. I never thought that I could only listen to your situation as told by others. I never thought that the separation on that day might be a real separation. At that time, I found that I was like a stubborn and sulky child. I didn't want to leave you at all, and I didn't want you to leave either.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"On December 26, I asked for a dextromethorphan medicine box to make a handmade gift for a friend in another group chat where you were, and you promised to give me one.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"On the 27th, you said that you forgot to send the express delivery due to an emergency. I simply thought that you were busy with something and didn't care about you at all.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"On the 30th, when I was opening the express package, someone had just told me that you had committed suicide. I hurriedly dug out the express delivery label from the trash can, wanting to keep it as a souvenir, but I didn't expect that I would tear your name neatly in the middle horizontally. All the anxiety, regret and sadness were concentrated in that moment. I was deeply afraid that all this foreshadowed an irreversible tragedy...\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I started to have a fever the day after hearing the news, a fever I had never had before. During this period, I could only repeat between pure drowsiness and pure crying with a high fever. Although there seemed to be some not-so-bad news during this period, my memory is really vague, and these not-so-bad news did not turn into not-so-bad facts.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Finally, at 23:56 on January 1, 2024, the nebula, which used to be full of vitality, shining and changing, quietly dissipated in the endless darkness of the universe, became a part of the silence, and merged into the cold darkness.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I read your will with a feeling that I don't know how to describe. There was almost nothing about you in it. It was all about your care, instructions and messages to your friends. When everything for you might be over, you were still caring about the people around you.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I have some selfish desires that I am not ashamed of. If I had not left your personal group on December 21, 2023 because of those things, I would have been able to get your relics as a souvenir, and I would definitely have been able to hear a few of the words you wanted to say to me. In your last words, write what you want to say to your group members at the very beginning. Before reading the will, I didn't know that you cared so much about everyone in that group. My action of leaving the group and distancing myself from you not only caused me endless regret in the future, but also must have hurt you at that time. You didn't say anything to me in your will, but you chose me to be the one to write these things on those autumn leaves. I don't understand why, so just consider it as a punishment for me. However, compared with other people, the interactions between you and me are too few. Maybe you just feel that there is nothing much to say to me. I don’t know, or maybe you have simply forgotten.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I followed my original idea and gave the quicksand mahjong made from the dextromethorphan medicine box you gave me to a friend instead of keeping it for myself as a souvenir. She was also sad that she didn't have the chance to meet you and really get to know you.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"It is only in the days when you were gone that I deeply feel your influence on me in every aspect of my daily life. Not only does my GAHT program look almost identical to yours, I have also unconsciously internalized many of your concepts, which factor heavily into my decision-making in life. Although I used to feel that your practice of burning paper, medicine boxes and changing gray portraits to commemorate the deceased was pretentious, I was away from home and could not attend the farewell ceremony to mourn you in person, so I don't know what other reasons drove me to do this for you. In addition to these natural actions, I can't help but think seriously about how I can become a person like you in my eyes. I want to be like you and share the beauty and goodness you bring to me with more people who need them. I hope I can do it.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I am still in my own predicament and see no hope, which makes me miss you even more. I've never told you this, but I guess you won't hate it. Whenever I feel hopeless for various reasons and find it difficult to express or communicate with others, I always wish I could hear what you would say about this situation. Even if I had talked to you more in the past, if I could remember more of your thoughts, I might be able to try to find a way out of them, and my helplessness might be alleviated. I also think that if I could internalize your outlook on life and your view on life, which may seem crazy to others, then I would be able to live freely.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Many things have ended, but many things are still going on. Many people died, but many people still have to continue living.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"You often compare the past and future changes in the transgender community to an ongoing war, which I didn’t take seriously in the past. I thought it was a bit naive at the time. But for now, wish me good luck in this war, wish us good luck.\\nI don't know what kind of feelings I have for you, but I feel that at least I loved you.\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——Ann, May 4, 2024, cloudy\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"Shinonome\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"With heavy hearts, we mourn the loss of a brave and resilient soul. Though her life was short, it was filled with unwavering struggle and defiance. She lived much like the words spoken by Big Boss in \",Vue.h(_components.em,null,\"Metal Gear Solid 2\"),': \"The loser will be liberated from the battlefield. And the winner... will remain. The survivor will live out every one of the rest of his days as a soldier.\" She was a warrior on this battlefield, and although she was unable to escape the cruelty of the fight, her spirit and determination will never be forgotten.'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Her passing is not a defeat, but a different kind of liberation—freedom from the oppressive forces of a society that could not understand or accept her. She has been released from the endless battle. Her departure is not surrender, but the conclusion of an unjust fight. She no longer has to endure the pain and pressure that society inflicted on her. In the end, she has earned the freedom of her true self.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'However, as the quote reminds us, \"The winner will remain.\" Her departure does not mark the end of her story. Her spirit lives on in each of us. She was a warrior to the very end, holding onto strength and courage. We will continue her mission and fight for those still struggling on this battlefield. Her victory was the hope she brought to every transgender person, and the call for more compassion and acceptance in society.'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"May her soul find peace in another world, free from the confines of this one. Her legacy will continue to inspire us to carry on her unfinished work and keep fighting for a better future.\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——Shinonome, December 31, 2024\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"Mik\\xe4\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,Vue.h(\"blockquote\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"Meowvelous Demise\"),Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——Xu\"))),Vue.h(BlurBlock,null,Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I don’t know why Mik\\xe4 did not appear in XingZ60’s epitaph designation,\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"so I was thinking that if this was the case, maybe it would be better for me not to comment.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"However, there seems to be a saying in it that “anyone who wants to write can write it.”\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Oh, and it seems that I shouldn’t mention it.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"After all, this part of the so-called suicide note was written by me personally after spending several afternoons looking at Jinji Lake outside the window and listening to XingZ60’s voice.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"And maybe because of the above, my departure from XingZ60 happened again. There seems to be a close connection that cannot be ignored.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Maybe it also includes the so-called role-playing game of Fake Haku.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"After all, playing with her for so long, it literally means playing to death.\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I didn't expect that I would lose so completely in this two-sided game.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"But I also didn't expect that I lost the two-party game and the other party didn't win.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"But who won? Think about it carefully. In fact, I, LingYu, KouHaku, and you both won.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"If you explain the reason, the originally short message will be too lengthy.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I must mention it. Even the brain can understand it,\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"so, Meowvelous Demise\"))),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——Mik\\xe4, January 23, 2025\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"wing\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"I didn't know her very well, but in my opinion he was a good man who supported some disadvantaged people and did a lot of unnecessary and troublesome things. He once tried to suppress his feminine personality and claimed that he would die if he let it go. I thought hrt would make her a better person and encourage her to be herself, but I didn't expect this result.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Perhaps it would have been better to encourage her to correct his mistakes. In my opinion, he is a rational person, just like Zifeng, but they are both dead, okay. And they are all overdosed. Overdose is harmful!\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"It has been more than a year since then. I hope he can rest in peace.\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——wing, February 9, 2025\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"Baimao suki\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"My acquaintance with XingZ60 stems from my exploration of my own gender. We met during the exploration and had a lot in common. Perhaps we are of the same kind or have other similarities. We have become very familiar with each other after knowing each other for seven days. Just 72 days left an indelible mark on your life. \"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'XingZ60 is a very mature person. When I expressed my anxiety about learning about weight, she not only gave me experience and help, but also said \"take it slow\".'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"At school, I often call or chat with her to ease the boredom of studying in the third year of high school, listen to them talk about various interesting things, and listen to their stories. From this we learn that XingZ60 is actually quite indifferent to life and death, which adds fun to the grand funeral. Perhaps it was because of depression that death was not far away from her, and perhaps this day would always come. But I didn't expect it to come so suddenly, after half a year of depression...\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'When I discussed my own spiritual exploration with her, she commented on my words as \"no hope\". But in her last words, she told me not to flip over. Maybe she was persuading me based on her own experience, but I still embarked on this difficult road.'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"From what others said, XingZ60 is more complicated and abstract than I had imagined. What I know is just the tip of the iceberg, either because of Yasasi or because of lack of time. But anyway, the second half of XingZ60 is as interesting as a game. I regret that I will never have the chance to meet you again, but in a corner of my heart there will always be a guy named XingZ60 teasing me.\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"The sunset will eventually set\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"The dream will soon be shattered\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"XingZ60 cuts through the sky and falls into the atmosphere\"),\"\\n\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"—— Baimao Suki, February 4, 2025\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"__\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"Three sentences to follow the title\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"__ /[] Written at 23:56 on January 1, 2024, when the collapse occurred\"),Vue.h(\"p\"),Vue.h(\"blockquote\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",null,'\"Eloi, Eloi, Lama Sabathani? ',Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-4\",id:\"footnote-ref-4\"},\"4\")),'\" And they hated their future more miserably. ',Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-5\",id:\"footnote-ref-5\"},\"5\"))),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"This ugly world doesn't deserve her beauty\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"《Maybe All Transgender People Are Really Vampires》\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-6\",id:\"footnote-ref-6\"},\"6\"))))),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.hr),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"2024.1.2 09.26 Tang Ze: Friends who want to say goodbye to XingZ60 can go to Changping Funeral Home to pay their respects today.\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'——XingZ60\\'s parents held a funeral for \"him\"'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'2024.1.2 afternoon Blank: I plan to hold a simple funeral that truly belongs to \"her\" in the evening'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"——Blank initiated but not hosted, everyone spontaneously gathered strength to hold a small memorial ceremony for her\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.hr),Vue.h(\"br\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,Vue.h(_components.code,null,\"Under Construction\")),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\"))}function MDXContent(props){if(props===void 0)props={};var _ref=props.components||{},MDXLayout=_ref.wrapper;return MDXLayout?Vue.h(MDXLayout,props,Vue.h(_createMdxContent,props)):_createMdxContent(props)}var _default=MDXContent;function _missingMdxReference(id,component){throw new Error(\"Expected \"+(component?\"component\":\"object\")+\" `\"+id+\"` to be defined: you likely forgot to import, pass, or provide it.\")}" \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/people/XingZ60/page.json b/people/XingZ60/page.json index 9ae135a7..d69a06b4 100644 --- a/people/XingZ60/page.json +++ b/people/XingZ60/page.json @@ -1 +1 @@ -"\"use strict\";Object.defineProperty(exports,\"__esModule\",{value:true});Object.defineProperty(exports,\"default\",{enumerable:true,get:function(){return _default}});function _createMdxContent(props){var _components=Object.assign({blockquote:\"blockquote\",p:\"p\",h2:\"h2\",a:\"a\",h3:\"h3\",hr:\"hr\",ul:\"ul\",li:\"li\"},props.components),PhotoScroll=_components.PhotoScroll,BlurBlock=_components.BlurBlock,TextRing=_components.TextRing;if(!BlurBlock)_missingMdxReference(\"BlurBlock\",true);if(!PhotoScroll)_missingMdxReference(\"PhotoScroll\",true);if(!TextRing)_missingMdxReference(\"TextRing\",true);return Vue.h(Vue.Fragment,null,Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"对,游戏人生,所以就是活着是我的权利,不是我的义务。所以说我甚至可以去含着氰化钾胶囊做一些事情,我愿意这么干,而且我正在筹备这么干。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"也就是说我在一些危险的场合,我甚至可能干这种事情。有可能被抓起来的场合,甚至也会说,啊,对,我也会去做,而且我绝对不会让我的敌人得到我。\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,Vue.h(\"svg\",{style:\"display: inline-block; overflow: visible !important; vertical-align: sub; fill: rgb(26, 127, 55); margin-right: 10px;\",viewBox:\"0 0 16 16\",version:\"1.1\",width:\"16\",height:\"16\",\"aria-hidden\":\"true\"},Vue.h(\"path\",{d:\"M8 1.5c-2.363 0-4 1.69-4 3.75 0 .984.424 1.625.984 2.304l.214.253c.223.264.47.556.673.848.284.411.537.896.621 1.49a.75.75 0 0 1-1.484.211c-.04-.282-.163-.547-.37-.847a8.456 8.456 0 0 0-.542-.68c-.084-.1-.173-.205-.268-.32C3.201 7.75 2.5 6.766 2.5 5.25 2.5 2.31 4.863 0 8 0s5.5 2.31 5.5 5.25c0 1.516-.701 2.5-1.328 3.259-.095.115-.184.22-.268.319-.207.245-.383.453-.541.681-.208.3-.33.565-.37.847a.751.751 0 0 1-1.485-.212c.084-.593.337-1.078.621-1.489.203-.292.45-.584.673-.848.075-.088.147-.173.213-.253.561-.679.985-1.32.985-2.304 0-2.06-1.637-3.75-4-3.75ZM5.75 12h4.5a.75.75 0 0 1 0 1.5h-4.5a.75.75 0 0 1 0-1.5ZM6 15.25a.75.75 0 0 1 .75-.75h2.5a.75.75 0 0 1 0 1.5h-2.5a.75.75 0 0 1-.75-.75Z\"})),\" 以下文字依照星璃璃本人遗愿而作。因为时间跨度大,部分遗书遗失,且在其逝世后她的友人们普遍陷入巨大悲伤之中而各行其是,本文的写作难以完全实现星璃璃生前的安排和设想。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h2,null,\"简介\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃(现代药圈);原名 Z60(limelight);伍思雅(知乎)。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"璃璃在知乎年代是友跨顺男。2022 年初手机丢失,又因手机丢失上了 limelight,继续在 limelight 活动,此时作为友跨顺男回圈。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"直到 2022.07 开始翻车,2022.10 第一次自杀。自杀后退圈了一段时间,即 2022.10-2023.04。此时因为打舞萌又回来,在跨圈越陷越深。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"最后再次翻车是 2023.09。后面就确诊了。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"这个东西确实改变不了。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(PhotoScroll,{photos:[\"${path}/photos/image0.webp\"]}),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"是音游底力很强的人呢,不过因为注意力的原因她不打紫谱……\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h2,null,\"参与救助\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"在璃璃的心目中,帮助他人特别是弱势群体更好地生存、生活和发展一直是一个非常重要的事情。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她在自己的业余时间中,组织和参加过诸多救助,如自杀干预等工作,她曾参与对\",Vue.h(_components.a,{href:\"https://one-among.us/profile/GLaDOSister\"},\"仓山静叶\"),\"的救助工作,这些工作普遍作用在日常之中。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她的行为对于他人特别是弱势群体起到了一定的帮助。她用自己的努力,尽最大可能地避免了自伤乃至自杀行为的发生。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h2,null,\"友人的回忆\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其一:伊良子\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Z60 是我这辈子见过第二傻逼的人\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——伊良子,2025 年 2 月 7 日\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其二:铃语\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"谨以此文纪念故友星璃璃\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: center;\"},\"铃语\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"(一\\xb7前言)\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"应星璃璃的遗嘱要求,在此为星璃璃写一篇文章以纪念星璃璃。\",Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),\"原本这篇文章应该在很久之前就完成的,但是一是由于星璃璃对我影响很大,而我本人的语言功底也有限,三言两语似乎不足以把这篇文章写的很好;二是由于星璃璃的离开也给我带来了不小的冲击;所以这篇文章就这么搁置了下来。后来等我的精神状态恢复了一些之后,才开始试着从各个方面、各个角度来理解和认识星璃璃,于是大概便有了这篇文章。\",Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),\"有人说,星璃璃是个「抽象」的人,每个人都对星璃璃有着独特的理解。本文所反映的星璃璃或许也只是局限于我个人眼中对星璃璃的认识。一家之言,姑妄听之;兼听则明,偏信则暗。\"),Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"(二)\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"「死者为大」「尊重逝者」,似乎在我们绝大多数人的心目中,是不言而喻、不证自明的真理。但是,对于什么是「尊重逝者」,似乎大家都有着不同的理解。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我们曾经亲眼目睹了星璃璃的父母在 TA 的葬礼上把 TA 的外貌打理成传统意义的男性性别表达,并且在灵堂的正中心挂上寸头的大头照;我们也亲眼看着星璃璃的父母把 TA 的骨灰扔到汽车后备箱拖走。当时,许多人都因为星璃璃父母的行为而感到震惊和愤怒。TA 父母眼中的尊重逝者,似乎被所谓的社会风俗凌驾其上,似乎被生者本人根深蒂固的成见凌驾其上。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"古往今来,大家都倾向于「在墓碑上写点儿好话」,多聊功绩,少聊甚至不聊过错。唯武则天立乾陵无字碑,是非功过均由后人评说。在这件事情上,星璃璃有些类似于后者。TA 曾说,人死了,所有的是非功过就是「盖棺定论」;大家都可以评价。这一点在 TA 的遗书里也有所体现——TA 邀请了和自己有一些观点争议的人来写 One Among Us 的较前段部分,并且还留言说「大家想写的可以写」。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"既然星璃璃的想法是这样,那我就随便写一些故事吧。我想顺带着写一些星璃璃给我带来的想法,但是会尽量少对 TA 的行为做什么价值判断,让「是非功过自由后人评说」吧。\"),Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"(三)\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃似乎具有人格分裂,TA 说过自己至少有三个人格,「星云」,「幻梦」和「苯环」。其中,一个人格的性别认同为男性,另一个人格的性别认同偏女性,还有一个人格的性别认同笔者并不清楚。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"笔者曾经把星璃璃当成跨性别女性了好长时间,但是后来得知了这个情况之后还是沉思了好久——或许这个有些类似于 Gender Fluid 的情况,用哪个人称代词称呼对方似乎都不是太合适。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"这是我第一次遇到这样的朋友。后来,我在其他的一些朋友身上看到了一个指针转盘形状的徽章——转盘被分成了天蓝色(he),粉红色(she)和紫色(they)三个部分,可以通过调整指针的方向来使它指向任何一个部分以表明自身的状态。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"或许这个东西很适合 TA。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"不过,如果提高一个层面来看,这样的困惑的本质其实星璃璃的各个人格之间的冲突;而这样一个人称代词的问题,或许只是这种人格的冲突在性别的层面的一个侧影罢了。那在其他的层面呢?或许星璃璃的各个人格的气质、性格、能力、需求、兴趣、理想、价值观都有所差异,我们作为朋友应当以怎样的态度去对待这些人格,或者以怎么样的态度去对待这么一个「多重人格的综合体」?甚至说,如果星璃璃的遗嘱只代表了星璃璃的某一个人格的意愿,那么这份遗嘱是有效的吗?我执行这份遗嘱,为 TA 写这篇文章,是前面提到的尊重逝者吗,还是不是?\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我学过法律专业,持有法律职业资格证;但是这个问题的答案,我不知道。我试图去上网搜索,得到的却全是千篇一律的、对法律条文的生搬硬套:「人格分裂的人是否具有民事行为能力,取决于其是否能辨认自己的行为。」看起来这样的回答似乎并没有从本质上解决问题。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"于是有人为此打补丁说:「如果这是在正常人格状态所做的行为,那就是有效的;如果这是在异常人格状态所做的行为,那就是无效的。」那怎么区分正常人格和异常人格呢?为什么作为外人能强行给「星云」加上「正常人格」的标签而强行给「幻梦」加上「异常人格」的标签呢(或者反过来)?\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我不知道这些问题的答案。\"),Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"(四)\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃(也或许是 TA 的人格之一)在世期间不止一次地公开拿其他性少数的逝者编段子开玩笑;所以,星璃璃的一些朋友也不止一次地拿已逝的星璃璃开玩笑。这引发了不小的争论——这些朋友认为,星璃璃的行为表明,TA 是一个认同「可以拿逝者开玩笑」的人,所以开 TA 的玩笑反而是一种尊重其行为模式和价值观的体现。而另外一些星璃璃的朋友则认为,这让人无法接受。于是两边开始吵架,最后弄得「一地鸡毛」。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"是的,人类的悲喜并不相通,人类的思维回路也并不相通。但这又能怪谁呢?人们的脑力和神经系统的发育各有不同,人们的成长环境和生活阅历也是天差地别,人们的理性与感性受人体内的神经递质的明显控制,人们互相理解所需要的深度思考与交流更是需要消费巨大的精力。所以,人的自由仍然是受到一些自身无法控制的条件所约束的;或者换句话说,人的自由却「无往不在枷锁之中」\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-1\",id:\"footnote-ref-1\"},\"1\")),\"——也正是因此,劝架很多时候会终将变成徒劳,「道不同」的人与人的共鸣是一件奢侈的事情,取而代之的是人们兵戎相见,人们互相攻击,互相伤害。于是世界变成了一个变相的斗兽场。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"「某群」更是这样的斗兽场。一些人在群里互相嘲讽,在线下甚至重拳出击。曾经我为了「大家和平相处」,毫无底线地「调解」着「某群」的大家的矛盾,结果没什么明显成效,甚至适得其反。而星璃璃却说了这样的话:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我能理解两边,但我无法调和。\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"多么无可奈何的现实啊。而人间处处是这样的无可奈何。不管是人与人,还是人与事物。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"面对着这样的矛盾,星璃璃的做法是,通过建群把两拨人隔离开。既然通过自身努力获得成功的人要在群里攻击靠卖惨获得关注的人,那就让她们去不同的群里玩吧。于是 TA 拉了个新群:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"这里是舔舐伤口的地方,不是展示优越的地方。\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"TA 在新群里拉了很多 TA 认为在世俗意义上并没有获得成功(甚至是世俗意义上失败)的群友,其中不乏有一些群友曾经多次自伤自残和药物滥用——但是星璃璃却对这各种各样的人展现出了格外包容:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她们都是被逼的。\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃甚至还会公开说:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我和大家没什么区别。你们虽然看我像是北航的高学历人才,但那年北航的录取分数线断档了,我只是运气好进去的。我原本应该和大家一样的。\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"后来,我去网上查询了当年北航的录取分数线,发现那年的录取分数线完全没有断档。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"当时的我不以为意,后来直至听说了另一位朋友的事迹——大概的情况是,他从小就是单亲家庭,并且在成长过程中一直受到来自监护人的情感忽视;这样的环境造就了他扭曲的性格,致使他后来药物滥用成瘾,并被公安机关处理。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"听完这个故事,联想起来,我突然产生了一股劫后余生的毛骨悚然感:如果我的人生也不巧地「断档」,变成单亲家庭和没有情感支持的开局,那我的结局,可能并不会比这位朋友好到哪里去。可能我早因为杀人放火被枪毙了吧。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"而星璃璃的父母都是教师。这好像让我突然就理解了星璃璃在学历问题上的「谦虚」,并且一度把星璃璃视作自己心里的神。后来我又突然想明白了,没有这个必要。因为,一样的道理,如果我「升档」升成星璃璃的人生,那么「我上我也行」;如果星璃璃「断档」断成我的人生,那么「TA 下 TA 也不行」。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"想到这里,我似乎内心突然有一种释然感。\"),Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"(五)\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但是,这个世界的运作模式不是受单一变量控制的。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"当然,人生的开局也只是变量之一。它或许是重要变量,但并不是唯一变量。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"世界是一个巨大的网,七十亿人在这张网上共同行动,共同对这张网的走向产生着巨大或者微小的影响。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"每个人都是这个大网的一部分,被大网影响着,也同时影响着大网。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"谁都不会知道自己哪天会在这个大网上和什么样的人相遇,发生什么样的事情;更无法预料这些事情会对自己的未来产生什么样的影响。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃去世时,有一些人在自责:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"如果我当时多去看 TA 一眼就好了。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我早就该注意到 TA 的精神状态不对的。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"TA 前天请的那顿饭就不对劲儿,我当时傻了没反应过来。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我那天没空,要不就直接跑去医院了。\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"可是,「大网」的降临就是这么偶然。偏偏星璃璃遇到了不太好的成长环境,又偏偏 TA 的父母知道了所有的事情,又偏偏所有人都没有时间,又偏偏医院没有查出来是什么病症,又偏偏所有的巧合都凑到了一起。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"于是就产生了这样的结果。\"),Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"(六)\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"可是呐,星璃璃却仍然希望我「坚持我所坚持的」——指的应该是「调解矛盾」。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"可我大概真的再也没有办法坚持我的坚持了啊。星璃璃对这些人际冲突的理解方式,似乎化做了什么东西,深深地根植在我的身上。似乎像是,我继承着 TA 的一点点思想,继续生活着——或许哪天我也去世了,有人看到我所写的东西,受到了什么体悟的话,也会带着这些感触生存下去的吧…\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"后来不经意间,看到了有位诗人的一句名言:「人死了,就像水消失在水中。」\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-2\",id:\"footnote-ref-2\"},\"2\"))),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"于是我打开窗户,映入眼帘的是春暖花开的无垠大海。\"),Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"(七)\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但是,《原神》是由米哈游自主研发的一款全新开放世界冒险游戏。星璃璃就玩「原神」。此「原神」非彼《原神》;比如呢,被大家称为「街机原神」的《舞萌 DX》也是「原神」的一种。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃不止一次地吐槽「原神」很坐牢,并表达过弃坑的想法——每天都要面对大同小异的每日任务,日复一日地重复,一天不做任务就会少领一天的每日奖励。然而当聊到弃坑时,TA 总是会强制让自己停下来。然而有一天,我和 TA 之间却出现了这样的对话:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"嘿,玩没玩国服新更新的歌,叫什么 Trans 什么之光\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-3\",id:\"footnote-ref-3\"},\"3\")),\",可好玩儿了,别的歌都是 tap、slide 或者 tap、tap、slide,这首歌是 tap、tap、tap、slide,太有趣了。\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我依稀记得那时 TA 的语气里竟然带着欢笑。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"后来我和 TA 相拥告别。这是我和 TA 的第一次拥抱,TA 那时看起来很高兴。\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"「煌めきを纏ったら どこまでも君と。」\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"光辉常在,天涯海角,与君同在。\"),Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"(八\\xb7写在最后)\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"不知不觉地就写了这么多了,或许大概,我认为比较重要的,和 TA 一起的经历,以及 TA 给我带来的所思所想,应该都写在这里了。基于篇幅等原因,我想,这篇文章就写到这里了。还有许许多多生命中每天相同又每天不同的故事,有一些我会以其他的方式把它们呈现出来,还有另外一些就让它们留在回忆中吧。\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——铃语,2024 年 12 月 24 日\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其三:绘都\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"补\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——绘都,2024 年 12 月 17 日\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其四:无常\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"你希望我为你写你所谓「盖棺定论」的部分,于是我便写了。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"对此,我总是陷于一个问题:我几乎是你指定的人里与你相处最少的,最不了解你的人,你为什么会选择我,又希望看到我写什么呢?我想,你应该知道在选择这些为你写这一部分的人的同时,也就选择了这一部分会呈现的内容吧。很多有关于你的事情,尤其是那些一般意义上被认为不好的事情,都是在你离世后我才知道的。或许如果你没有就这样简单地结束生命,这些事情我有机会听你亲自讲给我听,但的确已经没有机会了。我决定只依照你尚在世时和你相处的经历来写,这些大概才是你想要的,对吗?\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"除此之外还有一个难以破除的困境:我很难像你想要的那样形容你是个怎样的人,很难用精简的词汇和干练的语句概括你,人们对于词汇和短句理解的偏差和想象会他们远离你的真实。所以请允许我在这里回忆和记叙一些和你产生联系的过往并作一些既冗长又模糊的评价。至于你究竟是什么样的人,就请来这个页面悼念的朋友们自己从这些文字里寻找吧。当然,这些文字无论谁来看都会觉得确实放在留言部分更合适,但是请允许我用我自己勉强能够做到的方式完成你交代的事情,这算是我作为生者对作为死者的你的特权吧,你要是还活着就没这些事情了嘛。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"遇见你也是唯一一次见你是在 2023 年 8 月 12 日,那段时间我刚刚结束了漫长的犹豫,决定开始 GAHT 并且和跨性别社群接触。相遇的情景我至今记得很清,中午我坐在北医三院对面 KFC 靠近街道有窗的座位吃午餐,见到你戴着蓝粉白口罩推开门进来,我无意地就拉开一张椅子招呼你。后来我才发现,其实我早就在网络世界和你有所联系。我是在 QQ 群里不敢多说话的小透明,时常只是默默看着,虽然你总是嘴上说自己对包括悲剧在内的一切很麻木,但你总会给有需要的人提供用药建议,总会安慰内心受伤的人,总会应对危机做出果决的判断和行之有效的安排。在我心中你一直是知识丰富、可爱可敬又平易近人的助人者,你总是尽量包容、理解每一个人,总是尽自己所能、甚至倾尽所有。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"当时,作为一个很多事情都才是刚刚开始的跨性别女孩的我来说,认识你是莫大的幸运。我把你当作敬重的前辈,亲近的姐姐。你会跟我分享一些独到的观点,给我提供 GAHT 的建议,教我对抗来自这个世界每一处的恶意…那时候有你在活跃的群聊里,人们总是因为一些事情吵得不可开交。从你的发言中我总会感受到一些相似的东西,当然,你永远比我深刻的多。这让我对你的思想产生了极大的兴趣,但我实在不擅长与人交流,便约定寒假一定认真聊聊天,那时候的我不知道这一切会在不到一个月之后变成不可能的事。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"发生在 2023 年 12 月 21 日的「狼人杀」,我虽然也算亲历者,但是我至今也不知全貌,更不可能想明白。那时候被你深邃的思想和温柔的性格吸引的我,根本不可能接受你说过那样的话、做过那样的事。我霎时间心灰意冷,没有任何心思再想、再过问这一切,选择了默默远离你。但我没想过就在几天之后,你自杀抢救的噩耗传来,我没想过我只能听别人转述的你情况,我没想过那一天的远离可能会是真正的别离。那时候我发现我就像个闹别扭赌气的小孩子,我根本不想离开你,也不想你离开。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"12 月 26 日,我在另一个有你在的群聊里想讨要一个右美沙芬药盒做手工送给朋友,你答应给我一个。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"27 日,你说你因为紧急情况忘了寄快递,我居然只是简单地以为你有事情要忙,没对你有任何关心。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"30 日,拆快递的时候,正是有人告诉了我你自杀的时候,我急着从垃圾桶里翻出快递面单,想要留作纪念,没想到我竟整整齐齐地从中间横向撕开了你的名字。一切一切不安,悔恨和悲伤都凝聚于那一刻,我深刻地害怕这一切预示着难以挽回的悲剧……\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我在听闻消息第二天开始发烧,对我来说前所未有的高烧。期间,我只能伴着体温高热在单纯的昏睡和单纯的哭泣中反复。虽然这段时间好像有些不算坏的消息传来,但我的记忆实在模糊,而且这些不算坏的消息也的确没有转化为不算坏的事实。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"最终,在 2024 年 1 月 1 日 23 时 56 分,往日里有着强大生命力的,闪耀变化着的星云,悄然逸散在宇宙无边的晦暗里,成为了寂静的一部分,融入了冰冷的漆黑之中。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我抱着不知如何描述的心情读你的遗言,遗言里几乎没有什么与你自己有关的事,全部是你对朋友们的关怀,嘱托和寄语,你在自己的一切都可能结束之时还一直牵挂着身边的人。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我有些令我自己感到不耻的私心,如果我没有在 2023 年 12 月 21 日因为那些事退掉你的个人小群,那我也能分得你的遗物留作纪念,也肯定能听到几句你想对我说的话。遗言里,你把对那个群的群友想说的话写在最前面。在读遗言之前,我不知道你是那么那么在乎那个群里的每一个人的,而我退群疏远你的举动,不仅日后让我陷入无尽的懊恼,也一定伤害了当时你吧。遗言里你没对我说什么,但是却选择我作为其中一人在那些秋叶上写这些内容,我不明白为什么,就当作是对我的惩罚吧。不过,我和你的交集相较于其他人实在太少了,可能你只是觉得和我没什么可说的吧,我不知道,也可能是你单纯的忘了。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"由你给的右美沙芬药盒做成的流沙麻将我还是按照原来的想法,送给了朋友而不是自己留下做纪念,她也对没有机会见到你并和你真正相识感到悲伤。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"在你离开的日子里,我才在日常生活中深切地感受到你对我每一处的影响。我不仅 GAHT 方案和你几乎一模一样,还在不自觉中内化了许多你的观念,它们在很大程度上参与我生活的决策。虽然我以前对你用烧纸,烧药盒和换灰色头像来纪念死者的做法感到做作,但是身在外地,不能参加遗体告别当场悼念你的我,也不知在什么其他东西的驱使下就为你这么做了。除了这些自然而然的举动,我还不免认真地去想,我怎样才能成为一个像我眼中的你那样的人,我想像你那样,把你带给我的那些美和好,分享给更多需要它们的人,我希望我可以做到。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我仍然处在属于自己的那一份困境之中而看不见希望,这使我更是会不由得想念你。我从未向你倾诉过这些,但我猜你不会讨厌。每当我因为种种原因陷入绝望还难以向人表达,难以与人沟通时,我都想着要是能听听对于这种情况你会怎么说就好了。哪怕在过往的时光里多和你聊些天也好啊,如果能多记住一些你的思想,我或许就可以尝试从它们之中寻找出路,我的无助或许就可以借此消解一些。另外我也会想,要是我能把你那在旁人看来称得上癫狂的人生观和生命观也内化就好了,那样我就能活得自由了吧。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"很多事情结束了,但是很多事情还在继续下去。很多人死了,但是很多人还要继续活下去。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你常常把跨性别社群过往发生的和未来可能发生的境遇变迁比喻成一场持续着的战争,我以前是不以为意的,那时我觉得这未免有些幼稚。但是现在,祝我在这场战争中好运吧,祝我们好运。\\n我不知道我对你抱有的感情算是什么,但我觉得至少是爱过你。\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——无常,2024 年 5 月 4 日 阴\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其五:东云\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"我们怀着沉痛的心情悼念一位勇敢而坚韧的灵魂。她生活在一个对她而言并不友善的世界中,承受了来自社会规训的压力和无尽的偏见,却始终选择用自己的方式前行。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她是无数边缘化个体的缩影,在孤独和挣扎中寻找属于自己的位置。尽管社会的冰冷和压迫最终让她选择了离开,但她的生命中所承载的意义远远超越了她的离去。她的故事提醒我们,那些被边缘化的人们不是弱者,而是背负沉重社会负担的勇士。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她的一生虽然短暂,却如同烛火一般,为他人带来了些许光亮。她用自己的经历告诉我们,世界上存在着太多的不平等和无视,那些被忽略的声音正急需被听见。她所承受的不公提醒我们去反思:社会是否给予了每个个体足够的宽容和尊重?她的每一次挣扎都在无形中呼唤人们关注跨性别群体所面对的挑战,正是这种无声的呐喊,将她的存在镌刻在我们心中。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她的离去让我们无比痛心,同时也让我们认识到肩上的责任。每一个生命都应被珍视,每一种身份都应被包容。她的存在让我们看到,跨性别群体依然面临着歧视、孤立和不公,她的离开是对社会的控诉,更是对我们每个人的呼唤。我们悼念她,不只是为了表达悲痛,更是为了以行动来回应她的离去:用更多的理解和努力去改变社会,去消解那些偏见,去建立一个更加公平和温暖的世界。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"愿她在另一个世界可以摆脱所有的枷锁,自由地做她自己,拥有她一生中渴望却未曾真正得到的平静和幸福。我们怀念她的勇气,铭记她的故事,同时将她的离去化为改变的动力。她的生命不会被遗忘,她的精神会在我们的努力中延续。\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——东云,2024 年 12 月 31 日\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其六:Mik\\xe4\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,Vue.h(\"blockquote\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"「好死喵好死喵」\"),Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——小序\"))),Vue.h(BlurBlock,null,Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"不知道为何星璃璃的墓志铭指定者中未曾出现 Mik\\xe4\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"因此本是想着既然这样 那也许我不要去擅作评论比较好\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"然而其中又似乎是有所谓「想写的人都可以来写」这么一条兜底\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"喔,又似乎并不应该提及似乎\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"毕竟所谓遗书的这一部分是我亲自花了几个下午望着窗外的金鸡湖听星璃璃的语音落笔誊写下的\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"而又或许因为以上这些 我和星璃璃的离去又发生了无法忽视的似乎紧密的联系\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"可能也包括所谓的法克扣哈库的角色扮演小游戏吧\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"毕竟陪他玩了如此之久 字面意思的往死里玩 嘿嘿\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"没有想到 这个双方博弈的游戏我居然会输得这么彻底\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但也没有想到两方博弈的游戏我输了 对方也没有赢 嘻嘻\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"可那究竟是谁赢了呢 仔细想想 其实我 铃语 扣哈库和你都赢了\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"如果解释原因的话 本意简短的留言会过于冗长吧\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"想必提及的人脑子都可以理解\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"所以 祝好死喵~\"))),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——Mik\\xe4, 2025 年 1 月 23 日\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其七:wing\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我并不怎么了解他,在我看来他是个好人,他支持了一些弱势的人,做了很多不必要做的麻烦的事。他曾经努力抑制自己的女性化人格,并且声称如果放任就会死去。我以为 hrt 会让他更好,鼓励他做回本心,只是没想到是这个结果。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"或许当初鼓励他矫正会更好。在我看来他是个理性的人,如同紫风一样,不过他俩都挂了,好吧。而且都 od,od 害人啊!\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"事已至此,也过了一年多,希望他能安息。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——wing, 2025 年 2 月 9 日\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其八:白毛 suki\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"与星璃璃的相识源于自我性别的探索,在摸索中相遇,两人话语投机,或许是同类亦或者是有更多其他的相似点,认识七天已经十分熟路。仅有的 72 天,落下一生不可磨灭的印记。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃是一个非常亚撒西的人,当我表达对体重学习上的各种焦虑除了给予经验帮助,也不忘说一句「慢慢来吧」。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"在学校我经常和她打电话或者聊天来缓解高三学习的苦闷,听她们说各种趣事,倾听属于她们的故事。从中得知璃璃对生死其实已经比较淡然,风风光光的葬礼中增添乐趣。或许是抑郁使然,死亡离她并不遥远,或许总归会有这一天的到来。但未曾想到来的有点突然,半年的沉沦……\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"在和她讨论自身心别探索的时候,面对我的话她给我的评价就是「没救了」遗言上却又让我不要翻车,或许是基于自身的经历来劝导我,但我依然还是踏上这一条困难的道路。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"从她人的言论中星璃璃比我想象中的更复杂更抽象,我所知道的事情也只是冰山一角,或是因为亚撒西,或是因为时间不足。但无论如何星璃璃的后半段像游戏一样有趣。我遗憾于再无机会相见,但内心一隅总会有一个叫星璃璃的家伙在打 mai。\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"夕阳终将落下\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"幻梦即将破灭\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃划破天际 坠入大气\"),\"\\n\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——白毛 suki, 2025 年 2 月 4 日\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其九:空白\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"display: inline;\"},\"大哥大嫂过年好,你是我的爷,我是你们的儿\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"三句承题\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"空白/引号 写于 2024 年 1 月 1 日 23 点 56 分崩溃时\"),Vue.h(\"p\"),Vue.h(\"blockquote\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"「以罗伊,以罗伊,拉马撒巴各大尼?!\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-4\",id:\"footnote-ref-4\"},\"4\")),\"」而且较永久地悲悯他们的前途,然而仇恨他们的现在。\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-5\",id:\"footnote-ref-5\"},\"5\"))),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"这个丑陋的世界,不配得到她的美好\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"《Maybe All Transgender People Are Really Vampires》\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-6\",id:\"footnote-ref-6\"},\"6\"))))),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.hr),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"2024.1.2 09.26 唐泽:想和星璃璃告别的朋友今天可以到昌平殡仪馆吊唁。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"——星璃璃的家长为『他』举办的葬礼\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'2024.1.2 下午 空白:我计划于晚上的时候做一个简单的,真正属于\"她\"的葬礼'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"——空白发起但算不上主持,大家自发聚集力量为她举办的小型纪念仪式\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.hr),Vue.h(\"br\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"七句破题\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(TextRing,{text:\"⊕⊕⊕⊕\",fontSize:\"1.25rem\"}),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"原来,她早就做了最坏的打算\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"本来,是为了完成她目标的\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"一场闹剧\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"可是,却有人亲手把自己的孩子逼入绝路,自己在医院的铁架床上睡得倒挺安稳\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"在生命的最后,连她所期望的哪怕只是一点点如此卑微的权利都不肯给予\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"孩子从头到尾根本没有得到一个有自我意识的个体应有的尊重\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"甚至都没有被作为一个「人」来看待……\")),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"热情的仿佛炽热的骄阳\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"总是在坚定别人的彷徨\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她一人撒下了所有的谎\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她独自承受了全部悲伤\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"不曾料想\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——洁澄天奏 2024.1.1\"),\"\\n\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"笼中之鸟\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(TextRing,{text:\"☉☉☉☉\",fontSize:\"1.25rem\"}),\"\\n\",\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"这个故事刚刚发生不久,\")),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"有一只螐\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-7\",id:\"footnote-ref-7\"},\"7\")),\"儿被关在了蛆虫做成的笼子里\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"人们歌颂着他的幸福\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"他\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"蜂蜜使鸟儿的喉咙嘶哑,声声鸣唱,已不再动听\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"铁糸将鸟儿的灵魂囚禁,声嘶力竭,也无法传递\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"欢声笑语,亦是他的悲伤\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"歌颂赞美,亦会是她的落寞\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"倘若,没有梦想的话,芸芸众生所追求的一切,也终将化为虚无\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"倘若,失去信念的话,他人眼中所期待的一切,也都是厚重的枷锁\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"抑郁中的笼中之鸟,无数夜晚,独自哭泣,\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"幻想自己是笼子外的流星,转瞬即逝却又无比闪耀\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"希望自己是饿冻中的生灵,饥寒交迫,却拥有自由\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"铁栅栏扼住了她的咽喉,蛛糸\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-8\",id:\"footnote-ref-8\"},\"8\")),\"穿透了她的心脏\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你会在垃圾桶里发现它的\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"螐儿的遗言如是写道:\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"真的是什么都不用做而拥有一切吗?\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"而应该是什么都做不了而一无所有啊…\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"生命的色调不应该是灰色,\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"自由的意志,能够永远闪耀吗\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我的躯体或许会在垃圾桶里腐烂,\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但至少,我的理想,\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我希望它能翱翔于天空\"),Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——来自《\",Vue.h(_components.a,{href:\"https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV17Q4y1s7j1\"},\"笼中之鸟\"),\"》\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-9\",id:\"footnote-ref-9\"},\"9\")),\",作者 洁澄天奏 Official\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"九重现实\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"「泠珞,你觉得世界上最令人难过的事情是什么呢?」\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"「蝴蝶。丑陋的毛毛虫,好不容易可以在梦境中忘记自己的软弱,忘记自己身为害虫的身份,却又生出美丽的翅膀,被光吵醒,被迫意识到自己还活着的事实,然后还要亲手撕开幽居的洞穴。越痛苦,翅膀越充血,它们就越美丽,然后再次为美丽和「醒着就要活下去」的定律而痛苦。它们会飞,却又只能在俗气的花丛中苟且偷生,仰视着永远触及不到的高空的鹰。然后死亡就突然降临,它们连沾沾自喜的这一点高度也被剥夺。它们甚至不能迎来一次壮烈的坠亡,只是轻飘飘地、轻飘飘地……」\"),Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"—— 雨狸【妄想症 Paranoia】《九重现实》\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"零重祈愿\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(TextRing,{text:\"☿☿☿☿☿☿\",fontSize:\"1.25rem\"}),\"\\n\",\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,Vue.h(\"blockquote\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"《Maybe All Transgender People Are Really Vampires》\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"作者:Chrysanthemum Tran\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"也许所有跨性别者都是吸血鬼\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"当然我不是说会被太阳灼伤\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"或者是渴望少女的脖颈\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"毕竟,大多数跨儿甚至无法确定自己步行回家的时候,自己的血液会不会溅到路边的人行道上\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"我也没有住在特兰西瓦尼亚城堡里\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"即使我的确算得上是一位女王(*注 非二元性别双关)\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"每当遭到他人的辱骂,对我来说就好像是被银灼烧了一般\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"我承认特兰西瓦尼亚确实是一处能让边缘人生存的庇护所\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"但是期盼中的安全感甚至比虚构的怪物更像是一种幻觉\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"我是一只长着怪异獠牙的猎物\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"当你上一次看到我这样的人的时候\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"有没有看到暴徒手中火炬的光芒\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"和刺来的干草叉?\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"这个时候,难道他们不想让我的脑袋被木桩刺穿吗?\"))),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"大家都知道,存在即合理。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃曾经问过我,我们这样的 trans 为什么会存在?存在的意义又是什么?为了增加族群多样性而提高抗风险能力?还是说仅仅只是一个影响不大的结构上的 BUG?\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"薛定谔在《生命是什么》中曾提出过一个这样的观点:生物在趋向热寂的宇宙中依靠主动汲取负熵而得以组成和存续,生物在宇宙中的意义也可能也就在于此。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但,被胡蝶不经意间煽动翅膀卷起的风暴扬起的我们,作为既定结果的我们,又该如何面对如此矛盾的现实呢?\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"当时的我,面对着这些问题。。。沉默良久,无法回答\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"现在也是\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"「在那一刻我终于知道自己并非天性擅长轻描淡写,而是天生的无力与笨拙。」\"),Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"—— 雨狸【妄想症 Paranoia】《零重祈愿》\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"br\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.hr),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"br\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"抱歉,星璃璃,即使是在我最为擅长的领域\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我的能力只堪堪够到这种程度而已\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"无法用太过华丽的词藻或是足够有逻辑的语言去绘声绘色地描述您的生平和事迹\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但是,我会听取您的建议去努力的,一定会的\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"br\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.hr),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"br\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"曾经,有人说,面朝大海,春暖花开;\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"有人说,从今以后所有的人类再也不用去买水果和蔬菜\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"曾经,有人说,当你凝视深渊时,深渊也在凝视你,\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"曾经有人说,有人曾自诩过自己是太阳,光热无穷,\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"然而祂究竟不是太阳,祂发了疯。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"可惜,因为,我们都是虫子,欲望只是恐惧的截面\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——空白/引号\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其十:锦心\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"遗憾的是,由于个人原因,我的记忆力有点问题,截止到我写下这一段的时候(2025 年 2 月 10 日),我已经几乎完全忘记 z60 是一个什么样的人了。还需要询问人 z60 什么时候死的。在我的记忆里,z60 只是一个曾经活过的人。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"很久以前我就说过我讨厌赛博灵堂。随着 limelight 倒闭,我退出跨性别社群,不再关心这些事情,现在或许没那么讨厌了,但还是说不上喜欢。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"说真心话我并不想来评价。如果不是因为 z60 指定我要来写一段,我根本就不会过来搞这种苦差。死人是任人打扮的小姑娘。说不出话的活人尚且如此,我已经经历过一遍。我很讨厌拿自己片面的回忆割破一个曾经活过的人,横截面符号化,放在灵堂供人参拜。哪怕横截面再多也不够。对着肖像画感叹「TA 曾活过啊」,根本不会触及灵魂,而且随着灵魂被人遗忘,假面也取代曾经鲜活的主人。很无趣。好在关于 z60 的事情我大多数都已经遗忘了,连肖像都不会画出。\"),Vue.h(_components.ul,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.li,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"z60 死前一段时间突然找我,问我能不能请我当她的介错人,于是我当然是当场就拒绝了。(那时候好像是她哪个人格?我不记得了。聊天记录也被我删了,算了就按她算吧)\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.li,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"limelight 还活着的时候我似乎曾经和 z60 聊过许多的。不过已经完全不记得了。只记得那时候他(应该当时还觉得自己是友跨顺男?)说话条理比较清晰。\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.li,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"后来反正我们就没说过话了?反正我专心干自己的事情去了。我不确定。我真的不记得了。\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.li,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"出于道德原因我讨厌 od,所以后面 z60 开始 od 的时候我就已经当 TA 是半个死人了。后面偶尔寥寥几眼看 TA 也只能说是,每况愈下吧。所以 z60 死了我算是毫不意外。\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.li,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"本句是情绪化发言:我就说药圈害人吧。你看 z60 死得多快。\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.li,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"所以我真不知道 z60 为什么会指定我写评价。z60 到底看上我什么?\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——锦心,2025 年 2 月 10 日\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h2,null,\"致曾划过夜空的流星\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"在你将资料发送给我后,我就预料到你对自己未来评价的一些期望。从实际上来讲,你从来都不是一个特别光明特别正面典型,也无法成为太阳。但你希望自己能留下清晰真实的轨迹,那么我会尊重你的愿望。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你曾无知,懵懂,并因此而参与过迫害他人。你的网络轨迹从贴吧开始,那里记下了你的热血、青春、以及最早的「群体划分」。你认为自己坚守正义,然而你最后认识到,正义并不唯一。那些混乱的过往为你提供了认知上的积淀,但也留下了精神上的分裂。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你尝试过深入虚拟世界。你对于音乐的情感,从虚拟歌姬到舞萌 DX,从未断绝。从中学起,你的文本中就有一座云中的城堡,虚无,但有着远超现实的美好。你的那些单纯而天真的创作不会被时光抹去,一如你曾经的梦想,它仍在你所帮助过的人的回忆中熠熠生辉。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你想成为心中的自己,但你的心中有不止一位「自己」。从外貌上来讲,你的性别跨越并不成功,你的客观认知与主观表述都明确了这一点,但这并不是你的目标。你明确表示过,你并不那么归属于性别,而更希望的是贴近灵魂,现在的你完成了这一最终的计划。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你希望能够帮助他人,即使这可能显得相当激进。随着救助与社群维护的「因不可抗力失效」次数增多,你的迷茫让你只能更多的推进派系划分的行动。这带来的结果是更大的裂痕和争吵,但本心不可否认。你的行动并不会因为失败而失去意义,论心与论迹的综合评价之下,你想成为照亮他人的星光,并且你成功了。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你有一群很好的朋友。对于你而言,死亡是一场超越一切的美梦的开端。你的朋友尊重了你的意愿,她们为你送上了你所期望的祝福,并缅怀和记录了你的过往。你本人的掠影与旧事,总会留于她们的心上,这是一种不可多得的幸运。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你曾想过很多,也因此做了很多。你想过成为一个男孩,也想过成为一个女孩。你想过成为最聪明的谋士,也想过成为最勇猛的战士。你想过划分群体,也想过聚拢群体。你是矛盾的,但是也是统一的。值得欣慰的是,你总想成为好人,而从未想过成为恶人。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"曾经你说,自己从来不属于某个圈。你的灵魂是自由的,而你的行动也是。对于社会而言,你并不是一个特别有用的人,也显然没有尽到社会责任,但你尽力绽放了属于自己的光芒,并留下了不可磨灭的痕迹。认识你的人不一定会感谢你,但是大家总会记得你,记得有一个复杂的、可爱的、总是想着帮忙——并切实投入了精力和行动的孩子来过。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你大概不是一个好男孩,也不是一个好女孩,但你是个好孩子,是星星上的小王子。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"彗星终有暗淡之日,生命亦有消逝之时。然而你划破夜空的那一刻,已然定格为永恒。愿你在那个没有纷争和责任的世界,永享安宁与幸福。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"此致。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"调查员 深夜 书于 2024.2-2025.2\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"条目贡献:无常 及行文中所出现的朋友们\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"ol\",null,Vue.h(\"li\",{id:\"footnote-1\"},\"出自卢梭《社会契约论》\",Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-ref-1\"},Vue.h(\"svg\",{viewBox:\"0 0 16 16\",version:\"1.1\",id:\"svg1\",\"xmlns:xlink\":\"http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink\",xmlns:\"http://www.w3.org/2000/svg\",\"xmlns:svg\":\"http://www.w3.org/2000/svg\",style:\"margin-left: 0.5rem; margin-bottom: -2px; width: 1rem; height: 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Vue.h(Vue.Fragment,null,Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"对,游戏人生,所以就是活着是我的权利,不是我的义务。所以说我甚至可以去含着氰化钾胶囊做一些事情,我愿意这么干,而且我正在筹备这么干。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"也就是说我在一些危险的场合,我甚至可能干这种事情。有可能被抓起来的场合,甚至也会说,啊,对,我也会去做,而且我绝对不会让我的敌人得到我。\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,Vue.h(\"svg\",{style:\"display: inline-block; overflow: visible !important; vertical-align: sub; fill: rgb(26, 127, 55); margin-right: 10px;\",viewBox:\"0 0 16 16\",version:\"1.1\",width:\"16\",height:\"16\",\"aria-hidden\":\"true\"},Vue.h(\"path\",{d:\"M8 1.5c-2.363 0-4 1.69-4 3.75 0 .984.424 1.625.984 2.304l.214.253c.223.264.47.556.673.848.284.411.537.896.621 1.49a.75.75 0 0 1-1.484.211c-.04-.282-.163-.547-.37-.847a8.456 8.456 0 0 0-.542-.68c-.084-.1-.173-.205-.268-.32C3.201 7.75 2.5 6.766 2.5 5.25 2.5 2.31 4.863 0 8 0s5.5 2.31 5.5 5.25c0 1.516-.701 2.5-1.328 3.259-.095.115-.184.22-.268.319-.207.245-.383.453-.541.681-.208.3-.33.565-.37.847a.751.751 0 0 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2023.09。后面就确诊了。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"这个东西确实改变不了。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(PhotoScroll,{photos:[\"${path}/photos/image0.webp\"]}),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"是音游底力很强的人呢,不过因为注意力的原因她不打紫谱……\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h2,null,\"参与救助\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"在璃璃的心目中,帮助他人特别是弱势群体更好地生存、生活和发展一直是一个非常重要的事情。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她在自己的业余时间中,组织和参加过诸多救助,如自杀干预等工作,她曾参与对\",Vue.h(_components.a,{href:\"https://one-among.us/profile/GLaDOSister\"},\"仓山静叶\"),\"的救助工作,这些工作普遍作用在日常之中。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她的行为对于他人特别是弱势群体起到了一定的帮助。她用自己的努力,尽最大可能地避免了自伤乃至自杀行为的发生。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h2,null,\"友人的回忆\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其一:伊良子\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Z60 是我这辈子见过第二傻逼的人\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——伊良子,2025 年 2 月 7 日\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其二:铃语\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"谨以此文纪念故友星璃璃\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: center;\"},\"铃语\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(DottedNumber,{n:\"一 前言\"}),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"应星璃璃的遗嘱要求,在此为星璃璃写一篇文章以纪念星璃璃。\",Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),\"原本这篇文章应该在很久之前就完成的,但是一是由于星璃璃对我影响很大,而我本人的语言功底也有限,三言两语似乎不足以把这篇文章写的很好;二是由于星璃璃的离开也给我带来了不小的冲击;所以这篇文章就这么搁置了下来。后来等我的精神状态恢复了一些之后,才开始试着从各个方面、各个角度来理解和认识星璃璃,于是大概便有了这篇文章。\",Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),\"有人说,星璃璃是个「抽象」的人,每个人都对星璃璃有着独特的理解。本文所反映的星璃璃或许也只是局限于我个人眼中对星璃璃的认识。一家之言,姑妄听之;兼听则明,偏信则暗。\"),Vue.h(DottedNumber,{n:\"二\"}),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"「死者为大」「尊重逝者」,似乎在我们绝大多数人的心目中,是不言而喻、不证自明的真理。但是,对于什么是「尊重逝者」,似乎大家都有着不同的理解。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我们曾经亲眼目睹了星璃璃的父母在 TA 的葬礼上把 TA 的外貌打理成传统意义的男性性别表达,并且在灵堂的正中心挂上寸头的大头照;我们也亲眼看着星璃璃的父母把 TA 的骨灰扔到汽车后备箱拖走。当时,许多人都因为星璃璃父母的行为而感到震惊和愤怒。TA 父母眼中的尊重逝者,似乎被所谓的社会风俗凌驾其上,似乎被生者本人根深蒂固的成见凌驾其上。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"古往今来,大家都倾向于「在墓碑上写点儿好话」,多聊功绩,少聊甚至不聊过错。唯武则天立乾陵无字碑,是非功过均由后人评说。在这件事情上,星璃璃有些类似于后者。TA 曾说,人死了,所有的是非功过就是「盖棺定论」;大家都可以评价。这一点在 TA 的遗书里也有所体现——TA 邀请了和自己有一些观点争议的人来写 One Among Us 的较前段部分,并且还留言说「大家想写的可以写」。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"既然星璃璃的想法是这样,那我就随便写一些故事吧。我想顺带着写一些星璃璃给我带来的想法,但是会尽量少对 TA 的行为做什么价值判断,让「是非功过自由后人评说」吧。\"),Vue.h(DottedNumber,{n:\"三\"}),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃似乎具有人格分裂,TA 说过自己至少有三个人格,「星云」,「幻梦」和「苯环」。其中,一个人格的性别认同为男性,另一个人格的性别认同偏女性,还有一个人格的性别认同笔者并不清楚。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"笔者曾经把星璃璃当成跨性别女性了好长时间,但是后来得知了这个情况之后还是沉思了好久——或许这个有些类似于 Gender Fluid 的情况,用哪个人称代词称呼对方似乎都不是太合适。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"这是我第一次遇到这样的朋友。后来,我在其他的一些朋友身上看到了一个指针转盘形状的徽章——转盘被分成了天蓝色(he),粉红色(she)和紫色(they)三个部分,可以通过调整指针的方向来使它指向任何一个部分以表明自身的状态。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"或许这个东西很适合 TA。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"不过,如果提高一个层面来看,这样的困惑的本质其实星璃璃的各个人格之间的冲突;而这样一个人称代词的问题,或许只是这种人格的冲突在性别的层面的一个侧影罢了。那在其他的层面呢?或许星璃璃的各个人格的气质、性格、能力、需求、兴趣、理想、价值观都有所差异,我们作为朋友应当以怎样的态度去对待这些人格,或者以怎么样的态度去对待这么一个「多重人格的综合体」?甚至说,如果星璃璃的遗嘱只代表了星璃璃的某一个人格的意愿,那么这份遗嘱是有效的吗?我执行这份遗嘱,为 TA 写这篇文章,是前面提到的尊重逝者吗,还是不是?\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我学过法律专业,持有法律职业资格证;但是这个问题的答案,我不知道。我试图去上网搜索,得到的却全是千篇一律的、对法律条文的生搬硬套:「人格分裂的人是否具有民事行为能力,取决于其是否能辨认自己的行为。」看起来这样的回答似乎并没有从本质上解决问题。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"于是有人为此打补丁说:「如果这是在正常人格状态所做的行为,那就是有效的;如果这是在异常人格状态所做的行为,那就是无效的。」那怎么区分正常人格和异常人格呢?为什么作为外人能强行给「星云」加上「正常人格」的标签而强行给「幻梦」加上「异常人格」的标签呢(或者反过来)?\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我不知道这些问题的答案。\"),Vue.h(DottedNumber,{n:\"四\"}),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃(也或许是 TA 的人格之一)在世期间不止一次地公开拿其他性少数的逝者编段子开玩笑;所以,星璃璃的一些朋友也不止一次地拿已逝的星璃璃开玩笑。这引发了不小的争论——这些朋友认为,星璃璃的行为表明,TA 是一个认同「可以拿逝者开玩笑」的人,所以开 TA 的玩笑反而是一种尊重其行为模式和价值观的体现。而另外一些星璃璃的朋友则认为,这让人无法接受。于是两边开始吵架,最后弄得「一地鸡毛」。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"是的,人类的悲喜并不相通,人类的思维回路也并不相通。但这又能怪谁呢?人们的脑力和神经系统的发育各有不同,人们的成长环境和生活阅历也是天差地别,人们的理性与感性受人体内的神经递质的明显控制,人们互相理解所需要的深度思考与交流更是需要消费巨大的精力。所以,人的自由仍然是受到一些自身无法控制的条件所约束的;或者换句话说,人的自由却「无往不在枷锁之中」\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-1\",id:\"footnote-ref-1\"},\"1\")),\"——也正是因此,劝架很多时候会终将变成徒劳,「道不同」的人与人的共鸣是一件奢侈的事情,取而代之的是人们兵戎相见,人们互相攻击,互相伤害。于是世界变成了一个变相的斗兽场。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"「某群」更是这样的斗兽场。一些人在群里互相嘲讽,在线下甚至重拳出击。曾经我为了「大家和平相处」,毫无底线地「调解」着「某群」的大家的矛盾,结果没什么明显成效,甚至适得其反。而星璃璃却说了这样的话:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我能理解两边,但我无法调和。\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"多么无可奈何的现实啊。而人间处处是这样的无可奈何。不管是人与人,还是人与事物。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"面对着这样的矛盾,星璃璃的做法是,通过建群把两拨人隔离开。既然通过自身努力获得成功的人要在群里攻击靠卖惨获得关注的人,那就让她们去不同的群里玩吧。于是 TA 拉了个新群:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"这里是舔舐伤口的地方,不是展示优越的地方。\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"TA 在新群里拉了很多 TA 认为在世俗意义上并没有获得成功(甚至是世俗意义上失败)的群友,其中不乏有一些群友曾经多次自伤自残和药物滥用——但是星璃璃却对这各种各样的人展现出了格外包容:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她们都是被逼的。\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃甚至还会公开说:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我和大家没什么区别。你们虽然看我像是北航的高学历人才,但那年北航的录取分数线断档了,我只是运气好进去的。我原本应该和大家一样的。\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"后来,我去网上查询了当年北航的录取分数线,发现那年的录取分数线完全没有断档。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"当时的我不以为意,后来直至听说了另一位朋友的事迹——大概的情况是,他从小就是单亲家庭,并且在成长过程中一直受到来自监护人的情感忽视;这样的环境造就了他扭曲的性格,致使他后来药物滥用成瘾,并被公安机关处理。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"听完这个故事,联想起来,我突然产生了一股劫后余生的毛骨悚然感:如果我的人生也不巧地「断档」,变成单亲家庭和没有情感支持的开局,那我的结局,可能并不会比这位朋友好到哪里去。可能我早因为杀人放火被枪毙了吧。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"而星璃璃的父母都是教师。这好像让我突然就理解了星璃璃在学历问题上的「谦虚」,并且一度把星璃璃视作自己心里的神。后来我又突然想明白了,没有这个必要。因为,一样的道理,如果我「升档」升成星璃璃的人生,那么「我上我也行」;如果星璃璃「断档」断成我的人生,那么「TA 下 TA 也不行」。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"想到这里,我似乎内心突然有一种释然感。\"),Vue.h(DottedNumber,{n:\"五\"}),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但是,这个世界的运作模式不是受单一变量控制的。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"当然,人生的开局也只是变量之一。它或许是重要变量,但并不是唯一变量。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"世界是一个巨大的网,七十亿人在这张网上共同行动,共同对这张网的走向产生着巨大或者微小的影响。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"每个人都是这个大网的一部分,被大网影响着,也同时影响着大网。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"谁都不会知道自己哪天会在这个大网上和什么样的人相遇,发生什么样的事情;更无法预料这些事情会对自己的未来产生什么样的影响。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃去世时,有一些人在自责:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"如果我当时多去看 TA 一眼就好了。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我早就该注意到 TA 的精神状态不对的。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"TA 前天请的那顿饭就不对劲儿,我当时傻了没反应过来。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我那天没空,要不就直接跑去医院了。\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"可是,「大网」的降临就是这么偶然。偏偏星璃璃遇到了不太好的成长环境,又偏偏 TA 的父母知道了所有的事情,又偏偏所有人都没有时间,又偏偏医院没有查出来是什么病症,又偏偏所有的巧合都凑到了一起。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"于是就产生了这样的结果。\"),Vue.h(DottedNumber,{n:\"六\"}),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"可是呐,星璃璃却仍然希望我「坚持我所坚持的」——指的应该是「调解矛盾」。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"可我大概真的再也没有办法坚持我的坚持了啊。星璃璃对这些人际冲突的理解方式,似乎化做了什么东西,深深地根植在我的身上。似乎像是,我继承着 TA 的一点点思想,继续生活着——或许哪天我也去世了,有人看到我所写的东西,受到了什么体悟的话,也会带着这些感触生存下去的吧…\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"后来不经意间,看到了有位诗人的一句名言:「人死了,就像水消失在水中。」\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-2\",id:\"footnote-ref-2\"},\"2\"))),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"于是我打开窗户,映入眼帘的是春暖花开的无垠大海。\"),Vue.h(DottedNumber,{n:\"七\"}),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但是,《原神》是由米哈游自主研发的一款全新开放世界冒险游戏。星璃璃就玩「原神」。此「原神」非彼《原神》;比如呢,被大家称为「街机原神」的《舞萌 DX》也是「原神」的一种。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃不止一次地吐槽「原神」很坐牢,并表达过弃坑的想法——每天都要面对大同小异的每日任务,日复一日地重复,一天不做任务就会少领一天的每日奖励。然而当聊到弃坑时,TA 总是会强制让自己停下来。然而有一天,我和 TA 之间却出现了这样的对话:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"嘿,玩没玩国服新更新的歌,叫什么 Trans 什么之光\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-3\",id:\"footnote-ref-3\"},\"3\")),\",可好玩儿了,别的歌都是 tap、slide 或者 tap、tap、slide,这首歌是 tap、tap、tap、slide,太有趣了。\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我依稀记得那时 TA 的语气里竟然带着欢笑。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"后来我和 TA 相拥告别。这是我和 TA 的第一次拥抱,TA 那时看起来很高兴。\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"「煌めきを纏ったら どこまでも君と。」\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"光辉常在,天涯海角,与君同在。\"),Vue.h(DottedNumber,{n:\"八\\xb7写在最后\"}),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"不知不觉地就写了这么多了,或许大概,我认为比较重要的,和 TA 一起的经历,以及 TA 给我带来的所思所想,应该都写在这里了。基于篇幅等原因,我想,这篇文章就写到这里了。还有许许多多生命中每天相同又每天不同的故事,有一些我会以其他的方式把它们呈现出来,还有另外一些就让它们留在回忆中吧。\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——铃语,2024 年 12 月 24 日\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其三:绘都\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"补\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——绘都,2024 年 12 月 17 日\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其四:无常\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"你希望我为你写你所谓「盖棺定论」的部分,于是我便写了。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"对此,我总是陷于一个问题:我几乎是你指定的人里与你相处最少的,最不了解你的人,你为什么会选择我,又希望看到我写什么呢?我想,你应该知道在选择这些为你写这一部分的人的同时,也就选择了这一部分会呈现的内容吧。很多有关于你的事情,尤其是那些一般意义上被认为不好的事情,都是在你离世后我才知道的。或许如果你没有就这样简单地结束生命,这些事情我有机会听你亲自讲给我听,但的确已经没有机会了。我决定只依照你尚在世时和你相处的经历来写,这些大概才是你想要的,对吗?\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"除此之外还有一个难以破除的困境:我很难像你想要的那样形容你是个怎样的人,很难用精简的词汇和干练的语句概括你,人们对于词汇和短句理解的偏差和想象会他们远离你的真实。所以请允许我在这里回忆和记叙一些和你产生联系的过往并作一些既冗长又模糊的评价。至于你究竟是什么样的人,就请来这个页面悼念的朋友们自己从这些文字里寻找吧。当然,这些文字无论谁来看都会觉得确实放在留言部分更合适,但是请允许我用我自己勉强能够做到的方式完成你交代的事情,这算是我作为生者对作为死者的你的特权吧,你要是还活着就没这些事情了嘛。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"遇见你也是唯一一次见你是在 2023 年 8 月 12 日,那段时间我刚刚结束了漫长的犹豫,决定开始 GAHT 并且和跨性别社群接触。相遇的情景我至今记得很清,中午我坐在北医三院对面 KFC 靠近街道有窗的座位吃午餐,见到你戴着蓝粉白口罩推开门进来,我无意地就拉开一张椅子招呼你。后来我才发现,其实我早就在网络世界和你有所联系。我是在 QQ 群里不敢多说话的小透明,时常只是默默看着,虽然你总是嘴上说自己对包括悲剧在内的一切很麻木,但你总会给有需要的人提供用药建议,总会安慰内心受伤的人,总会应对危机做出果决的判断和行之有效的安排。在我心中你一直是知识丰富、可爱可敬又平易近人的助人者,你总是尽量包容、理解每一个人,总是尽自己所能、甚至倾尽所有。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"当时,作为一个很多事情都才是刚刚开始的跨性别女孩的我来说,认识你是莫大的幸运。我把你当作敬重的前辈,亲近的姐姐。你会跟我分享一些独到的观点,给我提供 GAHT 的建议,教我对抗来自这个世界每一处的恶意…那时候有你在活跃的群聊里,人们总是因为一些事情吵得不可开交。从你的发言中我总会感受到一些相似的东西,当然,你永远比我深刻的多。这让我对你的思想产生了极大的兴趣,但我实在不擅长与人交流,便约定寒假一定认真聊聊天,那时候的我不知道这一切会在不到一个月之后变成不可能的事。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"发生在 2023 年 12 月 21 日的「狼人杀」,我虽然也算亲历者,但是我至今也不知全貌,更不可能想明白。那时候被你深邃的思想和温柔的性格吸引的我,根本不可能接受你说过那样的话、做过那样的事。我霎时间心灰意冷,没有任何心思再想、再过问这一切,选择了默默远离你。但我没想过就在几天之后,你自杀抢救的噩耗传来,我没想过我只能听别人转述的你情况,我没想过那一天的远离可能会是真正的别离。那时候我发现我就像个闹别扭赌气的小孩子,我根本不想离开你,也不想你离开。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"12 月 26 日,我在另一个有你在的群聊里想讨要一个右美沙芬药盒做手工送给朋友,你答应给我一个。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"27 日,你说你因为紧急情况忘了寄快递,我居然只是简单地以为你有事情要忙,没对你有任何关心。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"30 日,拆快递的时候,正是有人告诉了我你自杀的时候,我急着从垃圾桶里翻出快递面单,想要留作纪念,没想到我竟整整齐齐地从中间横向撕开了你的名字。一切一切不安,悔恨和悲伤都凝聚于那一刻,我深刻地害怕这一切预示着难以挽回的悲剧……\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我在听闻消息第二天开始发烧,对我来说前所未有的高烧。期间,我只能伴着体温高热在单纯的昏睡和单纯的哭泣中反复。虽然这段时间好像有些不算坏的消息传来,但我的记忆实在模糊,而且这些不算坏的消息也的确没有转化为不算坏的事实。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"最终,在 2024 年 1 月 1 日 23 时 56 分,往日里有着强大生命力的,闪耀变化着的星云,悄然逸散在宇宙无边的晦暗里,成为了寂静的一部分,融入了冰冷的漆黑之中。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我抱着不知如何描述的心情读你的遗言,遗言里几乎没有什么与你自己有关的事,全部是你对朋友们的关怀,嘱托和寄语,你在自己的一切都可能结束之时还一直牵挂着身边的人。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我有些令我自己感到不耻的私心,如果我没有在 2023 年 12 月 21 日因为那些事退掉你的个人小群,那我也能分得你的遗物留作纪念,也肯定能听到几句你想对我说的话。遗言里,你把对那个群的群友想说的话写在最前面。在读遗言之前,我不知道你是那么那么在乎那个群里的每一个人的,而我退群疏远你的举动,不仅日后让我陷入无尽的懊恼,也一定伤害了当时你吧。遗言里你没对我说什么,但是却选择我作为其中一人在那些秋叶上写这些内容,我不明白为什么,就当作是对我的惩罚吧。不过,我和你的交集相较于其他人实在太少了,可能你只是觉得和我没什么可说的吧,我不知道,也可能是你单纯的忘了。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"由你给的右美沙芬药盒做成的流沙麻将我还是按照原来的想法,送给了朋友而不是自己留下做纪念,她也对没有机会见到你并和你真正相识感到悲伤。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"在你离开的日子里,我才在日常生活中深切地感受到你对我每一处的影响。我不仅 GAHT 方案和你几乎一模一样,还在不自觉中内化了许多你的观念,它们在很大程度上参与我生活的决策。虽然我以前对你用烧纸,烧药盒和换灰色头像来纪念死者的做法感到做作,但是身在外地,不能参加遗体告别当场悼念你的我,也不知在什么其他东西的驱使下就为你这么做了。除了这些自然而然的举动,我还不免认真地去想,我怎样才能成为一个像我眼中的你那样的人,我想像你那样,把你带给我的那些美和好,分享给更多需要它们的人,我希望我可以做到。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我仍然处在属于自己的那一份困境之中而看不见希望,这使我更是会不由得想念你。我从未向你倾诉过这些,但我猜你不会讨厌。每当我因为种种原因陷入绝望还难以向人表达,难以与人沟通时,我都想着要是能听听对于这种情况你会怎么说就好了。哪怕在过往的时光里多和你聊些天也好啊,如果能多记住一些你的思想,我或许就可以尝试从它们之中寻找出路,我的无助或许就可以借此消解一些。另外我也会想,要是我能把你那在旁人看来称得上癫狂的人生观和生命观也内化就好了,那样我就能活得自由了吧。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"很多事情结束了,但是很多事情还在继续下去。很多人死了,但是很多人还要继续活下去。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你常常把跨性别社群过往发生的和未来可能发生的境遇变迁比喻成一场持续着的战争,我以前是不以为意的,那时我觉得这未免有些幼稚。但是现在,祝我在这场战争中好运吧,祝我们好运。\\n我不知道我对你抱有的感情算是什么,但我觉得至少是爱过你。\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——无常,2024 年 5 月 4 日 阴\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其五:东云\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"我们怀着沉痛的心情悼念一位勇敢而坚韧的灵魂。她生活在一个对她而言并不友善的世界中,承受了来自社会规训的压力和无尽的偏见,却始终选择用自己的方式前行。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她是无数边缘化个体的缩影,在孤独和挣扎中寻找属于自己的位置。尽管社会的冰冷和压迫最终让她选择了离开,但她的生命中所承载的意义远远超越了她的离去。她的故事提醒我们,那些被边缘化的人们不是弱者,而是背负沉重社会负担的勇士。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她的一生虽然短暂,却如同烛火一般,为他人带来了些许光亮。她用自己的经历告诉我们,世界上存在着太多的不平等和无视,那些被忽略的声音正急需被听见。她所承受的不公提醒我们去反思:社会是否给予了每个个体足够的宽容和尊重?她的每一次挣扎都在无形中呼唤人们关注跨性别群体所面对的挑战,正是这种无声的呐喊,将她的存在镌刻在我们心中。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她的离去让我们无比痛心,同时也让我们认识到肩上的责任。每一个生命都应被珍视,每一种身份都应被包容。她的存在让我们看到,跨性别群体依然面临着歧视、孤立和不公,她的离开是对社会的控诉,更是对我们每个人的呼唤。我们悼念她,不只是为了表达悲痛,更是为了以行动来回应她的离去:用更多的理解和努力去改变社会,去消解那些偏见,去建立一个更加公平和温暖的世界。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"愿她在另一个世界可以摆脱所有的枷锁,自由地做她自己,拥有她一生中渴望却未曾真正得到的平静和幸福。我们怀念她的勇气,铭记她的故事,同时将她的离去化为改变的动力。她的生命不会被遗忘,她的精神会在我们的努力中延续。\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——东云,2024 年 12 月 31 日\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其六:Mik\\xe4\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,Vue.h(\"blockquote\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"「好死喵好死喵」\"),Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——小序\"))),Vue.h(BlurBlock,null,Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"不知道为何星璃璃的墓志铭指定者中未曾出现 Mik\\xe4\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"因此本是想着既然这样 那也许我不要去擅作评论比较好\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"然而其中又似乎是有所谓「想写的人都可以来写」这么一条兜底\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"喔,又似乎并不应该提及似乎\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"毕竟所谓遗书的这一部分是我亲自花了几个下午望着窗外的金鸡湖听星璃璃的语音落笔誊写下的\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"而又或许因为以上这些 我和星璃璃的离去又发生了无法忽视的似乎紧密的联系\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"可能也包括所谓的法克扣哈库的角色扮演小游戏吧\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"毕竟陪他玩了如此之久 字面意思的往死里玩 嘿嘿\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"没有想到 这个双方博弈的游戏我居然会输得这么彻底\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但也没有想到两方博弈的游戏我输了 对方也没有赢 嘻嘻\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"可那究竟是谁赢了呢 仔细想想 其实我 铃语 扣哈库和你都赢了\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"如果解释原因的话 本意简短的留言会过于冗长吧\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"想必提及的人脑子都可以理解\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"所以 祝好死喵~\"))),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——Mik\\xe4, 2025 年 1 月 23 日\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其七:wing\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我并不怎么了解他,在我看来他是个好人,他支持了一些弱势的人,做了很多不必要做的麻烦的事。他曾经努力抑制自己的女性化人格,并且声称如果放任就会死去。我以为 hrt 会让他更好,鼓励他做回本心,只是没想到是这个结果。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"或许当初鼓励他矫正会更好。在我看来他是个理性的人,如同紫风一样,不过他俩都挂了,好吧。而且都 od,od 害人啊!\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"事已至此,也过了一年多,希望他能安息。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——wing, 2025 年 2 月 9 日\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其八:白毛 suki\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"与星璃璃的相识源于自我性别的探索,在摸索中相遇,两人话语投机,或许是同类亦或者是有更多其他的相似点,认识七天已经十分熟路。仅有的 72 天,落下一生不可磨灭的印记。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃是一个非常亚撒西的人,当我表达对体重学习上的各种焦虑除了给予经验帮助,也不忘说一句「慢慢来吧」。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"在学校我经常和她打电话或者聊天来缓解高三学习的苦闷,听她们说各种趣事,倾听属于她们的故事。从中得知璃璃对生死其实已经比较淡然,风风光光的葬礼中增添乐趣。或许是抑郁使然,死亡离她并不遥远,或许总归会有这一天的到来。但未曾想到来的有点突然,半年的沉沦……\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"在和她讨论自身心别探索的时候,面对我的话她给我的评价就是「没救了」遗言上却又让我不要翻车,或许是基于自身的经历来劝导我,但我依然还是踏上这一条困难的道路。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"从她人的言论中星璃璃比我想象中的更复杂更抽象,我所知道的事情也只是冰山一角,或是因为亚撒西,或是因为时间不足。但无论如何星璃璃的后半段像游戏一样有趣。我遗憾于再无机会相见,但内心一隅总会有一个叫星璃璃的家伙在打 mai。\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"夕阳终将落下\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"幻梦即将破灭\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃划破天际 坠入大气\"),\"\\n\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——白毛 suki, 2025 年 2 月 4 日\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其九:空白\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"display: inline;\"},\"大哥大嫂过年好,你是我的爷,我是你们的儿\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"三句承题\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"空白/引号 写于 2024 年 1 月 1 日 23 点 56 分崩溃时\"),Vue.h(\"p\"),Vue.h(\"blockquote\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"「以罗伊,以罗伊,拉马撒巴各大尼?!\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-4\",id:\"footnote-ref-4\"},\"4\")),\"」而且较永久地悲悯他们的前途,然而仇恨他们的现在。\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-5\",id:\"footnote-ref-5\"},\"5\"))),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"这个丑陋的世界,不配得到她的美好\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"《Maybe All Transgender People Are Really Vampires》\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-6\",id:\"footnote-ref-6\"},\"6\"))))),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.hr),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"2024.1.2 09.26 唐泽:想和星璃璃告别的朋友今天可以到昌平殡仪馆吊唁。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"——星璃璃的家长为『他』举办的葬礼\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'2024.1.2 下午 空白:我计划于晚上的时候做一个简单的,真正属于\"她\"的葬礼'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"——空白发起但算不上主持,大家自发聚集力量为她举办的小型纪念仪式\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.hr),Vue.h(\"br\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"七句破题\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(TextRing,{text:\"⊕⊕⊕⊕\",fontSize:\"1.25rem\"}),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"原来,她早就做了最坏的打算\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"本来,是为了完成她目标的\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"一场闹剧\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"可是,却有人亲手把自己的孩子逼入绝路,自己在医院的铁架床上睡得倒挺安稳\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"在生命的最后,连她所期望的哪怕只是一点点如此卑微的权利都不肯给予\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"孩子从头到尾根本没有得到一个有自我意识的个体应有的尊重\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"甚至都没有被作为一个「人」来看待……\")),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"热情的仿佛炽热的骄阳\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"总是在坚定别人的彷徨\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她一人撒下了所有的谎\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她独自承受了全部悲伤\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"不曾料想\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——洁澄天奏 2024.1.1\"),\"\\n\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"笼中之鸟\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(TextRing,{text:\"☉☉☉☉\",fontSize:\"1.25rem\"}),\"\\n\",\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"这个故事刚刚发生不久,\")),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"有一只螐\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-7\",id:\"footnote-ref-7\"},\"7\")),\"儿被关在了蛆虫做成的笼子里\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"人们歌颂着他的幸福\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"他\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"蜂蜜使鸟儿的喉咙嘶哑,声声鸣唱,已不再动听\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"铁糸将鸟儿的灵魂囚禁,声嘶力竭,也无法传递\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"欢声笑语,亦是他的悲伤\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"歌颂赞美,亦会是她的落寞\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"倘若,没有梦想的话,芸芸众生所追求的一切,也终将化为虚无\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"倘若,失去信念的话,他人眼中所期待的一切,也都是厚重的枷锁\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"抑郁中的笼中之鸟,无数夜晚,独自哭泣,\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"幻想自己是笼子外的流星,转瞬即逝却又无比闪耀\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"希望自己是饿冻中的生灵,饥寒交迫,却拥有自由\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"铁栅栏扼住了她的咽喉,蛛糸\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-8\",id:\"footnote-ref-8\"},\"8\")),\"穿透了她的心脏\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你会在垃圾桶里发现它的\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"螐儿的遗言如是写道:\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"真的是什么都不用做而拥有一切吗?\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"而应该是什么都做不了而一无所有啊…\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"生命的色调不应该是灰色,\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"自由的意志,能够永远闪耀吗\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我的躯体或许会在垃圾桶里腐烂,\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但至少,我的理想,\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我希望它能翱翔于天空\"),Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——来自《\",Vue.h(_components.a,{href:\"https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV17Q4y1s7j1\"},\"笼中之鸟\"),\"》\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-9\",id:\"footnote-ref-9\"},\"9\")),\",作者 洁澄天奏 Official\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"九重现实\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"「泠珞,你觉得世界上最令人难过的事情是什么呢?」\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"「蝴蝶。丑陋的毛毛虫,好不容易可以在梦境中忘记自己的软弱,忘记自己身为害虫的身份,却又生出美丽的翅膀,被光吵醒,被迫意识到自己还活着的事实,然后还要亲手撕开幽居的洞穴。越痛苦,翅膀越充血,它们就越美丽,然后再次为美丽和「醒着就要活下去」的定律而痛苦。它们会飞,却又只能在俗气的花丛中苟且偷生,仰视着永远触及不到的高空的鹰。然后死亡就突然降临,它们连沾沾自喜的这一点高度也被剥夺。它们甚至不能迎来一次壮烈的坠亡,只是轻飘飘地、轻飘飘地……」\"),Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"—— 雨狸【妄想症 Paranoia】《九重现实》\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"零重祈愿\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(TextRing,{text:\"☿☿☿☿☿☿\",fontSize:\"1.25rem\"}),\"\\n\",\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,Vue.h(\"blockquote\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"《Maybe All Transgender People Are Really Vampires》\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"作者:Chrysanthemum Tran\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"也许所有跨性别者都是吸血鬼\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"当然我不是说会被太阳灼伤\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"或者是渴望少女的脖颈\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"毕竟,大多数跨儿甚至无法确定自己步行回家的时候,自己的血液会不会溅到路边的人行道上\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"我也没有住在特兰西瓦尼亚城堡里\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"即使我的确算得上是一位女王(*注 非二元性别双关)\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"每当遭到他人的辱骂,对我来说就好像是被银灼烧了一般\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"我承认特兰西瓦尼亚确实是一处能让边缘人生存的庇护所\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"但是期盼中的安全感甚至比虚构的怪物更像是一种幻觉\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"我是一只长着怪异獠牙的猎物\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"当你上一次看到我这样的人的时候\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"有没有看到暴徒手中火炬的光芒\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"和刺来的干草叉?\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"这个时候,难道他们不想让我的脑袋被木桩刺穿吗?\"))),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"大家都知道,存在即合理。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃曾经问过我,我们这样的 trans 为什么会存在?存在的意义又是什么?为了增加族群多样性而提高抗风险能力?还是说仅仅只是一个影响不大的结构上的 BUG?\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"薛定谔在《生命是什么》中曾提出过一个这样的观点:生物在趋向热寂的宇宙中依靠主动汲取负熵而得以组成和存续,生物在宇宙中的意义也可能也就在于此。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但,被胡蝶不经意间煽动翅膀卷起的风暴扬起的我们,作为既定结果的我们,又该如何面对如此矛盾的现实呢?\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"当时的我,面对着这些问题。。。沉默良久,无法回答\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"现在也是\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"「在那一刻我终于知道自己并非天性擅长轻描淡写,而是天生的无力与笨拙。」\"),Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"—— 雨狸【妄想症 Paranoia】《零重祈愿》\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"br\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.hr),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"br\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"抱歉,星璃璃,即使是在我最为擅长的领域\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我的能力只堪堪够到这种程度而已\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"无法用太过华丽的词藻或是足够有逻辑的语言去绘声绘色地描述您的生平和事迹\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但是,我会听取您的建议去努力的,一定会的\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"br\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.hr),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"br\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"曾经,有人说,面朝大海,春暖花开;\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"有人说,从今以后所有的人类再也不用去买水果和蔬菜\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"曾经,有人说,当你凝视深渊时,深渊也在凝视你,\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"曾经有人说,有人曾自诩过自己是太阳,光热无穷,\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"然而祂究竟不是太阳,祂发了疯。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"可惜,因为,我们都是虫子,欲望只是恐惧的截面\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——空白/引号\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其十:锦心\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"遗憾的是,由于个人原因,我的记忆力有点问题,截止到我写下这一段的时候(2025 年 2 月 10 日),我已经几乎完全忘记 z60 是一个什么样的人了。还需要询问人 z60 什么时候死的。在我的记忆里,z60 只是一个曾经活过的人。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"很久以前我就说过我讨厌赛博灵堂。随着 limelight 倒闭,我退出跨性别社群,不再关心这些事情,现在或许没那么讨厌了,但还是说不上喜欢。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"说真心话我并不想来评价。如果不是因为 z60 指定我要来写一段,我根本就不会过来搞这种苦差。死人是任人打扮的小姑娘。说不出话的活人尚且如此,我已经经历过一遍。我很讨厌拿自己片面的回忆割破一个曾经活过的人,横截面符号化,放在灵堂供人参拜。哪怕横截面再多也不够。对着肖像画感叹「TA 曾活过啊」,根本不会触及灵魂,而且随着灵魂被人遗忘,假面也取代曾经鲜活的主人。很无趣。好在关于 z60 的事情我大多数都已经遗忘了,连肖像都不会画出。\"),Vue.h(_components.ul,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.li,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"z60 死前一段时间突然找我,问我能不能请我当她的介错人,于是我当然是当场就拒绝了。(那时候好像是她哪个人格?我不记得了。聊天记录也被我删了,算了就按她算吧)\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.li,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"limelight 还活着的时候我似乎曾经和 z60 聊过许多的。不过已经完全不记得了。只记得那时候他(应该当时还觉得自己是友跨顺男?)说话条理比较清晰。\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.li,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"后来反正我们就没说过话了?反正我专心干自己的事情去了。我不确定。我真的不记得了。\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.li,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"出于道德原因我讨厌 od,所以后面 z60 开始 od 的时候我就已经当 TA 是半个死人了。后面偶尔寥寥几眼看 TA 也只能说是,每况愈下吧。所以 z60 死了我算是毫不意外。\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.li,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"本句是情绪化发言:我就说药圈害人吧。你看 z60 死得多快。\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.li,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"所以我真不知道 z60 为什么会指定我写评价。z60 到底看上我什么?\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——锦心,2025 年 2 月 10 日\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h2,null,\"致曾划过夜空的流星\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"在你将资料发送给我后,我就预料到你对自己未来评价的一些期望。从实际上来讲,你从来都不是一个特别光明特别正面典型,也无法成为太阳。但你希望自己能留下清晰真实的轨迹,那么我会尊重你的愿望。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你曾无知,懵懂,并因此而参与过迫害他人。你的网络轨迹从贴吧开始,那里记下了你的热血、青春、以及最早的「群体划分」。你认为自己坚守正义,然而你最后认识到,正义并不唯一。那些混乱的过往为你提供了认知上的积淀,但也留下了精神上的分裂。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你尝试过深入虚拟世界。你对于音乐的情感,从虚拟歌姬到舞萌 DX,从未断绝。从中学起,你的文本中就有一座云中的城堡,虚无,但有着远超现实的美好。你的那些单纯而天真的创作不会被时光抹去,一如你曾经的梦想,它仍在你所帮助过的人的回忆中熠熠生辉。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你想成为心中的自己,但你的心中有不止一位「自己」。从外貌上来讲,你的性别跨越并不成功,你的客观认知与主观表述都明确了这一点,但这并不是你的目标。你明确表示过,你并不那么归属于性别,而更希望的是贴近灵魂,现在的你完成了这一最终的计划。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你希望能够帮助他人,即使这可能显得相当激进。随着救助与社群维护的「因不可抗力失效」次数增多,你的迷茫让你只能更多的推进派系划分的行动。这带来的结果是更大的裂痕和争吵,但本心不可否认。你的行动并不会因为失败而失去意义,论心与论迹的综合评价之下,你想成为照亮他人的星光,并且你成功了。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你有一群很好的朋友。对于你而言,死亡是一场超越一切的美梦的开端。你的朋友尊重了你的意愿,她们为你送上了你所期望的祝福,并缅怀和记录了你的过往。你本人的掠影与旧事,总会留于她们的心上,这是一种不可多得的幸运。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你曾想过很多,也因此做了很多。你想过成为一个男孩,也想过成为一个女孩。你想过成为最聪明的谋士,也想过成为最勇猛的战士。你想过划分群体,也想过聚拢群体。你是矛盾的,但是也是统一的。值得欣慰的是,你总想成为好人,而从未想过成为恶人。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"曾经你说,自己从来不属于某个圈。你的灵魂是自由的,而你的行动也是。对于社会而言,你并不是一个特别有用的人,也显然没有尽到社会责任,但你尽力绽放了属于自己的光芒,并留下了不可磨灭的痕迹。认识你的人不一定会感谢你,但是大家总会记得你,记得有一个复杂的、可爱的、总是想着帮忙——并切实投入了精力和行动的孩子来过。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你大概不是一个好男孩,也不是一个好女孩,但你是个好孩子,是星星上的小王子。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"彗星终有暗淡之日,生命亦有消逝之时。然而你划破夜空的那一刻,已然定格为永恒。愿你在那个没有纷争和责任的世界,永享安宁与幸福。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"此致。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"调查员 深夜 书于 2024.2-2025.2\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"条目贡献:无常 及行文中所出现的朋友们\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"ol\",null,Vue.h(\"li\",{id:\"footnote-1\"},\"出自卢梭《社会契约论》\",Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-ref-1\"},Vue.h(\"svg\",{viewBox:\"0 0 16 16\",version:\"1.1\",id:\"svg1\",\"xmlns:xlink\":\"http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink\",xmlns:\"http://www.w3.org/2000/svg\",\"xmlns:svg\":\"http://www.w3.org/2000/svg\",style:\"margin-left: 0.5rem; margin-bottom: -2px; width: 1rem; height: 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No newline at end of file diff --git a/people/XingZ60/page.md b/people/XingZ60/page.md index 9aae1940..fea489a8 100644 --- a/people/XingZ60/page.md +++ b/people/XingZ60/page.md @@ -49,13 +49,13 @@ info:

铃语

-

(一·前言)

+
应星璃璃的遗嘱要求,在此为星璃璃写一篇文章以纪念星璃璃。

原本这篇文章应该在很久之前就完成的,但是一是由于星璃璃对我影响很大,而我本人的语言功底也有限,三言两语似乎不足以把这篇文章写的很好;二是由于星璃璃的离开也给我带来了不小的冲击;所以这篇文章就这么搁置了下来。后来等我的精神状态恢复了一些之后,才开始试着从各个方面、各个角度来理解和认识星璃璃,于是大概便有了这篇文章。

有人说,星璃璃是个「抽象」的人,每个人都对星璃璃有着独特的理解。本文所反映的星璃璃或许也只是局限于我个人眼中对星璃璃的认识。一家之言,姑妄听之;兼听则明,偏信则暗。
-

(二)

+ 「死者为大」「尊重逝者」,似乎在我们绝大多数人的心目中,是不言而喻、不证自明的真理。但是,对于什么是「尊重逝者」,似乎大家都有着不同的理解。 @@ -65,7 +65,7 @@ info: 既然星璃璃的想法是这样,那我就随便写一些故事吧。我想顺带着写一些星璃璃给我带来的想法,但是会尽量少对 TA 的行为做什么价值判断,让「是非功过自由后人评说」吧。 -

(三)

+ 星璃璃似乎具有人格分裂,TA 说过自己至少有三个人格,「星云」,「幻梦」和「苯环」。其中,一个人格的性别认同为男性,另一个人格的性别认同偏女性,还有一个人格的性别认同笔者并不清楚。 @@ -83,7 +83,7 @@ info: 我不知道这些问题的答案。 -

(四)

+ 星璃璃(也或许是 TA 的人格之一)在世期间不止一次地公开拿其他性少数的逝者编段子开玩笑;所以,星璃璃的一些朋友也不止一次地拿已逝的星璃璃开玩笑。这引发了不小的争论——这些朋友认为,星璃璃的行为表明,TA 是一个认同「可以拿逝者开玩笑」的人,所以开 TA 的玩笑反而是一种尊重其行为模式和价值观的体现。而另外一些星璃璃的朋友则认为,这让人无法接受。于是两边开始吵架,最后弄得「一地鸡毛」。 @@ -117,7 +117,7 @@ TA 在新群里拉了很多 TA 认为在世俗意义上并没有获得成功( 想到这里,我似乎内心突然有一种释然感。 -

(五)

+ 但是,这个世界的运作模式不是受单一变量控制的。 @@ -143,7 +143,7 @@ TA 在新群里拉了很多 TA 认为在世俗意义上并没有获得成功( 于是就产生了这样的结果。 -

(六)

+ 可是呐,星璃璃却仍然希望我「坚持我所坚持的」——指的应该是「调解矛盾」。 @@ -153,7 +153,7 @@ TA 在新群里拉了很多 TA 认为在世俗意义上并没有获得成功( 于是我打开窗户,映入眼帘的是春暖花开的无垠大海。 -

(七)

+ 但是,《原神》是由米哈游自主研发的一款全新开放世界冒险游戏。星璃璃就玩「原神」。此「原神」非彼《原神》;比如呢,被大家称为「街机原神」的《舞萌DX》也是「原神」的一种。 @@ -169,7 +169,7 @@ TA 在新群里拉了很多 TA 认为在世俗意义上并没有获得成功( 光辉常在,天涯海角,与君同在。 -

(八·写在最后)

+ 不知不觉地就写了这么多了,或许大概,我认为比较重要的,和 TA 一起的经历,以及 TA 给我带来的所思所想,应该都写在这里了。基于篇幅等原因,我想,这篇文章就写到这里了。还有许许多多生命中每天相同又每天不同的故事,有一些我会以其他的方式把它们呈现出来,还有另外一些就让它们留在回忆中吧。 diff --git a/people/XingZ60/page.zh_hant.json b/people/XingZ60/page.zh_hant.json index a5fc2c25..99b49bff 100644 --- a/people/XingZ60/page.zh_hant.json +++ b/people/XingZ60/page.zh_hant.json @@ -1 +1 @@ -"\"use strict\";Object.defineProperty(exports,\"__esModule\",{value:true});Object.defineProperty(exports,\"default\",{enumerable:true,get:function(){return _default}});function _createMdxContent(props){var _components=Object.assign({blockquote:\"blockquote\",p:\"p\",h2:\"h2\",a:\"a\",h3:\"h3\",hr:\"hr\",ul:\"ul\",li:\"li\"},props.components),PhotoScroll=_components.PhotoScroll,BlurBlock=_components.BlurBlock,TextRing=_components.TextRing;if(!BlurBlock)_missingMdxReference(\"BlurBlock\",true);if(!PhotoScroll)_missingMdxReference(\"PhotoScroll\",true);if(!TextRing)_missingMdxReference(\"TextRing\",true);return Vue.h(Vue.Fragment,null,Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"對,遊戲人生,所以就是活著是我的權利,不是我的義務。所以說我甚至可以去含著氰化鉀膠囊做一些事情,我願意這麼幹,而且我正在籌備這麼幹。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"也就是說我在一些危險的場合,我甚至可能幹這種事情。有可能被抓起來的場合,甚至也會說,啊,對,我也會去做,而且我絕對不會讓我的敵人得到我。\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,Vue.h(\"svg\",{style:\"display: inline-block; overflow: visible !important; vertical-align: sub; fill: rgb(26, 127, 55); margin-right: 10px;\",viewBox:\"0 0 16 16\",version:\"1.1\",width:\"16\",height:\"16\",\"aria-hidden\":\"true\"},Vue.h(\"path\",{d:\"M8 1.5c-2.363 0-4 1.69-4 3.75 0 .984.424 1.625.984 2.304l.214.253c.223.264.47.556.673.848.284.411.537.896.621 1.49a.75.75 0 0 1-1.484.211c-.04-.282-.163-.547-.37-.847a8.456 8.456 0 0 0-.542-.68c-.084-.1-.173-.205-.268-.32C3.201 7.75 2.5 6.766 2.5 5.25 2.5 2.31 4.863 0 8 0s5.5 2.31 5.5 5.25c0 1.516-.701 2.5-1.328 3.259-.095.115-.184.22-.268.319-.207.245-.383.453-.541.681-.208.3-.33.565-.37.847a.751.751 0 0 1-1.485-.212c.084-.593.337-1.078.621-1.489.203-.292.45-.584.673-.848.075-.088.147-.173.213-.253.561-.679.985-1.32.985-2.304 0-2.06-1.637-3.75-4-3.75ZM5.75 12h4.5a.75.75 0 0 1 0 1.5h-4.5a.75.75 0 0 1 0-1.5ZM6 15.25a.75.75 0 0 1 .75-.75h2.5a.75.75 0 0 1 0 1.5h-2.5a.75.75 0 0 1-.75-.75Z\"})),\" 以下文字依星璃璃本人遺願而作。因為時間跨度大,部分遺書遺失,且在其逝世後她的友人們普遍陷入巨大悲傷之中而各行其是,本文的寫作難以完全實現星璃璃生前的安排和設想。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h2,null,\"簡介\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃(現代藥圈);原名 Z60(limelight);伍思雅(知乎)。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"璃璃在知乎年代是友跨順男。2022 年初手機遺失,又因手機遺失上了 limelight,繼續在 limelight 活動,此時作為友跨順男迴圈。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"直到 2022.07 開始翻車,2022.10 第一次自殺。自殺後退圈了一段時間,即 2022.10-2023.04。此時因為打舞萌又回來,跨圈越陷越深。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"最後再次翻車是 2023.09。後面就確診了。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"這個東西確實改變不了。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(PhotoScroll,{photos:[\"${path}/photos/image0.webp\"]}),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"是音遊底力很強的人呢,不過因為注意力的原因她不打紫譜…\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h2,null,\"參與救助\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"在璃璃的心目中,幫助他人特別是弱勢群體更好地生存、生活和發展一直是一件非常重要的事情。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她在自己的業餘時間中,組織和參與過諸多救助,如自殺幹預等工作,她曾參與對\",Vue.h(_components.a,{href:\"https://one-among.us/profile/GLaDOSister\"},\"倉山靜葉\"),\"的救助工作,這些工作普遍作用在日常之中。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她的行為對於他人特別是弱勢族群起到了一定的幫助。她用自己的努力,盡力避免了自傷乃至自殺行為的發生。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h2,null,\"朋友的回憶\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其一:伊良子\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Z60 是我這輩子見過第二傻逼的人\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——伊良子,2025 年 2 月 7 日\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其二:鈴語\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"謹以此文紀念故友星璃璃\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: center;\"},\"鈴語\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"(一\\xb7前言)\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"應星璃璃的遺囑要求,在此為星璃璃寫一篇文章以紀念星璃璃。 \",Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),\"原本這篇文章應該在很久之前就完成的,但是一是由於星璃璃對我影響很大,而我本人的語言功底也有限,三言兩語似乎不足以把這篇文章寫的很好;二是由於星璃璃的離開也給我帶來了不小的衝擊;所以這篇文章就這麼擱置了下來。後來等我的精神狀態恢復了一些之後,才開始試著從各個方面、各個角度來理解和認識星璃璃,於是大概便有了這篇文章。 \",Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),\"有人說,星璃璃是個「抽象」的人,每個人都對星璃璃有著獨特的理解。本文所反映的星璃璃或許也只是侷限於我個人眼中對星璃璃的認識。一家之言,姑妄聽之;兼聽則明,偏信則暗。 \"),Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"(二)\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"「死者為大」「尊重逝者」,似乎在我們絕大多數人的心目中,是不言而喻、不證自明的真理。但是,對於什麼是「尊重逝者」,似乎大家都有著不同的理解。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我們曾經親眼目睹了星璃璃的父母在 TA 的葬禮上把 TA 的外貌打理成傳統意義的男性性別表達,並且在靈堂的正中心掛上寸頭的大頭照;我們也親眼看著星璃璃的父母把 TA 的骨灰扔到汽車後備箱拖走。當時,許多人都因為星璃璃父母的行為而感到震驚和憤怒。TA 父母眼中的尊重逝者,似乎被所謂的社會風俗凌駕其上,似乎被生者本人根深蒂固的成見凌駕其上。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"古往今來,大家都傾向於「在墓碑上寫點兒好話」,多聊功績,少聊甚至不聊過錯。唯武則天立乾陵無字碑,是非功過均由後人評說。在這件事上,星璃璃有些類似後者。TA 曾說,人死了,所有的是非功過就是「蓋棺定論」;大家都可以評價。這點在 TA 的遺書裡也有所體現——TA 邀請了和自己有一些觀點爭議的人來寫 One Among Us 的較前段部分,並且還留言說「大家想寫的可以寫」。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"既然星璃璃的想法是這樣,那我就隨便寫一些故事吧。我想順帶著寫一些星璃璃給我帶來的想法,但是會盡量少對 TA 的行為做什麼價值判斷,讓「是非功過自由後人評說」吧。\"),Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"(三)\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃似乎具有人格分裂,TA 說過自己至少有三個人格,「星雲」,「幻夢」和「苯環」。其中,一個人格的性別認同為男性,另一個人格的性別認同偏女性,還有一個人格的性別認同筆者並不清楚。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"筆者曾經把星璃璃當成跨性別女性了好長時間,但是後來得知了這個情況之後還是沉思了好久——或許這個有些類似於 Gender Fluid 的情況,用哪個人稱代詞稱呼對方似乎都不是太合適。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"這是我第一次遇到這樣的朋友。後來,我在其他的一些朋友身上看到了一個指針轉盤形狀的徽章——轉盤被分成了天藍色(he),粉紅色(she)和紫色(they)三個部分,可以通過調整指針的方向來使它指向任何一個部分以表明自身的狀態。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"或許這個東西很適合 TA。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"不過,如果提高一個層面來看,這樣的困惑的本質其實星璃璃的各個人格之間的衝突;而這樣一個人稱代名詞的問題,或許只是這種人格的衝突在性別的層面的一個側影罷了。那在其他的層面呢?或許星璃璃的各個人格的氣質、性格、能力、需求、興趣、理想、價值觀都有所差異,我們作為朋友應當以怎樣的態度去對待這些人格,或者以怎樣的態度去對待這麼一個「多重人格的綜合體」?甚至說,如果星璃璃的遺囑只代表了星璃璃的某一個人格的意願,那麼這份遺囑是有效的嗎?我執行這份遺囑,為 TA 寫這篇文章,是前面提到的尊重逝者嗎,還是不是?\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我學過法律專業,持有法律職業資格證;但是這個問題的答案,我不知道。我試著去上網搜索,得到的卻全是千篇一律的、對法律條文的生搬硬套:「人格分裂的人是否具有民事行為能力,取決於其是否能辨認自己的行為。」看起來這樣的回答似乎並沒有從本質上解決問題。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"於是有人為此打補丁說:「如果這是在正常人格狀態所做的行為,那就是有效的;如果這是在異常人格狀態所做的行為,那就是無效的。」那怎麼區分正常人格和異常人格呢?為什麼作為外人能強行為「星雲」加上「正常人格」的標籤而強行給「幻夢」加上「異常人格」的標籤呢(或反過來)?\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我不知道這些問題的答案。\"),Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"(四)\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃(也可能是 TA 的人格之一)在世期間不只一次地公開拿其他性少數的逝者編段子開玩笑;所以,星璃璃的一些朋友也不只一次地拿已逝的星璃璃開玩笑。這引發了不小的爭論——這些朋友認為,星璃璃的行為表明,TA 是一個認同「可以拿逝者開玩笑」的人,所以開 TA 的玩笑反而是一種尊重其行為模式和價值觀的體現。而另外一些星璃璃的朋友則認為,這讓人無法接受。於是兩邊開始吵架,最後弄得「一地雞毛」。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"是的,人類的悲喜並不相通,人類的思維迴路也不相通。但這又能怪誰呢?人們的腦力和神經系統的發育各有不同,人們的成長環境和生活閱歷也是天差地別,人們的理性與感性受人體內的神經傳導物質的明顯控制,人們互相理解所需要的深度思考與交流更是需要消費巨大的精力。所以,人的自由仍然是受到一些自身無法控制的條件所約束的;或者換句話說,人的自由卻「無往不在枷鎖之中」\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-1\",id:\"footnote-ref-1\"},\"1\")),\"--也正是因此,勸架很多時候會終將變成徒勞,「道不同」的人與人的共鳴是一件奢侈的事情,取而代之的是人們兵戎相見,人們互相攻擊,互相攻擊,互相傷害。於是世界變成了一個變相的鬥獸場。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"「某群」更是這樣的鬥獸場。有些人在群組裡互相嘲諷,在線下甚至重拳出擊。曾經我為了「大家和平相處」,毫無底線地「調解」著「某群」的大家的矛盾,結果沒什麼明顯成效,甚至適得其反。而星璃璃說了這樣的話:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我能理解兩邊,但我無法調和。\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"多麼無可奈何的現實。而人間處處是這樣的無可奈何。不管是人與人,還是人與事物。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"面對著這樣的矛盾,星璃璃的做法是,透過建群把兩撥人隔離開。既然透過自身努力獲得成功的人要在群組裡攻擊靠賣慘獲得關注的人,那就讓她們去不同的群組玩吧。於是 TA 拉了個新群:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"這裡是舔舐傷口的地方,不是展示優越的地方。\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"TA 在新群里拉了很多 TA 認為在世俗意義上並沒有獲得成功(甚至是世俗意義上失敗)的群友,其中不乏有一些群友曾經多次自傷自殘和藥物濫用——但是星璃璃卻對這各種各樣的人展現出了格外包容:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她們都是被逼的。\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃甚至會公開說:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我和大家沒什麼差別。你們雖然看我像是北航的高學歷人才,但那年北航的錄取分數線斷檔了,我只是運氣好進去的。我原本應該要跟大家一樣的。\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"後來,我上網查詢了當年北航的錄取分數線,發現那年的錄取分數線完全沒有斷檔。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"當時的我不以為意,後來直至聽說了另一位朋友的事蹟——大概的情況是,他從小就是單親家庭,並且在成長過程中一直受到來自監護人的情感忽視;這樣的環境造就了他扭曲的性格,致使他後來藥物濫用成癮,並被公安機關處理。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"聽完這個故事,聯想起來,我突然產生了一股劫後餘生的毛骨悚然感:如果我的人生也不巧地「斷檔」,變成單親家庭和沒有情感支持的開局,那我的結局,可能並不會比這位朋友好到哪裡去。可能我早因為殺人放火被槍斃了吧。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"而星璃璃的父母都是教師。這好像讓我突然就理解了星璃璃在學歷問題上的「謙虛」,一度把星璃璃視作自己心裡的神。後來我又突然想明白了,沒有這個必要。因為,一樣的道理,如果我「升檔」升成星璃璃的人生,那麼「我上我也行」;如果星璃璃「斷檔」就斷成我的人生,那麼「TA 下 TA 也不行」。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"想到這裡,我似乎內心突然有種釋然感。\"),Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"(五)\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但是,這個世界的運作模式並不是由單一變數控制的。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"當然,人生的開局也只是變數之一。它或許是重要變量,但不是唯一變數。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"世界是一個巨大的網,七十億人在這張網上共同行動,共同對這張網的走向產生著巨大或微小的影響。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"每個人都是這個大網的一部分,被大網影響著,也同時影響著大網。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"誰都不會知道自己哪天會在這個大網上和什麼樣的人相遇,發生什麼樣的事情;更無法預料這些事情會對自己的未來產生什麼樣的影響。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃去世時,有些人在自責:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"如果我當時多去看 TA 一眼就好了。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我早就該注意到 TA 的精神狀態不對的。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"TA 前天請的那頓飯就不對勁,我當時傻了沒反應過來。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我那天沒空,要不就直接跑去醫院了。\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"可是,「大網」的降臨就是這麼偶然。偏偏星璃璃遇到了不太好的成長環境,又偏偏 TA 的父母知道了所有的事情,又偏偏所有人都沒有時間,又偏偏醫院沒有查出來是什麼病症,又偏偏所有的巧合都湊到了一起。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"於是就產生了這樣的結果。\"),Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"(六)\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"可是吶,但星璃璃仍希望我「堅持我所堅持的」──指的應該是「調解矛盾」。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但我大概真的再也沒有辦法堅持我的堅持了啊。星璃璃對這些人際衝突的理解方式,似乎化做了什麼東西,深深地根植在我的身上。似乎像是,我繼承著 TA 的一點點思想,繼續生活著——或許哪天我也去世了,有人看到我所寫的東西,受到了什麼體悟的話,也會帶著這些感觸生存下去的吧…\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"後來不經意間,看到了有位詩人的一句名言:「人死了,就像水消失在水中。」\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-2\",id:\"footnote-ref-2\"},\"2\"))),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"於是我打開窗戶,映入眼簾的是春暖花開的無垠大海。\"),Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"(七)\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但是,《原神》是由米哈遊自主研發的全新開放世界冒險遊戲。星璃璃就玩「原神」。此「原神」非彼《原神》;比如呢,被大家稱為「街機原神」的《舞萌 DX》也是「原神」的一種。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃不只一次吐槽「原神」很坐牢,並表達過棄坑的想法──每天都要面對大同小異的每日任務,日復一日地重複,一天不做任務就會少領一天的每日獎勵。然而當聊到棄坑時,TA 總是會強制讓自己停下來。然而有一天,我和 TA 之間卻出現了這樣的對話:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"嘿,玩沒玩國服新更新的歌,叫什麼 Trans 什麼之光\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-3\",id:\"footnote-ref-3\"},\"3\")),\",可好玩兒了,別的歌都是 tap、slide 或 tap、tap、slide,這首歌是 tap、tap、tap、slide,太有趣了。\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我依稀記得那時 TA 的語氣竟然帶著歡笑。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"後來我和 TA 相擁道別。這是我和 TA 的第一次擁抱,TA 那時看起來很高興。\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"「煌めきを纏ったら どこまでも君と。」\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"光輝常在,天涯海角,與君同在。\"),Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"(八\\xb7寫在最後)\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"不知不覺地就寫了這麼多了,或許大概,我認為比較重要的,和 TA 一起的經歷,以及 TA 給我帶來的所思所想,應該都寫在這裡了。基於篇幅等原因,我想,這篇文章就寫到這裡了。還有許許多多生命中每天相同又每天不同的故事,有一些我會以其他的方式把它們呈現出來,還有另外一些就讓它們留在回憶中吧。\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——鈴語,2024 年 12 月 24 日\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其三:繪都\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"補\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——繪都,2024 年 12 月 17 日\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其四:無常\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"你希望我為你寫你所謂「蓋棺定論」的部分,於是我便寫了。 \"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"對此,我總是陷於一個問題:我幾乎是你指定的人裡與你相處最少的,最不了解你的人,你為什麼會選擇我,又希望看到我寫什麼呢?我想,你應該知道在選擇這些為你寫這一部分的人的同時,也選擇了這一部分會呈現的內容。很多有關於你的事情,尤其是那些一般意義上被認為不好的事情,都是在你離世後我才知道的。或許如果你沒有就這樣簡單地結束生命,這些事情我有機會聽你親自講給我聽,但的確已經沒有機會了。我決定只依照你尚在世時和你相處的經驗來寫,這些大概才是你想要的,對嗎?\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"除此之外還有一個難以破除的困境:我很難像你想要的那樣形容你是個怎樣的人,很難用精簡的詞彙和乾練的語句概括你,人們對於詞彙和短句理解的偏差和想像會他們遠離你的真實。所以請允許我在這裡回憶和記敘一些和你產生聯繫的過往並作一些既冗長又模糊的評價。至於你究竟是什麼樣的人,就請來這個頁面悼念的朋友們自己從這些文字裡尋找吧。當然,這些文字無論誰來看都會覺得確實放在留言部分更合適,但是請允許我用我自己勉強能夠做到的方式完成你交代的事情,這算是我作為生者對作為死者的你的特權吧,你要是還活著就沒這些事情了嘛。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"遇見你也是唯一一次見到你是在 2023 年 8 月 12 日,那段時間我剛結束了漫長的猶豫,決定開始 GAHT 並且和跨性別社群接觸。相遇的情景我至今記得很清,中午我坐在北醫三院對面 KFC 靠近街道有窗的座位吃午餐,見到你戴著藍粉白口罩推開門進來,我無意地就拉開一張椅子招呼你。後來我才發現,其實我早就在網路世界和你有聯繫。我是在 QQ 群裡不敢多說話的小透明,時常只是默默看著,雖然你總是嘴上說自己對包括悲劇在內的一切很麻木,但你總會給有需要的人提供用藥建議,總會安慰內心受傷的人,總會應對危機做出果決的判斷和行之有效的安排。在我心中你一直是個知識豐富、可愛可敬又平易近人的助人者,你總是盡量包容、理解每一個人,總是盡自己所能、甚至傾盡所有。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"當時,身為一個很多事情都才是剛開始的跨性別女孩的我來說,認識你是莫大的幸運。我把你當作敬重的前輩,親近的姊姊。你會跟我分享一些獨特的觀點,給我 GAHT 的建議,教我對抗來自這個世界每一處的惡意…那時候有你在活躍的群聊裡,人們總是因為一些事情吵得不可開交。從你的發言中我總會感受到一些相似的東西,當然,你永遠比我深刻的多。這讓我對你的思想產生了極大的興趣,但我實在不擅長與人交流,便約定寒假一定認真聊聊天,那時候的我不知道這一切會在不到一個月之後變成不可能的事。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"發生在 2023 年 12 月 21 日的「狼人殺」,我雖然也算是親曆者,但我至今也不知全貌,更不可能想明白。那時被你深邃的思想和溫柔的性格吸引的我,根本不可能接受你說過那樣的話、做過那樣的事。我霎時間心灰意冷,沒有任何心思再想、再過問這一切,選擇了默默遠離你。但我沒想過就在幾天之後,你自殺搶救的噩耗傳來,我沒想過我只能聽別人轉述的你情況,我沒想過那一天的遠離可能會是真正的別離。那時候我發現我像個鬧別扭賭氣的小孩子,我根本不想離開你,也不想你離開。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"12 月 26 日,我在另一個有你在的群聊裡想討要一個右美沙芬藥盒做手工送給朋友,你答應給我一個。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"27 日,你說你因為緊急狀況忘了寄快遞,我居然只是簡單地以為你有事情要忙,沒對你有任何關心。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"30 日,拆快遞的時候,正是有人告訴了我你自殺的時候,我急著從垃圾桶裡翻出快遞面單,想要留作紀念,沒想到我竟整整齊齊地從中間橫向撕開了你的名字。一切一切不安,悔恨和悲傷都凝聚於那一刻,我深刻地害怕這一切預示著難以挽回的悲劇…\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我在聽聞消息第二天開始發燒,對我來說前所未有的高燒。期間,我只能伴著體溫高熱在單純的昏睡和單純的哭泣中反覆。雖然這段時間好像有些不算壞的消息傳來,但我的記憶實在模糊,而且這些不算壞的消息也的確沒有轉化為不算壞的事實。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"最終,在 2024 年 1 月 1 日 23 時 56 分,往日裡有著強大生命力的,閃耀變化著的星雲,悄然逸散在宇宙無邊的晦暗裡,成為了寂靜的一部分,融入了冰冷的漆黑之中。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我抱著不知如何描述的心情讀你的遺言,遺言裡幾乎沒有什麼與你自己有關的事,全部是你對朋友們的關懷,囑託和寄語,你在自己的一切都可能結束之時還一直牽掛著身邊的人。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我有些令我自己感到不羞恥的私心,如果我沒有在 2023 年 12 月 21 日因為那些事退掉你的個人小群,那我也能分得你的遺物留作紀念,也肯定能聽到幾句你想對我說的話。遺言裡,你把對那群的群友想說的話寫在最前面。在讀遺言之前,我不知道你是那麼在乎那個群裡的每一個人的,而我退群疏遠你的舉動,不僅日後讓我陷入無盡的懊惱,也一定傷害了當時你吧。遺言裡你沒對我說什麼,但是卻選擇我作為其中一人在那些秋葉上寫這些內容,我不明白為什麼,就當作是對我的懲罰吧。不過,我和你的交集相較於其他人實在太少了,可能你只是覺得跟我沒什麼好說的吧,我不知道,也可能是你單純的忘了。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"由你給的右美沙芬藥盒做成的流沙麻將我還是按照原來的想法,送給了朋友而不是自己留下做紀念,她也對沒有機會見到你並和你真正相識感到悲傷。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"在你離開的日子裡,我才在日常生活中深切地感受到你對我每一處的影響。我不僅 GAHT 方案和你幾乎一模一樣,還在不自覺中內化了許多你的觀念,它們在很大程度上參與我生活的決策。雖然我以前對你用燒紙,燒藥盒和換灰色頭像來紀念死者的做法感到做作,但是身在外地,不能參加遺體告別當場悼念你的我,也不知在什麼其他東西的驅使下就為你這麼做了。除了這些自然而然的舉動,我還不免認真地去想,我怎麼才能成為一個像我眼中的你那樣的人,我想像你那樣,把你帶給我的那些美和好,分享給更多需要它們的人,我希望我可以做到。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我仍然處在屬於自己的那一份困境之中而看不見希望,這使我更是會不由得想念你。我從未向你傾訴過這些,但我猜你不會討厭。每當我因為種種原因陷入絕望還難以向人表達,難以與人溝通時,我都想著要是能聽聽對於這種情況你會怎麼說就好了。就算在過往的時光裡多和你聊些天也好啊,如果能多記住一些你的思想,我或許就可以嘗試從它們之中尋找出路,我的無助或許就可以藉此消解一些。另外我也會想,要是我能把你那在旁邊人看來稱得上癲狂的人生觀和生命觀也內化就好了,那樣我就能活得自由了吧。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"很多事情結束了,但是很多事情還在繼續。很多人死了,但是很多人還是要繼續活下去。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你常常把跨性別社群過往發生的和未來可能發生的境遇變遷比喻成一場持續著的戰爭,我以前是不以為意的,那時我覺得這未免有些幼稚。但是現在,祝我在這場戰爭中好運吧,祝我們好運。\\n我不知道我對你有的感情算是什麼,但我覺得至少愛過你。\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——無常,2024 年 5 月 4 日 陰\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其五:東雲\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"我們懷著沉痛的心情悼念一位勇敢而堅韌的靈魂。她生活在一個對她而言並不友善的世界中,承受了來自社會規訓的壓力和無盡的偏見,卻始終選擇用自己的方式前進。 \"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她是無數邊緣化個體的縮影,在孤獨和掙扎中尋找屬於自己的位置。儘管社會的冰冷和壓迫最終讓她選擇了離開,但她的生命中所承載的意義遠遠超越了她的離去。她的故事提醒我們,那些被邊緣化的人不是弱者,而是背負沉重社會負擔的勇士。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她的一生雖然短暫,卻如同燭火一般,為他人帶來了些許光亮。她用自己的經驗告訴我們,世界上存在著太多的不平等和無視,那些被忽略的聲音正急需被聽見。她所承受的不公提醒我們要反思:社會是否給予了每個個體足夠的寬容和尊重?她的每一次掙扎都在無形中呼喚人們關注跨性別群體所面對的挑戰,而正是這種無聲的吶喊,將她的存在錒刻在我們心中。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她的離去讓我們無比痛心,同時也讓我們體認到肩上的責任。每一個生命都應被珍視,每一種身分都應被包容。她的存在讓我們看到,跨性別群體依然面臨歧視、孤立和不公,她的離開是對社會的控訴,更是對我們每個人的呼喚。我們悼念她,不只是為了表達悲痛,更是為了以行動來回應她的離去:用更多的理解和努力去改變社會,去消解那些偏見,去建立一個更加公平和溫暖的世界。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"願她在另一個世界中可以擺脫所有的枷鎖,自由地做她自己,擁有她一生中渴望卻未曾真正得到的平靜和幸福。我們懷念她的勇氣,記得她的故事,同時將她的離去化為改變的動力。她的生命不會被遺忘,她的精神會在我們的努力中延續。\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——東雲,2024 年 12 月 31 日\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其六:Mik\\xe4\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,Vue.h(\"blockquote\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"「好死喵好死喵」\"),Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——小序\"))),Vue.h(BlurBlock,null,Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"不知道為何星璃璃的墓誌銘指定者中未曾出現 Mik\\xe4\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"因此本是想著既然這樣 那也許我不要去擅作評論比較好\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"然而其中又似乎是有所謂「想寫的人都可以來寫」這麼一條兜底\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"喔,又似乎不該提及似乎\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"畢竟所謂遺書的這一部分是我親自花了幾個下午望著窗外的金雞湖聽星璃璃的語音落筆謄寫下的\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"而又或許因為以上這些 我和星璃璃的離去又發生了無法忽視的似乎緊密的聯繫\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"可能也包括所謂的法克扣哈庫的角色扮演小遊戲吧\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"畢竟陪他玩這麼久 字面意思的往死裡玩 嘿嘿\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"沒想到 這個雙方博弈的遊戲我居然會輸得這麼徹底\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但也沒想到兩方遊戲的遊戲我輸了 對方也沒有贏\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但那究竟是誰贏了呢 仔細想想 其實我 鈴語 扣哈庫和你都贏了\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"如果解釋原因的話 本意簡短的留言會過於冗長吧\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"想必提及的人的腦子都可以理解\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"所以 祝好死喵~\"))),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——Mik\\xe4, 2025 年 1 月 23 日\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其七:wing\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我並不怎麼了解他,在我看來他是個好人,他支持了一些弱勢的人,做了很多不必要做的麻煩的事。他曾經努力抑制自己的女性化人格,並聲稱如果放任就會死去。我以為 hrt 會讓他更好,鼓勵他做回本心,只是沒想到是這個結果。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"或許當初鼓勵他矯正會更好。在我看來他是個理性的人,如同紫風一樣,不過他倆都掛了,好吧。而且都 od,od 害人啊!\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"事已至此,也過了一年多,希望他能安息。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——wing, 2025 年 2 月 9 日\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其八:白毛 suki\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"與星璃璃的相識源自於自我性別的探索,在摸索中相遇,兩人話語投機,或許是同類亦或者是有更多其他的相似點,認識七天已經十分熟路。僅有的 72 天,落下一生不可磨滅的印記。 \"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃是個非常亞撒西的人,當我表達對體重學習上的各種焦慮除了給予經驗幫助,也不忘說一句「慢慢來吧」。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"在學校我常常和她打電話或聊天來緩和高三學習的苦悶,聽她們說各種趣事,傾聽屬於她們的故事。從中得知璃璃對生死其實已經比較淡然,風風光光的葬禮中增添樂趣。或許是憂鬱使然,死亡離她並不遙遠,或許總會有這一天的到來。但未曾想到來的有點突然,半年的沉淪…\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"在和她討論自身心別探索的時候,面對我的話她給我的評價就是「沒救了」遺言上卻又讓我不要翻車,或許是基於自身的經歷來勸導我,但我依然還是踏上這一條困難的道路。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"從她人的言論中星璃璃比我想像中的更複雜更抽象,我所知道的事情也只是冰山一角,或是因為亞撒西,或是因為時間不足。但無論如何星璃璃的後半段像遊戲一樣有趣。我遺憾於再無機會相見,但內心一隅總會有個叫星璃璃的傢伙在打 mai。\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"夕陽終將落下\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"幻夢即將破滅\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃劃破天際 墜入大氣\"),\"\\n\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——白毛 suki, 2025 年 2 月 4 日\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其九:空白\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"display: inline;\"},\"大哥大嫂過年好,你是我的爺,我是你們的兒\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"三句承題\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"空白/引號 寫於 2024 年 1 月 1 日 23 點 56 分崩潰時\"),Vue.h(\"p\"),Vue.h(\"blockquote\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"「以羅伊,以羅伊,拉馬撒巴各大尼?\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-4\",id:\"footnote-ref-4\"},\"4\")),\"」而且較為永久地悲憫他們的前途。 \",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-5\",id:\"footnote-ref-5\"},\"5\"))),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"這個醜陋的世界,不配得到她的美好\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"《Maybe All Transgender People Are Really Vampires》\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-6\",id:\"footnote-ref-6\"},\"6\"))))),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.hr),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"2024.1.2 09.26 唐澤:想和星璃璃告別的朋友今天可以到昌平殯儀館弔唁。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"——星璃璃的家長為『他』舉辦的葬禮\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'2024.1.2 下午 空白:我計劃在晚上的時候做一個簡單的,真正屬於\"她\"的葬禮'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"——空白發起但不算主持,大家自發性聚集力量為她舉辦的小型紀念儀式\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.hr),Vue.h(\"br\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"七句破題\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(TextRing,{text:\"⊕⊕⊕⊕\",fontSize:\"1.25rem\"}),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"原來,她早就做了最壞的打算\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"本來,是為了完成她目標的\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"一場鬧劇\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"可是,卻有人親手把自己的孩子逼入絕路,自己在醫院的鐵架床上睡得倒非常安穩\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"在生命的最後,連她所期望的哪怕只是一點點如此卑微的權利都不肯給予\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"孩子從頭到尾根本沒有得到一個有自我意識的個體應有的尊重\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"甚至沒有被當作一個「人」來看待…\")),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"熱情的彷彿熾熱的驕陽\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"總是在堅定別人的徬徨\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她一人撒下了所有的謊\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她獨自承受了全部悲傷\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"不曾料想\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——潔澄天奏 2024.1.1\"),\"\\n\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"籠中之鳥\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(TextRing,{text:\"☉☉☉☉\",fontSize:\"1.25rem\"}),\"\\n\",\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"這個故事剛剛發生不久,\")),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"有一隻螐\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-7\",id:\"footnote-ref-7\"},\"7\")),\"兒被關在了蛆蟲做成的籠子裡\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"人們歌頌他的幸福\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"他\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"蜂蜜使鳥兒的喉嚨嘶啞,聲聲鳴唱,已不再動聽\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"鐵糸將鳥兒的靈魂囚禁,聲嘶力竭,也無法傳遞\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"歡聲笑語,亦是他的悲傷\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"歌頌讚美,亦會是她的落寞\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"倘若,沒有夢想的話,芸芸眾生所追求的一切,也終將化為虛無\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"倘若,失去信念的話,他人眼中所期待的一切,也都是厚重的枷鎖\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"憂鬱中的籠中之鳥,無數夜晚,獨自哭泣,\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"幻想自己是籠子外的流星,轉瞬即逝卻又無比閃耀\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"希望自己是餓凍中的生靈,飢寒交迫,卻擁有自由\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"鐵柵欄扼住了她的咽喉,蛛糸\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-8\",id:\"footnote-ref-8\"},\"8\")),\"穿透了她的心臟\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你會在垃圾桶裡發現它的\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"螐兒的遺言如是寫道:\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"真的是什麼都不用做而擁有一切嗎?\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"而應該是什麼都做不了而一無所有啊…\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"生命的色調不應該是灰色,\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"自由的意志,能夠永遠閃耀嗎\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我的身軀或許會在垃圾桶裡腐爛,\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但至少,我的理想,\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我希望它能翱翔在天空\"),Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——來自《\",Vue.h(_components.a,{href:\"https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV17Q4y1s7j1\"},\"籠中之鳥\"),\"》\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-9\",id:\"footnote-ref-9\"},\"9\")),\",作者 潔澄天奏 Official\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"九重現實\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"「泠珞,你覺得世界上最令人難過的事情是什麼?」\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"「蝴蝶。醜陋的毛毛蟲,好不容易可以在夢境中忘記自己的軟弱,忘記自己身為害蟲的身份,卻又生出美麗的翅膀,被光吵醒,被迫意識到自己還活著的事實,然後還要親手撕開幽居的洞穴。越痛苦,翅膀越充血,它們就越美麗,然後再次為美麗和「醒著就要活下去」的定律而痛苦。它們會飛,卻又只能在俗氣的花叢中苟且偷生,仰視著永遠觸及不到的高空的鷹。然後死亡就突然降臨,它們連沾沾自喜的這一點高度也被剝奪。它們甚至不能迎來一次壯烈的墜亡,只是輕飄地、輕飄飄地……」\"),Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"—— 雨狸【妄想症 Paranoia】《九重現實》\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"零重祈願\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(TextRing,{text:\"☿☿☿☿☿☿\",fontSize:\"1.25rem\"}),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,Vue.h(\"blockquote\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"《Maybe All Transgender People Are Really Vampires》\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"作者:Chrysanthemum Tran\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"也許所有跨性別者都是吸血鬼\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"雖然我不是說會被太陽灼傷\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"或者是渴望少女的脖頸\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"畢竟,大多數跨兒甚至無法確定自己步行回家的時候,自己的血液會不會濺到路邊的人行道上\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"我也沒有住在特蘭西瓦尼亞城堡裡\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"即使我的確算得上是一位女王(*註 非二元性別雙關)\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"每當遭到他人的辱罵,對我來說就好像是被銀灼燒了一般\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"我承認特蘭西瓦尼亞確實是一處能讓邊緣人生存的庇護所\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"但是期盼中的安全感甚至比虛構的怪物更像是一種幻覺\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"我是一隻長著怪異獠牙的獵物\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"當你上一次看到我這樣的人的時候\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"有沒有看到暴徒手中火炬的光芒\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"和刺來的乾草叉?\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"這個時候,難道他們不想讓我的腦袋被木樁刺穿嗎? \"))),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"大家都知道,存在即合理。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃曾經問過我,我們這樣的 trans 為什麼會存在?存在的意義又是什麼?為了增加族群多樣性而提高抗風險能力?還是說僅僅只是一個影響不大的結構上的 BUG?\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"薛丁格在《生命是什麼》中曾提出過一個這樣的觀點:生物在趨向熱寂的宇宙中依靠主動汲取負熵而得以組成和存續,生物在宇宙中的意義也可能也就在於此。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但,被胡蝶不經意煽動翅膀捲起的風暴揚起的我們,作為既定結果的我們,又該如何面對如此矛盾的現實呢?\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"當時的我,面對著這些問題。 。 。沉默良久,無法回答\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"現在也是\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"「在那一刻我終於知道自己並非天性擅長輕描淡寫,而是天生的無力與笨拙。」\"),Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"—— 雨狸【妄想症 Paranoia】《零重祈願》\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"br\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.hr),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"br\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"抱歉,星璃璃,即使在我最擅長的領域\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我的能力只堪堪夠到這種程度而已\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"無法用太過華麗的詞藻或是足夠有邏輯的語言去繪聲繪色地描述您的生平和事蹟\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但是,我會聽您的建議去努力的,一定會的\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"br\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.hr),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"br\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"曾經,有人說,面向大海,春暖花開;\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"有人說,從今以後所有的人類再也不用去買水果和蔬菜\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"曾經,有人說,當你凝視深淵時,深淵也在凝視你,\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"曾經有人說,有人曾自詡過自己是太陽,光熱無窮,\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"然而祂究竟不是太陽,祂發了瘋。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"可惜,因為,我們都是蟲子,慾望只是恐懼的截面\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——空白/引號\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其十:錦心\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"遺憾的是,由於個人原因,我的記憶力有點問題,截止到我寫下這段的時候(2025 年 2 月 10 日),我已經幾乎完全忘記 z60 是一個什麼樣的人了。還需要詢問人 z60 什麼時候死的。在我的記憶裡,z60 只是一個曾經活過的人。 \"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"很久以前我就說過我討厭賽博靈堂。隨著 limelight 倒閉,我退出跨性別社群,不再關心這些事情,現在或許沒那麼討厭了,但還是說不出喜歡。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"說真心話我並不想來評價。如果不是因為 z60 指定我要來寫一段,我根本就不會來搞這種苦差。死人是任人打扮的小女孩。說不出話的活人尚且如此,我已經經歷過一次。我很討厭拿自己片面的回憶割破一個曾經活過的人,橫斷面符號化,放在靈堂供人參拜。就算橫斷面再多也不夠。對著肖像畫感嘆「TA 曾經活過啊」,根本不會觸及靈魂,而且隨著靈魂被遺忘,假面也取代曾經鮮活的主人。很無趣。還好 z60 的事情我大多數都已經遺忘了,連肖像都不會畫出。\"),Vue.h(_components.ul,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.li,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"z60 死前一段時間突然找我,問我能不能請我當她的介錯人,於是我當然是當場就拒絕了。 (那時候好像是她哪個人格?我不記得了。聊天記錄也被我刪了,算了就照她算吧)\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.li,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"limelight 還活著的時候我似乎曾經和 z60 聊過許多的。不過已經完全不記得了。只記得那時候他(應該當時還覺得自己是友跨順男?)說話條理比較清晰。\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.li,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"後來反正我們就沒說過話了?反正我專心做自己的事情去了。我不確定。我真的不記得了。\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.li,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"出於道德原因我討厭 od,所以後面 z60 開始 od 的時候我就已經當 TA 是半個死人了。後面偶爾寥寥幾眼看 TA 也只能說是,每況愈下吧。所以 z60 死了我算是毫不意外。\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.li,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"本句是情緒化發言:我就說藥圈害人吧。你看 z60 死得多快。\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.li,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"所以我真不知道 z60 為什麼會指定我寫評價。z60 到底看上我什麼?\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——錦心,2025 年 2 月 10 日\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h2,null,\"致曾劃過夜空的流星\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"在你將資料傳送給我後,我就預料到你對自己未來評價的一些期望。從實際上來講,你從來都不是一個特別光明特別正面典型,也無法成為太陽。但你希望自己能留下清晰真實的軌跡,那麼我會尊重你的願望。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你曾無知,懵懂,也因此參與迫害他人。你的網路軌跡從貼吧開始,那裡記下了你的熱血、青春、以及最早的「群體劃分」。你認為自己堅守正義,然而你最後也意識到,正義並不唯一。那些混亂的過往為你提供了認知上的積澱,但也留下了精神上的分裂。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你嘗試過深入虛擬世界。你對於音樂的情感,從虛擬歌姬到舞萌 DX,從未斷絕。從中學起,你的文字就有一座雲中的城堡,虛無,但有著遠超現實的美好。你的那些單純而天真的創作不會被時光抹去,一如你曾經的夢想,它仍在你所幫助過的人的回憶中熠熠生輝。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你想成為心中的自己,但你的心中不只一位「自己」。從外表來講,你的性別跨越並不成功,你的客觀認知與主觀表述都明確了這一點,但這並不是你的目標。你明確表示過,你並不那麼歸屬於性別,而更希望的是貼近靈魂,現在的你完成了這一最終的計劃。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你希望能夠幫助他人,即使這可能顯得相當激進。隨著救助與社群維護的「因不可抗力失效」次數增多,你的迷茫讓你只能更多的推進派系劃分的行動。這帶來的結果是更大的裂痕和爭吵,但本心不可否認。你的行動並不會因為失敗而失去意義,論心與論蹟的綜合評價之下,你想成為照亮他人的星光,而且你成功了。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你有一群很好的朋友。對你而言,死亡是一場超越一切的美夢的開端。你的朋友尊重了你的意願,她們為你送上了你所期望的祝福,並緬懷和記錄了你的過往。你本人的掠影與舊事,總會留在她們的心上,這是一種不可多得的幸運。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你曾想過很多,也因此做了很多。你想過成為一個男孩,也想過成為一個女孩。你想過成為最聰明的謀士,也想過成為最勇猛的戰士。你想過分割群體,也想過聚攏群體。你是矛盾的,但是也是統一的。值得欣慰的是,你總想成為好人,從未想過要成為惡人。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"曾經你說,自己從來不屬於某個圈。你的靈魂是自由的,而你的行動也是。對社會而言,你並不是一個特別有用的人,也顯然沒有盡到社會責任,但你盡力綻放了屬於自己的光芒,並留下了不可磨滅的痕跡。認識你的人不一定會感謝你,但是大家總會記得你,記得有一個複雜的、可愛的、總是想著幫忙——並切實投入了精力和行動的孩子來過。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你大概不是個好男孩,也不是個好女孩,但你是個好孩子,是星星上的小王子。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"彗星終有暗淡之日,生命亦有消逝之時。然而你劃破夜空的那一刻,已然定格為永恆。願你在那沒有紛爭和責任的世界,永享安寧與幸福。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"此致。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"調查員 深夜 書於 2024.2-2025.2\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"条目贡献:无常 及行文中所出现的朋友们\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"ol\",null,Vue.h(\"li\",{id:\"footnote-1\"},\"出自盧梭《社會契約論》\",Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-ref-1\"},Vue.h(\"svg\",{viewBox:\"0 0 16 16\",version:\"1.1\",id:\"svg1\",\"xmlns:xlink\":\"http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink\",xmlns:\"http://www.w3.org/2000/svg\",\"xmlns:svg\":\"http://www.w3.org/2000/svg\",style:\"margin-left: 0.5rem; margin-bottom: -2px; width: 1rem; height: 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Vue.h(Vue.Fragment,null,Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"對,遊戲人生,所以就是活著是我的權利,不是我的義務。所以說我甚至可以去含著氰化鉀膠囊做一些事情,我願意這麼幹,而且我正在籌備這麼幹。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"也就是說我在一些危險的場合,我甚至可能幹這種事情。有可能被抓起來的場合,甚至也會說,啊,對,我也會去做,而且我絕對不會讓我的敵人得到我。\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,Vue.h(\"svg\",{style:\"display: inline-block; overflow: visible !important; vertical-align: sub; fill: rgb(26, 127, 55); margin-right: 10px;\",viewBox:\"0 0 16 16\",version:\"1.1\",width:\"16\",height:\"16\",\"aria-hidden\":\"true\"},Vue.h(\"path\",{d:\"M8 1.5c-2.363 0-4 1.69-4 3.75 0 .984.424 1.625.984 2.304l.214.253c.223.264.47.556.673.848.284.411.537.896.621 1.49a.75.75 0 0 1-1.484.211c-.04-.282-.163-.547-.37-.847a8.456 8.456 0 0 0-.542-.68c-.084-.1-.173-.205-.268-.32C3.201 7.75 2.5 6.766 2.5 5.25 2.5 2.31 4.863 0 8 0s5.5 2.31 5.5 5.25c0 1.516-.701 2.5-1.328 3.259-.095.115-.184.22-.268.319-.207.245-.383.453-.541.681-.208.3-.33.565-.37.847a.751.751 0 0 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2023.09。後面就確診了。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"這個東西確實改變不了。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(PhotoScroll,{photos:[\"${path}/photos/image0.webp\"]}),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"是音遊底力很強的人呢,不過因為注意力的原因她不打紫譜…\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h2,null,\"參與救助\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"在璃璃的心目中,幫助他人特別是弱勢群體更好地生存、生活和發展一直是一件非常重要的事情。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她在自己的業餘時間中,組織和參與過諸多救助,如自殺幹預等工作,她曾參與對\",Vue.h(_components.a,{href:\"https://one-among.us/profile/GLaDOSister\"},\"倉山靜葉\"),\"的救助工作,這些工作普遍作用在日常之中。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她的行為對於他人特別是弱勢族群起到了一定的幫助。她用自己的努力,盡力避免了自傷乃至自殺行為的發生。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h2,null,\"朋友的回憶\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其一:伊良子\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"Z60 是我這輩子見過第二傻逼的人\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——伊良子,2025 年 2 月 7 日\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其二:鈴語\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"謹以此文紀念故友星璃璃\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: center;\"},\"鈴語\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(DottedNumber,{n:\"一 前言\"}),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"應星璃璃的遺囑要求,在此為星璃璃寫一篇文章以紀念星璃璃。 \",Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),\"原本這篇文章應該在很久之前就完成的,但是一是由於星璃璃對我影響很大,而我本人的語言功底也有限,三言兩語似乎不足以把這篇文章寫的很好;二是由於星璃璃的離開也給我帶來了不小的衝擊;所以這篇文章就這麼擱置了下來。後來等我的精神狀態恢復了一些之後,才開始試著從各個方面、各個角度來理解和認識星璃璃,於是大概便有了這篇文章。 \",Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),\"有人說,星璃璃是個「抽象」的人,每個人都對星璃璃有著獨特的理解。本文所反映的星璃璃或許也只是侷限於我個人眼中對星璃璃的認識。一家之言,姑妄聽之;兼聽則明,偏信則暗。 \"),Vue.h(DottedNumber,{n:\"二\"}),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"「死者為大」「尊重逝者」,似乎在我們絕大多數人的心目中,是不言而喻、不證自明的真理。但是,對於什麼是「尊重逝者」,似乎大家都有著不同的理解。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我們曾經親眼目睹了星璃璃的父母在 TA 的葬禮上把 TA 的外貌打理成傳統意義的男性性別表達,並且在靈堂的正中心掛上寸頭的大頭照;我們也親眼看著星璃璃的父母把 TA 的骨灰扔到汽車後備箱拖走。當時,許多人都因為星璃璃父母的行為而感到震驚和憤怒。TA 父母眼中的尊重逝者,似乎被所謂的社會風俗凌駕其上,似乎被生者本人根深蒂固的成見凌駕其上。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"古往今來,大家都傾向於「在墓碑上寫點兒好話」,多聊功績,少聊甚至不聊過錯。唯武則天立乾陵無字碑,是非功過均由後人評說。在這件事上,星璃璃有些類似後者。TA 曾說,人死了,所有的是非功過就是「蓋棺定論」;大家都可以評價。這點在 TA 的遺書裡也有所體現——TA 邀請了和自己有一些觀點爭議的人來寫 One Among Us 的較前段部分,並且還留言說「大家想寫的可以寫」。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"既然星璃璃的想法是這樣,那我就隨便寫一些故事吧。我想順帶著寫一些星璃璃給我帶來的想法,但是會盡量少對 TA 的行為做什麼價值判斷,讓「是非功過自由後人評說」吧。\"),Vue.h(DottedNumber,{n:\"三\"}),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃似乎具有人格分裂,TA 說過自己至少有三個人格,「星雲」,「幻夢」和「苯環」。其中,一個人格的性別認同為男性,另一個人格的性別認同偏女性,還有一個人格的性別認同筆者並不清楚。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"筆者曾經把星璃璃當成跨性別女性了好長時間,但是後來得知了這個情況之後還是沉思了好久——或許這個有些類似於 Gender Fluid 的情況,用哪個人稱代詞稱呼對方似乎都不是太合適。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"這是我第一次遇到這樣的朋友。後來,我在其他的一些朋友身上看到了一個指針轉盤形狀的徽章——轉盤被分成了天藍色(he),粉紅色(she)和紫色(they)三個部分,可以通過調整指針的方向來使它指向任何一個部分以表明自身的狀態。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"或許這個東西很適合 TA。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"不過,如果提高一個層面來看,這樣的困惑的本質其實星璃璃的各個人格之間的衝突;而這樣一個人稱代名詞的問題,或許只是這種人格的衝突在性別的層面的一個側影罷了。那在其他的層面呢?或許星璃璃的各個人格的氣質、性格、能力、需求、興趣、理想、價值觀都有所差異,我們作為朋友應當以怎樣的態度去對待這些人格,或者以怎樣的態度去對待這麼一個「多重人格的綜合體」?甚至說,如果星璃璃的遺囑只代表了星璃璃的某一個人格的意願,那麼這份遺囑是有效的嗎?我執行這份遺囑,為 TA 寫這篇文章,是前面提到的尊重逝者嗎,還是不是?\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我學過法律專業,持有法律職業資格證;但是這個問題的答案,我不知道。我試著去上網搜索,得到的卻全是千篇一律的、對法律條文的生搬硬套:「人格分裂的人是否具有民事行為能力,取決於其是否能辨認自己的行為。」看起來這樣的回答似乎並沒有從本質上解決問題。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"於是有人為此打補丁說:「如果這是在正常人格狀態所做的行為,那就是有效的;如果這是在異常人格狀態所做的行為,那就是無效的。」那怎麼區分正常人格和異常人格呢?為什麼作為外人能強行為「星雲」加上「正常人格」的標籤而強行給「幻夢」加上「異常人格」的標籤呢(或反過來)?\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我不知道這些問題的答案。\"),Vue.h(DottedNumber,{n:\"四\"}),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃(也可能是 TA 的人格之一)在世期間不只一次地公開拿其他性少數的逝者編段子開玩笑;所以,星璃璃的一些朋友也不只一次地拿已逝的星璃璃開玩笑。這引發了不小的爭論——這些朋友認為,星璃璃的行為表明,TA 是一個認同「可以拿逝者開玩笑」的人,所以開 TA 的玩笑反而是一種尊重其行為模式和價值觀的體現。而另外一些星璃璃的朋友則認為,這讓人無法接受。於是兩邊開始吵架,最後弄得「一地雞毛」。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"是的,人類的悲喜並不相通,人類的思維迴路也不相通。但這又能怪誰呢?人們的腦力和神經系統的發育各有不同,人們的成長環境和生活閱歷也是天差地別,人們的理性與感性受人體內的神經傳導物質的明顯控制,人們互相理解所需要的深度思考與交流更是需要消費巨大的精力。所以,人的自由仍然是受到一些自身無法控制的條件所約束的;或者換句話說,人的自由卻「無往不在枷鎖之中」\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-1\",id:\"footnote-ref-1\"},\"1\")),\"--也正是因此,勸架很多時候會終將變成徒勞,「道不同」的人與人的共鳴是一件奢侈的事情,取而代之的是人們兵戎相見,人們互相攻擊,互相攻擊,互相傷害。於是世界變成了一個變相的鬥獸場。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"「某群」更是這樣的鬥獸場。有些人在群組裡互相嘲諷,在線下甚至重拳出擊。曾經我為了「大家和平相處」,毫無底線地「調解」著「某群」的大家的矛盾,結果沒什麼明顯成效,甚至適得其反。而星璃璃說了這樣的話:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我能理解兩邊,但我無法調和。\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"多麼無可奈何的現實。而人間處處是這樣的無可奈何。不管是人與人,還是人與事物。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"面對著這樣的矛盾,星璃璃的做法是,透過建群把兩撥人隔離開。既然透過自身努力獲得成功的人要在群組裡攻擊靠賣慘獲得關注的人,那就讓她們去不同的群組玩吧。於是 TA 拉了個新群:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"這裡是舔舐傷口的地方,不是展示優越的地方。\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"TA 在新群里拉了很多 TA 認為在世俗意義上並沒有獲得成功(甚至是世俗意義上失敗)的群友,其中不乏有一些群友曾經多次自傷自殘和藥物濫用——但是星璃璃卻對這各種各樣的人展現出了格外包容:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她們都是被逼的。\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃甚至會公開說:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我和大家沒什麼差別。你們雖然看我像是北航的高學歷人才,但那年北航的錄取分數線斷檔了,我只是運氣好進去的。我原本應該要跟大家一樣的。\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"後來,我上網查詢了當年北航的錄取分數線,發現那年的錄取分數線完全沒有斷檔。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"當時的我不以為意,後來直至聽說了另一位朋友的事蹟——大概的情況是,他從小就是單親家庭,並且在成長過程中一直受到來自監護人的情感忽視;這樣的環境造就了他扭曲的性格,致使他後來藥物濫用成癮,並被公安機關處理。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"聽完這個故事,聯想起來,我突然產生了一股劫後餘生的毛骨悚然感:如果我的人生也不巧地「斷檔」,變成單親家庭和沒有情感支持的開局,那我的結局,可能並不會比這位朋友好到哪裡去。可能我早因為殺人放火被槍斃了吧。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"而星璃璃的父母都是教師。這好像讓我突然就理解了星璃璃在學歷問題上的「謙虛」,一度把星璃璃視作自己心裡的神。後來我又突然想明白了,沒有這個必要。因為,一樣的道理,如果我「升檔」升成星璃璃的人生,那麼「我上我也行」;如果星璃璃「斷檔」就斷成我的人生,那麼「TA 下 TA 也不行」。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"想到這裡,我似乎內心突然有種釋然感。\"),Vue.h(DottedNumber,{n:\"五\"}),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但是,這個世界的運作模式並不是由單一變數控制的。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"當然,人生的開局也只是變數之一。它或許是重要變量,但不是唯一變數。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"世界是一個巨大的網,七十億人在這張網上共同行動,共同對這張網的走向產生著巨大或微小的影響。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"每個人都是這個大網的一部分,被大網影響著,也同時影響著大網。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"誰都不會知道自己哪天會在這個大網上和什麼樣的人相遇,發生什麼樣的事情;更無法預料這些事情會對自己的未來產生什麼樣的影響。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃去世時,有些人在自責:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"如果我當時多去看 TA 一眼就好了。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我早就該注意到 TA 的精神狀態不對的。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"TA 前天請的那頓飯就不對勁,我當時傻了沒反應過來。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我那天沒空,要不就直接跑去醫院了。\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"可是,「大網」的降臨就是這麼偶然。偏偏星璃璃遇到了不太好的成長環境,又偏偏 TA 的父母知道了所有的事情,又偏偏所有人都沒有時間,又偏偏醫院沒有查出來是什麼病症,又偏偏所有的巧合都湊到了一起。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"於是就產生了這樣的結果。\"),Vue.h(DottedNumber,{n:\"六\"}),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"可是吶,但星璃璃仍希望我「堅持我所堅持的」──指的應該是「調解矛盾」。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但我大概真的再也沒有辦法堅持我的堅持了啊。星璃璃對這些人際衝突的理解方式,似乎化做了什麼東西,深深地根植在我的身上。似乎像是,我繼承著 TA 的一點點思想,繼續生活著——或許哪天我也去世了,有人看到我所寫的東西,受到了什麼體悟的話,也會帶著這些感觸生存下去的吧…\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"後來不經意間,看到了有位詩人的一句名言:「人死了,就像水消失在水中。」\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-2\",id:\"footnote-ref-2\"},\"2\"))),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"於是我打開窗戶,映入眼簾的是春暖花開的無垠大海。\"),Vue.h(DottedNumber,{n:\"七\"}),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但是,《原神》是由米哈遊自主研發的全新開放世界冒險遊戲。星璃璃就玩「原神」。此「原神」非彼《原神》;比如呢,被大家稱為「街機原神」的《舞萌 DX》也是「原神」的一種。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃不只一次吐槽「原神」很坐牢,並表達過棄坑的想法──每天都要面對大同小異的每日任務,日復一日地重複,一天不做任務就會少領一天的每日獎勵。然而當聊到棄坑時,TA 總是會強制讓自己停下來。然而有一天,我和 TA 之間卻出現了這樣的對話:\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"嘿,玩沒玩國服新更新的歌,叫什麼 Trans 什麼之光\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-3\",id:\"footnote-ref-3\"},\"3\")),\",可好玩兒了,別的歌都是 tap、slide 或 tap、tap、slide,這首歌是 tap、tap、tap、slide,太有趣了。\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我依稀記得那時 TA 的語氣竟然帶著歡笑。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"後來我和 TA 相擁道別。這是我和 TA 的第一次擁抱,TA 那時看起來很高興。\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"「煌めきを纏ったら どこまでも君と。」\"),\"\\n\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"光輝常在,天涯海角,與君同在。\"),Vue.h(DottedNumber,{n:\"八\\xb7寫在最後\"}),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"不知不覺地就寫了這麼多了,或許大概,我認為比較重要的,和 TA 一起的經歷,以及 TA 給我帶來的所思所想,應該都寫在這裡了。基於篇幅等原因,我想,這篇文章就寫到這裡了。還有許許多多生命中每天相同又每天不同的故事,有一些我會以其他的方式把它們呈現出來,還有另外一些就讓它們留在回憶中吧。\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——鈴語,2024 年 12 月 24 日\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其三:繪都\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"補\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——繪都,2024 年 12 月 17 日\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其四:無常\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"你希望我為你寫你所謂「蓋棺定論」的部分,於是我便寫了。 \"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"對此,我總是陷於一個問題:我幾乎是你指定的人裡與你相處最少的,最不了解你的人,你為什麼會選擇我,又希望看到我寫什麼呢?我想,你應該知道在選擇這些為你寫這一部分的人的同時,也選擇了這一部分會呈現的內容。很多有關於你的事情,尤其是那些一般意義上被認為不好的事情,都是在你離世後我才知道的。或許如果你沒有就這樣簡單地結束生命,這些事情我有機會聽你親自講給我聽,但的確已經沒有機會了。我決定只依照你尚在世時和你相處的經驗來寫,這些大概才是你想要的,對嗎?\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"除此之外還有一個難以破除的困境:我很難像你想要的那樣形容你是個怎樣的人,很難用精簡的詞彙和乾練的語句概括你,人們對於詞彙和短句理解的偏差和想像會他們遠離你的真實。所以請允許我在這裡回憶和記敘一些和你產生聯繫的過往並作一些既冗長又模糊的評價。至於你究竟是什麼樣的人,就請來這個頁面悼念的朋友們自己從這些文字裡尋找吧。當然,這些文字無論誰來看都會覺得確實放在留言部分更合適,但是請允許我用我自己勉強能夠做到的方式完成你交代的事情,這算是我作為生者對作為死者的你的特權吧,你要是還活著就沒這些事情了嘛。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"遇見你也是唯一一次見到你是在 2023 年 8 月 12 日,那段時間我剛結束了漫長的猶豫,決定開始 GAHT 並且和跨性別社群接觸。相遇的情景我至今記得很清,中午我坐在北醫三院對面 KFC 靠近街道有窗的座位吃午餐,見到你戴著藍粉白口罩推開門進來,我無意地就拉開一張椅子招呼你。後來我才發現,其實我早就在網路世界和你有聯繫。我是在 QQ 群裡不敢多說話的小透明,時常只是默默看著,雖然你總是嘴上說自己對包括悲劇在內的一切很麻木,但你總會給有需要的人提供用藥建議,總會安慰內心受傷的人,總會應對危機做出果決的判斷和行之有效的安排。在我心中你一直是個知識豐富、可愛可敬又平易近人的助人者,你總是盡量包容、理解每一個人,總是盡自己所能、甚至傾盡所有。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"當時,身為一個很多事情都才是剛開始的跨性別女孩的我來說,認識你是莫大的幸運。我把你當作敬重的前輩,親近的姊姊。你會跟我分享一些獨特的觀點,給我 GAHT 的建議,教我對抗來自這個世界每一處的惡意…那時候有你在活躍的群聊裡,人們總是因為一些事情吵得不可開交。從你的發言中我總會感受到一些相似的東西,當然,你永遠比我深刻的多。這讓我對你的思想產生了極大的興趣,但我實在不擅長與人交流,便約定寒假一定認真聊聊天,那時候的我不知道這一切會在不到一個月之後變成不可能的事。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"發生在 2023 年 12 月 21 日的「狼人殺」,我雖然也算是親曆者,但我至今也不知全貌,更不可能想明白。那時被你深邃的思想和溫柔的性格吸引的我,根本不可能接受你說過那樣的話、做過那樣的事。我霎時間心灰意冷,沒有任何心思再想、再過問這一切,選擇了默默遠離你。但我沒想過就在幾天之後,你自殺搶救的噩耗傳來,我沒想過我只能聽別人轉述的你情況,我沒想過那一天的遠離可能會是真正的別離。那時候我發現我像個鬧別扭賭氣的小孩子,我根本不想離開你,也不想你離開。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"12 月 26 日,我在另一個有你在的群聊裡想討要一個右美沙芬藥盒做手工送給朋友,你答應給我一個。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"27 日,你說你因為緊急狀況忘了寄快遞,我居然只是簡單地以為你有事情要忙,沒對你有任何關心。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"30 日,拆快遞的時候,正是有人告訴了我你自殺的時候,我急著從垃圾桶裡翻出快遞面單,想要留作紀念,沒想到我竟整整齊齊地從中間橫向撕開了你的名字。一切一切不安,悔恨和悲傷都凝聚於那一刻,我深刻地害怕這一切預示著難以挽回的悲劇…\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我在聽聞消息第二天開始發燒,對我來說前所未有的高燒。期間,我只能伴著體溫高熱在單純的昏睡和單純的哭泣中反覆。雖然這段時間好像有些不算壞的消息傳來,但我的記憶實在模糊,而且這些不算壞的消息也的確沒有轉化為不算壞的事實。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"最終,在 2024 年 1 月 1 日 23 時 56 分,往日裡有著強大生命力的,閃耀變化著的星雲,悄然逸散在宇宙無邊的晦暗裡,成為了寂靜的一部分,融入了冰冷的漆黑之中。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我抱著不知如何描述的心情讀你的遺言,遺言裡幾乎沒有什麼與你自己有關的事,全部是你對朋友們的關懷,囑託和寄語,你在自己的一切都可能結束之時還一直牽掛著身邊的人。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我有些令我自己感到不羞恥的私心,如果我沒有在 2023 年 12 月 21 日因為那些事退掉你的個人小群,那我也能分得你的遺物留作紀念,也肯定能聽到幾句你想對我說的話。遺言裡,你把對那群的群友想說的話寫在最前面。在讀遺言之前,我不知道你是那麼在乎那個群裡的每一個人的,而我退群疏遠你的舉動,不僅日後讓我陷入無盡的懊惱,也一定傷害了當時你吧。遺言裡你沒對我說什麼,但是卻選擇我作為其中一人在那些秋葉上寫這些內容,我不明白為什麼,就當作是對我的懲罰吧。不過,我和你的交集相較於其他人實在太少了,可能你只是覺得跟我沒什麼好說的吧,我不知道,也可能是你單純的忘了。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"由你給的右美沙芬藥盒做成的流沙麻將我還是按照原來的想法,送給了朋友而不是自己留下做紀念,她也對沒有機會見到你並和你真正相識感到悲傷。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"在你離開的日子裡,我才在日常生活中深切地感受到你對我每一處的影響。我不僅 GAHT 方案和你幾乎一模一樣,還在不自覺中內化了許多你的觀念,它們在很大程度上參與我生活的決策。雖然我以前對你用燒紙,燒藥盒和換灰色頭像來紀念死者的做法感到做作,但是身在外地,不能參加遺體告別當場悼念你的我,也不知在什麼其他東西的驅使下就為你這麼做了。除了這些自然而然的舉動,我還不免認真地去想,我怎麼才能成為一個像我眼中的你那樣的人,我想像你那樣,把你帶給我的那些美和好,分享給更多需要它們的人,我希望我可以做到。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我仍然處在屬於自己的那一份困境之中而看不見希望,這使我更是會不由得想念你。我從未向你傾訴過這些,但我猜你不會討厭。每當我因為種種原因陷入絕望還難以向人表達,難以與人溝通時,我都想著要是能聽聽對於這種情況你會怎麼說就好了。就算在過往的時光裡多和你聊些天也好啊,如果能多記住一些你的思想,我或許就可以嘗試從它們之中尋找出路,我的無助或許就可以藉此消解一些。另外我也會想,要是我能把你那在旁邊人看來稱得上癲狂的人生觀和生命觀也內化就好了,那樣我就能活得自由了吧。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"很多事情結束了,但是很多事情還在繼續。很多人死了,但是很多人還是要繼續活下去。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你常常把跨性別社群過往發生的和未來可能發生的境遇變遷比喻成一場持續著的戰爭,我以前是不以為意的,那時我覺得這未免有些幼稚。但是現在,祝我在這場戰爭中好運吧,祝我們好運。\\n我不知道我對你有的感情算是什麼,但我覺得至少愛過你。\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——無常,2024 年 5 月 4 日 陰\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其五:東雲\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"我們懷著沉痛的心情悼念一位勇敢而堅韌的靈魂。她生活在一個對她而言並不友善的世界中,承受了來自社會規訓的壓力和無盡的偏見,卻始終選擇用自己的方式前進。 \"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她是無數邊緣化個體的縮影,在孤獨和掙扎中尋找屬於自己的位置。儘管社會的冰冷和壓迫最終讓她選擇了離開,但她的生命中所承載的意義遠遠超越了她的離去。她的故事提醒我們,那些被邊緣化的人不是弱者,而是背負沉重社會負擔的勇士。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她的一生雖然短暫,卻如同燭火一般,為他人帶來了些許光亮。她用自己的經驗告訴我們,世界上存在著太多的不平等和無視,那些被忽略的聲音正急需被聽見。她所承受的不公提醒我們要反思:社會是否給予了每個個體足夠的寬容和尊重?她的每一次掙扎都在無形中呼喚人們關注跨性別群體所面對的挑戰,而正是這種無聲的吶喊,將她的存在錒刻在我們心中。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她的離去讓我們無比痛心,同時也讓我們體認到肩上的責任。每一個生命都應被珍視,每一種身分都應被包容。她的存在讓我們看到,跨性別群體依然面臨歧視、孤立和不公,她的離開是對社會的控訴,更是對我們每個人的呼喚。我們悼念她,不只是為了表達悲痛,更是為了以行動來回應她的離去:用更多的理解和努力去改變社會,去消解那些偏見,去建立一個更加公平和溫暖的世界。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"願她在另一個世界中可以擺脫所有的枷鎖,自由地做她自己,擁有她一生中渴望卻未曾真正得到的平靜和幸福。我們懷念她的勇氣,記得她的故事,同時將她的離去化為改變的動力。她的生命不會被遺忘,她的精神會在我們的努力中延續。\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——東雲,2024 年 12 月 31 日\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其六:Mik\\xe4\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,Vue.h(\"blockquote\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"「好死喵好死喵」\"),Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——小序\"))),Vue.h(BlurBlock,null,Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"不知道為何星璃璃的墓誌銘指定者中未曾出現 Mik\\xe4\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"因此本是想著既然這樣 那也許我不要去擅作評論比較好\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"然而其中又似乎是有所謂「想寫的人都可以來寫」這麼一條兜底\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"喔,又似乎不該提及似乎\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"畢竟所謂遺書的這一部分是我親自花了幾個下午望著窗外的金雞湖聽星璃璃的語音落筆謄寫下的\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"而又或許因為以上這些 我和星璃璃的離去又發生了無法忽視的似乎緊密的聯繫\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"可能也包括所謂的法克扣哈庫的角色扮演小遊戲吧\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"畢竟陪他玩這麼久 字面意思的往死裡玩 嘿嘿\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"沒想到 這個雙方博弈的遊戲我居然會輸得這麼徹底\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但也沒想到兩方遊戲的遊戲我輸了 對方也沒有贏\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但那究竟是誰贏了呢 仔細想想 其實我 鈴語 扣哈庫和你都贏了\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"如果解釋原因的話 本意簡短的留言會過於冗長吧\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"想必提及的人的腦子都可以理解\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"所以 祝好死喵~\"))),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——Mik\\xe4, 2025 年 1 月 23 日\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其七:wing\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我並不怎麼了解他,在我看來他是個好人,他支持了一些弱勢的人,做了很多不必要做的麻煩的事。他曾經努力抑制自己的女性化人格,並聲稱如果放任就會死去。我以為 hrt 會讓他更好,鼓勵他做回本心,只是沒想到是這個結果。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"或許當初鼓勵他矯正會更好。在我看來他是個理性的人,如同紫風一樣,不過他倆都掛了,好吧。而且都 od,od 害人啊!\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"事已至此,也過了一年多,希望他能安息。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——wing, 2025 年 2 月 9 日\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其八:白毛 suki\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"與星璃璃的相識源自於自我性別的探索,在摸索中相遇,兩人話語投機,或許是同類亦或者是有更多其他的相似點,認識七天已經十分熟路。僅有的 72 天,落下一生不可磨滅的印記。 \"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃是個非常亞撒西的人,當我表達對體重學習上的各種焦慮除了給予經驗幫助,也不忘說一句「慢慢來吧」。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"在學校我常常和她打電話或聊天來緩和高三學習的苦悶,聽她們說各種趣事,傾聽屬於她們的故事。從中得知璃璃對生死其實已經比較淡然,風風光光的葬禮中增添樂趣。或許是憂鬱使然,死亡離她並不遙遠,或許總會有這一天的到來。但未曾想到來的有點突然,半年的沉淪…\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"在和她討論自身心別探索的時候,面對我的話她給我的評價就是「沒救了」遺言上卻又讓我不要翻車,或許是基於自身的經歷來勸導我,但我依然還是踏上這一條困難的道路。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"從她人的言論中星璃璃比我想像中的更複雜更抽象,我所知道的事情也只是冰山一角,或是因為亞撒西,或是因為時間不足。但無論如何星璃璃的後半段像遊戲一樣有趣。我遺憾於再無機會相見,但內心一隅總會有個叫星璃璃的傢伙在打 mai。\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"夕陽終將落下\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"幻夢即將破滅\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃劃破天際 墜入大氣\"),\"\\n\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——白毛 suki, 2025 年 2 月 4 日\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其九:空白\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"display: inline;\"},\"大哥大嫂過年好,你是我的爺,我是你們的兒\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"三句承題\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"空白/引號 寫於 2024 年 1 月 1 日 23 點 56 分崩潰時\"),Vue.h(\"p\"),Vue.h(\"blockquote\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"「以羅伊,以羅伊,拉馬撒巴各大尼?\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-4\",id:\"footnote-ref-4\"},\"4\")),\"」而且較為永久地悲憫他們的前途。 \",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-5\",id:\"footnote-ref-5\"},\"5\"))),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"這個醜陋的世界,不配得到她的美好\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"《Maybe All Transgender People Are Really Vampires》\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-6\",id:\"footnote-ref-6\"},\"6\"))))),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.hr),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"2024.1.2 09.26 唐澤:想和星璃璃告別的朋友今天可以到昌平殯儀館弔唁。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"——星璃璃的家長為『他』舉辦的葬禮\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,'2024.1.2 下午 空白:我計劃在晚上的時候做一個簡單的,真正屬於\"她\"的葬禮'),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"——空白發起但不算主持,大家自發性聚集力量為她舉辦的小型紀念儀式\"),Vue.h(\"br\"),Vue.h(_components.hr),Vue.h(\"br\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"七句破題\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(TextRing,{text:\"⊕⊕⊕⊕\",fontSize:\"1.25rem\"}),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"原來,她早就做了最壞的打算\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"本來,是為了完成她目標的\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"一場鬧劇\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"可是,卻有人親手把自己的孩子逼入絕路,自己在醫院的鐵架床上睡得倒非常安穩\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"在生命的最後,連她所期望的哪怕只是一點點如此卑微的權利都不肯給予\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"孩子從頭到尾根本沒有得到一個有自我意識的個體應有的尊重\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"甚至沒有被當作一個「人」來看待…\")),Vue.h(_components.blockquote,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"熱情的彷彿熾熱的驕陽\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"總是在堅定別人的徬徨\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她一人撒下了所有的謊\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"她獨自承受了全部悲傷\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"不曾料想\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——潔澄天奏 2024.1.1\"),\"\\n\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"籠中之鳥\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(TextRing,{text:\"☉☉☉☉\",fontSize:\"1.25rem\"}),\"\\n\",\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"這個故事剛剛發生不久,\")),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"有一隻螐\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-7\",id:\"footnote-ref-7\"},\"7\")),\"兒被關在了蛆蟲做成的籠子裡\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"人們歌頌他的幸福\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"他\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"蜂蜜使鳥兒的喉嚨嘶啞,聲聲鳴唱,已不再動聽\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"鐵糸將鳥兒的靈魂囚禁,聲嘶力竭,也無法傳遞\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"歡聲笑語,亦是他的悲傷\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"歌頌讚美,亦會是她的落寞\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"倘若,沒有夢想的話,芸芸眾生所追求的一切,也終將化為虛無\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"倘若,失去信念的話,他人眼中所期待的一切,也都是厚重的枷鎖\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"憂鬱中的籠中之鳥,無數夜晚,獨自哭泣,\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"幻想自己是籠子外的流星,轉瞬即逝卻又無比閃耀\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"希望自己是餓凍中的生靈,飢寒交迫,卻擁有自由\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"鐵柵欄扼住了她的咽喉,蛛糸\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-8\",id:\"footnote-ref-8\"},\"8\")),\"穿透了她的心臟\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你會在垃圾桶裡發現它的\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"螐兒的遺言如是寫道:\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"真的是什麼都不用做而擁有一切嗎?\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"而應該是什麼都做不了而一無所有啊…\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"生命的色調不應該是灰色,\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"自由的意志,能夠永遠閃耀嗎\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我的身軀或許會在垃圾桶裡腐爛,\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但至少,我的理想,\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我希望它能翱翔在天空\"),Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——來自《\",Vue.h(_components.a,{href:\"https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV17Q4y1s7j1\"},\"籠中之鳥\"),\"》\",Vue.h(\"sup\",null,Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-9\",id:\"footnote-ref-9\"},\"9\")),\",作者 潔澄天奏 Official\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"九重現實\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"「泠珞,你覺得世界上最令人難過的事情是什麼?」\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"「蝴蝶。醜陋的毛毛蟲,好不容易可以在夢境中忘記自己的軟弱,忘記自己身為害蟲的身份,卻又生出美麗的翅膀,被光吵醒,被迫意識到自己還活著的事實,然後還要親手撕開幽居的洞穴。越痛苦,翅膀越充血,它們就越美麗,然後再次為美麗和「醒著就要活下去」的定律而痛苦。它們會飛,卻又只能在俗氣的花叢中苟且偷生,仰視著永遠觸及不到的高空的鷹。然後死亡就突然降臨,它們連沾沾自喜的這一點高度也被剝奪。它們甚至不能迎來一次壯烈的墜亡,只是輕飄地、輕飄飄地……」\"),Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"—— 雨狸【妄想症 Paranoia】《九重現實》\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"h3\",{align:\"center\"},\"零重祈願\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(TextRing,{text:\"☿☿☿☿☿☿\",fontSize:\"1.25rem\"}),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,Vue.h(\"blockquote\",null,Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"《Maybe All Transgender People Are Really Vampires》\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"作者:Chrysanthemum Tran\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"也許所有跨性別者都是吸血鬼\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"雖然我不是說會被太陽灼傷\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"或者是渴望少女的脖頸\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"畢竟,大多數跨兒甚至無法確定自己步行回家的時候,自己的血液會不會濺到路邊的人行道上\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"我也沒有住在特蘭西瓦尼亞城堡裡\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"即使我的確算得上是一位女王(*註 非二元性別雙關)\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"每當遭到他人的辱罵,對我來說就好像是被銀灼燒了一般\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"我承認特蘭西瓦尼亞確實是一處能讓邊緣人生存的庇護所\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"但是期盼中的安全感甚至比虛構的怪物更像是一種幻覺\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"我是一隻長著怪異獠牙的獵物\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"當你上一次看到我這樣的人的時候\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"有沒有看到暴徒手中火炬的光芒\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"和刺來的乾草叉?\"),Vue.h(\"p\",null,\"這個時候,難道他們不想讓我的腦袋被木樁刺穿嗎? \"))),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"大家都知道,存在即合理。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"星璃璃曾經問過我,我們這樣的 trans 為什麼會存在?存在的意義又是什麼?為了增加族群多樣性而提高抗風險能力?還是說僅僅只是一個影響不大的結構上的 BUG?\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"薛丁格在《生命是什麼》中曾提出過一個這樣的觀點:生物在趨向熱寂的宇宙中依靠主動汲取負熵而得以組成和存續,生物在宇宙中的意義也可能也就在於此。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但,被胡蝶不經意煽動翅膀捲起的風暴揚起的我們,作為既定結果的我們,又該如何面對如此矛盾的現實呢?\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"當時的我,面對著這些問題。 。 。沉默良久,無法回答\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"現在也是\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"「在那一刻我終於知道自己並非天性擅長輕描淡寫,而是天生的無力與笨拙。」\"),Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"—— 雨狸【妄想症 Paranoia】《零重祈願》\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"br\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.hr),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"br\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"抱歉,星璃璃,即使在我最擅長的領域\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"我的能力只堪堪夠到這種程度而已\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"無法用太過華麗的詞藻或是足夠有邏輯的語言去繪聲繪色地描述您的生平和事蹟\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"但是,我會聽您的建議去努力的,一定會的\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"br\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.hr),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"br\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"曾經,有人說,面向大海,春暖花開;\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"有人說,從今以後所有的人類再也不用去買水果和蔬菜\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"曾經,有人說,當你凝視深淵時,深淵也在凝視你,\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"曾經有人說,有人曾自詡過自己是太陽,光熱無窮,\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"然而祂究竟不是太陽,祂發了瘋。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"可惜,因為,我們都是蟲子,慾望只是恐懼的截面\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——空白/引號\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h3,null,\"其十:錦心\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"details\",{style:\"margin-top: 0.5rem;\"},Vue.h(\"summary\",null,\"遺憾的是,由於個人原因,我的記憶力有點問題,截止到我寫下這段的時候(2025 年 2 月 10 日),我已經幾乎完全忘記 z60 是一個什麼樣的人了。還需要詢問人 z60 什麼時候死的。在我的記憶裡,z60 只是一個曾經活過的人。 \"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"很久以前我就說過我討厭賽博靈堂。隨著 limelight 倒閉,我退出跨性別社群,不再關心這些事情,現在或許沒那麼討厭了,但還是說不出喜歡。\"),Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"說真心話我並不想來評價。如果不是因為 z60 指定我要來寫一段,我根本就不會來搞這種苦差。死人是任人打扮的小女孩。說不出話的活人尚且如此,我已經經歷過一次。我很討厭拿自己片面的回憶割破一個曾經活過的人,橫斷面符號化,放在靈堂供人參拜。就算橫斷面再多也不夠。對著肖像畫感嘆「TA 曾經活過啊」,根本不會觸及靈魂,而且隨著靈魂被遺忘,假面也取代曾經鮮活的主人。很無趣。還好 z60 的事情我大多數都已經遺忘了,連肖像都不會畫出。\"),Vue.h(_components.ul,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.li,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"z60 死前一段時間突然找我,問我能不能請我當她的介錯人,於是我當然是當場就拒絕了。 (那時候好像是她哪個人格?我不記得了。聊天記錄也被我刪了,算了就照她算吧)\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.li,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"limelight 還活著的時候我似乎曾經和 z60 聊過許多的。不過已經完全不記得了。只記得那時候他(應該當時還覺得自己是友跨順男?)說話條理比較清晰。\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.li,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"後來反正我們就沒說過話了?反正我專心做自己的事情去了。我不確定。我真的不記得了。\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.li,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"出於道德原因我討厭 od,所以後面 z60 開始 od 的時候我就已經當 TA 是半個死人了。後面偶爾寥寥幾眼看 TA 也只能說是,每況愈下吧。所以 z60 死了我算是毫不意外。\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.li,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"本句是情緒化發言:我就說藥圈害人吧。你看 z60 死得多快。\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.li,null,\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"所以我真不知道 z60 為什麼會指定我寫評價。z60 到底看上我什麼?\"),\"\\n\"),\"\\n\")),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"——錦心,2025 年 2 月 10 日\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.h2,null,\"致曾劃過夜空的流星\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"在你將資料傳送給我後,我就預料到你對自己未來評價的一些期望。從實際上來講,你從來都不是一個特別光明特別正面典型,也無法成為太陽。但你希望自己能留下清晰真實的軌跡,那麼我會尊重你的願望。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你曾無知,懵懂,也因此參與迫害他人。你的網路軌跡從貼吧開始,那裡記下了你的熱血、青春、以及最早的「群體劃分」。你認為自己堅守正義,然而你最後也意識到,正義並不唯一。那些混亂的過往為你提供了認知上的積澱,但也留下了精神上的分裂。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你嘗試過深入虛擬世界。你對於音樂的情感,從虛擬歌姬到舞萌 DX,從未斷絕。從中學起,你的文字就有一座雲中的城堡,虛無,但有著遠超現實的美好。你的那些單純而天真的創作不會被時光抹去,一如你曾經的夢想,它仍在你所幫助過的人的回憶中熠熠生輝。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你想成為心中的自己,但你的心中不只一位「自己」。從外表來講,你的性別跨越並不成功,你的客觀認知與主觀表述都明確了這一點,但這並不是你的目標。你明確表示過,你並不那麼歸屬於性別,而更希望的是貼近靈魂,現在的你完成了這一最終的計劃。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你希望能夠幫助他人,即使這可能顯得相當激進。隨著救助與社群維護的「因不可抗力失效」次數增多,你的迷茫讓你只能更多的推進派系劃分的行動。這帶來的結果是更大的裂痕和爭吵,但本心不可否認。你的行動並不會因為失敗而失去意義,論心與論蹟的綜合評價之下,你想成為照亮他人的星光,而且你成功了。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你有一群很好的朋友。對你而言,死亡是一場超越一切的美夢的開端。你的朋友尊重了你的意願,她們為你送上了你所期望的祝福,並緬懷和記錄了你的過往。你本人的掠影與舊事,總會留在她們的心上,這是一種不可多得的幸運。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你曾想過很多,也因此做了很多。你想過成為一個男孩,也想過成為一個女孩。你想過成為最聰明的謀士,也想過成為最勇猛的戰士。你想過分割群體,也想過聚攏群體。你是矛盾的,但是也是統一的。值得欣慰的是,你總想成為好人,從未想過要成為惡人。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"曾經你說,自己從來不屬於某個圈。你的靈魂是自由的,而你的行動也是。對社會而言,你並不是一個特別有用的人,也顯然沒有盡到社會責任,但你盡力綻放了屬於自己的光芒,並留下了不可磨滅的痕跡。認識你的人不一定會感謝你,但是大家總會記得你,記得有一個複雜的、可愛的、總是想著幫忙——並切實投入了精力和行動的孩子來過。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"你大概不是個好男孩,也不是個好女孩,但你是個好孩子,是星星上的小王子。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"彗星終有暗淡之日,生命亦有消逝之時。然而你劃破夜空的那一刻,已然定格為永恆。願你在那沒有紛爭和責任的世界,永享安寧與幸福。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"此致。\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"p\",{style:\"text-align: end;\"},\"調查員 深夜 書於 2024.2-2025.2\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(_components.p,null,\"条目贡献:无常 及行文中所出现的朋友们\"),\"\\n\",Vue.h(\"ol\",null,Vue.h(\"li\",{id:\"footnote-1\"},\"出自盧梭《社會契約論》\",Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-ref-1\"},Vue.h(\"svg\",{viewBox:\"0 0 16 16\",version:\"1.1\",id:\"svg1\",\"xmlns:xlink\":\"http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink\",xmlns:\"http://www.w3.org/2000/svg\",\"xmlns:svg\":\"http://www.w3.org/2000/svg\",style:\"margin-left: 0.5rem; margin-bottom: -2px; width: 1rem; height: 1rem\"},Vue.h(\"defs\",{id:\"defs1\"},Vue.h(\"linearGradient\",{id:\"linearGradient3\"},Vue.h(\"stop\",{style:\"stop-color:#ff8373;stop-opacity:1;\",offset:\"0.5\",id:\"stop3\"}),Vue.h(\"stop\",{style:\"stop-color:#ff8373;stop-opacity:0;\",offset:\"0.5\",id:\"stop4\"})),Vue.h(\"linearGradient\",{id:\"linearGradient1\"},Vue.h(\"stop\",{style:\"stop-color:#ff8373;stop-opacity:0;\",offset:\"0.5\",id:\"stop1\"}),Vue.h(\"stop\",{style:\"stop-color:#ff8373;stop-opacity:1;\",offset:\"0.5\",id:\"stop2\"})),Vue.h(\"linearGradient\",{\"xlink:href\":\"#linearGradient1\",id:\"linearGradient2\",x1:\"2.6681123\",y1:\"8\",x2:\"13.331888\",y2:\"8\",gradientUnits:\"userSpaceOnUse\",gradientTransform:\"translate(2.6678295,-2)\"}),Vue.h(\"linearGradient\",{\"xlink:href\":\"#linearGradient3\",id:\"linearGradient4\",x1:\"3.7075224\",y1:\"8\",x2:\"12.292478\",y2:\"8\",gradientUnits:\"userSpaceOnUse\"})),Vue.h(\"g\",{id:\"layer1\",transform:\"translate(0,2)\"},Vue.h(\"circle\",{style:\"fill:#cccccc;fill-opacity:0;stroke:url(#linearGradient2);stroke-width:1.5;stroke-linecap:square;paint-order:stroke fill markers\",id:\"path1\",cx:\"10.667834\",cy:\"6\",r:\"4.5818877\"}),Vue.h(\"path\",{style:\"fill:#cccccc;fill-opacity:0;stroke:#ff8373;stroke-width:1.5;stroke-linecap:square;paint-order:stroke fill markers\",d:\"M 9.9178343,10.577036 H 1.7971455\",id:\"path2\"}),Vue.h(\"path\",{style:\"fill:#cccccc;fill-opacity:0;stroke:url(#linearGradient4);stroke-width:1.5;stroke-linecap:square;paint-order:stroke fill markers\",id:\"path3\",d:\"M 8.0000001,11.231817 4.7681825,8.0000001 7.9999999,4.7681825 11.231817,7.9999999 Z\",transform:\"translate(-3.6894439,2.577036)\"}))))),Vue.h(\"li\",{id:\"footnote-2\"},\"實則出自博爾赫斯《另一次死亡》\",Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-ref-2\"},Vue.h(\"svg\",{viewBox:\"0 0 16 16\",version:\"1.1\",id:\"svg1\",\"xmlns:xlink\":\"http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink\",xmlns:\"http://www.w3.org/2000/svg\",\"xmlns:svg\":\"http://www.w3.org/2000/svg\",style:\"margin-left: 0.5rem; margin-bottom: -2px; width: 1rem; height: 1rem\"},Vue.h(\"defs\",{id:\"defs1\"},Vue.h(\"linearGradient\",{id:\"linearGradient3\"},Vue.h(\"stop\",{style:\"stop-color:#ff8373;stop-opacity:1;\",offset:\"0.5\",id:\"stop3\"}),Vue.h(\"stop\",{style:\"stop-color:#ff8373;stop-opacity:0;\",offset:\"0.5\",id:\"stop4\"})),Vue.h(\"linearGradient\",{id:\"linearGradient1\"},Vue.h(\"stop\",{style:\"stop-color:#ff8373;stop-opacity:0;\",offset:\"0.5\",id:\"stop1\"}),Vue.h(\"stop\",{style:\"stop-color:#ff8373;stop-opacity:1;\",offset:\"0.5\",id:\"stop2\"})),Vue.h(\"linearGradient\",{\"xlink:href\":\"#linearGradient1\",id:\"linearGradient2\",x1:\"2.6681123\",y1:\"8\",x2:\"13.331888\",y2:\"8\",gradientUnits:\"userSpaceOnUse\",gradientTransform:\"translate(2.6678295,-2)\"}),Vue.h(\"linearGradient\",{\"xlink:href\":\"#linearGradient3\",id:\"linearGradient4\",x1:\"3.7075224\",y1:\"8\",x2:\"12.292478\",y2:\"8\",gradientUnits:\"userSpaceOnUse\"})),Vue.h(\"g\",{id:\"layer1\",transform:\"translate(0,2)\"},Vue.h(\"circle\",{style:\"fill:#cccccc;fill-opacity:0;stroke:url(#linearGradient2);stroke-width:1.5;stroke-linecap:square;paint-order:stroke fill markers\",id:\"path1\",cx:\"10.667834\",cy:\"6\",r:\"4.5818877\"}),Vue.h(\"path\",{style:\"fill:#cccccc;fill-opacity:0;stroke:#ff8373;stroke-width:1.5;stroke-linecap:square;paint-order:stroke fill markers\",d:\"M 9.9178343,10.577036 H 1.7971455\",id:\"path2\"}),Vue.h(\"path\",{style:\"fill:#cccccc;fill-opacity:0;stroke:url(#linearGradient4);stroke-width:1.5;stroke-linecap:square;paint-order:stroke fill markers\",id:\"path3\",d:\"M 8.0000001,11.231817 4.7681825,8.0000001 7.9999999,4.7681825 11.231817,7.9999999 Z\",transform:\"translate(-3.6894439,2.577036)\"}))))),Vue.h(\"li\",{id:\"footnote-3\"},\"即 Transcend Lights\",Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-ref-3\"},Vue.h(\"svg\",{viewBox:\"0 0 16 16\",version:\"1.1\",id:\"svg1\",\"xmlns:xlink\":\"http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink\",xmlns:\"http://www.w3.org/2000/svg\",\"xmlns:svg\":\"http://www.w3.org/2000/svg\",style:\"margin-left: 0.5rem; margin-bottom: -2px; width: 1rem; height: 1rem\"},Vue.h(\"defs\",{id:\"defs1\"},Vue.h(\"linearGradient\",{id:\"linearGradient3\"},Vue.h(\"stop\",{style:\"stop-color:#ff8373;stop-opacity:1;\",offset:\"0.5\",id:\"stop3\"}),Vue.h(\"stop\",{style:\"stop-color:#ff8373;stop-opacity:0;\",offset:\"0.5\",id:\"stop4\"})),Vue.h(\"linearGradient\",{id:\"linearGradient1\"},Vue.h(\"stop\",{style:\"stop-color:#ff8373;stop-opacity:0;\",offset:\"0.5\",id:\"stop1\"}),Vue.h(\"stop\",{style:\"stop-color:#ff8373;stop-opacity:1;\",offset:\"0.5\",id:\"stop2\"})),Vue.h(\"linearGradient\",{\"xlink:href\":\"#linearGradient1\",id:\"linearGradient2\",x1:\"2.6681123\",y1:\"8\",x2:\"13.331888\",y2:\"8\",gradientUnits:\"userSpaceOnUse\",gradientTransform:\"translate(2.6678295,-2)\"}),Vue.h(\"linearGradient\",{\"xlink:href\":\"#linearGradient3\",id:\"linearGradient4\",x1:\"3.7075224\",y1:\"8\",x2:\"12.292478\",y2:\"8\",gradientUnits:\"userSpaceOnUse\"})),Vue.h(\"g\",{id:\"layer1\",transform:\"translate(0,2)\"},Vue.h(\"circle\",{style:\"fill:#cccccc;fill-opacity:0;stroke:url(#linearGradient2);stroke-width:1.5;stroke-linecap:square;paint-order:stroke fill markers\",id:\"path1\",cx:\"10.667834\",cy:\"6\",r:\"4.5818877\"}),Vue.h(\"path\",{style:\"fill:#cccccc;fill-opacity:0;stroke:#ff8373;stroke-width:1.5;stroke-linecap:square;paint-order:stroke fill markers\",d:\"M 9.9178343,10.577036 H 1.7971455\",id:\"path2\"}),Vue.h(\"path\",{style:\"fill:#cccccc;fill-opacity:0;stroke:url(#linearGradient4);stroke-width:1.5;stroke-linecap:square;paint-order:stroke fill markers\",id:\"path3\",d:\"M 8.0000001,11.231817 4.7681825,8.0000001 7.9999999,4.7681825 11.231817,7.9999999 Z\",transform:\"translate(-3.6894439,2.577036)\"}))))),Vue.h(\"li\",{id:\"footnote-4\"},\"出自魯迅散文詩《復仇(其二)》,即 Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? 翻出來,就是:我的上帝,你為什麼離棄我?\",Vue.h(\"a\",{href:\"#footnote-ref-4\"},Vue.h(\"svg\",{viewBox:\"0 0 16 16\",version:\"1.1\",id:\"svg1\",\"xmlns:xlink\":\"http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink\",xmlns:\"http://www.w3.org/2000/svg\",\"xmlns:svg\":\"http://www.w3.org/2000/svg\",style:\"margin-left: 0.5rem; margin-bottom: -2px; width: 1rem; height: 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