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{"id":18054,"content":"一路走好朋友…","submitter":"ZZY","date":"Jul 28, 2024"}

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Acheron was a young trans girl who was lovely, brave, and kind-hearted.
She uploaded several Minecraft gameplay videos on Bilibili.
She once excavated an entire chunk in Minecraft with nine friends in the speedrun community in just 30:17.
She once excavated an entire chunk in Minecraft with nine friends in the Speedrun community in just 30:17.
Acheron was also knowledgeable in technology.
Acheron was not just a gamer but also a tech enthusiast.
She was knowledgeable in various aspects of technology,
from hardware to software,
and often shared her insights with the community.
She uploaded two notable videos:
one is unboxing the BearPi-HM Nano development board,
and the other is installing Klipper based on Debian 10.
one is unboxing the BearPi-HM Nano development board.
The other is installing Klipper based on Debian 10.
## Departure

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id: AkiraComplex
profileUrl: ${path}/photos/profile.jpg
info:
born: '1993-03-30'
died: '2023-06-26'
websites:
twitter: https://twitter.com/AkiraComplex
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdxf3SY8xgI6x7TRTc8jxrg/featured
iconify:hugeicons:soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/akira-complex

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---
name: Akira Complex
info:
alias: Akira, Charlie
location: New York, United States
---
> An intense dissatisfaction in the world.
>
> And a compulsion to do something about it.
>
> Heaven and
>
> earth*36
>
> **MY GUIDING STAR**.
<BlurBlock>
Akira Complex was a wonderful, beautiful, caring person.
They managed to work through their pain for years by bringing joy to many with their exceptional talent and sensational music.
But their pain proved to be too much for them...
That soul full of love and warmth left us at last, like a meteor.
Bright and fragile,
shocking but fleeting...
Akira, We will always remember you and your works.
</BlurBlock>
> My Guiding star, forever...

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---
name: Akira Complex
info:
alias: Akira
location: 美国纽约
---
> An intense dissatisfaction in the world.
>
> And a compulsion to do something about it.
>
> Heaven and
>
> earth*36
>
> **MY GUIDING STAR**.
<BlurBlock>
Akira Complex 是个很棒,很漂亮,很有爱心的人。
多年来ta 努力克服自己的痛苦,用 ta 杰出的才华,与震撼人心的音乐给大家带来欢乐。
ta 所受到的痛苦对 ta 来说,也许太过沉重了……
那个充满爱与温暖的灵魂终究离开了我们,像一颗流星。灿烂而脆弱,震撼却转瞬即逝……
Akira我们永远记得你和你的创作。
</BlurBlock>
> 不灭的指明星,永远闪耀着……

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---
name: Akira Complex
info:
alias: Akira
location: 美國紐約
---
> An intense dissatisfaction in the world.
>
> And a compulsion to do something about it.
>
> Heaven and
>
> earth*36
>
> **MY GUIDING STAR**.
<BlurBlock>
Akira Complex 是一個很棒,很漂亮,很有愛心的人。
多年來ta 努力克服自己的痛苦,用 ta 傑出的才華,與震撼人心的音樂給大家帶來歡樂。
但是ta 所受到的痛苦對 ta 來說,也許太過沉重了……
那個充滿愛與溫暖的靈魂終究離開了我們,像一顆流星。燦爛而脆弱,震撼卻轉瞬即逝……
Akira我們永遠記得你和你的創作。
</BlurBlock>
> 不滅的指明星,永遠閃耀著……

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<Banner data={{
icon: "https://one-among.us/favicon-large.png",
title: "This entry contains various types of triggering information",
text: "If you feel uncomfortable while browsing this page, please exit immediately and seek help from doctors, the community, or local suicide intervention agencies if necessary."
text: "If you feel uncomfortable while browsing this page, please exit immediately and seek help from health professionals, the community, or local suicide intervention agencies if necessary."
}} />
> Extremely lucky today
@ -28,11 +28,11 @@ info:
<br /><br />
...Well, I posted that too early on socials.
Stuff in the stomach have not been digested...and acid reflux
Stuff in the stomach has not been digested...and acid reflux
<br /><br />
> Repenting
> Regrets
> I should not develop any intimate relationships...
<br /><br />
@ -40,8 +40,8 @@ Stuff in the stomach have not been digested...and acid reflux
I'm having some strange feelings——
——I think I want to go and play with you
> Ugly, filthy me after a few days off GATH.
> No need to use those medications.
> Ugly, filthy me after a few days off GATH (Gender Affirming Hormone Therapy).
> No need to waste those meds.
> I'll finish the last thing I need to do,
> And finally, aboard the Ginga Tetsudō, with you.
>
@ -50,12 +50,12 @@ I'm having some strange feelings——
<br /><br />
i love you
But buried deep in my heart
When you hate me, and forget me
i finally succeeded
I love you,
But my love is buried deep in my heart.
The time when you hate me and forget me
is when I have finally succeeded.
<div style="min-height: 20vh" />
<div style="min-height: 20vh; min-block-size: 20vb;" />
> La homa mondo devus esti detruita

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{"id":18065,"content":"一年昙花","submitter":"Anonymous","date":"Aug 2, 2024"}

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{"id":18066,"content":"/keep alive","submitter":"Anonymous","date":"Aug 2, 2024"}

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{"id":17128,"content":"嗯…虽然不认识你,但还是,祝你安眠…明天见,陌生人","submitter":"未知の纪念日","date":"Apr 21, 2024"}

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## Profile
Ani grew up in a single-parent household.
She has helped many people.
Her selflessness has touched the lives of many.
But in the end, she, who gave others hope, wasn't able to escape death herself.
<PhotoScroll photos={[ '${path}/photos/photo1.jpg', ]} />
@ -25,7 +25,7 @@ On that day, Ani fulfilled her last plan to leave silently.
Yet, her death was sudden and shocking.
> Maybe separation is not that awful.
> When we are dissolved into wind after millions of hours,
> When we are dissolved into the wind after millions of hours,
> we will be reunited as bubbles in the same cup of beer.
> No atoms can truly be destroyed in the universe.
> Sooner or later, we will be together again.
@ -42,17 +42,17 @@ Her death was confirmed by [方方](https://twitter.com/fang050722) and [铃木
This world does not deserve you.
May the other side treat you well.
May you share the joy with those who travel together with you,
on the train traveling through the starry sky.
on the train travelling through the starry sky.
Death is not the end.
We will meet under the sky of a more loving world.
Wish you have the happiness that you missed.
I wish you the happiness that you missed.
> A gentle and kind-hearted friend,
> always thinking about others,
> compassionate to a fault.
> Tried to take care of friends when she should have had taken care of herself;
> shouldered everything herself to not bother anyone else.
> Tried to take care of friends when she should have taken care of herself;
> shouldered everything herself so as not bother anyone else.
Ani was outed on October 22nd.
[Elihuso](https://twitter.com/ElihusoQ) sought help for her by explaining her situation online.
@ -62,5 +62,5 @@ However, she rejected every offer of help.
> I already went against it twice.
> Once, twice, there will not be a third.
At night, when we look at Betelgeuse, the brightest star in this starry sky,
you will be waving at us, smiling.
At night, when we look at Betelgeuse, the brightest star in this starry sky:
You will be waving at us, smiling.

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{"id":18111,"content":"事情已经过去一年多了还记得去年Suraimu重生后我们一起参加东京骄傲游行活动后去原宿逛街时她在某个小店里刻印了一枚写着arts的吊牌当时只知道是一位来自清华的已故的姐妹。直到近些天才得知她的真实身份我们曾经在同一个高中的同一个班级做过一年同学只记得她是一个瘦瘦小小、不苟言谈、成绩好到让我艳羡不已的人。可这么久了我竟然始终没有将这两个人对到一起实在感到抱歉没想到我竟然以这样的方式与她重新相识。我也是一位已经RLE许久的跨性别女性只是远远不如她优秀更没有足够的能力为社群做出那么多贡献…写到这儿时我的脸颊已经被泪水浸湿了那个曾经相识过但已默不作声地去往天国的姐妹祝你安好","submitter":"花路","date":"Aug 16, 2024"}

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{"id":18108,"content":"放心,大家都会记得你","submitter":"西西","date":"Aug 15, 2024"}

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@ -3,20 +3,20 @@ name: Barron
---
Barron was a happy trans girl who studied drawing in Japan.
She had a dream to open a manga studio.
But unfortunately, due to family discord and her coming out, she was forced to give up her studies and return to China at the end of May 2023 after failing to commit suicide in Japan.
She had a dream of opening a manga studio.
Unfortunately, due to family discord and her coming out, she was forced to give up her studies and return to China at the end of May 2023 after failing to commit suicide in Japan.
After returning to China, she lost almost all her income sources.
To make matters even worse, she was unable to draw again due to her serious PTSD.
She found some good friends in Guangzhou who could keep her company, and then lived for a short time in Beijing.
During her time in Beijing, although she was often bothered by finance and other issues, she was quite happy with everyone's comfort.
To make matters even worse, she was unable to draw again due to her severe PTSD.
She found some good friends in Guangzhou who could keep her company, and then lived briefly in Beijing.
Although she was often bothered by finance and other issues during her time in Beijing, she was pretty happy with everyone's comfort.
However, owing to financial reasons and her beloved, she returned to Guangzhou at the end of August.
She and her beloved spent quality time in Guangzhou, although they had to engage in sex work to survive.
Even though she faced challenges in her relationship with her lover, she bravely confronted the trials of life.
Barron once said that she was on a girl's last tour.
Tragically, she left us too soon and ended her own tour. During her journey, she once left such words, "Really wish that someone would remember me."
Tragically, she left us too soon and ended her own tour. During her journey, she once left such words: "Really wish that someone would remember me."
Rest well, Barron. We will all remember you.
Hope you have a blissful trip to heaven.

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location: Ji'ning, Shandong
---
She was born on March 4th, 2009, and she came from Jining, Shandong. She longed to be a girl, to wear beautiful dresses, to have long hair, and to have a gentle voice.
She was born on March 4th, 2009, in Jining, Shandong.
She longed to be a girl, to wear beautiful dresses, to have long hair, and to have a gentle voice.
## Her hobbies
She had many hobbies. She loved rhythm games and liked to play Arcaea. The last song she played was “False Embellishment”. She also liked to listen to music, create music, make videos, write code and so on. Some of her videos were very funny, and her music has a lot of personality. She was a talented and versatile person, always full of curiosity and creativity.
She had many hobbies.
She loved rhythm games and played Arcaea.
The last song she played was “False Embellishment”.
She also liked to listen to music, create music, make videos, write code and so on.
Some of her videos were very funny, and her music had tons of personality.
She was a talented and versatile person, always full of curiosity and creativity.
## Her dreams
She had many dreams. She wanted to become a real girl. She said she wanted to be a forensic doctor in the future. She wanted to help those who suffered from depression and anxiety.
She had many dreams.
She wanted to become a real girl.
She said she wanted to be a forensic doctor in the future.
She wanted to help those who suffered from depression and anxiety.
> She once said she wanted to meet EnderCat
@ -21,36 +30,48 @@ She had many dreams. She wanted to become a real girl. She said she wanted to be
On May 11th, 2023, MoeCat gave Cencen a hair clip and hoped that Cencen would think of her after she left.
On May 12th, 2023, MoeCat started to ask Cencen for blessings and hoped that Cencen could wish her “to be a girl in the next life”.
On May 12th, 2023, MoeCat started asking Cencen for blessings and hoped that Cencen would wish her “to be a girl in the next life”.
On May 13th, 2023, Cencen sensed that she might commit suicide the next day and informed EnderCat at 11:45 pm that night. EnderCat tried to inform her parents but failed.
On May 13th, 2023, Cencen sensed that she might commit suicide the next day and informed EnderCat at 11:45 pm that night.
EnderCat tried to inform her parents but failed.
On May 14th, 2023, EnderCat received a forwarded chat record from “Fixing Broken Hearts” at 1:11 am and tried to contact MoeCat and her parents to confirm her status. At 1:17 am, MoeCat sent EnderCat an apology message and said “I'm really happy that I met EnderCat in this life”.
On May 14th, 2023, EnderCat received a forwarded chat record from “Fixing Broken Hearts” at 1:11 am and tried to contact MoeCat and her parents to confirm her status.
At 1:17 am, MoeCat sent EnderCat an apology message and said, “Im really happy that I met EnderCat in this life”.
## Her departure
But she did not realize her dreams or meet EnderCat. On May 13th, 2023, she was very happy, as if she had returned to normal. In the early morning of the next day, she chose to commit suicide.
But she did not realize her dreams or meet EnderCat.
On May 13th, 2023, she was really happy, as if she had returned to normal.
In the early morning of the next day, she chose to commit suicide.
This was a decision that was hard to accept and understand. I know she endured a lot of pain and pressure. She was forced to stop HRT and was given GnRH analogs. Her parents did not understand her needs, which made her feel hopeless and helpless.
That was a decision that was hard to accept and understand.
I know she endured a lot of pain and pressure.
She was forced to stop HRT and was given GnRH analogs.
Her parents did not understand her needs, which made her feel hopeless and helpless.
Plus she originally had no confidence or sense of worth in herself. She felt useless and unworthy of being loved. But these were not true. We always loved her.
Plus, she initially had no confidence or sense of worth in herself.
She felt useless and unworthy of being loved.
But these were not true.
We always loved her.
Her friend EnderCat called 120 at 1:23 am. Her parents also called 120 almost at the same time... Unfortunately, she lost consciousness at 1:25 am on May 14th, 2023 and was taken to the hospital... I don't know what happened next, but she eventually did not make it.
Her friend EnderCat called 120 at 1:23 am.
Her parents also called 120 almost at the same time...
Unfortunately, she lost consciousness at 1:25 am on May 14th, 2023 and was taken to the hospital... I dont know what happened next, but she eventually did not make it.
> “I could have called 120 ten minutes earlier, but I chose to confirm her status first. I blame myself. I will never forget what she said to me at the end: I'm in so much pain, EnderCat, please help me!’” - EnderCat
> “I could have called 120 ten minutes earlier, but I chose to confirm her status first. I blame myself. I will never forget what she said to me at the end: Im in so much pain, EnderCat, please help me!’” - EnderCat
<PhotoScroll photos={[ '${path}/photos/Photo1.png']} />
## Her gallery
> Selected from MoeCat's Qzone, all are architectural photos
> Selected from MoeCats Qzone, all are architectural photos
<PhotoScroll photos={[ '${path}/photos/Photo4.png', '${path}/photos/Photo3.png', '${path}/photos/Photo2.png']} />
## Other people who appear on this page
EnderCat: MoeCat's friend and one of the main interveners. According to EnderCat, she was the most capable of saving MoeCat, but because of an obvious mistake that could have been avoided, it led to irreversible consequences.
EnderCat: MoeCats friend and one of the main interveners. According to EnderCat, she was the most capable of saving MoeCat. However, because of an obvious mistake, it led to irreversible consequences.
“Fixing Broken Hearts”: MoeCat's friend and the one who invited MoeCat to join “a group chat”. Because of her, MoeCat was able to buy HRT medication and meet everyone. According to her, if she did not pull MoeCat into the circle, MoeCat might not have committed suicide.
“Fixing Broken Hearts”: MoeCats friend and the one who invited MoeCat to join “a group chat”. Because of her, MoeCat could buy HRT medication and meet everyone. According to her, if she did not pull MoeCat into the circle, MoeCat might not have committed suicide.
Cencen: MoeCat's boyfriend, the first one to sense that MoeCat would commit suicide. According to him, “We may have indeed prolonged her life. Without us, she might have left in March...”
Cencen: MoeCats boyfriend, the first one to sense that MoeCat would commit suicide. According to him, “We may have indeed prolonged her life. Without us, she might have left in March...”

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{"id":18112,"content":"鱼的繁体很好看,魚魚子亦是如此。","submitter":"匿名","date":"Aug 16, 2024"}

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## Description
She loves Sunflowers. She once told me she feels some kind of predestined affinity with Sunflowers.
She loves Sunflowers. She once told me she feels some predestined affinity with Sunflowers.
She is persistent when it comes to her art.
@ -15,7 +15,7 @@ She likes to drink Monster Energy.
She often tells me she cannot have a good meal.
She thinks she doesn't have many friends.
She thinks she doesnt have many friends.
Her first language is Russian.
@ -23,28 +23,28 @@ She knows how to play guitar.
Her parents fought a lot.
She didn't consider her life more valuable than others'.
She didnt consider her life more valuable than others.
If she believes sacrificing herself would benefit others, she won't have a second thought.
She wouldnt have a second thought if she believed sacrificing herself would benefit others.
She cares about her friends a lot.
She's an Eastern Orthodox Christian.
Shes an Eastern Orthodox Christian.
She doesn't really trust God 100%, though.
She doesnt trust God 100%, though.
She came up with her nickname “Ling Shui Yu Yu Zi” while feeding fish.
She coined her nickname “Ling Shui Yu Yu Zi” while feeding fish.
“Ling Shui Yu Yu Zi” means fish in clear water.
She began transitioning because:
1. Her parents told her they wanted a daughter. She felt she was born with the wrong sex.
2. She decided on who she wanted to become after immersing in ACG culture and found out about the futa character stereotype.
2. After immersing herself in ACG culture, she decided on who she wanted to become. She also learned about the futa character stereotype.
3. A character she created became more and more similar to herself. She wanted to replace her.
4. Pressure from family and school was becoming increasingly heavy. She wanted to escape the body she was born with but didn't have the means to do so.
4. Pressure from family and school was becoming increasingly heavy. She wanted to escape the body she was born with but didnt have the means to do so.
While trying to console her friend, a conflict ensued. She swallowed lots of her meds that night and argued with her father after waking up.
She then attempted suicide and was sent to the hospital. She was confirmed to be dead and cremated by August 1st, 2023.

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{"id":18095,"content":"抱抱你……","submitter":"ZS.","date":"Aug 12, 2024"}

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{"id":18105,"content":"姐姐贴贴","submitter":"梦梦","date":"Aug 14, 2024"}

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## Description
Sis Cuddly is a somewhat mysterious girl. Although she often posts some incomprehensible things on Twitter, she is actually a very interesting, cute, and empathetic person.
Cuddly is a somewhat mysterious girl. Although she often posts incomprehensible things on Twitter, she is actually very interesting, cute, and empathetic.
Perhaps due to borderline personality disorder or a learning disability, she always likes to add "Cuddle?" at the end of a sentence or a paragraph.
Because of this, everyone always likes to call her "Sis Cuddly"
Because of this, everyone always likes to call her "Sis Cuddly".
She has a peculiar habit of saying, "Cut myself into little pieces and toss them into the sea to feed the fishies..."
She has a peculiar habit of saying, "Cut me into little pieces and toss them into the sea to feed the fishies..."
She always wanted to explore ways to commit suicide, but, ironically, she died in a artificial accident.
She always wanted to explore ways to commit suicide, but ironically, she died in an artificial accident.
## Departure
In early July 2023, she, who had always been updated every day, suddenly lost her message. Soon after, news emerged that she had been arrested for an alleged negligent homicide, and all contact was lost.
In early July 2023, she, who had been posting to social media every day, suddenly stopped posting. Soon after, news emerged that she had been arrested for an alleged negligent homicide, and all contact was lost.
We have no way of knowing the exact date of her death. All we can do is keep her in our memories.
> "Thank you, Sis Cuddly. Don't forget to come and spar with us often in the future."
"Hurry and come cut the watermelon, you can slice it into little pieces! 🍉"
"Hurry and come cut the watermelon; you can slice it into little pieces! 🍉"

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{"id":18084,"content":"||每每看到比我小的mtf最后走上了这样一条路总是会感到如此心痛如果死亡是解脱那就让人生最后一次勇敢地选择吧晚安♡||","submitter":"あRedumn","date":"Aug 8, 2024"}

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Sakuya had a passion for programming and the web since her childhood. She loved role-playing and simulation games.
She had an interest in game development.
She contributed to the development of many games, including *Pokémon Go* and *The Headmaster*.
Besides being a talented programmer proficient in languages like Java, PHP, and C++, Sakuya was also skilled in stock trading and video editing.
She helped develop many games, including *Pokémon Go* and *The Headmaster*.
In addition to being a talented programmer proficient in languages like Java, PHP, and C++, Sakuya was also skilled in stock trading and video editing.
She once founded a translation group.
She started her own fashion company, but it went bankrupt, leading her to lose almost all her income sources.
She started her own fashion company, but it went bankrupt due to financial problems, causing her to lose almost all her income sources.
She wasn't able to make a comeback.
Subsequently, she moved to Shanghai for a while.
During her time in Shanghai, although she often worried about financial issues, she managed to spend her days relatively happily, thanks to the company and support of her friends.
@ -29,4 +29,4 @@ Rest well, Sakuya. May you find happiness and peace. Wishing you a smooth journe
Contributor for this entry: Nanami[^1]
[^1]: Nanami, Sakuya's friend, who inherit and continue to use Sakuya's account.
[^1]: Nanami, Sakuya's friend, inherits and continues to use Sakuya's account.

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@ -5,23 +5,24 @@ info:
location: Yubei, Chongqing
---
## Description
In Fall 2023, Sugar went to Hangzhou, Zhejiang to attend university.
In Fall 2023, Sugar went to Hangzhou, Zhejiang, to attend university.
She was an introverted girl who cared about others' feelings too much such that she wasn't able to express herself when she needed it.
She was an introverted girl who cared too much about others' feelings, so she wasn't able to express herself when she needed it.
She was too shy to express her confusion and anxiety.
Moreover, she hadn't a friend to confide her thoughts, she could only hide these in the heart.
Moreover, she had no friend to confide in her thoughts; she could only hide them in her heart.
That made her look a bit intimidated.
She always prepared a lot ahead of meeting friends in real life.
She was always worried about leaving a bad impression, so she asked them tons of questions in advance (such as which kinds of gifts they would like), and warned them she might exhibit regressive behaviors.
She always prepared a lot before meeting friends in real life.
She was always worried about leaving a bad impression, so she asked them tons of questions in advance (such as which kinds of gifts they would like) and warned them she might exhibit regressive behaviours.
Her family is conservative.
Her father worked in China Railways Group and her mother was a teacher.
Her father worked for China Railways Group, and her mother was a teacher.
She didn't receive enough love from them.
They once threw away her gender-affirming clothing she hid while she was in high school.
Therefore, she was certain her parents were too conservative to communicate with.
They once threw away the gender-affirming clothing she hid while she was in high school.
Therefore, she was sure her parents were too conservative to communicate with.
## The dissipated haze in Hangzhou
@ -39,24 +40,24 @@ When parting, She asked A about her thoughts on her plan to "threaten" her paren
> *Here is what A remembered:*
>
> Sugar: Perhaps what I need to do is to "threaten", since they are too conservative to be communicated with.
> Sugar: Perhaps I need to "threaten" them since they are too conservative to communicate with.
>
> Sugar: I'm afraid of pain, but I could hurt myself a bit.
>
> Sugar: Thereby they might make a compromise eventually, and I might get more freedom in return.
> Sugar: Thereby, they might make a compromise eventually, and I might get more freedom in return.
>
> Sugar: According to the plan, I will delete you from my friend list after this parting.
>
> Sugar: You shouldn't be worried about me. Please forget me as soon as possible.
When A left for home, she left Sugar half a bag of oranges, and messaged her "Adios." (Goodbye) on QQ.
When A left for home, she left Sugar half a bag of oranges and messaged her "Adios." (Goodbye) on QQ.
A didn't get any reply.
That night, Sugar actually deleted her contact.
The second day, a Twitter user who claimed to be Sugar's high school classmate brought her some random thoughts on behalf of Sugar.
On the second day, a Twitter user who claimed to be Sugar's high school classmate sent her some random thoughts on behalf of Sugar.
Then A requested them to look after her.
Later, Sugar began her winter vacation, and got her diagnosis certificate of gender dysphoria in Shenzhen Kangning Hospital —— This was only known by A after her death.
Later, Sugar began her winter vacation and got her diagnosis certificate of gender dysphoria in Shenzhen Kangning Hospital —— This was only known by A after her death.
## Thick fog over Jialing River (Her departure)
@ -75,7 +76,7 @@ But the dosage she was about to take was fatal.
A and her other online friends couldn't persuade her, so they called for first aid as a last resort.
Because they didn't know her exact location, the ambulance left after more than half an hour had passed.
Unfortunately, Sugar was in critical condition when the ambulance arrived at Second People's Hospital of Yubei District of Chongqing.
Unfortunately, Sugar was in critical condition when the ambulance arrived at the Second People's Hospital of Yubei District of Chongqing.
And she passed away in the early morning of the next day due to chemical poisoning.
## After her departure
@ -93,7 +94,7 @@ She said words like Sugar was too selfish and didn't care about them.
Then she tried to unlock Sugar's phone.
A asked her mother to bury Sugar as a daughter, but her mother replied like [this](https://twitter.com/KiraRettosei/status/1749728762261012752?s=19).
(The link may be potentially triggering.)
(The link may be triggering.)
However, her mother's attitude was changing gradually.
@ -101,15 +102,15 @@ Her parents started to tidy up her belongings.
Her mother asked A if she wanted to keep Sugar's IKEA Blåhaj Shark, which she loved to hug.
Her mother said, he was their angel, but unfortunately God made him leave early, and he had to leave.
Her mother said he was their angel, but unfortunately, God made him leave early, and he had to leave.
Her mother had always been grateful to A.
## The new spring
It's February 12th, 2024. The third day of Spring Festival.
It's February 12th, 2024—the third day of Spring Festival.
On this night, A set off for a trip to Guiyang and Chongqing.
That night, A set off on a trip to Guiyang and Chongqing.
At Ningbo Lishe International Airport,
@ -121,22 +122,22 @@ In a daze, a phone call from Chongqing came, and she was familiar with the numbe
>
> Girl, how are you now? (I am fine, what happened?)
>
> It's nothing, but…… I always worried about that you might……as well. So I'm calling to ask if are okay or not.
> It's nothing, but…… I've always worried that you might……as well. So I'm calling to ask if you're okay or not.
>
> Girl, if anything happens in the future, please tell your parents and not hold back and say nothing. Your parents always love you.
> Girl, if anything happens in the future, please tell your parents and not hold back and say nothing. Your parents will always love you.
>
> After our generation became parents, we no longer keep the authority and stubbornness of our elders.
>
> So do I…… The path I am currently taking in life is not what my parents hoped, but I think it's no problem.
>
> We may not fully understand the decisions made by children, but we will support her if she carefully considered them.
> We may not fully understand the decisions made by children, but we will support her if she carefully considers them.
>
> Girl, I am glad you're okay, wish you a happy life.
> Girl, I am glad you're okay. I wish you a happy life.
Sugar had a very cute face and figure.
Sugar had a cute face and figure.
If we change a character of her name to another homophonic one, it would become a girl's name that perfectly matches her gentle and soft temperament.
But she just departed, with a mentality of "take a gamble".
But she just departed with a mentality of "take a gamble".
Her life was frozen at the age of 19.
When Sugar just passed away, her mother couldn't accept her decisions. But what did her mother say in the end?
@ -148,7 +149,7 @@ Anyway, she had passed away.
<!-- 关于清明的翻译问题,海外有 Ching Ming 之说此处取现代汉语拼音翻译。对于“清明节”Festival可以包括清明的踏青部分但此处基于条目的追思方向故省去Festival。 -->
Just before Qingming, her mother suddenly sent messages to A.
Her mother told A how she was diligent and excellent, and how much they loved her.
Her mother told A how diligent and excellent she was and how much they loved her.
Sugar's father said that Sugar was the brightest star in the sky.
@ -164,17 +165,18 @@ It was a pity that she departed abruptly, without waiting for a turn for the bet
> Hope you'll all remember Sugar.
>
> Hope you can share important information, such as your address, with trustworthy friends to avoid any unexpected situations.
> I hope you can share important information, such as your address, with trustworthy friends to avoid any unexpected situations.
>
> Hope that if you see a help request message, don't just swipe.
> I hope that if you see a help request message, you don't just swipe.
>
> Hope that if you have the ability to call the police, you can dial decisively. You are a lifesaver, not a murderer. Don't be afraid.
> I hope that if you can call the police, you can dial decisively. You are a lifesaver, not a murderer. Don't be afraid.
>
> Hope you cherish life, hope still exists; you will only miss the opportunity if you leave too early.
> I hope you cherish life. Hope still exists; you will only miss the opportunity if you leave too early.
>
> Hope you'll all remember Sugar.
Take care.
<!-- Contributor[KiraRettosei](http://github.com/KiraRettosei) -->
<!-- The contributor of this entry is anonymous on the fore-end -->
<!-- This entry's contributor has requested not to be featured on the webpage. -->

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@ -0,0 +1 @@
{"id":18058,"content":"谢谢你喜欢鲁迅先生","submitter":"wuyan","date":"Jul 29, 2024"}

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@ -0,0 +1 @@
{"id":18074,"content":"看完了,嗯,我会永远记得你的","submitter":"Anonymous","date":"Aug 4, 2024"}

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@ -7,92 +7,93 @@ info:
## Description
Huacha means flower-scented tea.
Huacha was a lovely and determined trans girl who loved this world.
She was an OIer and once participated in the National Olympiad in Informatics(NOI).
She adored long hair, so she opted for hair extension to fulfill her love for it.
She adored long hair, so she opted for hair extensions.
She loved writing and reading, and she often delved into the works of Lu Xun.
She showcased her fluency in poetry and her ability to critique the world by writing essays, reminiscent of Lu Xun's style.
She showcased her fluency in poetry and her ability to critique the world by writing essays in a style reminiscent of Lu Xun.
Realizing her true gender identity at an early age,
she struggled with severe anxiety,
which she endured silently for a long time.
She always felt that she was trapped in a nightmare of not being recognized as a girl,
and she hoped to wake up from it every day.
Later, she chose the path of self-discovery, and embraced her identity as a girl.
Later, she chose the path of self-discovery and embraced her identity as a girl.
Huacha was a gentle girl, akin to her friend [Xuewulihuameng](https://one-among.us/profile/xuewulihuameng).
She offered helpful advice in Zhihu Question [How can I help my MtF friend?](https://www.zhihu.com/question/274131925/answer/372594163).
After introducing some suggestions, she wrote at last:
After giving some suggestions, she wrote at last:
> "If you actually don't understand how to give reasonable advice when she experiences an emotional breakdown, you can simply accompany her at her side silently (you can even hug her, because when I was in emotional breakdown I hoped someone would hug me)...spend more time with her..."
> “If you dont understand how to give advice when she experiences an emotional breakdown, you can simply accompany her at her side silently (you can even hug her because when I was in an emotional breakdown, I hoped someone would hug me)...spend more time with her...
## The Blood Mary Observer
*The Blood Mary Observer* was a series of articles on Zhihu authored by Hucha.
She passed away shortly after she wrote down these articles.
So there were only three articles in *The Blood Mary Observer*.
but the profound content was still worth reading.
Tragically, Huacha took her life shortly after she penned these articles.
So, there were only three articles in *The Blood Mary Observer*.
But the profound content was still worth reading.
The first article was *[In Memory of Ms.MtF (Mr.Ftm)](https://zhuanlan.zhihu.com/p/38000835)*[^1].
The article was written around May to June 2018.
At that time, Zhihu, which was a platform originally claimed to LGBT friendly, started to conduct strict censorship on transgender related topics.
Many transgender users were blocked due to this crisis,
and many records about transgender community were deleted on these days.
She wrote the article around May to June 2018.
At that time, Zhihu, which was a platform initially claimed to be LGBT friendly, started to conduct strict censorship on transgender-related topics.
Zhihu blocked many transgender users
and deleted many records about the transgender community at that time.
Huacha wrote down the article to accuse Zhihu and express her indignation towards persecution of Transgender community.
She appealed to people that everyone to respect the right of transgender individuals to express their inner thoughts - whether they were MTF or FTM, or individuals of any other gender.
Huacha wrote down the article to accuse Zhihu and express her indignation towards the persecution of Transgender community.
She appealed to people that everyone should respect the right of transgender individuals to express their inner thoughts - whether they were MTF FTM or individuals of any other gender.
The article was concise and straightforward, and its words didn't pull any punches.
just as the comment said:
The article was concise and straightforward, and its words didnt pull any punches.
Just as the comment said:
> "This article is quite in the style of Lu Xun. #LOL#"
> This article is quite in the style of Lu Xun. #LOL#"
The third article was *[Yazyuu Senpai Zhihu Setu](https://zhuanlan.zhihu.com/p/38419017)*, the original point of it was the same as the first article.
The third article was *[Yazyuu Senpai Zhihu Setu](https://zhuanlan.zhihu.com/p/38419017)*. Its original point was the same as the first article.
The article humorously expressed her dissatisfaction with the strict censorship of transgender related topics by Zhihu, which originally claimed to LGBT friendly.
The article humorously expressed her dissatisfaction with the strict censorship of transgender-related topics by Zhihu, which initially claimed to be LGBT-friendly.
The second article was *[Invisible Poison](https://zhuanlan.zhihu.com/p/38173742)*.
The article mainly focused on the persecution experienced by transgender individuals at the hands of their original families.
She pointed out that some parents were essentially murderers,
and the so-called "love" ultimately became the "poison" that killed children.
and the so-called “love” ultimately became the “poison” that killed children.
> There were many transgender individuals who have been exposed to an invisible poison called "love" and left the world at last.
> The parents deprived their basic rights as human beings in the name of "love".
> Many transgender individuals have been exposed to an invisible poison called “love” and left the world at last.
> The parents deprived their fundamental rights as human beings in the name of “love”.
>
> Legally, due to parents have the special status of "guardian",
> Legally, due to parents having the special status of “guardian”,
> the difficulty for transgender individuals to obtain assistance has greatly increased.
>
> Excerpted from *Invisible Poison*
Today, many transgender individuals choose to leave this world due to this kind of "Invisible Poison".
Today, many transgender individuals choose to leave this world due to this kind of “Invisible Poison”.
This article still has its profound practical significance.
Before the article published, one of her transgender friends (probably Xueli) took herself due to domestic pressure and violence.
Another reason for writing down this article was to mourn her, as well as countless transgender friends who passed away owing to the invisible poison.
Before the article was published, one of her transgender friends (probably Xueli) took her life due to domestic pressure and violence.
Another reason for writing this article was to mourn her, as well as countless transgender friends who passed away owing to the invisible poison.
## Her Departure
On April 2nd, 2018, Xueli passed away by suicide.
From the first seven day to the seventh seven day[^2] of Xueli's death,
she always missed Xueli, the lovely gentle girl who quietly left alone.
From the first “seven days” to the seventh “seven days” [^2] of Xuelis death,
she always missed Xueli, the lovely, gentle girl who quietly left alone.
> May the world treat you gently.
>
> It's suddenly raining heavily in Chongqing...
> Its suddenly raining heavily in Chongqing...
>
> Is this your way of calling me...?
During the days, Huacha's mental health became worse and worse.
She said that frankly that she was not sure about that if she could live to the seventh seven day of Xueli's death.
During the “seven days”, Huachas mental health became worse and worse.
She said that she was not sure about whether she could live to the end of the seventh “seven days” of Xuelis death.
On the fourth seven day,
she almost couldn't control the thought of suicide on the Huanghuayuan Jialingjiang Bridge,
On the last day of the fourth seven days”,
she almost couldnt control the thought of suicide on the Huanghuayuan Jialingjiang Bridge,
which was a land of fate —— the place of death of Xueli and several other MtFs in Chongqing.
At the end of June, she attempted to take her own life again and was admitted to ICU.
@ -103,25 +104,25 @@ After her physical condition improved, she wrote down this little poem:
]} />
In fact, she still hoped to live.
Until days before she departed, she was still finding hope of living,
Until days before she departed, she was still finding the hope to live,
and she asked Siri about methods to prevent suicide.
But the unfortunate thing still happened at last.
On the evening of July 10th, she walked up to the Huanghuayuan Jialingjiang Bridge again.
The dreamlike lighting seemed to immerse her in a dream...
In the same place, a similar night, she took her own life as Xueli did.
In the same place, on a similar night, she took her own life as Xueli did.
The rescue in the late night failed to save her life.
In the early morning of the next day, The girl chasing the Milky Way left the world at last.
In the early morning of the next day, the girl chasing the Milky Way finally left the world.
> Farewell, Huacha. Hope you and Xueli can be together well in heaven.
> Farewell, Huacha. I hope you and Xueli can be together well in heaven.
>
> Only thing we can do is living with hope...
> The only thing we can do is live with hope...
>
> NekoyaFam, 2018-07-11, on Zhihu
Contributors for this entry: One-Among-Us, [Kristall Wang](https://github.com/KristallWang)
[^1]: The title format imitates *In Memory of Ms.Liu Hezhen*, which was a famous work of Lu Xun, published on April 12th 1926.
[^1]: The title format imitates *In Memory of Ms.Liu Hezhen*, which was a famous work of Lu Xun, published on April 12th, 1926.
[^2]: Funeral customs in East Asia. In tradition, the memorial ceremony is held every seven days after a person's death, with one session lasting seven days and a maximum of seven sessions. It will take 49 days to complete.
[^2]: Funeral customs in East Asia. In tradition, the memorial ceremony is held every seven days after a persons death, with one session lasting seven days and a maximum of seven sessions. It will take 49 days to complete.

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@ -10,44 +10,45 @@ info:
As her bio says, Shizuha is “a cute girl researching linguistics”.
Shizuha is talented in linguistics and passionate about it.
She researched many languages, including both languages originated from China and foreign languages.
She often switch languages while chatting online, so she always seemed lively, cheerful, and even humorous in group chats.
She researched many languages, including both languages originating from China and foreign languages.
Her ability to effortlessly switch between languages in online chats always brought a lively, cheerful, and even humorous atmosphere to the group.
Not only was she proficient in communicating with many languages,
but she also was quick to come up with examples of how pronunciation and grammar are used in everyday conversations for those languages.
Shizuha's work is not limited to linguistics.
Shizuhas work is not limited to linguistics.
She had contributed to the community of the *Half-Life* series.
She designed some "GMod" plugins and maps; and she was the director of a fanmade work called *Combine Prelude* for *Half-Life 2*.
The fact that worth mentioning the most is, she started doing constructed language research,
She designed some “GMod” plugins and maps and directed a fan-made work called Combine Prelude for Half-Life 2.
The most noteworthy fact is that she began conducting research on constructed languages,
constructed [Combinese](https://yuyan.fandom.com/zh/wiki/联合军语), [Yupoian](https://yuyan.fandom.com/zh/wiki/尤波伊语) and [Crigàt](https://yuyan.fandom.com/zh/wiki/克里加语) for the project mentioned above, *Combine Prelude*.
Because of her work on this project, she was famous both in the *Half-Life* community and in the constructed language community.
Because of her work on this project, she was famous in both the Half-Life and constructed language communities.
Shizuha's favorite anime is *YuruYuri*.
Shizuhas favourite anime is *YuruYuri*.
She used the main character, Akari Akaza, as her profile photo.
Shizuha is persistent and brave, both for creative work and for life, sometimes even stubborn.
Shizuha is persistent and brave, both for creative work and life, and sometimes even stubborn.
Because of that, she had some verbal conflicts with her friends.
These incidents were however resolved quickly because of her friends' understanding towards her character.
These incidents were, however, resolved quickly because of her friends understanding of her character.
Shizuha asked for company very often from friends she found in the linguistics community because she didn't feel safe enough.
Whether online or in real life, she was always gave and sought warmth from other trans women and girls.
Shizuha often sought company from friends in the linguistics community because she didnt feel safe enough.
Whether online or in real life, she always gave and sought warmth from other trans women and girls.
Since Spring 2019, Shizuha was finally able to pass and live as a woman.
Because of that, she was much more confident and more open to showing her cuteness by sharing photos on social media.
However, her life quality went down as both her financial situation and her depression got worse, even went to the edge of suicide sometimes.
Because of that, she was much more confident and more open to sharing photos on social media to show off her cuteness.
However, her life quality went down as both her financial situation and her depression got worse, and she even went to the edge of suicide sometimes.
Even then, she did not stop her efforts to help other trans people.
In [one of her posts on ZhiHu](https://www.zhihu.com/pin/1091048372731047936), she wrote:
> “Although living is painful for me and I do not know the meaning behind life, I know that I would never regret helping others.”
> “Although living is painful for me, and I do not know the meaning behind life, I know that I would never regret helping others.”
Even now, this sentence still give strength to many suicide prevention social workers.
Even now, this sentence still gives strength to many suicide prevention social workers.
Unfortunately, Shizuha eventually left us, leaving behind many unfinished works.
After Shizuha's death, many people in the linguistics community, the constructed language community, and the trans community changed their profile photo to black and white to mourn her.
After Shizuhas death, many people in the linguistics community, the constructed language community, and the trans community changed their profile photos to black and white to mourn her.
Under the ZhiHu question of [What are your thoughts about ZhiHu user @Cang_Shan_Jing_Ye ?](https://www.zhihu.com/question/307482232),
Under the Zhihu question of [What are your thoughts about Zhihu user @Cang_Shan_Jing_Ye ?](https://www.zhihu.com/question/307482232),
not only were there goodbyes from the friends she made,
but also messages from the linguistics community, to achieve more in this field;
and messages from the trans community, to encourage each other to keep going.
but also messages from the linguistics community to achieve more in this field;
and messages from the trans community to encourage each other to keep going.
Contributor for this entry: [unt](https://phesoca.com)

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@ -5,17 +5,16 @@ info:
location: Shijiazhuang, Hebei
---
## Description
Hangmster is our ally.
They often interacted with friends on Twitter/X, bringing us laughter. They gave warm hugs when we needed, consoled us when we were anxious, and mourned for our departed friends.
They often interacted with friends on Twitter/X, bringing us laughter.
They gave warm hugs when we needed them, consoled us when we were anxious, and mourned for our departed friends.
They seldom mentioned what they loved. But according to their tweets, they were interested in cute things such as cats. They were fond of Hatsune Miku as well. On the Hatsune Miku 15th anniversary, they expressed their happiness by drawing an illustration:
They seldom mentioned what they loved. However, according to their tweets, they were interested in cute things such as cats. They were fond of Hatsune Miku as well. On the Hatsune Miku 15th anniversary, they expressed their happiness by drawing an illustration:
<PhotoScroll photos={[ '${path}/photos/fufu.jpg',]} />
Hangmster was often troubled by insomnia and anxiety. They once said that they actually didn't like their body, and their less traditional self-expression online made them more comfortable.
Hangmster was often troubled by insomnia and anxiety. They once said that they didn't like their body, and their less traditional self-expression online made them more comfortable.
Unfortunately, although they always encouraged us to live bravely, they still chose to leave at the beginning of the year.

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{"id":18069,"content":"祝下一世的你幸福 得偿所愿","submitter":"Zexy","date":"Aug 3, 2024"}

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{"id":18119,"content":"愿天堂没有暴力","submitter":"西西","date":"Aug 18, 2024"}

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@ -20,13 +20,13 @@ info:
Jennifer was a trans girl longing for happiness.
Her avatar was Vtuber Yukihana Lamy,
and she enjoyed playing rhythm game Project Sekai.
and she enjoyed playing the rhythm game Project Sekai.
When she was 13 years old,
she told her parents for the first time, "**I want to be a girl.**"
However, her parents dismissed it,
thinking that she was influenced by her classmates,
and strongly denied her thought with harsh words.
and vehemently denied her thoughts with harsh words.
At that time, Jennifer didn't know what "transgender" meant,
but she understood the negative connotation of her parents' harsh words.
@ -41,12 +41,12 @@ but it was only the beginning of her nightmare.
After starting junior high school,
she tried to make her parents understand her better.
So she start to find information about "transgender" online.
So, she starts to find information about "transgender" online.
She even read academic papers, attempting to communicate with her parents.
Jennifer said:
> "Transgender identity is something I was born with... It's just that a girl's soul is in the wrong body. I don't even ask for SRS. But can you just let me wear girls' clothes, and grow my hair long? I know I'm not pretty, but is it a crime to want to wear girls' clothes?"
> "Transgender identity is something I was born with... It's just that a girl's soul is in the wrong body. I don't even ask for SRS. But can you just let me wear girls' clothes and grow my hair long? I know I'm not pretty, but is it a crime to want to wear girls' clothes?"
But all her efforts were in vain,
and what she received in return was more scolding.
@ -70,7 +70,7 @@ Due to her lack of education,
she could only work at a local beverage shop,
earning just enough to make ends meet.
But she knew it would be a long time to escape her original family.
But she knew it would be a long time before she could escape her original family.
She had to present herself as male for job interviews and work,
and everyone referred to her with the wrong pronouns,
@ -78,7 +78,7 @@ which caused her great distress.
> "I really can't live with a mask on... Is it so hard to be myself..."
Despite this, she felt that even working as a server every day was better than staying in the suffocating environment at home.
Despite this, she felt that working as a server every day was better than staying in her suffocating home environment.
She seemed to see a glimmer of hope.
During that time, she even thought that if she could just endure and save enough money,
@ -97,22 +97,22 @@ her heart had grown numb.
## Departure
Jennifer once said, "Jennifer is a strong girl nya~ Jennifer won't block anyone."
Jennifer once said, "Jennifer is a strong girl, nya~ Jennifer won't block anyone."
But there was one time, and the last time,
she made an exception:
"I blocked the account of Han Lianyi. I think she's a great person, but I don't want her to save me. I'm sorry, Sister Han, I'm so sorry..."
"I blocked Han Lianyi's account. I think she's a great person, but I don't want her to save me. I'm sorry, Sister Han, I'm so sorry..."
As the New Year approached,
fireworks and firecrackers were alight with spark,
fireworks and firecrackers were alight with sparks,
carrying people's best wishes.
The warm glow of lights filled thousands of homes.
But Jennifer left this world in the biting cold wind,
Her story remained in the New Year's Eve.
Her story remained on New Year's Eve.
Brief illusions brought her happiness and kept her from the cold...
@ -121,4 +121,4 @@ she never got to take estrogen,
wear a beautiful dress,
or be called "Miss."
Jennifer, may you no longer suffer and find the happiness in another world.
Jennifer, may you no longer suffer and find the happiness you deserve in another world.

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@ -12,12 +12,12 @@ She also liked liquor; she hoped to open a bar for trans people.
Born in 2003, she always celebrated her birthday on the 27th day of the first lunisolar month.
Katerina was a national second-level archery athlete, and once won a provincial competition.
She had riding experience in many provinces, and rode a long distance to visit her partner once.
Katerina was a national second-level archery athlete and once won a provincial competition.
She had riding experience in many provinces and rode a long distance to visit her partner once.
Her QQ avatar came from the opening song video of *Super Cub*. It was an animation of a girl, Koguma, and her story with her second-hand motorcycle.
Following are some of her photos, including her own motorcycle:
Following are some of her photos, including her motorcycle:
<PhotoScroll photos={[
'${path}/photos/photo1.png',
@ -27,23 +27,23 @@ Following are some of her photos, including her own motorcycle:
]} />
Katerina loved many kinds of food, including balsam pear and lemon tea, pizza, jiaozi, and Tiramisu.
It could be said that she loved all delicious dishes.
It could be said that she loved all the delicious dishes.
She was also skilled at cooking.
During the time in Guangdong, she grew fond of white cut chicken.
The dish then became her speciality.
While living in Guangdong, she grew fond of white-cut chicken.
The dish then became her specialty.
She suffered from domestic abuse in her childhood.
After her parents' divorce, she lived with her mother.
After her parents divorce, she lived with her mother.
But their relationship worsened after she came out to her mother about being trans.
According to her friends, although she was sometimes conceited, she was amiable to her friends.
When she was together with friends, she was very happy and energetic.
She “adopted” a lovely child as her daughter, and cared about her.
When she was together with friends, she was thrilled and energetic.
She “adopted” a lovely child as her daughter and cared about her.
In September, she sent a composite bow kit as a present to her partner.
Unfortunately, Katerina was threatened by her family during her visit and eventually chose suicide to escape from the pressure.
Katerina, no matter what you want to eat, we would be together with you to toast with you.
Katerina, no matter what you want to eat, we will be together to toast with you.
Спокойной ночи, Катерина.

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{"id":18062,"content":"晚上好呢……虽然很艰难,但是一切平安哦……","submitter":"Anonymous","date":"Aug 1, 2024"}

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{"id":18064,"content":"现在是上海的2024年8月2日早上9点呢祝福澪奈手术一切平安呢坊洛也一直在看着的吧w","submitter":"Anonymous","date":"Aug 2, 2024"}

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{"id":18103,"content":"坊洛猫猫贴贴","submitter":"Anonymous","date":"Aug 12, 2024"}

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{"id":18056,"content":"社会一定会进步","submitter":"Tchi","date":"Jul 29, 2024"}

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{"id":18090,"content":"晚安","submitter":"Anonymous","date":"Aug 9, 2024"}

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{"id":18053,"content":"||对不起,我们也许就快见面了吧||","submitter":"山奈雪阳","date":"Jul 28, 2024"}

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{"id":18061,"content":"匆忙见的一面没说上什么话,抱歉","submitter":"Anonymous","date":"Aug 1, 2024"}

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{"id":18057,"content":"心脏骤停……她也不想死啊……","submitter":"Anonymous","date":"Jul 29, 2024"}

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{"id":18060,"content":"你放心我才不是Yodo那种容易暴毙的东西呢。","submitter":"香月霙舞","date":"Jul 30, 2024"}

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{"id":18096,"content":"姐姐……晚安","submitter":"ZS.","date":"Aug 12, 2024"}

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{"id":18098,"content":"如今七个月已经过去了麦麦已经完成了srs正在做胆囊的手术。\n回想起来还没有见过盐田夏装的样子。","submitter":"七翼式","date":"Aug 12, 2024"}

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{"id":18109,"content":"晚安盐田姐姐,好遗憾没有和你相识,希望姐姐在那一边过的幸福。","submitter":"Anonymous","date":"Aug 15, 2024"}

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{"id":18121,"content":"安息吧,姐妹,愿来生能够心想事成,不再苦难。","submitter":"小希纳","date":"Aug 19, 2024"}

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{"id":18122,"content":"下次相见,希望是个无风无雨的日子。","submitter":"68","date":"Aug 19, 2024"}

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id: XIEPT2
profileUrl: ${path}/photos/profile.png
info:
born: '2007-11-09'
died: '2024-03-30'
websites:
twitter: https://twitter.com/XIEPT2
Bilibili: https://space.bilibili.com/390193960
# Bilibili: https://space.bilibili.com/1369759412
iconify:jam:baidu-circle: https://tieba.baidu.com/home/main?un=ejiejrig

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---
name: Xiafeng Grape
info:
alias: Grape
location: Guangdong, China
---
(To-Do)
<!-- 翻译提示:
这篇文章有时候是作者视角,有时候使用了葡萄的视角,在翻译的时候请注意甄别。
“葡萄”有时候指的并非是“夏峰_葡萄”而是早已死去的“葡萄”的人格。
文章中可能有部分代词前后指代不同,造成阅读困难,若有疑惑时可随时在 OAU 01 组询问
-->
## Experience
<!-- 起床战争Bed Wars -->
<!-- WER: World Educational Robot Contest -->
<!--音shēn -->
<!-- 紫罗兰永恒花园日本动漫Violet·Eveygarden -->
<!-- 绊爱Kizuna AI -->
## Meeting
<!-- 第一个 X 最好标一下 (formerly Twitter) -->
<!-- 刘耀华的《不安》不是知名作品,没有专有名词,可以直接加斜体翻 -->
<!-- 《活着》建议加外链或footnote写脚注这本书因为课程原因在中国大陆比较知名在国外可能并不知道背景和书本描述的内容主人公徐富贵历经苦难最终活下来但他的家人都死了家中最后只有福贵一个人和一个叫福贵的老黄牛相依为命。
[*To live*](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/To_Live_(novel)) -->
## Shadow
<!-- 萨莉亚Saizeriya 萨莉亚意式餐厅(其实是日本搞出来的意大利风味餐厅(笑 -->
## Accident
## Farewell
## Future ?
<!-- 大证:对正式的,不带问号的易性症/性别不一致诊断证明的称呼 -->
<!-- 走书:其实就是境外代购动漫书籍,但比较私人,可能算灰色地带 -->
## Fact
<!-- 本段内容都是夏峰_葡萄的“夏峰”的自白“葡萄”提前死去“夏峰”在目视自己和整个“夏峰_葡萄”的死亡。 -->
## Postscript - Unknown Things and Obligations
<!-- 尖沙咀码头Tsim Sha Tsui Ferry Pier -->
<!-- 天星码头其实和尖沙咀码头是同一个地方本质上他们在尖沙咀天星码头出发。可参见Wikipedia -->
<!-- 中环Central District 香港地名-->
<!-- BOCBank of China -->
Contributors for this entry: [Shayu Xiliye](https://twitter.com/UnnnLlllx3)

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---
name: 夏峰 葡萄
info:
alias: 葡萄
location: 中国广东
---
## 经历
葡萄,是一个兴趣爱好广泛的女孩子,天生对于自由有着很深的执着,葡萄虽然家境不贫,但她并没有像其他兄弟姐妹一样拥有幸福的童年,反而因为她与众不同的个性遭受家庭的迫害,她小时候被爸妈绑在树上抽打,进入高中后,她遭受同学的冷眼,家庭与学校的双重打击让小时候的葡萄很怀疑自己的存在是否正确,为她后来的悲剧深深地埋下了伏笔。
小时候的葡萄自称葡萄君,在那段迷茫的时光里,她偶然通过动漫找到了她的心之所向的静谧之地。
葡萄很向往二次元的种种人物、原声带、剧情……她又因此迷上了收集漫画原作OST到后来的各种娃娃服装谷子周边等这是葡萄想要热爱生活的出发点她曾喜欢过很多很多……
葡萄很早就喜欢上了玩 Minecraft 并且在一些视频平台上上传了自己的作品,她又逐渐开始学习视频制作,对视频后期萌生了兴趣,有水晶战争(类起床战争)的视频(后面是服务器的视频宣传),也有参加过 WER 大赛,也有练习 C++ 的一些相关项目。
2019 年 12 月 8 日,葡萄永远地失去了一生中最重要的朋友,小青。
她虽然只是网友,但她在葡萄的人生中陪伴她度过了很多时光,也是她 MC 服务器运营团队的核心成员。
葡萄说道,自己的名前——夏峰,源自给某人写信起的笔名,因为在意所以记住了,于是这个名字成为了她心中的一个「空位」,这个空位后来出现的意识体也就是夏峰的意识,为空缺而生,为本体而活,精神来源于小青,是小青嘱托过葡萄要好好地替自己活下去,小青化作了葡萄另一个特别的精神支柱,鼓励着葡萄继续前行,葡萄也努力替小青看着这个世界,夏峰后来也化为葡萄本体的另一半,是充满理性的代理人格,她努力帮助葡萄,也替葡萄分担了不少。
> 「人生不同的选择,也许是人性的考验,如果一切都是虚伪这些不就毫无意义了吗?人生的没有理由,如果有只是孤独,劳累,无语,的理由吧,可你放弃的以前不过是重新的开始,世界的答案不断有人追求,而知者会劳累心情,有人跟我说人类和人生他们相等,不过人类会更冰冷,我每天被困扰,抑郁,落泪,回忆,我累了。也许我知道的世界真相不过是曼德拉效应。」
>
> —— 夏峰 葡萄 于 2020 年 4 月 18 日
2020那是热爱一切的初心她于 2018 年萌生了建立一个完全没有任何限制完全公平的服务器的想法,在这一年她与她要好的小伙伴们启动了他们的计划,一起创建了服务器,成立了 LCR 工作室,在那里和屾洋相识并成为好友,尽管相伴是短暂的。
葡萄负责服务器开发,并且极力宣传服务器,为此拍摄了很多视频与图片,经营了 5 年后,葡萄因为个人原因退出了运营并把运营权限交给了自己信任的人。
也是这个时候,葡萄的爸妈离婚了,家庭的矛盾或许缓和了些,葡萄也开始为自己的未来深思,是时候为自己而活了,她更加努力地经营服务器,制作相关视频,调试设备。
2021 年出门旅行学习电子维修学习了摄影以及后期 12 月喜提 MacBook有了强大的硬件设备葡萄就能在后期的道路上更顺利地行走也有了自己真正的人设那个赤瞳金发的水手服女孩。
2022 年第一次参加漫展,期间买了包括监听耳机在内的诸多设备,学习了很多电脑知识,玩过东方,爱上了听原作 OST买了最喜欢的紫罗兰永恒花园的 OST。
在早期关注了绊爱,但 2022 年绊爱初号机的辞退使得葡萄对她心目中真正的绊爱有所不舍,但只是为了说句再见。
> 「很多话删了改了又改,想说却说不完,明明只是一句再见却说不出口,绊爱还会醒过来的吧,那时候我们一定再见,无论多久跨越时空也好,只希望能再见……」
>
> —— 夏峰 葡萄,于 2022 年 2 月 25 日
2023年入坑了模型涂装涂的是机娘。
后面又海淘了很多的 OST,还在网络上上传抓轨,也正式得到一台尼康 Z62,爱上了业余风景摄影。
## 遇见
7 月某日,或许是命运让我与葡萄相见,那天特意跑过来帮忙给小舍开大证,开得差不多的时候,跑去做了精神评估跑回来发现葡萄突然出现了,我就继续陪着小舍跟医生唠嗑,出来后其实大家都等了好久,但大家好像都和葡萄相处得很开心(后来才发现原来他们都早见过葡萄了呜呜)
出医院之后看着交接路口上满满的汽车及排满了自行车的路旁阳光羞涩地洒在我们身上葡萄在我们身后端起相机拍摄这片难得的暖阳捕捉落日余晖的美丽橙亮而洁白的云层挂在空中我和对象在路上牵着手蹦跶走了一路从地铁口下去时好像天突然黑了般。找到一家餐厅随便坐一会我害羞地趴在桌面上胆怯地看着大家感觉葡萄是个很开朗的人呢正和其他人滔滔不绝地交流着掏出 MacBook 惹得很多人上来白嫖电口我只是趴着一言不发内心好像要哭出来了过于焦虑了。
等了一阵子后,我们去了很远的地方,为了赶车,我们几个径直跑向地铁口,最终我和对象也分开了,临走前她跟葡萄说要看好猫猫,葡萄说好,于是带我从人生地不熟的地铁口赶回了高铁站,我们最终是在发车前赶到,一起在检票厅坐了好一会,我这才跟葡萄说起话来,才知道她年龄比我还小,她刚初中毕业,以及她最近要回老家一趟,听了她一些对于人生未来规划的想法,感觉葡萄很积极乐观……
最后,我们上了高铁,坐在座位上,她戴上耳机,闭上眼睛听音乐放松,一段漫长的时间之后,到站了,我跟葡萄说要抱抱吗,她说可以啊,然后我就在火车站门口抱着她,抱得紧紧的,我在她耳边说一些祝福的话,突然她就开始抽噎了,突然哭了起来,眼泪打在她的衣服上,我更加用力地抱着她:
> 「我虽然不知道你经历了什么,但如果你需要帮助一定要及时跟大家联系哦……」
然后我们一起在路上承诺会好好活下去的,搭上便车之后就告别了。
事后才在 X 上看到葡萄的另一面。
那次的推文很让我惊讶。
> 今天收拾柜子找到个袋子,里面放着的是我曾经吹过的口琴和琴谱,初三每天下了晚自习就会一个人跑到天台吹口琴,那时候是我一天最难受也是最开心的时候,不用再去面对老师和同学,不会再被打扰能在上面痛哭……
>
> 而如今琴的音色早已不如(从前),生活也从未变好,当时我为何没有下定决心选择离开
这是葡萄曾经面对的,那些我不知道的经历,那个带着笑容的抑郁患者……
8 月 25 日炸柜了,药几乎全被她妈妈扔掉了,那个带着橙色夹层的蓝色药盒也被收走了,当天就被家里人拉到医院查内分泌的问题,随后就被转至住院。
我也来看了葡萄,那天听去见过葡萄的人说葡萄的家属现在很愤怒,并且对于我们这些拜访者非常不欢迎,认为是我们带坏了他们家的孩子,我们也只能等他们走远了才有机会靠近葡萄,另外葡萄也因为家属排斥我们而非常生气,但是很无奈……
## 阴影
自从那个时候开始,家里的谩骂和压迫都开始更加有意图地指向葡萄,葡萄没有任何错,错的只是这些自以为是的人,他们管制葡萄的出行与消费,侵犯她的隐私,撕碎她的希望,家里人的伪善面具被他们亲自揭下,葡萄更加难以在气氛时常剑拔弩张的家里呼吸,葡萄只是个女孩子呀,自己一个人在自己的小角落哭过多少呢?
葡萄逐渐喘不上气,唯一的希冀就是一直默默支持她的姐姐们。
上了高中之后,家里人更加严格地限制葡萄的周末安排,给她安排课程,期间不给葡萄自由活动的机会,回到家也只是责骂,还要每周去回访心理医生……
企图摧毁什么呢……
但庆幸的是葡萄依然能够偷偷溜出去和姐姐们见面,吃好吃的。
上次是葡萄从阴影中爬出,这次她又被阴影中的手抓住,她越努力挣脱,反而会陷得越深吧。
她或许真的没有找到那份救赎。
我们在 9 月又见了一次面,其他人的突然介入引发了点小误会,葡萄是这场误会的调解人,冷静的她亲自去和那桌人面谈,谈了一会儿,看上去应该解决好了,直到我们各回各家时,那位挑事者才大为不解地在 X 上把这件事鼓吹成大事,而葡萄晚上又与我们一起仔细理清了全程并通过私信说服了那位挑事者。
虽然挑起了很多无意义的指控与谩骂,但挑事者最终为自己的所作所为表示道歉,这件事挺大的,在解决后我们也提醒葡萄尽快休息,辛苦她了。
葡萄后来还鼓励羞涩的姐姐去参加漫展,成为她自己心中理想的模样。
葡萄总是默默地学习,默默在场上为大家拍摄,默默地坐在餐厅或者便利店里给大家修图。
11 月 9 日是她的生日哦,生日快乐,葡萄~
由于家庭与学校的压力,葡萄的抑郁加重了,她开始抱怨自己的睡眠问题,对未来感到迷茫,情绪特别低落的时候,她还会用美工刀划自己的手。
这个月我跟葡萄私下见面了几次,希望能让葡萄开心一点。
21 日一起去打了 maimai吃了萨莉亚30 日也是呢。
24 日她开到了精神处方,于是她总算能睡好点了吧。
26 日由于药物作用导致葡萄出现梦游,激发了夏峰的出现,具体的表现为葡萄完全不能想起昨天晚上发生了什么,但是葡萄会以夏峰的名义在群里突然说话,或者是私聊某个人,我就是她私聊的对象之一。
然而记忆在两体间不能共享,所以葡萄为了了解她那一面特意设置了监控看自己睡觉,果不其然,「葡萄梦游了」,但是很清醒般,玩手机,玩电脑,干什么都可以。
夏峰后面更多是为了保护葡萄而存在的,当葡萄实在挺不住时,夏峰就会出现替她承受痛苦,但是夏峰肯定会提前终结自己,所以希望在终结自己前让葡萄找到一个值得信赖的人。
突然间葡萄的行为失去控制,于是去医院换了药,开了抗抑郁药、抗精神病药,我也是在这时萌生了研究药物原理的想法,时不时会找葡萄聊聊。
葡萄希望能找到一个属于自己的倾诉对象,却始终无法找到自己的系铃人。
12 月,自我错乱,学习了自我采血。
曾经装满 HRT 药物的药盒转眼间塞满了精神药品。
## 事故
24 年春,葡萄和姐姐一起在广州过年。
> 他们应该在世界的另一端过的很开心吧…
>
> 只可惜曾经许下诺言再也没有机会兑现了。
>
> 我存在的意义就是继续在这个世界留下他们的痕迹。
>
> —— 夏峰 葡萄,于 2023 年 12 月 8 日
若我无法避免死亡
那愿从此再无来生 **葡萄**
我的使命终将完成
但我不知何去何从 **夏峰**
事故发生前,葡萄在各大平台寻找兼职,但并没有人录用她。
于是还是选择了跑外卖,花了本金入网,租了车,去了公司面试,一路下来总算是可以了。
但第一天送外卖,第二单,却偏偏又压垮了葡萄。
「车主很好,知道我是个未成年之后就很主动要向我赔钱,还叫来他公司里的其他同事过来,虽然的确他就是全责,去到医院之后还给我送了一碗炒米粉,在医院做了各种检查……」
在获得正式赔偿之前,葡萄还是不得不借钱去偿还医院的检查费,然后撑着受伤的身体每天都与风为伴,赔偿垃圾车行与平台的违约款,又坚持跑下去一周多,交付入网费,钱并没有多,但伤口依然在恶化,几周后得到了赔偿,但偏偏又是一个意外……无法消停。
> 1 月 13 日,
>
> 人生第一次送外賣
>
> 人生第一次被車撞
>
> 人生還有多少個第一次呢?
>
> 1 月 23 日,
>
> 鲜血夹杂着雨流淌在马路上
>
> 很痛但伴随着更严重的眩晕感倒在地上
>
> 雨还下着,我抱着医药箱向屋檐下爬去
>
> 脱下手套头盔在混乱的意识下包扎着那血流不止的双腿和脚掌
>
> 好累…我为什么要活着……
>
> 我好痛苦……
>
> 我从未如此期待死亡…如此厌恶这个世界
葡萄曾看到过艺术家刘耀华的作品《不安》。
> 这幅作品是在 175 颗还没成熟的苹果体内插入纤细的钢针,原本以为这些钢针会留在苹果体内,随着苹果的生长而被掩盖,然而这 175 颗苹果却生长缓慢,有些甚至在成长途中枯萎死去。最后存活下来的苹果仅仅有 75 颗,这些幸存的果子,干瘪,畸形……
>
> 刘耀华说:「我能够想象,这些苹果作为生命,是如何在一分一秒中与钢针做着激烈斗争。」
1 月,她在读书时看到余华在《活着》中所写的句子,于是摘录了下来:
>「永远不要相信苦难是值得的。苦难就是苦难,苦难不会带来成功。苦难不值得追求。磨练意志是因为苦难无法躲避开。」
即便是幸存者也不能全身而退。
## 送行
> 也许本就该如此吧
>
> 没什么
>
> 这是命中注定
那一天,我和葡萄共同的朋友,[单片](https://one-among.us/profile/interrgned)自杀身亡了。
第二天,我开始组织朋友一起去江门,找了一圈后实在找不到人,我问葡萄愿意来吗,她说可以,她伤未好,我也只能表示安慰,但她说起码为了单片。
第三天早上,葡萄骑着电车来到我家附近等我,还特意给我买了一碗瘦肉粉,我和她在附近商店门前的一张桌子上一起吃,那天很冷,冷极了,我穿了好多衣服,但手很冷,我跟葡萄抱怨,葡萄说:「我早就知道会这样了。」于是从包里拿出一双手套,「送给你了。」我感激地收下,心里一阵暖意。
寒冷空中,化解为那一份对未知的把握……
我、葡萄和其他伙伴,给她整理遗物,为那个黄发女孩头像的人送上与她相似的黄菊花。
火光璀璨,浓烟随风舞动,化作缥缈的身影,游离在我们身边。
祈求宁静,愿安好……
葡萄一晚没睡,忙完后在车里睡得好香,口水染在我的书包上,我只是笑笑,看她可爱的样子。我们一起在黑夜中寻找她的踪迹。
选了个时间焚烧她的遗物,送上迟到的祝愿。
饥肠辘辘地吃了麦当劳,就整理东西,各自分别,接下来是什么呢?
第二天,第二次铃声将我叫醒,那是一个契机,我们找到了能跟进后事的机会。
在一抹夕阳下,一起吃饭,向深夜中进发。
葡萄在嘈杂的电波中喘息着,能留给她的还有什么呢?
## 未来
那一切……早在 2 月份的时候就说清楚了。
2 月 7 号,葡萄心心念念的大证总算开出来了,但这一次,是以自己肉体与心灵极度创伤为代价换取的,是自己独立争取来的,家庭的迫害转为无奈,经济来源也靠自己,葡萄她还太小,世间一切就已经烂掉了,她只想做个普普通通的女孩子。
葡萄思考着自己存在的意义,时针还在走,肉体在恐慌,精神在崩塌。
这一切真的值得吗?
葡萄也突然萌生了走书[^1]的想法,就是她心中所愿吧。
2 月 24 日葡萄确诊重度抑郁,医生建议走监护,但人生这次自己选择。
虽然 MECT 或许可以救人,但是一旦认清了自己的内心,就不会寻求外部支援,因为这不是拯救,只要世界还这样,那么觉醒是必然的,没有什么能把她们分开。
在这之后葡萄开始紧密地筹划那条通往未来的路。
2 月 27 日,那个女孩公布了自己在网络上的正式第一面,但没能够准备好正式出道,倒影在那名为奇迹的骗局。
葡萄下定决心了。
时日不多了。
接下来的时日是属于夏峰_葡萄的让她做自己想做的吧让她见自己想见的吧让她好好地与这个世界亲吻好好地告别吧然后就走向另一个没有痛苦的未来而我会记住这些点点滴滴的因为这次选择其实并没有太多的悲伤只是心中的愿望总算来了也不会失落也不会太快乐就这么安静地度过一个晚上吧最后一轮的残月如柔纱缥缈不可视之物降解重生新生。
两人牵着手,在空中化作点点星光,飘逸地飞走了。
## 梦醒
> 3 月 31 日,
>
> 就像曾经梦中的场景一样
>
> 身上的鲜血浸染了浅色的裙子
>
> 即将离开这个世界的女孩
>
> 缓慢地呼吸着…
**定时信息一讣告**
@XIEPT2
> 夏峰_葡萄 已于 2024 年 3 月 30 日夜间于未被监视的房间内服用致死性药物、吸入有毒气体……自杀身亡
>
> 现自动发送讣告内容死亡时间已超过 12 小时
>
> 将于死亡时间超过 23 小时后公开遗嘱信息
「初心从未泯灭,但为何针对我的只是不断的打压,我很不解。」
「葡萄是个很可靠又多才多艺的姐姐,因为她真的很像姐姐那样子,很负责任,很会照顾大家,很会扛困难,但还是没办法,因为人总得有个归宿,那份归宿不是活着便是死亡。」
「葡萄对我来说是一位特殊的人物,为自己提前献上鲜花,何尝不是一种体面,让我记住这一刻。」
> 本推主已于 2024 年 3 月 30 日自杀去世以「安乐死」结束了生命
>
> 遗物由本人整理后给予他人处理
>
> 她曾经来过这个悲惨的世界,以幸福的方式离开了这个世界
>
> 她生前唯一的遗愿就是成为一个真正的女孩子,做一个好妹妹,有一个好姐姐
## 三月的后记——不为人知与义务
这是个可公开可不公开的插曲
3 月初,葡萄在收拾自己的东西,留给她重要的姐妹
4 号,我和葡萄等人一起去了香港,一起在大家乐吃了东西后,正午的时候古一差不多就来了,我们被葡萄拉去取货,我们这才了解到葡萄帮她的朋友取书这件事,就是连载漫画,本子啥的
然后就一起去了尖沙咀码头,一起从天星码头坐船坐到中环,在那坐了一会,简单收拾一下后就一起坐港铁到深圳。
之后就偶尔见见葡萄,收拾了一下东西。
之后和葡萄一起骑电动车去了珠海。
之后和葡萄一起去 BOC 开了卡。
之后最后一次收拾葡萄的东西。
之后最后一次在香港和葡萄见面,拍了最后一张合影。
之后,她打量了一下房间角落堆积的空箱子,寄给姐妹朋友们的东西也发完了,所有事都处理完了,换上最后一条浅色的裙子,在夜色中吞服药物,吸入毒气。
在静默中再见了夏峰_葡萄永别了……大家都很想你……
我们未曾知晓你的沉眠之地,甚则,也许你还在呢……?
奈何现实危险重重。
但我希望你能脱离苦海,
做一个快乐的女孩子……
条目贡献: [紗羽硒璃葉](https://twitter.com/UnnnLlllx3)
[^1]: 意为个人「代购」境外漫画书籍

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@ -0,0 +1,322 @@
---
name: 夏峰 葡萄
info:
alias: 葡萄
location: 中国廣東
---
## 經歷
葡萄,是一個興趣愛好廣泛的女孩子,天生對於自由有著很深的執著,葡萄雖然家境不貧,但她並沒有像其他兄弟姐妹一樣擁有幸福的童年,反而因為她與眾不同的個性遭受家庭的迫害,她小時候被爸媽綁在樹上抽打,進入高中后,她遭受同學的冷眼,家庭與學校的雙重打擊讓小時候的葡萄很懷疑自己的存在是否正確,為她後來的悲劇深深地埋下了伏筆。
小時候的葡萄自稱葡萄君,在那段迷茫的時光裡,她偶然通過動漫找到了她的心之所向的靜谧之地。
葡萄很嚮往二次元的種種,人物、原聲帶、劇情...... 她又因此迷上了收集漫畫原作OST到後來的各種娃娃服裝穀子周邊等這是葡萄想要熱愛生活的出發點她曾喜歡過很多很多......
葡萄很早就喜歡上了玩 Minecraft 並且在一些視頻平臺上上傳了自己的作品,她又逐漸開始學習視頻製作,對視頻後期萌生了興趣,有水晶戰爭(類起床戰爭)的視頻(後面是伺服器的視頻宣傳),也有參加過 WER 大賽,也有練習 C++ 的一些相關專案。
2019 年 12 月 8 日,葡萄永遠地失去了一生中最重要的朋友,小青。
她雖然只是網友,但她在葡萄的人生中陪伴她度過了很多時光,也是她 MC 伺服器運營團隊的核心成員。
葡萄說道,自己的名前——夏峰,源自給某人寫信起的筆名,因為在意所以記住了,於是這個名字成為了她心中的一個「空位」,這個空位後來出現的意識體也就是夏峰的意識,為空缺而生,為本體而活,精神來源於小青,是小青囑託過葡萄要好好地替自己活下去,小青化作了葡萄另一個特別的精神支柱,鼓勵著葡萄繼續前行,葡萄也努力替小青看著這個世界, 夏峰後來也化為葡萄本體的另一半,是充滿理性的代理人格,她努力説明葡萄,也替葡萄分擔了不少。
> 「人生不同的選擇,也許是人性的考驗,如果一切都是虛偽這些不就毫無意義了嗎? 人生的沒有理由,如果有只是孤獨,勞累,無語,的理由吧,可你放棄的以前不過是重新的開始,世界的答案不斷有人追求,而知者會勞累心情,有人跟我說人類和人生他們相等,不過人類會更冰冷,我每天被困擾,抑鬱,落淚,回憶,我累了。 也許我知道的世界真相不過是曼德拉效應。」
>
> —— 夏峰 葡萄 於 2020 年 4 月 18 日
2020那是熱愛一切的初心她於 2018 年萌生了建立一個完全沒有任何限制完全公平的伺服器的想法,在這一年她與她要好的小夥伴們啟動了他們的計劃,一起創建了伺服器,成立了 LCR 工作室,在那裡和屾洋相識並成為好友,儘管相伴是短暫的。
葡萄負責伺服器開發,並且極力宣傳伺服器,為此拍攝了很多視頻與圖片,經營了 5 年後,葡萄因為個人原因退出了運營並把運營許可權交給了自己信任的人。
也是這個時候,葡萄的爸媽離婚了,家庭的矛盾或許緩和了些,葡萄也開始為自己的未來深思,是時候為自己而活了,她更加努力地經營伺服器,製作相關視頻,調試設備。
2021年出門旅行學習電子維修學習了攝影以及後期在12月喜提MacBook有了強大的硬體設備葡萄就能在後期的道路上更順利地行走也有了自己真正的人設那個赤瞳金髮的水手服女孩。
2022 年第一次參加漫展,期間買了包括監聽耳機在內的諸多設備,學習了很多電腦知識,玩過東方,愛上了聽原作 OST買了最喜歡的紫羅蘭永恆花園的 OST。
在早期關注了絆愛,但 2022 年絆愛初號機的辭退使得葡萄對她心目中真正的絆愛有所不捨,但只是為了說句再見。
> 「很多話刪了改了又改,想說卻說不完,明明只是一句再見卻說不出口,絆愛還會醒過來的吧,那時候我們一定再見,無論多久跨越時空也好,只希望能再見......」
>
> —— 夏峰 葡萄,於 2022 年 2 月 25 日
2023年入坑了模型塗裝塗的是機娘。
後面又海淘了很多的 OST還在網路上上傳抓軌也正式得到一台尼康 Z62愛上了業餘風景攝影。
## 遇見
7 月某日,或許是命運讓我與葡萄相見,那天特意跑過來幫忙給小舍開大證,開得差不多的時候,跑去做了精神評估跑回來發現葡萄突然出現了,我就繼續陪著小舍跟醫生嘮嗑,出來後其實大家都等了好久,但大家好像都和葡萄相處得很開心(後來才發現原來他們都早見過葡萄了呜呜)
出醫院之後,看著交接路口上滿滿的汽車及排滿了自行車的路旁,陽光羞澀地灑在我們身上,葡萄在我們身後端起相機拍攝這片難得的暖陽,捕捉落日餘暉的美麗,橙亮而潔白的雲層掛在空中,我和物件在路上牽著手蹦跶,走了一路從地鐵口下去時,好像天突然黑了般。 找到一家餐廳隨便坐一會,我害羞地趴在桌面上,膽怯地看著大家,感覺葡萄是個很開朗的人呢,正和其他人滔滔不絕地交流著,掏出 MacBook 惹得很多人上來白嫖電口,我只是趴著一言不發,內心好像要哭出來了,過於焦慮了。
等了一陣子后,我們去了很遠的地方,為了趕車,我們幾個徑直跑向地鐵口,最終我和物件也分開了,臨走前她跟葡萄說要看好貓貓,葡萄說好,於是帶我從人生地不熟的地鐵口趕回了高鐵站,我們最終是在發車前趕到,一起在檢票廳坐了好一會,我這才跟葡萄說起話來,才知道她年齡比我還小,她剛初中畢業,以及她最近要回老家一趟,聽了她一些對於人生未來規劃的想法,感覺葡萄很積極樂觀......
最後,我們上了高鐵,坐在座位上,她戴上耳機,閉上眼睛聽音樂放鬆,一段漫長的時間之後,到站了,我跟葡萄說要抱抱嗎,她說可以啊,然後我就在火車站門口抱著她,抱得緊緊的,我在她耳邊說一些祝福的話,突然她就開始抽噎了,突然哭了起來,眼淚打在她的衣服上,我更加用力地抱著她:
> 「我雖然不知道你經歷了什麼,但如果你需要説明一定要及時跟大家聯繫哦......」
然後我們一起在路上承諾會好好活下去的,搭上便車之後就告別了。
事後才在 X 上看到葡萄的另一面。
那次的推文很讓我驚訝。
> 今天收拾櫃子找到個袋子,裡面放著的是我曾經吹過的口琴和琴譜,初三每天下了晚自習就會一個人跑到天臺吹口琴,那時候是我一天最難受也是最開心的時候,不用再去面對老師和同學,不會再被打擾能在上面痛哭......
>
> 而如今琴的音色早已不如(從前),生活也從未變好,當時我為何沒有下定決心選擇離開
這是葡萄曾經面對的,那些我不知道的經歷,那個帶著笑容的抑鬱患者......
8月25日炸櫃了葯幾乎全被她媽媽扔掉了那個帶著橙色夾層的藍色藥盒也被收走了當天就被家裡人拉到醫院查內分泌的問題隨後就被轉至住院。
我也來看了葡萄,那天聽去見過葡萄的人說葡萄的家屬現在很憤怒,並且對於我們這些拜訪者非常不歡迎,認為是我們帶壞了他們家的孩子,我們也只能等他們走遠了才有機會靠近葡萄,另外葡萄也因為家屬排斥我們而非常生氣,但是很無奈......
## 陰影
自從那個時候開始,家裡的謾駡和壓迫都開始更加有意圖地指向葡萄,葡萄沒有任何錯,錯的只是這些自以為是的人,他們管制葡萄的出行與消費,侵犯她的隱私,撕碎她的希望,家裡人的偽善面具被他們親自揭下,葡萄更加難以在氣氛時常劍拔弩張的家裡呼吸,葡萄只是個女孩子呀,自己一個人在自己的小角落哭過多少呢?
葡萄逐漸喘不上氣,唯一的希冀就是一直默默支援她的姐姐們。
上了高中之後,家裡人更加嚴格地限制葡萄的週末安排,給她安排課程,期間不給葡萄自由活動的機會,回到家也只是責駡,還要每周去回訪心理醫生......
企圖摧毀什麼呢......
但慶幸的是葡萄依然能夠偷偷溜出去和姐姐們見面,吃好吃的。
上次是葡萄從陰影中爬出,這次她又被陰影中的手抓住,她越努力掙脫,反而會陷得越深吧。
她或許真的沒有找到那份救贖。
我們在 9 月又見了一次面,其他人的突然介入引發了點小誤會,葡萄是這場誤會的調解人,冷靜的她親自去和那桌人面談,談了一會兒,看上去應該解決好了,直到我們各回各家時,那位挑事者才大為不解地在 X 上把這件事鼓吹成大事,而葡萄晚上又與我們一起仔細理清了全程並通過私信說服了那位挑事者。
雖然挑起了很多無意義的指控與謾駡,但挑事者最終為自己的所作所為表示道歉,這件事挺大的,在解決后我們也提醒葡萄儘快休息,辛苦她了。
葡萄後來還鼓勵羞澀的姐姐去參加漫展,成為她自己心中理想的模樣。
葡萄總是默默地學習,默默在場上為大家拍攝,默默地坐在餐廳或者便利店裡給大家修圖。
11 月 9 日是她的生日哦,生日快樂,葡萄~
由於家庭與學校的壓力,葡萄的抑鬱加重了,她開始抱怨自己的睡眠問題,對未來感到迷茫,情緒特別低落的時候,她還會用美工刀劃自己的手。
這個月我跟葡萄私下見面了幾次,希望能讓葡萄開心一點。
21 日一起去打了 maimai吃了薩莉亞30 日也是呢。
24 日她開到了精神處方,於是她總算能睡好點了吧。
26 日由於藥物作用導致葡萄出現夢遊,激發了夏峰的出現,具體的表現為葡萄完全不能想起昨天晚上發生了什麼,但是葡萄會以夏峰的名義在群裡突然說話,或者是私聊某個人,我就是她私聊的物件之一。
然而記憶在兩體間不能共用,所以葡萄為了瞭解她那一面特意設置了監控看自己睡覺,果不其然,「葡萄夢遊了」,但是很清醒般,玩手機,玩電腦,幹什麼都可以。
夏峰後面更多是為了保護葡萄而存在的,當葡萄實在挺不住時,夏峰就會出現替她承受痛苦,但是夏峰肯定會提前終結自己,所以希望在終結自己前讓葡萄找到一個值得信賴的人。
突然間葡萄的行為失去控制,於是去醫院換了葯,開了抗抑鬱葯、抗精神病藥,我也是在這時萌生了研究藥物原理的想法,時不時會找葡萄聊聊。
葡萄希望能找到一個屬於自己的傾訴物件,卻始終無法找到自己的系鈴人。
12月自我錯亂學習了自我采血。
曾經裝滿 HRT 藥物的藥盒轉眼間塞滿了精神藥品。
## 事故
24年春葡萄和姐姐一起在廣州過年。
> 他們應該在世界的另一端過的很開心吧...
>
> 只可惜曾經許下諾言再也沒有機會兌現了。
>
> 我存在的意義就是繼續在這個世界留下他們的痕跡。
>
> —— 夏峰 葡萄,於 2023 年 12 月 8 日
若我無法避免死亡
那願從此再無來生 **葡萄**
我的使命終將完成
但我不知何去何從 **夏峰**
事故發生前,葡萄在各大平台尋找兼職,但並沒有人錄用她。
於是還是選擇了跑外賣,花了本金入網,租了車,去了公司面試,一路下來總算是可以了。
但第一天送外賣,第二單,卻偏偏又壓垮了葡萄。
「車主很好,知道我是個未成年之後就很主動要向我賠錢,還叫來他公司裡的其他同事過來,雖然的確他就是全責,去到醫院之後還給我送了一碗炒米粉,在醫院做了各種檢查......」
在獲得正式賠償之前,葡萄還是不得不借錢去償還醫院的檢查費,然後撐著受傷的身體每天都與風為伴,賠償垃圾車行與平臺的違約款,又堅持跑下去一周多,交付入網費,錢並沒有多,但傷口依然在惡化,幾周后得到了賠償,但偏偏又是一個意外...... 無法消停。
> 1 月 13 日,
>
> 人生第一次送外賣
>
> 人生第一次被車撞
>
> 人生還有多少個第一次呢?
>
> 1 月 23 日,
>
> 鮮血夾雜著雨流淌在馬路上
>
> 很痛但伴隨著更嚴重的眩暈感倒在地上
>
> 雨還下著,我抱著醫藥箱向屋簷下爬去
>
> 脫下手套頭盔在混亂的意識下包扎著那血流不止的雙腿和腳掌
>
> 好累... 我為什麼要活著......
>
> 我好痛苦......
>
> 我從未如此期待死亡... 如此厭惡這個世界
葡萄曾看到過藝術家劉耀華的作品《不安》。
> 這幅作品是在 175 顆還沒成熟的蘋果體內插入纖細的鋼針,原本以為這些鋼針會留在蘋果體內,隨著蘋果的生長而被掩蓋,然而這 175 顆蘋果卻生長緩慢,有些甚至在成長途中枯萎死去。 最後存活下來的蘋果僅僅有75顆這些倖存的果子乾癟畸形......
>
> 劉耀華說:「我能夠想像,這些蘋果作為生命,是如何在一分一秒中與鋼針做著激烈鬥爭。」
1 月,她在讀書時看到余華在《活著》中所寫的句子,於是摘錄了下來:
>「永遠不要相信苦難是值得的。 苦難就是苦難,苦難不會帶來成功。 苦難不值得追求。 磨練意志是因為苦難無法躲避開。」
即便是倖存者也不能全身而退。
## 送行
> 也許本就該如此吧
>
> 沒什麼
>
> 這是命中註定
那一天,我和葡萄共同的朋友,[單片](https://one-among.us/profile/interrgned)自殺身亡了。
第二天,我開始組織朋友一起去江門,找了一圈後實在找不到人,我問葡萄願意來嗎,她說可以,她傷未好,我也只能表示安慰,但她說起碼為了單片。
第三天早上,葡萄騎著電車來到我家附近等我,還特意給我買了一碗瘦肉粉,我和她在附近商店門前的一張桌子上一起吃,那天很冷,冷極了,我穿了好多衣服,但手很冷,我跟葡萄抱怨,葡萄說:「我早就知道會這樣了。」 於是從包裡拿出一雙手套,「送給你了。」 我感激地收下,心裡一陣暖意。
寒冷空中,化解為那一份對未知的把握......
我、葡萄和其他夥伴,給她整理遺物,為那個黃髮女孩頭像的人送上與她相似的黃菊花。
火光璀璨,濃煙隨風舞動,化作縹緲的身影,遊離在我們身邊。
祈求寧靜,願安好......
葡萄一晚沒睡,忙完后在車裡睡得好香,口水染在我的書包上,我只是笑笑,看她可愛的樣子。 我們一起在黑夜中尋找她的蹤跡。
選了個時間焚燒她的遺物,送上遲到的祝願。
飢腸轆轆地吃了麥當勞,就整理東西,各自分別,接下來是什麼呢?
第二天,第二次鈴聲將我叫醒,那是一個契機,我們找到了能跟進後事的機會。
在一抹夕陽下,一起吃飯,向深夜中進發。
葡萄在嘈雜的電波中喘息著,能留給她的還有什麼呢?
## 未來
那一切...... 早在 2 月份的時候就說清楚了。
2月7號葡萄心心念念的大證總算開出來了但這一次是以自己肉體與心靈極度創傷為代價換取的是自己獨立爭取來的家庭的迫害轉為無奈經濟來源也靠自己葡萄她還太小世間一切就已經爛掉了她只想做個普普通通的女孩子。
葡萄思考著自己存在的意義,時針還在走,肉體在恐慌,精神在崩塌。
這一切真的值得嗎?
葡萄也突然萌生了走書[^1]的想法,就是她心中所願吧。
2月24日葡萄確診重度抑鬱醫生建議走監護但人生這次自己選擇。
雖然 MECT 或許可以救人,但是一旦認清了自己的內心,就不會尋求外部支援,因為這不是拯救,只要世界還這樣,那麼覺醒是必然的,沒有什麼能把她們分開。
在這之後葡萄開始緊密地籌劃那條通往未來的路。
2月27日那個女孩公佈了自己在網路上的正式第一面但沒能夠準備好正式出道倒影在那名為奇迹的騙局。
葡萄下定決心了。
時日不多了。
接下來的時日是屬於夏峰_葡萄的讓她做自己想做的吧讓她見自己想見的吧讓她好好地與這個世界親吻好好地告別吧然後就走向另一個沒有痛苦的未來而我會記住這些點點滴滴的因為這次選擇其實並沒有太多的悲傷只是心中的願望總算來了也不會失落也不會太快樂就這麼安靜地度過一個晚上吧 最後一輪的殘月,如柔紗縹緲,不可視之物,降解,重生,新生。
兩人牽著手,在空中化作點點星光,飄逸地飛走了。
## 夢醒
> 3 月 31 日,
>
> 就像曾經夢中的場景一樣
>
> 身上的鮮血浸染了淺色的裙子
>
> 即將離開這個世界的女孩
>
> 緩慢地呼吸著...
**定時資訊一訃告**
@XIEPT2
> 夏峰_葡萄 已於 2024 年 3 月 30 日夜間於未被監視的房間內服用致死性藥物、吸入有毒氣體...... 自殺身亡
>
> 現自動發送訃告內容死亡時間已超過12小時
>
> 將於死亡時間超過23小時後公開遺囑資訊
「初心從未泯滅,但為何針對我的只是不斷的打壓,我很不解。」
「葡萄是個很可靠又多才多藝的姐姐,因為她真的很像姐姐那樣子,很負責任,很會照顧大家,很會扛困難,但還是沒辦法,因為人總得有個歸宿,那份歸宿不是活著便是死亡。」
「葡萄對我來說是一位特殊的人物,為自己提前獻上鮮花,何嘗不是一種體面,讓我記住這一刻。」
> 本推主已於 2024 年 3 月 30 日自殺去世以「安樂死」結束了生命
>
> 遺物由本人整理後給予他人處理
>
> 她曾經來過這個悲慘的世界,以幸福的方式離開了這個世界
>
> 她生前唯一的遺願就是成為一個真正的女孩子,做一個好妹妹,有一個好姐姐
## 三月的後記——不為人知與義務
這是個可公開可不公開的插曲
3 月初,葡萄在收拾自己的東西,留給她重要的姐妹
4 號,我和葡萄等人一起去了香港,一起在大家樂吃了東西后,正午的時候古一差不多就來了,我們被葡萄拉去取貨,我們這才瞭解到葡萄幫她的朋友取書這件事,就是連載漫畫,本子啥的
然後就一起去了尖沙咀碼頭,一起從天星碼頭坐船坐到中環,在那坐了一會,簡單收拾一下后就一起坐港鐵到深圳。
之後就偶爾見見葡萄,收拾了一下東西。
之後和葡萄一起騎電動車去了珠海。
之後和葡萄一起去 BOC 開了卡。
之後最後一次收拾葡萄的東西。
之後最後一次在香港和葡萄見面,拍了最後一張合影。
之後,她打量了一下房間角落堆積的空箱子,寄給姐妹朋友們的東西也發完了,所有事都處理完了,換上最後一條淺色的裙子,在夜色中吞服藥物,吸入毒氣。
在靜默中再見了夏峰_葡萄永別了...... 大家都很想你......
我們未曾知曉你的沉眠之地,甚則,也許你還在呢......
奈何現實危險重重。
但我希望你能脫離苦海,
做一個快樂的女孩子......
條目貢獻: [紗羽硒璃葉](https://twitter.com/UnnnLlllx3)
[^1]: 意為個人「代購」境外漫畫書籍

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{"id":18077,"content":"在411时坐在病床前与你聊天至今无法释怀——林灵","submitter":"林灵","date":"Aug 4, 2024"}

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{"id":18116,"content":"晚安","submitter":"林依雪","date":"Aug 17, 2024"}

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id: chunchun_yudong
profileUrl: ${path}/photos/profile.png
info:
born: '2004-09-03'
died: '2024-06-30'
websites:

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---
name: YuDong
info:
alias: YuDong
location: Liupanshui, Guizhou
---
The departure of YuDong shocked many of her friends. Many people said it was hard to believe. Perhaps only a few close friends understood her true feelings.
YuDong is a transgender person from Liupanshui, Guizhou. She experienced gender dysphoria and transitioned over six or seven years, switching between MtF and MtX identities. In early December 2023, she underwent gender reassignment surgery, but the results did not meet her expectations.
The author of this page and YuDong had their surgeries at the same hospital around the same time. After regaining the ability to walk, I frequently visited her in the ward, witnessing each other's recovery. I never imagined that the "goodbye" when I was discharged would be our final farewell.
She enjoyed photography and had arranged to meet a fellow trans woman who was a cosplayer for a photo session. However, before they could meet, the tragic news of YuDong's passing reached her.
Her mental state had been poor before, and the post-surgery emptiness exacerbated her issues. The regrets and detransition of fellow patients further undermined her resolve. In this state, she turned to hallucinations to fill the void.
> By the way, are there any effective hallucinogenic drugs?
> ——Apr.12, 2024
In the early morning of June 30, 2024, after another overdose, she said her last words to her friends and then chose to end her life. The friend who received the news tried to intervene and then called the police, but it was too late.
> in mind
> Lots of information
> All my memories
> Become a dream
> ——Jun.30, 2024
She asked this friend to inform her contacts of her passing, but due to the two-step verification on her QQ account, the friend could not fulfill her last wish.
On QZone, YuDong's last post seemed normal, except for a series of "good night" messages below, silently expressing her friends' grief and reflecting her warmth and care for others during her life.

33
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---
name: 蠢蠢鱼动
info:
alias: 魔芋,爽!, 鱼动
location: 贵州六盘水
---
蠢蠢鱼动离世的消息震惊了她此前的不少朋友。许多人表示难以相信,也许只有少数深交知晓她真实的心情。
蠢蠢鱼动是一位来自贵州六盘水的跨性别者。她经历了六七年的性别烦躁和性别过渡,性别身份在 MtF 与 MtX 间切换。2023 年 12 月初,她完成了性别重置手术,但手术的效果并不如她的预期。
笔者和她在同一家医院实施性别重置手术,且手术时间相近,在刚恢复行走能力后常串病房看望她,见证了彼此的恢复。未曾想出院时的那句“再见”竟是永别。
尽管私底下会和一些朋友抱怨,但她仍然积极活跃在医院的术前与术后群,并和许多群友结下了友谊,一起玩过游戏,许下了很多约定,例如和群友一起旅游。只是由于鱼动走得突然,不少约定都未能实现。
她爱好摄影,曾有一位作为 coser 的跨女和她相约拍照,但还没能见面,便收到了鱼动的噩耗。
她此前精神状态就不佳,术后的虚无感使她的精神问题加重,同期术友的后悔与 detrans 也打击了她的信念。在这种情况下,她开始用幻觉来填充空白。
> 对了,有哪些容易致幻的精品神药吗?
> ——2024.04.12
在 2024 年 6 月 30 日凌晨,又一次药物滥用后,她向自己的朋友说了最后的话,随后选择了离世。收到她消息的朋友曾试着干预,此后又报了警,但为时已晚。
> 脑子里
> 好多信息
> 我的记忆全都
> 变成梦
> ——2024.06.30
她想让这位朋友帮忙向自己的列表好友们转告自己离世的消息,但由于她的 QQ 账号开启了登录验证,朋友无法完成她的这一遗愿。
空间里,鱼动的最后一条说说似乎一切正常,只有底下的一连串“晚安”评论,默默寄托着好友们的哀思,表现着她生前对他人的温暖与照顾。

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---
name: 蠢蠢魚動
info:
alias: 魔芋,爽!, 魚動
location: 貴州六盤水
---
蠢蠢魚動離世的消息震驚了她此前的不少朋友. 許多人表示難以相信, 也許只有少數深交知曉她真實的心情.
蠢蠢魚動是一位來自貴州六盤水的跨性別者. 她經過了六七年的性別煩躁和性別過渡, 性別身份在 MtF 與 MtX 之間切換. 2023 年 12 月初, 她完成了性別重置手術, 但手術的結果並不符合她的預期.
筆者和她在同一家醫院實施性別重置手術且時間相近, 在剛恢復行走能力後常串訪病房去看望她, 見證了彼此的恢復. 未曾想到出院時的「再見」竟是永別.
即使私下會和一些夥伴抱怨, 但她仍然積極活躍在醫院的術前和術後群中, 並和許多成員結下了友情, 一起玩過遊戲, 定下了許多如一起旅遊的約定. 只是她走的突然, 許多約定未能實現.
她愛好攝像, 曾經有一個作為 coser 的跨女和她相約照相, 但是還沒有見面, 便受到了魚動的噩耗.
她此前精神狀態就不佳, 術後的虛無感使她的精神問題加重, 同期術友的後悔與 detrans 也打擊了她的信念. 在這種狀況下, 她開始用幻覺填充空白.
> 對了, 有哪些容易致幻的精品神藥[^1]嗎?
> ——2024.04.12
在 2024 年 6 月 30 日凌晨, 又一次過量藥物後, 她向自己的朋友說了最後的話, 隨後選擇了離世. 收到消息的朋友試圖干預, 此後又報了警, 但為時已晚.
> 腦子裡
> 好多信息
> 我所有的回憶
> 成為夢想
> ——2024.06.30
她想讓這位朋友幫忙向自己的列表好友們轉告自己離世的消息, 但由於她的 QQ 賬號開啟了兩步驗證, 朋友無法完成她的這一遺願.
QZone 裡, 魚動的最後一條說說似乎一切正常, 只有下面一連串「晚安」留言, 默默寄託著好友的哀思, 表現著她生前對他人的溫暖和照願.
[^1]: 即「精神藥品」

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{"id":18055,"content":"希望来生无病痛","submitter":"life","date":"Jul 28, 2024"}

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{"id":18076,"content":"I was trying to find you. I printed my IELTS check-in form with your printer. I guess...We all hoped for you to appear again, even as ghosts. But that never happened. Good night, and thanks for your printer.","submitter":"Yonah C. ","date":"Aug 4, 2024"}

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{"id":18123,"content":"愿她在彼岸安好……","submitter":"Anonymous","date":"Aug 20, 2024"}

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{"id":18124,"content":"晚安","submitter":"菊立朝凉","date":"Aug 20, 2024"}

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id: interrgned
profileUrl: ${path}/photos/profile.png
info:
born: '1995-05-25'
died: '2024-01-22'
websites:
twitter: https://twitter.com/interrgned
github: https://github.com/interrgned
youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@interrgned
Bilibili: https://space.bilibili.com/152550
weibo: https://weibo.com/interrgned
# mydigit: http://bbs.mydigit.cn/u.php?uid=1316082
iconify:bi:steam: https://steamcommunity.com/id/interrgned
# makerforums: https://forum.makerforums.info/u/interrgned/summary
# oshwlab: https://oshwlab.com/interrgned

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---
name: interrgned
info:
alias: Danpian
location: Jiangmen, Guangdong
---
(To-Do)
<!-- 本文的“猫猫”和“山猫猫”都指条目作者紗羽硒璃葉 -->
## Line
<!-- 本段原有标题为“线”,在中文版中因为无法对称而删去,可在英文版中保留。 -->
## Wave
<!-- 白与黑的树突曲折蔓延,枯树与其他仍然保留着绿叶的树。
铺满象牙白与品红石砖的校园小道,灰尘覆在砖块上。
那棵被砖石包盖住树根的大树,枝梢轻轻地摇曳着。
一个高高的身影立在那,和一位很好看的姐姐在一起。 -->
<!-- 以上四句,在中文中为前后四排双句,在英文本地化时辛苦进行合理的转换。 -->
<!-- 德生:收音机品牌,官方英文为 tecsun -->
<!-- 淇澳岛Qi'ao Island 位于广东珠海 -->
<!-- 魔厨:即网红餐厅超级魔厨,官方英文为 Magic Kitchen -->
<!-- 俄罗斯转盘即俄罗斯轮盘赌Russian roulette -->
## Love
## End
Contributor for this entry: [Shayu Xiliye](http://twitter.com/UnnnLlllx3)

213
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---
name: 单片
info:
alias: 单片
location: 广东江门
---
<!-- 这篇文章就用大陆惯用的双引号吧。 -->
支离破碎的记忆,如纷乱的线般,交叉,组合,分裂,堙灭……
<blockquote><CapDownQuote messages={[["你走了呀……姊姊……”", "这个天线的馈线那些怎么看来着"], ["不上学了嘛", "不是说好了下一次"], ["山猫猫抱住~", "她听力不太好哦"], ["为什么", "把我们丢在这"], ["这是为了她", "下一次一起打mai"], ["教我开车嘛~", "帮我照顾好山猫猫~"], ["姊姊好厉害好羡慕", "又被家里人说了公司的工作也很多"]]} /></blockquote>
## 电波
凛冽的冬日也终会过去,还记得那一天吗,那是 3 月 18 日。
为什么提起来呢,因为,真的很谢谢你……
白与黑的树突曲折蔓延,枯树与其他仍然保留着绿叶的树。
铺满象牙白与品红石砖的校园小道,灰尘覆在砖块上。
那棵被砖石包盖住树根的大树,枝梢轻轻地摇曳着。
一个高高的身影立在那,和一位很好看的姐姐在一起。
我看着手机上的指示,小心翼翼地走了过去。
“你好……?”我胆怯地问道,她愣了一下,才反应过来,热心地跟我打起招呼。
跟旁边的小伙伴们说,这位也是来参加无线电考试的朋友哦。
我受宠若惊地坐在树旁,看她们开心地摆弄自己的手台。
随后一起出去,三个人一起拿出手机拍三个手台的贴贴图,但她们本来不知道我是跨。我还没来得及解释,就被她们发现了——因为我转发了相关的内容,就在头条,她们大为震惊,那位姐姐说:
> “这是小孩子不应该知道的,不过都这个年代了也很正常。”
于是我就鼓起勇气跟她们出柜,她们好像更震惊似的,随后对我的态度就有好大变化,感觉更加亲切了,被姐姐摸了摸头,好喜欢,我有些受宠若惊,她们也没问我太多隐私,就继续聊无线电去了。
我们一起去看了当地的收音机博物馆,也是第一次看到那么罕见的收藏品。
她带着三台收音机,德生的 2P3PL330还有一台自己设计的。还是裸 PCB,没外壳。
她在进馆后说一直很想带着这几台收音机来看看前辈们——也就是那些古老的收音机。
离开后,只觉得第一次交到那种有共同爱好的朋友真的很开心。
她还送给我一些跨的亚克力挂件,她真的很温柔……
之后,我要上学去了,我们交换了联络方式,我第一次在学校和她打公用电话的时候,她听起来很开心。
我们还聊了怎么收听中继台,有想过在学校利用中继台和她对讲,但无奈学校位置偏远,信号不好,只有每周末坐校车回去时才可以勉强收到大家中继台的信号,我也想要个呼号,这样子感觉好棒!
后来她带我加入了当地朋友的一个中继台,那也是我人生中第一次跟别人通联,交换讯息,用的是随意起的数字代号,她还特意在群里通知友台们给我让路 QAQ那天在下雨后面和友台也顺利通联信号很好的好耶
又胆怯又怕麻烦的我,总是被她这样的姐姐鼓励着,温暖着,那也是因为我第一次的尝试,才有了如今的我。(当天通联一直有个坏蛋在干扰我们这个中继频率,我们都很生气。)
后面,每到学校,有空总会拿起电话,跟她聊聊今天怎么样,大家都有什么新鲜事啦,因为我是插班生,在学校没什么交心的朋友,单片就成了唯一的姐姐,后面更是叫她姊姊。
我们当时相处得真的很开心,每到放学,你总会第一时间接听我的电话,你总是开心地先出声“猫猫~”,你经常在刚下班回到车上时接听到我的来电,要么在回家的路上,要么在去爷爷家的路上。
后面就在网上聊维修,抱怨学校的问题,抱怨公司的问题,聊兴趣爱好,聊生活……
和她共享过服务器,给她送过一些耗材还有些小玩意,委托过她帮忙焊 U 盘。
偶尔,在周末里,单片会带我出去逛逛,上次说带我去淇澳岛结果因为超严重的堵车不得不放弃,然后转回去江门,带我看了当地的特色古街,带我吃了魔厨,一路上和我聊了很多,我也知道了她喜欢电路设计,摄影,小动物,她此前还在一个动物救助站做志愿者,还有收集植物标本什么的,看上去是十分悠然的乐天派。
不久后的一天,我给她打过平常的电话,到了晚上的时候,她不知为什么突然萌生了非常强大的自杀冲动,我看到了智能手表上她发的消息,那晚我真的快被吓死……我跑到宿舍最里面的洗手间试图跟进消息,试图找人帮忙联系她,忙活了一个小时,期间我又要防着被宿管抓,来回游走于床上和洗手间,然后又怀着担心煎熬地睡过去,第二天没看消息时,我还在为她偷偷落泪,到了中午知道她已经好过来之后,我才松了一口气。
但之后,烦心事不断,她一直在电话里抱怨自己的家人,特别是爸爸和爷爷他们对自己留长发的态度,以及公司制度的不公平,生活上无法越过的挫折等等,她经常一下班就去公园旁边的小河,带着 NaNO2跟我说自己真的不想活了然后说她的自杀打算我希望她能好好活下去挺过这一段困难时期。
说完这些道理,也是尽可能地安慰她,电话里,她一直在哭,我尽力了,我几乎每个晚修都是掐着点进教室的,因为在宿舍长时间占用电话被舍友针对,但我只是想尽我的责任,作为一个受照顾者应尽的责任,她是我最重要的朋友。
那之后,就是我也无法做到的事了……
## 命运
哭都哭完了,麻木了。
单片离世后,我多少有些愧疚,愧疚于我没有好好陪伴她,之前那些伤心的事,我也和她一起经历了不少,但我还是觉得,作为她重要的朋友,我本应该更努力地去安慰她,给她希望。
我的脑海里突然闪过一个画面,是那个“第一次”。
我来到医院,找到她的继母时,单片还在做抢救。
那位急诊的医生说道:
> “自杀有一次,就有第二次。”
第一次是冲动,第二次是命中注定。
单片的第一次“死亡”看似带来了新生,但她的心结没有解开,她眼中的世界依旧迷茫。
许多人都相信着重生,认为重生能够洗掉一切,而这次,会让命运更加偏袒单片吗?
其实,是的。自从单片在鬼门关走过一遭之后,她就越发地表现出性取向的变化。她离开之前,还在电话里跟我唠叨,说老一辈不喜欢自己留的长头发……
你似乎慢慢找到了生活的方向,从起初购买衣服时的迷茫,到后来终于穿出最合适最美丽的风格给大家看。我们给你拍了不少好看的照片,至少照片上的你很开心,你也比以前更活泼开朗了。
我们见面的次数更多了,也有一些温馨的回忆。
但,怎么说呢?自从你对自己失望开始,每次的事件都如同在和自己玩俄罗斯转盘。
鲜血终究流淌,事件不止 6 颗子弹那么简单,有的打得轻,有的打得重。更何况不止 6 颗子弹,失去希望的那一刻,你就已经知道自己走投无路了……
跨性别是生活的主调,它本身没有错,但内在的负面情绪,随着时间的推移逐渐堆积,最终引发了这场悲剧。
一切的一切,都是自己对自己的挣扎。
我说:
> “我只认识那个死前的你,不想认识迷茫的你。”
为什么这样说呢?
因为我原谅你因为家属与公司的问题,为自己的尊严而死。
但我无法原谅你接受内心难以填补的空洞,你很想陪伴那些逝去的伙伴,有了这样的想法,我们就已经很难挽回你了。
你深深感觉到自己已经可有可无了。
> “反正一个人就只能这样子了。”
你最终疲惫地说道……
我知道那些不专业的医师给你开的药物让你很难受,让你本就缺乏快乐的生活更加阴暗,笼罩上一层层朦胧的雾霾。
人吃饭睡觉是自打出生就会的,这些是本能驱使,可人喝酒抽烟 OD 吸毒,这些却是后天学会的。
有了第一次,就很难没有第二次。
好比你觉得酒难喝,那只是你没找到对你口味的酒,对口味的话,你会喜欢上吧。
这些后天行为只是为了取悦自己的情绪安慰剂。
那自杀呢?自杀啊,其实是个很复杂的话题,我们当前的社会缺乏人性的关怀,缺乏术后的认知疗愈,缺乏社会支持,对于自杀者来说,是一种深深的绝望。
不然,那些躺在 ICU 里的孩子,怎么还有家长问出“孩子明天能上学吗”这样的话呢?
自杀者需要爱和关怀,而不是在逃过一劫后,重新自己一个人战斗,这样还能坚持下来的人,很少很少。
单片被解救出来后的几个月,我都没怎么跟单片说话,因为那后面是她自己的生活了,我早就隐隐预感到她会离开,我跟她说过,我希望她好好的,但我不想干涉她的选择,因为她真的累了,需要很长的时间休息。
压力来源于性取向,来源于家庭工作,来源于[盐田](https://one-among.us/profile/SS3B_0016)的离开,以及其他的一些事……
单片只是累了而已,她很温柔,对所有人都很友好,她生前慰问过那些生死未卜的同伴,但没人真正在乎她本人过得怎么样,不知道她内心的挣扎其实就是对世间的失望,也许没有人会陪伴她,死亡是她唯一的归宿。
世界是冷血的。这仿佛命运般,逃不过的,再努力也无济于事……
缺乏关爱,缺乏安全感,无数次试图与朋友们对上频率,但电波总是偏移。
可怜的单片,安息吧。要在那边过得好好的,这是我唯一的对你的期望了。
> 自杀总是很复杂的,但,要知道的是,有一就有二,有二就有三。
>
> 我真诚地希望大家能找到属于自己心灵的归宿。
>
> 即使暂时没找到也不要气馁。
>
> 因为你不是为了那些证书,那些事业而活。
>
> 是为了你自己,独一无二的,活着的你。
## 寻爱
单片跟她的继母聊起过盐田,她继母反问道:“你为什么不像盐田一样去帮助别人呢?”
单片可能很想,但她实际上只渴望找到一个真正的伴侣,一个真正爱她、理解她的人。
盐田为了拯救而拯救,
那……单片为了被爱而?
穷尽一生……
## 尽头
本笔记写于吃了褪黑素的凌晨,大概与脑海中原本的想法雏形有差别,但我大脑真的转不动了。
另外,我只是单方面记载我对单片的了解与我的主观思考,没人能真正了解别人,更何况,她自己也已经迷失了自我。
全文大概有 75% 的理性分析,余下的都是为单片而写的情绪内容。
对不起,其实我真的也很迷茫,也很空虚……下一个会不会是我呢?
我这些天想太多了,可能是我闲的吧,但我真的空虚到不知道该怎么做……
我也差不多活够了……
我几乎每天都倾听着她的悲伤,也尽力去抚平她的不安,我在她第一次自杀前一天还和她打了电话。
但她还是选择了那条路。第二天,她被抢救回来了,那一天打电话时,她对我说:
> “猫猫,你可能第二天就见不到我了……”
这句扎心的话,瞬间让我如坠冰窖。
这或许意味着,如果有第二次,我试着帮助她可能也没用了,因为我无法强行填充一个人空虚的内心,让她有着像机器人一样电充满了,各种参数都调好了的满足感。
事实上我来晚了,但我还是来了,在她睡着前,我看到她在推上发的吞药视频。于是我问她的情况,就问她吃了什么药,她说无所谓了,就那样,一个人沉寂在冰冷的出租屋。
她已经把自己的灵魂安排妥当了。
> “反正一个人就只能这样子了。”
她所说的其实也不止于此,还有在各种药物的作用下口齿不清听不清楚的话……我大抵知道她这回真的要走了,因为已经没有光了。
> 随风飘去吧,安息吧,真的想你在另一个世界快乐些,做一个快乐的女孩子。
这是写给单片的话,愿她在彼岸安好。
条目贡献:[紗羽硒璃葉](http://twitter.com/UnnnLlllx3)

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---
name: 單片
info:
alias: 單片
location: 廣東江門
---
支離破碎的記憶,如紛亂的綫般,交叉,組合,分裂,堙滅......
<blockquote><CapDownQuote messages={[["你走了呀...... 姊姊......", "這個天線的饋線那些怎麼看來著 "], ["不上學了嘛......", "不是說好了下一次......"], ["山貓貓 抱住~", "她聽力不太好哦......"], ["為什麼......", "把我們丟在這......"], ["這是為了她......", "下一次一起打mai......"], ["教我開車嘛~", "幫我照顧好山貓貓~"], ["姊姊好厲害好羨慕......", "又被家裡人說了公司的工作也很多......"]]} /></blockquote>
## 電波
凜冽的冬日也終會過去,還記得那一天嗎,那是 3 月 18 日。
為什麼提起來呢,因為,真的很謝謝你......
白與黑的樹突曲折蔓延,枯樹與其他仍然保留著綠葉的樹。
鋪滿象牙白與品紅石磚的校園小道,灰塵覆在磚塊上。
那棵被磚石包蓋住樹根的大樹,枝梢輕輕地搖曳著。
一個高高的身影立在那,和一位很好看的姐姐在一起。
我看著手機上的指示,小心翼翼地走了過去。
“你好......?” 我膽怯地問道,她愣了一下,才反應過來,熱心地跟我打起招呼。
跟旁邊的小夥伴們說,這位也是來參加無線電考試的朋友哦。
我受寵若驚地坐在樹旁,看她們開心地擺弄自己的手臺。
隨後一起出去,三個人一起拿出手機拍三個手臺的貼貼圖,但她們本來不知道我是跨。 我還沒來得及解釋,就被她們發現了——因為我轉發了相關的內容,就在頭條,她們大為震驚,那位姐姐說:
> “這是小孩子不應該知道的,不過都這個年代了也很正常。”
於是我就鼓起勇氣跟她們出櫃,她們好像更震驚似的,隨後對我的態度就有好大變化,感覺更加親切了,被姐姐摸了摸頭,好喜歡,我有些受寵若驚,她們也沒問我太多隱私,就繼續聊無線電去了。
我們一起去看了當地的收音機博物館,也是第一次看到那麼罕見的收藏品。
她帶著三台收音機,德生的 2P3PL330還有一台自己設計的。 還是裸 PCB沒外殼。
她在進館後說一直很想帶著這幾台收音機來看看前輩們——也就是那些古老的收音機。
離開后,只覺得第一次交到那種有共同愛好的朋友真的很開心。
她還送給我一些跨的亞克力掛件,她真的很溫柔......
之後,我要上學去了,我們交換了聯絡方式,我第一次在學校和她打公用電話的時候,她聽起來很開心。
我們還聊了怎麼收聽中繼台,有想過在學校利用中繼台和她對講,但無奈學校位置偏遠,信號不好,只有每週末坐校車回去時才可以勉強收到大家中繼台的信號,我也想要個呼號,這樣子感覺好棒!
後來她帶我加入了當地朋友的一個中繼台,那也是我人生中第一次跟別人通聯,交換訊息,用的是隨意起的數位代號,她還特意在群裡通知友台們給我讓路 QAQ那天在下雨後面和友台也順利通聯信號很好的好耶
又膽怯又怕麻煩的我,總是被她這樣的姐姐鼓勵著,溫暖著,那也是因為我第一次的嘗試,才有了如今的我。 (當天通聯一直有個壞蛋在干擾我們這個中繼頻率,我們都很生氣。
後面,每到學校,有空總會拿起電話,跟她聊聊今天怎麼樣,大家都有什麼新鮮事啦,因為我是插班生,在學校沒什麼交心的朋友,單片就成了唯一的姐姐,後面更是叫她姊姊。
我們當時相處得真的很開心,每到放學,你總會第一時間接聽我的電話,你總是開心地先出聲“貓貓~”,你經常在剛下班回到車上時接聽到我的來電,要麼在回家的路上,要麼在去爺爺家的路上。
後面就在網上聊維修,抱怨學校的問題,抱怨公司的問題,聊興趣愛好,聊生活......
和她共用過伺服器,給她送過一些耗材還有些小玩意,委託過她幫忙焊 U 盤。
偶爾,在週末裡,單片會帶我出去逛逛,上次說帶我去淇澳島結果因為超嚴重的堵車不得不放棄,然後轉回去江門,帶我看了當地的特色古街,帶我吃了魔廚,一路上和我聊了很多,我也知道了她喜歡電路設計,攝影,小動物,她此前還在一個動物救助站做志願者,還有收集植物標本什麼的,看上去是十分悠然的樂天派。
不久後的一天,我給她打過平常的電話,到了晚上的時候,她不知為什麼突然萌生了非常強大的自殺衝動,我看到了智慧手錶上她發的消息,那晚我真的快被嚇死...... 我跑到宿舍最裡面的洗手間試圖跟進消息,試圖找人幫忙聯繫她,忙活了一個小時,期間我又要防著被宿管抓,來回遊走於床上和洗手間,然後又懷著擔心煎熬地睡過去,第二天沒看消息時,我還在為她偷偷落淚,到了中午知道她已經好過來之後,我才鬆了一口氣。
但之後,煩心事不斷,她一直在電話裡抱怨自己的家人,特別是爸爸和爺爺他們對自己留長髮的態度,以及公司制度的不公平,生活上無法越過的挫折等等,她經常一下班就去公園旁邊的小河,帶著 NaNO2跟我說自己真的不想活了然後說她的自殺打算我希望她能好好活下去挺過這一段困難時期。
說完這些道理,也是盡可能地安慰她,電話裡,她一直在哭,我盡力了,我幾乎每個晚修都是掐著點進教室的,因為在宿舍長時間佔用電話被舍友針對,但我只是想盡我的責任,作為一個受照顧者應盡的責任,她是我最重要的朋友。
那之後,就是我也無法做到的事了......
## 命運
哭都哭完了,麻木了。
單片離世后,我多少有些愧疚,愧疚於我沒有好好陪伴她,之前那些傷心的事,我也和她一起經歷了不少,但我還是覺得,作為她重要的朋友,我本應該更努力地去安慰她,給她希望。
我的腦海裡突然閃過一個畫面,是那個“第一次”。
我來到醫院,找到她的繼母時,單片還在做搶救。
那位急診的醫生說道:
> “自殺有一次,就有第二次。”
第一次是衝動,第二次是命中註定。
單片的第一次“死亡”看似帶來了新生,但她的心結沒有解開,她眼中的世界依舊迷茫。
許多人都相信著重生,認為重生能夠洗掉一切,而這次,會讓命運更加偏袒單片嗎?
其實,是的。 自從單片在鬼門關走過一遭之後,她就越發地表現出性取向的變化。 她離開之前,還在電話裡跟我嘮叨,說老一輩不喜歡自己留的長頭髮......
你似乎慢慢找到了生活的方向,從起初購買衣服時的迷茫,到後來終於穿出最合適最美麗的風格給大家看。 我們給你拍了不少好看的照片,至少照片上的你很開心,你也比以前更活潑開朗了。
我們見面的次數更多了,也有一些溫馨的回憶。
但,怎麼說呢? 自從你對自己失望開始,每次的事件都如同在和自己玩俄羅斯轉盤。
鮮血終究流淌,事件不止 6 顆子彈那麼簡單,有的打得輕,有的打得重。 更何況不止 6 顆子彈,失去希望的那一刻,你就已經知道自己走投無路了......
跨性別是生活的主調,它本身沒有錯,但內在的負面情緒,隨著時間的推移逐漸堆積,最終引發了這場悲劇。
一切的一切,都是自己對自己的掙扎。
我說:
> “我只認識那個死前的你,不想認識迷茫的你。”
為什麼這樣說呢?
因為我原諒你因為家屬與公司的問題,為自己的尊嚴而死。
但我無法原諒你接受內心難以填補的空洞,你很想陪伴那些逝去的夥伴,有了這樣的想法,我們就已經很難挽回你了。
你深深感覺到自己已經可有可無了。
> “反正一個人就只能這樣子了。”
你最終疲憊地說道......
我知道那些不專業的醫師給你開的藥物讓你很難受,讓你本就缺乏快樂的生活更加陰暗,籠罩上一層層朦朧的霧霾。
人吃飯睡覺是自打出生就會的,這些是本能驅使,可人喝酒抽煙 OD 吸毒,這些卻是後天學會的。
有了第一次,就很難沒有第二次。
好比你覺得酒難喝,那只是你沒找到對你口味的酒,對口味的話,你會喜歡上吧。
這些後天行為只是為了取悅自己的情緒安慰劑。
那自殺呢? 自殺啊,其實是個很複雜的話題,我們當前的社會缺乏人性的關懷,缺乏術后的認知療癒,缺乏社會支持,對於自殺者來說,是一種深深的絕望。
不然,那些躺在 ICU 里的孩子,怎麼還有家長問出「孩子明天能上學嗎」這樣的話呢?
自殺者需要愛和關懷,而不是在逃過一劫後,重新自己一個人戰鬥,這樣還能堅持下來的人,很少很少。
單片被解救出來後的幾個月,我都沒怎麼跟單片說話,因為那後面是她自己的生活了,我早就隱隱預感到她會離開,我跟她說過,我希望她好好的,但我不想干涉她的選擇,因為她真的累了,需要很長的時間休息。
壓力來源於性取向,來源於家庭工作,來源於[鹽田](https://one-among.us/profile/SS3B_0016)的離開,以及其他的一些事......
單片只是累了而已,她很溫柔,對所有人都很友好,她生前慰問過那些生死未卜的同伴,但沒人真正在乎她本人過得怎麼樣,不知道她內心的掙扎其實就是對世間的失望,也許沒有人會陪伴她,死亡是她唯一的歸宿。
世界是冷血的。 這彷彿命運般,逃不過的,再努力也無濟於事......
缺乏關愛,缺乏安全感,無數次試圖與朋友們對上頻率,但電波總是偏移。
可憐的單片,安息吧。 要在那邊過得好好的,這是我唯一的對你的期望了。
> 自殺總是很複雜的,但,要知道的是,有一就有二,有二就有三。
>
> 我真誠地希望大家能找到屬於自己心靈的歸宿。
>
> 即使暫時沒找到也不要氣餒。
>
> 因為你不是為了那些證書,那些事業而活。
>
> 是為了你自己,獨一無二的,活著的你。
## 尋愛
單片跟她的繼母聊起過鹽田,她繼母反問道:“你為什麼不像鹽田一樣去幫助別人呢? ”
單片可能很想,但她實際上只渴望找到一個真正的伴侶,一個真正愛她、理解她的人。
鹽田為了拯救而拯救,
那...... 單片為了被愛而?
窮盡一生......
## 盡頭
本筆記寫於吃了褪黑素的淩晨,大概與腦海中原本的想法雛形有差別,但我大腦真的轉不動了。
另外,我只是單方面記載我對單片的瞭解與我的主觀思考,沒人能真正了解別人,更何況,她自己也已經迷失了自我。
全文大概有 75% 的理性分析,餘下的都是為單片而寫的情緒內容。
對不起,其實我真的也很迷茫,也很空虛...... 下一個會不會是我呢?
我這些天想太多了,可能是我閒的吧,但我真的空虛到不知道該怎麼做......
我也差不多活夠了......
我幾乎每天都傾聽著她的悲傷,也盡力去撫平她的不安,我在她第一次自殺前一天還和她打了電話。
但她還是選擇了那條路。 第二天,她被搶救回來了,那一天打電話時,她對我說:
> “貓貓,你可能第二天就見不到我了......”
這句扎心的話,瞬間讓我如墜冰窖。
這或許意味著,如果有第二次,我試著説明她可能也沒用了,因為我無法強行填充一個人空虛的內心,讓她有著像機器人一樣電充滿了,各種參數都調好了的滿足感。
事實上我來晚了,但我還是來了,在她睡著前,我看到她在推上發的吞藥視頻。 於是我問她的情況,就問她吃了什麼葯,她說無所謂了,就那樣,一個人沉寂在冰冷的出租屋。
她已經把自己的靈魂安排妥當了。
> “反正一個人就只能這樣子了。”
她所說的其實也不止於此,還有在各種藥物的作用下口齒不清聽不清楚的話...... 我大抵知道她這回真的要走了,因為已經沒有光了。
> 隨風飄去吧,安息吧,真的想你在另一個世界快樂些,做一個快樂的女孩子。
這是寫給單片的話,願她在彼岸安好。
條目貢獻:[紗羽硒璃葉](http://twitter.com/UnnnLlllx3)

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id: luxuanwen3
profileUrl: ${path}/photos/profile.jpg
info:
born: '2007-04-16'
died: '2024-08-05'
websites:
twitter: https://twitter.com/luxuanwen3

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---
name: Nini
info:
alias: 鲵鲵, Nini
location: Jiyuan, Henan
---
## Description
Nini was a sweet trans girl with a keen interest in computers. She experienced some anxiety, and was generally warm and friendly.
She took medication and exogenous hormones on a monthly basis. Her avatar was created by the talented artist [ディーバ/Deaver](https://x.com/Deaver1229).
However, her parents were resolutely opposed to her transgender identity and expression, so she was closely monitored.
The only sister who truly understood her found it difficult to communicate owing to distance and academic pressures.
Towards the end of July 2024, there was an extreme increase in conflict between Nini and her parents.
Her parents decided to stop her hormone replacement therapy and other medications, and they began to regard her as rebelling against orthodoxy.
This was the first time she had considered taking her own life.
After taking a significant amount of drugs and leaving her home, she was fortunate to be found by passersby after collapsing on the street.
Subsequently, Nini was unable to access the drugs.
At 11:55 p.m. on August 4, 2024, Nini made her final decision.
After posting her last tweet, she took an overdose of chemicals.
Her close friends rushed to save her.
However, at 3 a.m. the next morning, Nini left us to pursue her own path and seek her freedom.
<PhotoScroll photos={[ '${path}/photos/i wish i could.png', ]} />
> Here I understand what is meant by glory:
> the right to love without limits.
> <p style="text-align: right;">― Albert Camus, Lyrical and Critical Essays</p>
Nini was very warm to people, though this was not always evident in her outward demeanor.
Rather, it was reflected in the pieces of her words that conveyed her equal and full love for everyone.
She might call you "babe" and offer a hug.
She would patiently explain what you didn't know and try not to pass on her negativity to her friends.
> Hope you find your peace in silence.
> Good night and wake up in a brand new world.
I (The author of this entry) hadn't known Nini for very long, but I was still deeply affected by her positive energy.
I invite all our friends to contribute to this entry and share memories of our dear friend, Nini.
Thanks for your help to Nini. @awxs_2081573566 @Bolichara0 @N552AA
Contributor for this entry: [Collapsar_ndn](https://twitter.com/Collapsar_ndn)

35
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---
name: 鲵鲵
info:
alias: 鲵鲵
location: 河南济源
---
## 简介
鲵鲵是一位可爱的跨性别女生,喜欢电脑,略有焦虑,对人热情。她的头像出自艺术家 [ディーバ/Deaver](https://twitter.com/Deaver1229) 笔下。
但是她的家长对跨性别持绝对的反对,因此她被严管,唯一能够理解她的姐姐也因地域和学业的缘故难以跟她沟通。
2024 年七月末,鲵鲵与家长的矛盾激化。她所有的 HRT 药物等被尽数丢弃,被父母视为离经叛道的异者。这是她第一次萌生自尽的念头;服下大量药物后离家,昏倒在街头后被路人救起。此后,鲵鲵被断绝了获取药物的途径。
在 2024 年 8 月 4日晚 11 时 55 分,鲵鲵做出了决绝的选择。在发送了最后一条推文之后,服下了超量的化学药品,她的好友们多方奔走,想要留下她,留住此世间独特的她。在次日凌晨三点,鲵鲵离开了我们,去寻求属于自己的自由。
<PhotoScroll photos={[ '${path}/photos/i wish i could.png', ]} />
> 在这儿我领悟了
> 人们所说的光荣:
> 就是无拘无束地
> 爱的权利。
> <p style="text-align: right;">——阿尔贝·加缪</p>
鲵鲵对人十分热情,但并不是大开大合的举止所体现出来的,而是她的片言段语间,蕴含着她对每一个人平等的,饱满的爱。她会称你为宝宝,也会跟你抱抱。她会耐心的讲解你不懂的知识,也尽量不让自己的消极情绪传递给朋友们。
> Hope you find your peace in silence.
> Good night and wake up in a brand new world.
笔者与鲵鲵相识的时间并不长,但仍被她的氛围所感染,也欢迎所有其他朋友补充,一同怀念曾经的好友。
最后再次感谢所有曾经帮助过,和想要帮助过鲵鲵的朋友们: @awxs_2081573566 @Bolichara0 @N552AA
条目贡献:[Collapsar_ndn](https://twitter.com/Collapsar_ndn)

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---
name: 鯢鯢
info:
alias: 鯢鯢
location: 河南濟源
---
## 簡介
鯢鯢是一個可愛的跨性別女孩,喜歡計算機,略有焦慮,對人充滿熱情。她的頭像出自藝術家 [ディーバ/Deaver](https://twitter.com/Deaver1229) 筆下。
但是她的家長對跨性別持絕對的反對態度,因此她受到嚴格管制,唯一能夠理解她的姐姐也因地域和學業的緣故難以跟她溝通。
2024 年七月末,鯢鯢與家長的矛盾激化。她所有的 HRT 藥物等被盡數丟棄,被父母視爲離經叛道的異類。這是她第一次萌生自盡的念頭;服下大量藥物後離家,昏倒在街頭後被路人救起。此後,鯢鯢被斷絕了獲取藥物的途徑。
在 2024 年 8 月 4 日晚 11 時 55 分,鯢鯢做出了決絕的選擇。在發送了最後一條推文之後,服下了超量的化學藥品,她的好友們多方奔走,想要留下她,留住此世間獨特的她。在次日凌晨三點,鯢鯢離開了我們,去尋求屬於自己的自由。
<PhotoScroll photos={[ '${path}/photos/i wish i could.png', ]} />
> 在這兒我領悟瞭
> 人們所說的光榮:
> 就是無拘無束地
> 愛的權利。
> <p style="text-align: right;">——阿爾貝·加繆</p>
鯢鯢對人十分熱情,但並不是大開大合的舉止所體現出來的,而是她的片言隻語間,蘊含着她對每一個人平等的,飽滿的愛。她會稱你爲寶寶,也會跟你抱抱。她會耐心的講解你不懂的知識,也儘量不讓自己的消極情緒傳遞給朋友們。
> Hope you find your peace in silence.
> Good night and wake up in a brand new world.
筆者與鯢鯢相識的時間並不長,但仍被她的氛圍所感染,也歡迎所有其他朋友補充,一同懷念曾經的好友。
最後再次感謝所有曾經幫助過、想要幫助過鯢鯢的朋友們: @awxs_2081573566 @Bolichara0 @N552AA
條目貢獻:[Collapsar_ndn](https://twitter.com/Collapsar_ndn)

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{"id":18104,"content":"晚安.","submitter":"Orange","date":"Aug 13, 2024"}

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{"id":18091,"content":"想念小祁 小朋友我想念你","submitter":"cirilla","date":"Aug 10, 2024"}

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{"id":18099,"content":"想你了 小祁","submitter":"cirilla","date":"Aug 12, 2024"}

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{"id":18113,"content":"晚安姐姐和我一样大呢本来应该22的好可惜","submitter":"瑶瑶","date":"Aug 16, 2024"}

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{"id":18092,"content":"想念你 爱你","submitter":"cirilla","date":"Aug 10, 2024"}

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{"id":18100,"content":"自杀而无遗书,是最好不过的了。无言的死,就是无限的活。\n爱你 小柿子 永远爱 你我的痛 爱你爱你","submitter":"cirilla希里雅","date":"Aug 12, 2024"}

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{"id":17127,"content":"再见,晚安,爱你,明天见","submitter":"不匿名的一只大可爱","date":"Apr 21, 2024"}

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