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Elihuso Quigley
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@ -39,93 +39,91 @@ In her spare time, she organized and participated in numerous suicide interventi
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Her actions helped marginalized people. Through her efforts, she did her utmost to prevent self-harm and suicide.
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> Z60 is the second biggest fool I've ever met.
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## Memories by Friends
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### Irako
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> Z60 is the second stupidest person I have ever seen in my life
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>
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> <p style="text-align: end;">——Irako, February 7, 2025</p>
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### Lingyu
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<details>
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<summary><h3 style="display:inline; ">Lingyu, December 24, 2024</h3><br/>This article is written in memory of my late friend XingZ60.</summary>
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<h3 align = "center">(I. Foreword)</h3>
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<h3 align = "center">This article is written to commemorate my old friend XingZ60</h3>
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According to XingZ60's will, I am writing this article to commemorate them.
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<p style="text-align: center;">Ring Language</p>
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This article should have been written long ago, but first, because of the significant impact XingZ60 had on me, and my limited language ability, I felt that a few words wouldn’t do her justice; second, their passing had a profound shock on me. So this article has been left unfinished. Later, after my mental health recovered somewhat, I began to try to understand and recognize XingZ60 from various perspectives, which led to this article.
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<h3 align = "center">(I. Preface)</h3>
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Some people say XingZ60 was an “abstract” (funny) person, and everyone had a unique understanding of her. The XingZ60 presented in this article might only reflect my personal understanding; this is just one opinion—take it or leave it, as the saying goes. You may also refer to others' views for a more accurate understanding.
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<details style="margin-top: 0.5rem;">
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<summary>According to XingZ60's will, I am writing this article to commemorate XingZ60. <br/><br/>Originally, this article should have been completed a long time ago, but firstly, XingZ60 had a great influence on me, and my language skills were limited, so a few words didn’t seem enough to write a good article; secondly, XingZ60’s departure also brought me a great shock, so this article was put on hold. Later, after my mental state recovered a little, I began to try to understand and know XingZ60 from all aspects and angles, and this article came about. <br/><br/>Some people say that XingZ60 is an "abstract" person, and everyone has a unique understanding of XingZ60. The XingZ60 reflected in this article may only be limited to my personal understanding of XingZ60. Don’t just listen to one person’s opinion; listen to both sides and you will be enlightened, while listening to only one side will lead you to confusion. </summary>
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<h3 align = "center">(II)</h3>
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“Respecting the deceased” and “first is the deceased” seems to be an unquestionable, self-evident truth for most of us. However, the conception of “respecting the deceased” seems to be understood differently by everyone.
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"The dead are the greatest" and "Respect the deceased" seem to be self-evident and self-evident truths in the minds of most of us. However, everyone seems to have a different understanding of what "respecting the deceased" means.
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We witnessed XingZ60's parents manage her appearance at their funeral in a traditional male gender expression and hung a large photo of them with short hair at the center of the memorial hall. We also saw them throw their ashes into the trunk of a car. Many were shocked and angered by their parents' actions. It seemed that the respect for the deceased in their parents' eyes was overshadowed by social customs and deeply ingrained biases of the living.
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We once witnessed with our own eyes how XingZ60's parents dressed up her appearance to represent the traditional male gender at her funeral, and hung a headshot with a buzz cut in the center of the mourning hall; we also watched with our own eyes as XingZ60's parents threw her ashes into the trunk of a car and dragged them away. At that time, many people were shocked and angry at the behavior of XingZ60's parents. The respect for the deceased in the eyes of TA's parents seems to be overridden by so-called social customs and the deep-rooted prejudices of the living themselves.
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Throughout history, people have tended to focus on the positive aspects of a person's life in memorials, often avoiding or ignoring their faults. For example, Wu Zetian's tombstone is blank, and her deeds are judged by future generations. In this case, XingZ60 was somewhat like Wu Zetian. They once said, “When someone dies, all matters—right or wrong—are ‘decided by the lid of the coffin’; people can evaluate them.” This was also reflected in her will, where they invited people with differing viewpoints to write parts of *One Among Us* and left a message saying, “Anyone who wants to write, can write.”
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Throughout the ages, people tend to "write some good words on the tombstone", talking more about achievements and less or even not talking about faults. Only Wu Zetian erected a stele without words at Ganling Mausoleum, and her merits and demerits will be judged by future generations. In this matter, XingZ60 is somewhat similar to the latter. TA once said that when a person dies, all the right and wrong, merits and demerits are "finally judged"; everyone can make their own judgments. This is also reflected in his suicide note - he invited people who had different opinions from her to write the earlier part of One Among Us, and also left a message saying "Anyone can write whatever they want."
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Since XingZ60's thoughts were like this, I’ll just write some stories. I’ll include some thoughts she brought me but try not to make value judgments about her actions. Let the "right or wrong" be evaluated by future generations.
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Since XingZ60 has this idea, I will just write some stories casually. I would like to write down some of the thoughts that XingZ60 brought to me, but I will try not to make any value judgments on her behavior, and let future generations judge her right and wrong, merits and demerits.
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<h3 align = "center"> (III) </h3>
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<h3 align = "center">(Three)</h3>
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XingZ60 seemed to have a dissociative identity. She once said she had at least three personalities—“Xingyun” (Star Cloud), “Huanmeng” (Illusion Dream), and “Benhuan” (Benzene Ring). One personality identified as male, another as female, and the third one’s gender identity is unclear to me.
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XingZ60 seems to have split personality. She said she has at least three personalities, "Nebula", "Dream" and "Benzene Ring". Among them, the gender identity of one personality is male, the gender identity of another personality is female, and the gender identity of another personality is not clear to the author.
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I once thought of XingZ60 as a transgender woman for a long time, but after learning about their situation, I pondered for a long time—perhaps this is more akin to being Gender Fluid, and no personal pronoun seems entirely suitable.
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The author once thought XingZ60 was a transgender woman for a long time, but after learning about this situation, he still pondered for a long time - perhaps this is somewhat similar to the situation of Gender Fluid, and it seems that no personal pronoun is appropriate to refer to the other party.
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This was the first time I encountered such a friend. Later, I saw a pin shaped like a rotating dial on another friend's bag—divided into sky blue (he), pink (she), and purple (they), which could be rotated to indicate one’s gender identity.
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This is the first time I have met such a friend. Later, I saw a badge in the shape of a pointer turntable on some of my other friends. The turntable was divided into three parts: sky blue (he), pink (she) and purple (they). You can adjust the direction of the pointer to point to any part to indicate your status.
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This might suit her perfectly.
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Maybe this thing is suitable for her.
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However, if we step back a level, the real confusion stems from the conflict between XingZ60’s personalities. The issue of personal pronouns might be just a reflection of this conflict in the realm of gender. What about in other areas? Perhaps each of her personalities had different temperaments, personalities, abilities, needs, interests, ideals, and values. As friends, how should we treat these personalities or this “combination of multiple personalities”? If their will only represents the will of one of their personalities, is it still valid? By fulfilling their will and writing this article, am I respecting the deceased, or am I not?
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However, if we look at it from a higher level, the essence of this confusion is actually the conflict between XingZ60's various personalities; and such a problem of personal pronouns may just be a side effect of this personality conflict at the gender level. What about on other levels? Perhaps the temperament, character, abilities, needs, interests, ideals, and values of XingZ60's various personalities are different. As friends, how should we treat these personalities, or how should we treat such a "complex of multiple personalities"? Even more so, if XingZ60's will only represents the wishes of a certain personality of XingZ60, then is this will valid? If I execute this will and write this article for him/her, is this respecting the deceased as mentioned above, or not?
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I studied law and hold a legal qualification certificate, but I don’t know the answer to this question. I tried searching online, but all I found were standard, rigid applications of legal provisions: “Whether a person with split personalities has civil capacity depends on whether they can recognize their behavior.” It seems these answers don’t fundamentally resolve the issue.
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I studied law and hold a legal professional qualification certificate; but I don’t know the answer to this question. I tried to search online, but all I got were the same old, mechanical applications of legal provisions: "Whether a person with split personality has civil capacity depends on whether he or she can recognize his or her own behavior." It seems that this answer does not fundamentally solve the problem.
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Some even tried to patch this by saying, “If the behavior was done by the ‘normal’ personality, it's valid; if done by the ‘abnormal’ personality, it's invalid.” But how do we distinguish between a “normal” and an “abnormal” personality? Why do outsiders arbitrarily label “Xingyun” as the “normal” personality and “Huanmeng” as the “abnormal” one (or vice versa)?
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So someone patched it up and said, "If this is a behavior done in a normal personality state, then it is effective; if this is a behavior done in an abnormal personality state, then it is ineffective." So how do we distinguish between normal personality and abnormal personality? Why can an outsider forcibly label "Nebula" as "normal personality" and forcibly label "Dream" as "abnormal personality" (or vice versa)?
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I don't know the answers to these questions.
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<h3 align = "center">(IV)</h3>
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XingZ60 (or perhaps one of their personalities) once publicly made jokes about other sexual minorities who had passed away. As a result, some of their friends also joked about them after their death. This sparked quite a debate—some of their friends believed that by XingZ60 joking about the deceased, they were someone who "accepted jokes about the deceased," and making jokes about them should be, against our intuition, a way of respecting her behavior and values. Others, however, found it unacceptable, and an argument ensued, ending in a chaotic mess.
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XingZ60 (or possibly one of her personalities) publicly made jokes about other deceased sexual minorities more than once during her lifetime; therefore, some of XingZ60's friends also made jokes about the deceased XingZ60 more than once. This sparked quite a bit of debate - these friends believed that XingZ60's behavior showed that she was a person who agreed that "it's okay to make fun of the deceased", so making fun of her was actually a manifestation of respect for her behavior patterns and values. However, some of XingZ60's friends think that this is unacceptable. So the two sides started arguing, and it ended up in a mess.
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Yes, human joys and sorrows do not connect, nor do their ways of thinking. But who can be blamed? People’s mental and nervous systems develop differently, their environments and life experiences vary greatly, and their rationality and emotions are heavily controlled by neurochemicals. The depth of thought and communication needed for mutual understanding takes enormous energy. As a result, human freedom is still constrained by uncontrollable conditions. Or, to put it another way, "freedom is always bound by shackles"—and for this reason, mediation often becomes futile, and resonance between people of different views is a rare luxury. Instead, people fight, attack, and hurt each other. The world thus becomes a disguised arena.
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Yes, human beings’ sorrows and joys are not the same, and human thought circuits are not the same. But who can be blamed for this? People's brain power and nervous system development are different, people's growth environment and life experience are also very different, people's rationality and sensibility are clearly controlled by the neurotransmitters in the human body, and the deep thinking and communication required for people to understand each other requires enormous energy. Therefore, human freedom is still constrained by conditions that are beyond one’s control; or in other words, human freedom is “always in chains”[^1] - and for this reason, mediation often ends up being futile, and resonance between people with “different ideologies” is a luxury. Instead, people go to war, attack each other, and hurt each other. So the world became a disguised Colosseum.
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“Group X” is even such an arena. People mock each other, and offline, they even physically attack each other. I once tried to “mediate” the conflicts in this group, relentlessly and without boundaries, in order to got all "peacefully along with others” but this didn’t result in much success, and even backfired. XingZ60 said this:
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"A certain group" is even more of such an arena. Some people ridicule each other in the group and even attack each other offline. In the past, in order to "make everyone live in peace", I "mediated" the conflicts among "a certain group" without any bottom line, but there was no obvious effect, and it was even counterproductive. And XingZ60 said this:
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> “I understand both sides, but I can’t reconcile them.”
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> I can understand both sides, but I can't reconcile them.
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How helpless this reality is. And such helplessness exists everywhere in life. Whether it’s between people or between people and things.
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What a helpless reality. And the world is full of helplessness. Whether it is between people or between people and things.
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Faced with such a conflict, XingZ60’s solution was to create separate groups to isolate the two sides. If people who succeeded through their own efforts attacked those who sought attention through hardship, she simply separated them into different groups. So, she created a new group:
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Faced with such a contradiction, XingZ60's approach was to separate the two groups by creating a group. Since people who have achieved success through their own efforts are attacking those who gain attention by playing the victim, let them join different groups. So he created a new group:
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> “This is the place to lick wounds, not to display superiority.”
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> This is a place to lick your wounds, not a place to show off your superiority.
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She included many people in that group whom she considered unsuccessful in worldly terms (even considered losers), many of whom had engaged in self-harm and drug abuse. But XingZ60 showed great tolerance towards these people:
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He added many members to the new group who he believed were not successful in the secular sense (or even failed in the secular sense), some of whom had repeatedly self-harmed and abused drugs - but XingZ60 showed special tolerance for all kinds of people:
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> “They all have no choice but into it.”
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> They were all forced.
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XingZ60 even said:
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XingZ60 even publicly said:
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> “I’m no different from you. Although I look like a high-achieving student from Beihang University, that year the cutoff score was quite low, and I only got in by luck. I should have been just like all of you.”
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> I am no different from everyone else. Although you think I am a highly educated talent of Beihang University, the admission score line of Beihang University was broken that year, and I was just lucky to get in. I was supposed to be like everyone else.
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Later, I went online to check the admission score of Beihang University that year, and found that she did not only get in by luck. The admission score is not an off-track one.
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Later, I checked the admission score line of Beihang University on the Internet and found that there was no gap in the admission score line that year.
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I didn't take it seriously at the time, until I heard about the story of another friend - the general situation was that he grew up in a single-parent family and was emotionally neglected by his guardian while growing up; such an environment shaped his distorted personality, causing him to become addicted to drug abuse and be dealt with by the public security authorities.
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I didn't take it seriously at the time, until I heard about the story of another friend - the general situation was that he grew up in a single-parent family and was emotionally neglected by his guardian while growing up; this environment shaped his distorted personality, causing her to become addicted to drug abuse and be dealt with by the public security authorities.
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After hearing this story and thinking about it, I suddenly had a creepy feeling of surviving a disaster: if my life was also “off-track” by chance, and I started out in a single-parent family with no emotional support, then my ending might not be much better than that of this friend. Maybe I should have been shot for murder and arson.
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After hearing this story and thinking about it, I suddenly had a creepy feeling of surviving a disaster: if my life was also "interrupted" by chance, and I started out in a single-parent family with no emotional support, then my ending might not be much better than that of this friend. Maybe I should have been shot for murder and arson.
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XingZ60's parents are both teachers. This seemed to make me suddenly understand XingZ60's “modesty” about her academic qualifications, and for a time I regarded XingZ60 as a god in my heart. Later, I suddenly realized that there was no need for this. Because, by the same logic, if I “kept the same track” with XingZ60's life, then “I can do it too”; if XingZ60 “got into my off-track life”, then “they can't do it either”.
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XingZ60's parents are both teachers. This seemed to make me suddenly understand XingZ60's "modesty" about her academic qualifications. I once regarded XingZ60 as a god in my heart. Later, I suddenly realized that there was no need for this. Because, by the same logic, if I "upgrade" and become XingZ60's life, then "I can do it too"; if XingZ60 "downgrades" and becomes my life, then "TA can't step down either".
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Thinking of this, I suddenly felt a sense of relief in my heart.
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Thinking of this, I suddenly felt a sense of relief.
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<h3 align = "center">(V)</h3>
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<!-- TODO 先校到这里，好累 -->
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<p style="text-align: center;">(V)</p>
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However, the way the world works is not controlled by a single variable.
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However, the operating mode of this world is not controlled by a single variable.
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Of course, the beginning of life is just one of the variables. It may be an important variable, but it is not the only variable.
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@ -133,420 +131,221 @@ The world is a huge web, with seven billion people acting together on it, collec
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Everyone is a part of this big network, being influenced by it and also influencing it.
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No one knows what kind of people they will meet or what kind of things will happen on this big Internet; nor can they predict what impact these things will have on their future.
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No one knows what kind of people they will meet or what kind of things will happen on this big Internet; it is even more impossible to predict what impact these things will have on their future.
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When XingZ60 died, some people blamed themselves:
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When XingZ60 passed away, some people blamed themselves:
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> If only I had looked at him more.
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> If only I had looked at her more.
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>
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> I should have noticed that his mental state was not right.
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> There was something wrong with the meal he treated me to the day before yesterday. I was so dumbfounded that I didn’t react.
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>
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> There was something wrong with the meal he invited me to the day before yesterday. I was so dumbfounded that I didn’t react.
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>
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> I was free that day, otherwise I would have gone straight to the hospital.
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However, the arrival of the "big net" was so accidental. It just so happened that XingZ60 encountered a not-so-good growing environment, and it just so happened that her parents knew everything, and it just so happened that no one had time, and it just so happened that the hospital couldn't find out what the disease was, and it just so happened that all the coincidences came together.
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So this is the result.
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<p style="text-align: center;">(VI)</p>
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<h3 align = "center">(Six)</h3>
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But XingZ60 still hopes that I will "stick to what I insist on" - which should mean "mediate the conflict."
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But, XingZ60 still hopes that I will "stick to what I insist on" - I think it means "mediate the conflict".
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But I guess I really can't keep on insisting anymore. XingZ60's way of understanding these interpersonal conflicts seemed to have turned into something that was deeply rooted in me. It seems like I have inherited a little bit of his thoughts and continue to live - maybe one day when I die, if someone reads what I wrote and gains some insights, they will also live with these feelings...
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But I guess I really can’t keep on insisting anymore. XingZ60's way of understanding these interpersonal conflicts seemed to have turned into something that was deeply rooted in me. It seems that I have inherited a little bit of his thoughts and continue to live - maybe one day I will die, and if someone reads what I wrote and gains some insights, they will also live with these feelings...
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Later, I came across a famous quote by a poet: "When a person dies, it is like water disappearing into water."
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Later, I accidentally saw a famous saying by a poet: "When a person dies, it is like water disappearing into water."[^2]
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So I opened the window, and what came into view was the boundless sea with spring flowers in full bloom.
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So I opened the window, and what came into my sight was the boundless sea with spring flowers blooming.
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<p style="text-align: center;">(VII)</p>
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<h3 align = "center">(VII)</h3>
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However, "Genshin Impact" is a brand new open world adventure game independently developed by miHoYo. XingZ60 just plays "Genshin Impact". This "Genshin Impact" is not that "Genshin Impact"; for example, "Wu Meng DX", which is called "Arcade Genshin Impact" by everyone, is also a type of "Genshin Impact".
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However, "Genshin Impact" is a brand new open world adventure game independently developed by miHoYo. XingZ60 plays "Genshin Impact". This "Genshin Impact" is not that "Genshin Impact"; for example, "Wu Meng DX", which is called "Arcade Genshin Impact" by everyone, is also a type of "Genshin Impact".
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XingZ60 has complained more than once that "Genshin Impact" is very annoying, and has expressed the idea of quitting the game - every day she has to face the same daily tasks, repeating them day after day, and if she doesn't complete the tasks for a day, she will receive one less daily reward. However, when talking about quitting, he would always force himself to stop. However, one day, the following conversation occurred between me and him:
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XingZ60 has complained more than once that "Genshin Impact" is very addictive, and has expressed the idea of quitting the game - every day, she has to face the same daily tasks, repeating day after day, and if she doesn't complete a task one day, she will receive one less day's daily reward. However, when talking about quitting, he would always force herself to stop. However, one day, the following conversation occurred between me and him/her:
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> Hey, have you played the new song updated on the Chinese server? It’s called Trans Something or the Light. It’s really fun. Other songs are tap, slide or tap, tap, slide, but this song is tap, tap, tap, slide. It’s really fun.
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> Hey, have you played the new song updated on the Chinese server? It's called something like Trans or something. It's really fun. Other songs are all tap, slide or tap, tap, slide, but this song is tap, tap, tap, slide. It's really fun.
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I vaguely remember that there was laughter in his tone at that time.
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I vaguely remember that his tone was actually full of laughter.
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Later, I hugged him and said goodbye. This was the first time I hugged him/her, and he/she looked very happy.
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Later, he and I hugged each other and said goodbye. This was the first time he and I hugged each other, and he looked very happy.
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> "I am so entangled with you, dokoma-demo-kun."
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> "I will always be with you, sir."
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The glory is always there, and I will be with you wherever you are.
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The glory is always there, and I will always be with you, wherever you are.
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<p style="text-align: center;">(VIII. Written at the end)</p>
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<h3 align = "center">(VIII. Written at the end)</h3>
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I have written so much without realizing it. Perhaps, what I think are the more important experiences with him/her and the thoughts and ideas that he/she has brought to me should all be written here. Due to length and other reasons, I think this article should end here. There are many stories in life that are the same and different every day. Some of them I will present in other ways, and others I will just let remain in my memories.
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I have written so much without realizing it. Perhaps, I think the more important experiences with her and the thoughts and ideas he brought to me should all be written here. Due to length and other reasons, I think this article should end here. There are many stories in life that are the same and different every day. Some of them I will present in other ways, and others I will just let remain in my memories.
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</details>
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> "Born of love, by love undone."
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<p style="text-align: end;">——Lingyu, December 24, 2024</p>
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### HiYku
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> Supplement
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>
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> <p style="text-align: end;">——繪都 2024年12月17日</p>
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> <p style="text-align: end;">——HiYku, December 17, 2024</p>
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<!-- 这里是绘都给的翻译，不要动它了。 -->
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### Ann
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<details>
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<summary><h3 style="display:inline; ">Impermanence May 4, 2024 Cloudy</h3><br/>You wanted me to write what you called the "final conclusion" part for you, so I wrote it. </summary>
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<details style="margin-top: 0.5rem;">
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<summary>You wanted me to write what you called the "final conclusion" for you, so I wrote it. </summary>
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||||
|
||||
In this regard, I always have a problem: I am almost the person you designated who spends the least time with you and knows you the least. Why did you choose me, and what do you want to see me write? I think you should know that when you choose the people who write this section for you, you also choose the content that will be presented in this section. Many things about you, especially those that are generally considered bad, I only learned about them after you passed away. Perhaps if you hadn't ended your life so simply, I would have had the chance to hear you tell me these things in person, but there is really no chance anymore. I decided to write only based on my experiences with you while you were still alive. This is probably what you want, right?
|
||||
I always have a question about this: I am almost the person you have chosen who has the least time with you and knows you the least. Why did you choose me, and what do you want to see me write? I think you should know that when you choose the people who write this section for you, you also choose the content that will be presented in this section. Many things about you, especially those that are generally considered bad, I only learned about them after you passed away. Perhaps if you hadn't ended your life so simply, I would have had the chance to hear you tell me these things in person, but there is really no chance anymore. I decided to write only based on my experiences with you while you were still alive. This is probably what you want, right?
|
||||
|
||||
In addition, there is another difficult dilemma: it is difficult for me to describe what kind of person you are as you want, and it is difficult to summarize you with concise words and capable sentences. People's deviations and imaginations in their understanding of words and short sentences will deviate from your true self. So please allow me to recall and narrate some past events that have connected me with you and make some lengthy and vague evaluations. As for what kind of person you are, please let the friends who come to this page to mourn find out from these words. Of course, no matter who reads these words, they will feel that it is more appropriate to put them in the comments section, but please allow me to complete what you have asked me to do in the way that I can barely do. This is my privilege as a living person towards you as a dead person. If you were still alive, these things would not happen.
|
||||
|
||||
The only time I met you was on August 12, 2023. During that time, I had just ended a long period of hesitation and decided to start GAHT and get in touch with the transgender community. I still remember the scene of our meeting very clearly. At noon, I was sitting in a KFC seat with a window near the street opposite the Peking University Third Hospital and eating lunch. When I saw you push open the door and come in wearing a blue, pink and white mask, I unintentionally pulled out a chair to greet you. Later I discovered that I had actually been in contact with you in the online world for a long time. I am a nobody in the QQ group who dares not speak much, and often just watches silently. Although you always say that you are numb to everything including tragedy, you always provide medication advice to those in need, always comfort those who are hurt, and always make decisive judgments and effective arrangements in response to crises. In my heart, you have always been a knowledgeable, lovely, respectable and approachable helper. You always try to be tolerant and understanding of everyone, and always do your best, even giving your all.
|
||||
The first time I met you and the only time I saw you was on August 12, 2023, when I had just ended a long period of hesitation and decided to start GAHT and get in touch with the transgender community. I still remember the scene of our meeting very clearly. At noon, I was sitting in a KFC seat with a window near the street opposite the Peking University Third Hospital and eating lunch. When I saw you push open the door and come in wearing a blue, pink and white mask, I unintentionally pulled out a chair to greet you. Later I discovered that I had actually been in contact with you in the online world for a long time. I am a nobody in the QQ group who dares not speak much, and I often just watch silently. Although you always say that you are numb to everything including tragedy, you always provide medication advice to those in need, always comfort those who are hurt, and always make decisive judgments and effective arrangements in response to crises. In my heart, you have always been a knowledgeable, lovely, respectable and approachable helper. You always try to be tolerant and understanding of everyone, and always do your best, even giving your all.
|
||||
|
||||
At that time, as a transgender girl who was just starting out in many things, it was a great fortune for me to meet you. I regard you as a respected senior and a close sister. You would share some unique perspectives with me, give me GAHT advice, and teach me how to fight against the malice from every corner of the world... At that time, when you were in the active group chat, people would always argue over something. I always feel something similar from your speeches, of course, yours is always much deeper than mine. This made me very interested in your ideas, but I am not good at communicating with people, so we agreed to have a serious chat during the winter vacation. At that time, I didn’t know that all this would become impossible in less than a month.
|
||||
At that time, as a transgender girl who was just starting out in many things, it was a great fortune for me to meet you. I regard you as a respected senior and a close sister. You would share some unique perspectives with me, give me GAHT advice, and teach me how to fight against the malice from every corner of the world... At that time, when you were in the active group chat, people were always arguing over something. I always feel something similar from your speeches, of course, yours is always much deeper than mine. This made me very interested in your ideas, but I am not good at communicating with people, so we agreed to have a serious chat during the winter vacation. At that time, I didn't know that all this would become impossible in less than a month.
|
||||
|
||||
Although I was an eyewitness to the "Werewolf Killing" that occurred on December 21, 2023, I still don't know the full story, let alone figure it out. At that time, I was attracted by your profound thoughts and gentle personality, and it was impossible for me to accept that you said such words and did such things. I was instantly disheartened and didn't have any desire to think or ask about it anymore. I chose to stay away from you quietly. But I never thought that just a few days later, I would hear the tragic news of your suicide. I never thought that I could only listen to your situation as told by others. I never thought that the separation on that day might be a real separation. At that time, I found that I was like a stubborn and sulky child. I didn't want to leave you at all, and I didn't want you to leave either.
|
||||
Although I was an eyewitness to the "Werewolf Killing" that took place on December 21, 2023, I still don't know the full story, let alone figure it out. At that time, I was attracted by your profound thoughts and gentle personality, and it was impossible for me to accept that you said such words and did such things. I was instantly disheartened and didn't have any desire to think or ask about it anymore. I chose to stay away from you quietly. But I never thought that just a few days later, I would hear the tragic news of your suicide. I never thought that I could only listen to your situation as told by others. I never thought that the separation on that day might be a real separation. At that time, I found that I was like a stubborn and sulky child. I didn't want to leave you at all, and I didn't want you to leave either.
|
||||
|
||||
On December 26, I asked for a dextromethorphan medicine box to make a handmade gift for a friend in another group chat where you were, and you promised to give me one. On the 27th you said you forgot to send the express delivery because of an emergency. I simply thought you were busy with something and didn't care about you at all. When I opened the package on the 30th, someone had told me that you had committed suicide. I hurriedly dug out the express delivery label from the trash can, wanting to keep it as a souvenir, but I didn't expect that I would tear your name neatly in the middle horizontally. All the anxiety, regret and sadness were concentrated in that moment. I was deeply afraid that all this foreshadowed an irreparable tragedy...
|
||||
On December 26, I asked for a dextromethorphan medicine box to make a handmade gift for a friend in another group chat where you were, and you promised to give me one.
|
||||
|
||||
The day after I heard the news, I started to have a fever, a fever I had never experienced before. During this period, I could only repeat between pure drowsiness and pure crying with a high fever. Although there seemed to be some not-so-bad news during this period, my memory is really vague, and these not-so-bad news did not turn into not-so-bad facts.
|
||||
On the 27th, you said that you forgot to send the express delivery due to an emergency. I simply thought that you were busy with something and didn't care about you at all.
|
||||
|
||||
On the 30th, when I was opening the express package, someone had just told me that you had committed suicide. I hurriedly dug out the express delivery label from the trash can, wanting to keep it as a souvenir, but I didn't expect that I would tear your name neatly in the middle horizontally. All the anxiety, regret and sadness were concentrated in that moment. I was deeply afraid that all this foreshadowed an irreversible tragedy...
|
||||
|
||||
I started to have a fever the day after hearing the news, a fever I had never had before. During this period, I could only repeat between pure drowsiness and pure crying with a high fever. Although there seemed to be some not-so-bad news during this period, my memory is really vague, and these not-so-bad news did not turn into not-so-bad facts.
|
||||
|
||||
Finally, at 23:56 on January 1, 2024, the nebula, which used to be full of vitality, shining and changing, quietly dissipated in the endless darkness of the universe, became a part of the silence, and merged into the cold darkness.
|
||||
|
||||
Finally, at 23:56 on January 1, 2024, the nebula, which used to have powerful vitality, shining and changing, quietly dissipated in the boundless darkness of the universe, became a part of the silence, and merged into the cold darkness.
|
||||
I read your will with a feeling that I don't know how to describe. There was almost nothing about you in it. It was all about your care, instructions and messages to your friends. When everything for you might be over, you were still caring about the people around you.
|
||||
|
||||
I have some selfish desires that I am not ashamed of. If I had not left your personal group on December 21, 2023 because of those things, I would have been able to get a share of your relics as a souvenir, and I would definitely have been able to hear a few of the words you wanted to say to me. In your last words, write what you want to say to your group members at the very beginning. Before reading the will, I didn't know that you cared so much about everyone in that group. My action of leaving the group and distancing myself from you not only caused me endless regret in the future, but also must have hurt you at that time. You didn't say anything to me in your will, but you chose me to be the one to write these things on those autumn leaves. I don't understand why, so just consider it as a punishment for me. However, compared with other people, the interactions between you and me are too few. Maybe you just feel that there is nothing much to say to me. I don’t know, or maybe you have simply forgotten.
|
||||
I have some selfish desires that I am not ashamed of. If I had not left your personal group on December 21, 2023 because of those things, I would have been able to get your relics as a souvenir, and I would definitely have been able to hear a few of the words you wanted to say to me. In your last words, write what you want to say to your group members at the very beginning. Before reading the will, I didn't know that you cared so much about everyone in that group. My action of leaving the group and distancing myself from you not only caused me endless regret in the future, but also must have hurt you at that time. You didn't say anything to me in your will, but you chose me to be the one to write these things on those autumn leaves. I don't understand why, so just consider it as a punishment for me. However, compared with other people, the interactions between you and me are too few. Maybe you just feel that there is nothing much to say to me. I don’t know, or maybe you have simply forgotten.
|
||||
|
||||
I followed my original idea and gave the quicksand mahjong made from the dextromethorphan medicine box you gave me to a friend instead of keeping it for myself as a souvenir. She was also sad that she didn't have the chance to meet you and really get to know you.
|
||||
|
||||
It is only in the days when you were gone that I deeply feel your influence on me in every aspect of my daily life. Not only is my GAHT plan almost identical to yours, I have also unconsciously internalized many of your concepts, which play a large role in the decision-making of my life. Although I used to feel that your practice of burning paper, medicine boxes and changing gray portraits to commemorate the deceased was pretentious, I was away from home and could not attend the farewell ceremony to mourn you in person, so I don't know what other reasons drove me to do this for you. In addition to these natural actions, I can't help but think seriously about how I can become a person like you in my eyes. I want to be like you and share the beauty and goodness you bring to me with more people who need them. I hope I can do it.
|
||||
It is only in the days when you were gone that I deeply feel your influence on me in every aspect of my daily life. Not only does my GAHT program look almost identical to yours, I have also unconsciously internalized many of your concepts, which factor heavily into my decision-making in life. Although I used to feel that your practice of burning paper, medicine boxes and changing gray portraits to commemorate the deceased was pretentious, I was away from home and could not attend the farewell ceremony to mourn you in person, so I don't know what other reasons drove me to do this for you. In addition to these natural actions, I can't help but think seriously about how I can become a person like you in my eyes. I want to be like you and share the beauty and goodness you bring to me with more people who need them. I hope I can do it.
|
||||
|
||||
I am still in my own predicament and see no hope, which makes me miss you even more. I've never told you this, but I guess you won't hate it. Whenever I feel hopeless for various reasons and find it difficult to express or communicate with others, I always wish I could hear what you would say about this situation. Even if I had talked to you more in the past, if I could remember more of your thoughts, I might be able to try to find a way out of them, and my helplessness might be alleviated. I also think that if I could internalize your outlook on life and your view on life, which may seem crazy to others, then I would be able to live freely.
|
||||
|
||||
Many things have ended, but many things are still going on. Many people died, but many people still have to continue living.
|
||||
|
||||
You often compare the past and future changes in the transgender community to an ongoing war, which I didn’t take seriously in the past. I thought it was a bit naive. But for now, wish me good luck in this war, wish us good luck.
|
||||
You often compare the past and future changes in the transgender community to an ongoing war, which I didn’t take seriously in the past. I thought it was a bit naive at the time. But for now, wish me good luck in this war, wish us good luck.
|
||||
I don't know what kind of feelings I have for you, but I feel that at least I loved you.
|
||||
|
||||
</details>
|
||||
|
||||
<details>
|
||||
<summary><h3 style="display:inline; ">Touno December 31, 2024</h3><br/>It is with heavy hearts that we mourn the loss of a brave and resilient soul. She lives in a world that is not friendly to her, and endures the pressure from social discipline and endless prejudice, but always chooses to move forward in her own way. </summary>
|
||||
<p style="text-align: end;">——Ann, May 4, 2024, cloudy</p>
|
||||
|
||||
She is a microcosm of countless marginalized individuals, looking for their own place in loneliness and struggle. Although the coldness and oppression of society eventually made her choose to leave, the meaning of her life far exceeds her departure. Her story reminds us that those who are marginalized are not weaklings, but warriors who bear a heavy social burden.
|
||||
### Shinonome
|
||||
|
||||
Although her life was short, it was like a candle flame, bringing some light to others. She uses her own experience to tell us that there is too much inequality and neglect in the world, and those ignored voices urgently need to be heard. The injustice she endured reminds us to reflect: Does society give every individual enough tolerance and respect? Every time she struggles, she calls people’s attention to the challenges faced by the transgender community. It is this silent cry that engraves her existence in our hearts.
|
||||
<details style="margin-top: 0.5rem;">
|
||||
<summary>With heavy hearts, we mourn the loss of a brave and resilient soul. Though her life was short, it was filled with unwavering struggle and defiance. She lived much like the words spoken by Big Boss in *Metal Gear Solid 2*: "The loser will be liberated from the battlefield. And the winner... will remain. The survivor will live out every one of the rest of his days as a soldier." She was a warrior on this battlefield, and although she was unable to escape the cruelty of the fight, her spirit and determination will never be forgotten.</summary>
|
||||
|
||||
Her passing makes us extremely sad, but it also makes us realize the responsibility we have on our shoulders. Every life should be cherished and every identity should be embraced. Her existence shows us that the transgender community still faces discrimination, isolation and injustice. Her departure is an indictment of society and a call to each of us. We mourn her not only to express our grief, but also to respond to her departure with action: to use more understanding and efforts to change society, to eliminate prejudices, and to build a fairer and warmer world.
|
||||
Her passing is not a defeat, but a different kind of liberation—freedom from the oppressive forces of a society that could not understand or accept her. She has been released from the endless battle. Her departure is not surrender, but the conclusion of an unjust fight. She no longer has to endure the pain and pressure that society inflicted on her. In the end, she has earned the freedom of her true self.
|
||||
|
||||
May she be free from all shackles in the other world, be free to be herself, and have the peace and happiness that she longed for but never truly obtained in her life. We miss her courage, remember her story, and use her passing as a force for change. Her life will not be forgotten and her spirit will live on in our efforts.
|
||||
However, as the quote reminds us, "The winner will remain." Her departure does not mark the end of her story. Her spirit lives on in each of us. She was a warrior to the very end, holding onto strength and courage. We will continue her mission and fight for those still struggling on this battlefield. Her victory was the hope she brought to every transgender person, and the call for more compassion and acceptance in society.
|
||||
|
||||
May her soul find peace in another world, free from the confines of this one. Her legacy will continue to inspire us to carry on her unfinished work and keep fighting for a better future.
|
||||
|
||||
</details>
|
||||
|
||||
<details>
|
||||
<summary><h3 style="display:inline; ">Mikä:<br/>"Well Dying, Well Dying, Well Dying, meow"<br/></h3><p style="text-align: end;">Mikä, January 23, 2025</p></summary>
|
||||
<p style="text-align: end;">——Shinonome, December 31, 2024</p>
|
||||
|
||||
### Mikä
|
||||
|
||||
<details style="margin-top: 0.5rem;">
|
||||
<summary><blockquote style="display: inline"><p>Meowvelous Demise</p><p style="text-align: end;">——Xu</p></blockquote></summary>
|
||||
|
||||
<BlurBlock>
|
||||
I don’t know why Mikä did not appear in XingZ60’s epitaph designation,
|
||||
|
||||
I don't know why Mikä didn't appear in the list of people designated for XingZ60's epitaph.
|
||||
so I was thinking that if this was the case, maybe it would be better for me not to comment.
|
||||
|
||||
So I originally thought that since this is the case, maybe it would be better for me not to make any comments without authorization.
|
||||
However, there seems to be a saying in it that “anyone who wants to write can write it.”
|
||||
|
||||
However, there seems to be a catch-all clause: "Anyone who wants to write can write."
|
||||
Oh, and it seems that I shouldn’t mention it.
|
||||
|
||||
Oh, it seems that I shouldn't mention it.
|
||||
After all, this part of the so-called suicide note was written by me personally after spending several afternoons looking at Jinji Lake outside the window and listening to XingZ60’s voice.
|
||||
|
||||
After all, I spent several afternoons looking out the window at Jinji Lake and listening to XingZ60's voice before writing down this part of the so-called suicide note.
|
||||
And maybe because of the above, my departure from XingZ60 happened again. There seems to be a close connection that cannot be ignored.
|
||||
|
||||
And perhaps because of the above, there is a close connection between me and XingZ60's departure that cannot be ignored.
|
||||
Maybe it also includes the so-called role-playing game of Fake Haku.
|
||||
|
||||
It may also include the so-called Fake Haku role-playing game.
|
||||
|
||||
After all, I've been playing with him for so long, literally playing to death, hehe
|
||||
After all, playing with her for so long, it literally means playing to death.
|
||||
|
||||
<br/>
|
||||
|
||||
I didn't expect that I would lose this game so thoroughly.
|
||||
I didn't expect that I would lose so completely in this two-sided game.
|
||||
|
||||
But I didn't expect that I lost the game between two parties and the other party didn't win either.
|
||||
But I also didn't expect that I lost the two-party game and the other party didn't win.
|
||||
|
||||
But who won? If you think about it carefully, I, Lingyu, Kouhaku and you all won.
|
||||
But who won? Think about it carefully. In fact, I, LingYu, KouHaku, and you both won.
|
||||
|
||||
If I explain the reason, this message, which was meant to be brief, will become too long.
|
||||
If you explain the reason, the originally short message will be too lengthy.
|
||||
|
||||
I think the human brain can understand it.
|
||||
I must mention it. Even the brain can understand it,
|
||||
|
||||
so, Meowvelous Demise
|
||||
</BlurBlock>
|
||||
</details>
|
||||
<p style="text-align: end;">——Mikä, January 23, 2025</p>
|
||||
|
||||
## wing February 9, 2025
|
||||
### wing
|
||||
|
||||
I didn't know him very well, but in my opinion he was a good man who supported some disadvantaged people and did a lot of unnecessary and troublesome things. He once tried to suppress his feminine personality and claimed that he would die if he let it go. I thought HRT would make him better and encourage him to be himself, but I didn't expect this result.
|
||||
I didn't know her very well, but in my opinion he was a good man who supported some disadvantaged people and did a lot of unnecessary and troublesome things. He once tried to suppress his feminine personality and claimed that he would die if he let it go. I thought hrt would make her a better person and encourage her to be herself, but I didn't expect this result.
|
||||
|
||||
Perhaps it would have been better to encourage him to correct his mistakes. In my opinion, he is a rational person, just like Zifeng, but they are both dead, okay. And they are all overdose, overdose is harmful to people!
|
||||
Perhaps it would have been better to encourage her to correct his mistakes. In my opinion, he is a rational person, just like Zifeng, but they are both dead, okay. And they are all overdosed. Overdose is harmful!
|
||||
|
||||
It has been more than a year since then. I hope he can rest in peace.
|
||||
|
||||
<details>
|
||||
<summary><h3 style="display:inline; ">White Hair Suki February 4, 2025</h3></summary>
|
||||
<p style="text-align: end;">——wing, February 9, 2025</p>
|
||||
|
||||
My acquaintance with XingZ60 originated from my exploration of my own gender. We met during the exploration and had similar conversations. Perhaps we were of the same type or had many other similarities. We became very familiar with each other after knowing each other for seven days. Just 72 days left an indelible mark on your life.
|
||||
### Baimao suki
|
||||
|
||||
XingZ60 is a very simple person. When I expressed my anxiety about learning about weight, she not only gave me experience and help, but also said, "Take it slow."
|
||||
<details style="margin-top: 0.5rem;">
|
||||
<summary>My acquaintance with XingZ60 stems from my exploration of my own gender. We met during the exploration and had a lot in common. Perhaps we are of the same kind or have other similarities. We have become very familiar with each other after knowing each other for seven days. Just 72 days left an indelible mark on your life. </summary>
|
||||
|
||||
At school, I often call or chat with her to ease the boredom of studying in the third year of high school, listen to them talk about various interesting things, and listen to their stories. From this we learn that Lili is actually quite indifferent to life and death, which adds more fun to the grand funeral. Perhaps it was because of depression that death was not far away from her, and perhaps this day would always come. But I never thought it would come so suddenly, and I fell into depression for half a year...
|
||||
XingZ60 is a very mature person. When I expressed my anxiety about learning about weight, she not only gave me experience and help, but also said "take it slow".
|
||||
|
||||
When I discussed my own spiritual exploration with her, she commented on my words as "hopeless". In her last words, she told me not to flip over. Perhaps she was advising me based on her own experience, but I still embarked on this difficult road.
|
||||
At school, I often call or chat with her to ease the boredom of studying in the third year of high school, listen to them talk about various interesting things, and listen to their stories. From this we learn that XingZ60 is actually quite indifferent to life and death, which adds fun to the grand funeral. Perhaps it was because of depression that death was not far away from her, and perhaps this day would always come. But I didn't expect it to come so suddenly, after half a year of depression...
|
||||
|
||||
When I discussed my own spiritual exploration with her, she commented on my words as "no hope". But in her last words, she told me not to flip over. Maybe she was persuading me based on her own experience, but I still embarked on this difficult road.
|
||||
|
||||
From what others said, XingZ60 is more complicated and abstract than I had imagined. What I know is just the tip of the iceberg, either because of Yasasi or because of lack of time. But anyway, the second half of XingZ60 is as interesting as a game. I regret that I will never have the chance to meet you again, but in a corner of my heart there will always be a guy named XingZ60 teasing me.
|
||||
|
||||
<br/>
|
||||
|
||||
The sun will eventually set
|
||||
|
||||
The dream is about to be shattered
|
||||
|
||||
XingZ60 cuts through the sky and falls into the atmosphere
|
||||
> The sunset will eventually set
|
||||
>
|
||||
> The dream will soon be shattered
|
||||
>
|
||||
> XingZ60 cuts through the sky and falls into the atmosphere
|
||||
|
||||
</details>
|
||||
|
||||
<details>
|
||||
<summary><h3 style="display:inline; ">Happy New Year, brother and sister-in-law. You are my grandfather and I am your son.</h3><br/>Three sentences to support the title: blank/quotation marks Written at 23:56 on January 1, 2024 when I collapsed.</summary>
|
||||
<p style="text-align: end;">—— Baimao Suki, February 4, 2025</p>
|
||||
|
||||
> "Eloi, Eloi, Lama Sabathani?!" [^2]
|
||||
>
|
||||
> And more permanently pity their future, yet hate their present. [^3]
|
||||
>
|
||||
> This ugly world doesn't deserve her beauty
|
||||
>
|
||||
> Maybe All Transgender People Are Really Vampires
|
||||
>
|
||||
### _
|
||||
|
||||
<h3 align = "center">Three sentences to follow the title</h3>
|
||||
<details style="margin-top: 0.5rem;">
|
||||
<summary><p style="text-align: end;">「」 Written at 23:56 on January 1, 2024, when the collapse occurred</p><p></p><blockquote><p>"Eloi, Eloi, Lama Sabathani? [^4]" And they hated their future more miserably. [^5]</p><p>This ugly world doesn't deserve her beauty</p><p>《Maybe All Transgender People Are Really Vampires》[^6]</p></blockquote></summary>
|
||||
|
||||
<br/>
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
<br/>
|
||||
|
||||
2024.1.2 09.26 Tang Ze: Friends who want to say goodbye to XingZ60 can go to Changping Funeral Home to pay their respects today.
|
||||
|
||||
——The funeral held for him by XingZ60’s parents
|
||||
——XingZ60's parents held a funeral for "him"
|
||||
|
||||
2024.1.2 Afternoon Blank: I plan to have a simple funeral that truly belongs to "her" in the evening
|
||||
2024.1.2 afternoon Blank: I plan to hold a simple funeral that truly belongs to "her" in the evening
|
||||
|
||||
——Blank initiated but not hosted, everyone spontaneously gathered together to hold a small memorial ceremony for her
|
||||
——Blank initiated but not hosted, everyone spontaneously gathered strength to hold a small memorial ceremony for her
|
||||
|
||||
<br/>
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
*Theoretically, there are no homophones in the following text
|
||||
|
||||
Seven sentences to solve the problem:
|
||||
|
||||
<p style="text-align: center;">⊕⊕⊕⊕</p>
|
||||
|
||||
It turned out that she had already made the worst plan.
|
||||
|
||||
Originally, it was to accomplish her goal.
|
||||
|
||||
A farce
|
||||
|
||||
However, some people have forced their own children into a dead end, while they themselves sleep peacefully on the iron bed in the hospital.
|
||||
At the end of her life, she was not even given the humble rights she expected. The child did not receive the respect that a self-aware individual should have from beginning to end, and was not even regarded as a "person"...
|
||||
<br/>
|
||||
|
||||
</details>
|
||||
|
||||
> Passionate like the blazing sun
|
||||
>
|
||||
> Always strengthen others' hesitation
|
||||
>
|
||||
> She told all the lies
|
||||
>
|
||||
> She bore all the sorrow alone
|
||||
>
|
||||
> Unexpected
|
||||
>
|
||||
> <p style="text-align: end;">——Jie Cheng Tian Zou 2024.1.1</p>
|
||||
|
||||
### Nine Realities
|
||||
|
||||
<details>
|
||||
<summary>YuLi 【Paranoia】<br/><p style="text-align: center;">☉☉☉☉</p></summary>
|
||||
|
||||
This story happened not long ago.
|
||||
|
||||
A firefly was trapped in a cage made of maggots.
|
||||
|
||||
People sang praises to his happiness
|
||||
|
||||
he
|
||||
|
||||
but
|
||||
|
||||
Honey makes the birds' throats hoarse, and their singing is no longer pleasant.
|
||||
|
||||
The iron thread imprisons the bird's soul, and even if it screams hoarsely, it cannot convey its voice.
|
||||
|
||||
Laughter is also his sadness
|
||||
|
||||
Singing praises will also make her lonely
|
||||
|
||||
If there is no dream, everything that people pursue will eventually become nothing.
|
||||
|
||||
If you lose your faith, everything that others expect of you will become a heavy shackle.
|
||||
|
||||
A caged bird in melancholy, crying alone on countless nights,
|
||||
|
||||
I imagine myself as a shooting star outside the cage, fleeting but extremely shining
|
||||
|
||||
I wish I were a starving creature, cold and hungry, yet free.
|
||||
|
||||
The iron bars choked her throat, the spider threads pierced her heart
|
||||
|
||||
You'll find it in the trash.
|
||||
|
||||
The last words of the envoy were as follows:
|
||||
|
||||
Is it really possible to have everything without doing anything?
|
||||
|
||||
It should be that I can do nothing and have nothing...
|
||||
|
||||
The color of life should not be gray,
|
||||
|
||||
Can the free will shine forever?
|
||||
|
||||
My body may rot in a garbage can,
|
||||
|
||||
But at least, my ideal
|
||||
|
||||
I hope it can fly in the sky
|
||||
|
||||
Taken from "[Bird in a Cage](https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV17Q4y1s7j1)", author Jie Cheng Tian Zou Official
|
||||
|
||||
A few deletions
|
||||
|
||||
(Part of the inspiration for the adaptation came from the work "The First Class of Rhode Island Institute of Technology")
|
||||
|
||||
(All references to Jiecheng Tianzou's works in this article have been authorized by Jiecheng Tianzou himself)
|
||||
|
||||
"Lingluo, what do you think is the saddest thing in the world?"
|
||||
|
||||
"Butterfly. The ugly caterpillar finally forgets its weakness and its identity as a pest in its dream, but it grows beautiful wings again. It is awakened by the light and forced to realize that it is still alive. Then it has to tear open the cave where it lives with its own hands. The more painful it is, the more blood fills its wings, and the more it wakes up, and then once again it is for the law of beauty and the beautiful law of "living in pain." They can fly, but they can only live among the vulgar flowers, looking up at the eagles in the sky that can never be reached. Then death suddenly comes, and they are deprived of even the little height they were so proud of. They can't even experience a heroic death by falling, they just float lightly, lightly..."
|
||||
|
||||
</details>
|
||||
|
||||
### Zero Weight Prayer
|
||||
<details>
|
||||
<summary>YuLi 【Paranoia】<br/><p style="text-align: center;">☿☿☿☿☿☿</p></summary>
|
||||
|
||||
> Maybe All Transgender People Are Really Vampires
|
||||
>
|
||||
> Author: Chrysanthemum Tran
|
||||
>
|
||||
> Maybe all trans people are vampires
|
||||
>
|
||||
> Of course I'm not saying you'll get burned by the sun
|
||||
>
|
||||
> Or longing for a girl's neck
|
||||
>
|
||||
> After all, most transgenders can't even be sure that their blood won't splatter on the sidewalk as they walk home.
|
||||
>
|
||||
> I don't live in a Transylvanian castle either
|
||||
>
|
||||
> Even though I am a queen
|
||||
>
|
||||
> Whenever I am insulted by others, it is like being burned by silver
|
||||
>
|
||||
> I admit that Transylvania is indeed a refuge for marginalized people to survive
|
||||
>
|
||||
> But the expected sense of security is even more of an illusion than a fictional monster.
|
||||
>
|
||||
> I am a prey with weird fangs
|
||||
>
|
||||
> When was the last time you saw someone like me?
|
||||
>
|
||||
> Did you see the light of the torches in the hands of the thugs?
|
||||
>
|
||||
> and the pitchforks that come stabbing at you?
|
||||
>
|
||||
> At this point, don't they want to put a stake through my head?
|
||||
|
||||
Everyone knows that existence is reasonable.
|
||||
|
||||
XingZ60 once asked me, why do trans people like us exist? What is the meaning of existence? To increase ethnic diversity and improve risk resistance? Or is it just a structural bug with little impact?
|
||||
|
||||
In his book What is Life, Schrödinger once proposed a viewpoint: living things are formed and survive in a universe tending towards heat death by actively absorbing negative entropy, and this may be the significance of living things in the universe.
|
||||
|
||||
However, how should we, who have been swept up by the storm caused by the butterfly's unintentional flapping of its wings, face such a contradictory reality as a foregone conclusion?
|
||||
|
||||
At that time, I was faced with these problems. . . Silence for a long time, no answer
|
||||
|
||||
Now also
|
||||
|
||||
At that moment I finally realized that I was not naturally good at understating things, but was born weak and clumsy.
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
Sorry, XingZ60, even in the field I am best at
|
||||
|
||||
My ability is only limited to this extent.
|
||||
|
||||
It is impossible to describe your life and deeds vividly with words that are too flowery or logical enough.
|
||||
|
||||
But I will listen to your advice and work hard, I will definitely
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
Someone once said, facing the sea, spring is here and flowers are blooming;
|
||||
|
||||
Some people say that from now on, all human beings will no longer have to buy fruits and vegetables.
|
||||
|
||||
Someone once said that when you stare into the abyss, the abyss also stares into you.
|
||||
|
||||
Someone once said that someone once claimed to be the sun, with infinite light and heat.
|
||||
|
||||
But He is not the sun, He is mad.
|
||||
|
||||
It's a pity, because we are all insects, and desire is just a cross-section of fear.
|
||||
|
||||
</details>
|
||||
|
||||
<details>
|
||||
<summary><h3 style="display:inline; ">Jinxin February 10, 2025</h3><br/>Unfortunately, due to personal reasons, my memory is a bit problematic. As of the time I wrote this paragraph (February 10, 2025), I have almost completely forgotten what kind of person z60 is. You also need to ask people when z60 will die. In my memory, z60 is just a person who once lived. </summary>
|
||||
|
||||
I said a long time ago that I hated Cybertron. With the closure of limelight, I withdrew from the transgender community and stopped caring about these things. Maybe I don’t hate it as much now, but I still can’t say I like it.
|
||||
|
||||
To be honest, I don't want to comment. If z60 hadn't assigned me to write a paragraph, I wouldn't have taken on such a drudgery. The dead are little girls who can be dressed up by anyone. This is true even for living people who cannot speak. I have experienced this once. I really hate using my own partial memories to cut up a person who once lived, symbolize the cross section, and place it in a funeral hall for people to pay homage. Even if there are more cross sections, it is not enough. Lamenting “that person once lived” in front of a portrait will not touch the soul at all. Moreover, as the soul is forgotten, the mask will replace its once living owner. Very boring. Fortunately, I have forgotten most of the things about the z60, and I can't even draw a portrait.
|
||||
|
||||
- Some time before z60 died, she suddenly came to me and asked me if I could be her kaishakunin, so of course I refused on the spot. (I don’t remember which personality she had at that time. I also deleted the chat history. Forget it, I’ll just follow her.)
|
||||
|
||||
- I seem to have talked a lot with z60 when limelight was still alive. But I totally don't remember it. I just remember that at that time he (perhaps he still thought of himself as a transgender cisgender man?) spoke more clearly.
|
||||
|
||||
- We never spoke to each other after that? Anyway, I just focused on doing my own thing. I'm not sure. I really don't remember.
|
||||
|
||||
- I hate OD for moral reasons, so when z60 started to overdose later, I already regarded him as half dead. After occasionally looking at him, I can only say that things are getting worse and worse. So I am not surprised that the z60 died.
|
||||
|
||||
- This sentence is an emotional statement: I just say that the pharmaceutical industry is harming people. Look how quickly the z60 died.
|
||||
|
||||
- So I really don't know why z60 asked me to write a review. What does z60 see in me?
|
||||
|
||||
Jin Xin
|
||||
|
||||
</details>
|
||||
|
||||
## To the shooting star that once streaked across the night sky
|
||||
|
||||
After you sent me your information, I anticipated some of your expectations for your future evaluation. Realistically speaking, you have never been a particularly bright or positive example, nor can you become the sun. But if you want to leave a clear and real trace, then I will respect your wish.
|
||||
|
||||
You were ignorant and muddled, and therefore participated in persecuting others. Your online journey starts from Tieba, which records your passion, youth, and the earliest "group divisions". You think you are upholding justice, but you eventually realize that there is not only justice. The chaotic past provides you with cognitive accumulation, but also leaves you with mental division.
|
||||
|
||||
You've tried diving into virtual worlds. Your feelings for music, from Virtual Diva to Dance Meng DX, have never been severed. Since middle school, your writing has been like a castle in the clouds, illusory but with a beauty far beyond reality. Your simple and innocent creations will not be erased by time, just like your dreams, they still shine in the memories of those you have helped.
|
||||
|
||||
You want to be the person in your heart, but there is more than one "self" in your heart. From the outside, your gender transition is not successful. Your objective cognition and subjective expression both make this clear, but this is not your goal. You have made it clear that you are not so much attached to gender, but rather want to be closer to the soul, and now you have completed this final plan.
|
||||
|
||||
You want to be able to help others, even if it may seem quite radical. As the number of rescue and community maintenance failures due to force majeure increases, your confusion forces you to further promote factional divisions. The result is greater rifts and quarrels, but the original intention cannot be denied. Your actions do not lose their meaning because of failure. Based on the comprehensive evaluation of your heart and deeds, if you want to be the star that illuminates others, you have succeeded.
|
||||
|
||||
You have a great group of friends. For you, death is the beginning of a beautiful dream that transcends everything. Your friends respected your wishes, gave you the blessings you expected, and remembered and recorded your past. Your own shadow and past memories will always remain in their hearts, which is a rare blessing.
|
||||
|
||||
You have thought a lot and done a lot. You have thought about being a boy and you have thought about being a girl. You have thought about becoming the smartest strategist, and you have also thought about becoming the bravest warrior. You have thought about dividing groups, and you have also thought about bringing groups together. You are contradictory, yet unified. The good news is that you always want to be a good person and never think about being a bad person.
|
||||
|
||||
You once said that you never belonged to any circle. Your soul is free, and so are your actions. To society, you are not a particularly useful person, and you obviously have not fulfilled your social responsibilities, but you have tried your best to shine your own light and left an indelible mark. People who know you may not necessarily thank you, but they will always remember you, remember that there was a complex, lovely child who always wanted to help - and who actually put in the effort and action.
|
||||
|
||||
You may not be a good boy or a good girl, but you are a good child, a little prince among the stars.
|
||||
|
||||
Just as a comet will eventually fade, so too will life eventually die. However, the moment you broke through the night sky was frozen in eternity. May you enjoy peace and happiness forever in a world without disputes and responsibilities.
|
||||
|
||||
Best regards.
|
||||
|
||||
<p style="text-align: end;">Investigator Late Night Booked on 2024.2-2025.2</p>
|
||||
|
||||
Contributors: Wu Chang and friends who appear in the text
|
||||
|
||||
[^1]: Transcend Lights
|
||||
|
||||
[^2]: Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?
|
||||
|
||||
[^3]: From Lu Xun's prose poem "Revenge (Part 2)"
|
||||
>>> `Under Construction`
|
||||
|
||||
@ -5,8 +5,6 @@ info:
|
||||
location: 中国北京
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
<!--（工作备注：只修订了简中，之后还有不少注释要处理，先不要动繁中吧，没有这篇条目会更难看懂。）-->
|
||||
|
||||
> 对，游戏人生，所以就是活着是我的权利，不是我的义务。所以说我甚至可以去含着氰化钾胶囊做一些事情，我愿意这么干，而且我正在筹备这么干。
|
||||
>
|
||||
> 也就是说我在一些危险的场合，我甚至可能干这种事情。有可能被抓起来的场合，甚至也会说，啊，对，我也会去做，而且我绝对不会让我的敌人得到我。
|
||||
|
||||
Loading…
Reference in New Issue
Block a user