diff --git a/people/juzh50533467/page.en.md b/people/juzh50533467/page.en.md index 81fc5004..6cb2717d 100644 --- a/people/juzh50533467/page.en.md +++ b/people/juzh50533467/page.en.md @@ -5,6 +5,99 @@ info: location: Guangxi, China --- -## Description +## Introduction -To-Do \ No newline at end of file +> Juezhe was a trans girl who grew up in the rural areas of Guangxi. Though she didn't have much formal education, she carried within her a unique courage. +> +> We often see many trans women with different backgrounds and experiences. +> +> We might find it easier to notice those girls who shine brightly, trying to break barriers with their knowledge and education. +> +> But across this vast land, there are many more trans women who deserve to be seen. +> +> Juezhe didn't leave many words, so we have preserved her first-person narrative to retain more of her presence in this world. +> +> "Girls, don’t be ashamed... you’re not a freak, everyone is always with you." +> +> —— One Among Us + +## Juezhe's Self Narration + +When I was in elementary school, +I really liked the smooth, hairless skin of girls and how they could dress however they wanted, grow long hair, and braid it. +Most importantly, they could wear skirts, which was awesome. +Every time I saw other girls, I envied them very much. + +I secretly wore my sister's skirt once. +I was so happy but also very scared, scared of being discovered. +I hated my secondary sexual characteristics. +Why couldn't I be a girl... + +I hated the labels they put on me. +I couldn’t accept that, +but gender isn’t something you can choose. +I was destined not to change anything. +In others' minds, +boys were supposed to be rough and messy. + +I have a very considerate sister who always took care of me. +When I talked back and got hit by my dad, +she was always the first to comfort me. +I felt very happy staying with her, +but this short-lived happiness only lasted until she graduated from elementary school... + +Maybe it was partly because of family reasons. +When I was young, my dad smoked, drank, gambled, and liked to commit domestic violence. +He often hit me, leaving bruises and marks. +Once he beat me so hard that a thick black mark was left on my calf. +After a few instances of domestic violence, +my mom left to work in another province. +My dad often gambled till late and didn’t come home. +I was too scared to sleep alone, +so I kept the TV on and hid in the corner of the bed by the wall. +Maybe growing up in this kind of loveless environment made me crave love even more... + +I belonged to the passive personality type, +without my own opinions, +always feeling self-pity, +always escaping, +overly caring about others' evaluations, +and yearning for recognition. +No matter how sad I was, +I would always force a smile in front of others, +afraid of being misunderstood. + +Although only my childhood friend was willing to hang out with me, +I longed even more to play with girls. +When I saw female classmates playing string figure or jump rope, +I wanted to join them but didn’t have the courage, +so I could only watch from afar. +I remember very clearly one time during long-break, +I stood in the corner watching girls play jump rope for a long time. +I wanted so badly to join them but was afraid of being laughed at, +so I didn’t dare to speak. +In the end, one girl noticed me and invited me to play. +Just as I was about to go over, the bell rang. +I was really sad then, and this memory still stays with me... + +Sigh... +I kept these thoughts to myself and never told anyone. +Until one day, +I stumbled upon information about transgenders, estrogen, and transitioning on the internet. +This changed my rigid mindset, and after learning more, I unhesitatingly sought out ways to start HRT... + +## Juezhe's Departure + +> "I never really hoped to be accepted. Born a misfit..." + +On that day, that girl went to a secluded mountain, intending to end it all. + +She knew her family's financial situation couldn’t support her transition nor save her life. + +She always felt like a burden... + +> "The liquid was so strong, so bitter, and so salty..." +> +> "I hope in the next life I can be a girl... Sorry for making everyone worry even in death..." + +Say goodnight to that girl, she was just too tired, and fell asleep...