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[PR] Merge pull request #237 from Twinsherry/juezhe

[+] Add juzhe50533467
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Elihuso Quigley 2024-06-23 15:54:41 +08:00 committed by GitHub
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id: juzh50533467
profileUrl: ${path}/photos/profile.jpg
info:
born: '2005-09-03'
died: '2023-05-09'
websites:
twitter: https://twitter.com/juzh50533467
Bilibili: https://space.bilibili.com/621131987

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---
name: Juezhe
info:
alias: Juezhe
location: Guangxi, China
---
## Introduction
> Juezhe was a trans girl who grew up in the rural areas of Guangxi. Though she didn't have much formal education, she carried within her a unique courage.
>
> We often see many trans women with different backgrounds and experiences.
>
> We might find it easier to notice those girls who shine brightly, trying to break barriers with their knowledge and education.
>
> But across this vast land, there are many more trans women who deserve to be seen.
>
> Juezhe didn't leave many words, so we have preserved her first-person narrative to retain more of her presence in this world.
>
> "Girls, dont be ashamed... youre not a freak, everyone is always with you."
>
> —— One Among Us
## Juezhe's Self Narration
When I was in elementary school,
I really liked the smooth, hairless skin of girls and how they could dress however they wanted, grow long hair, and braid it.
Most importantly, they could wear skirts, which was awesome.
Every time I saw other girls, I envied them very much.
I secretly wore my sister's skirt once.
I was so happy but also very scared, scared of being discovered.
I hated my secondary sexual characteristics.
Why couldn't I be a girl...
I hated the labels they put on me.
I couldnt accept that,
but gender isnt something you can choose.
I was destined not to change anything.
In others' minds,
boys were supposed to be rough and messy.
I have a very considerate sister who always took care of me.
When I talked back and got hit by my dad,
she was always the first to comfort me.
I felt very happy staying with her,
but this short-lived happiness only lasted until she graduated from elementary school...
Maybe it was partly because of family reasons.
When I was young, my dad smoked, drank, gambled, and liked to commit domestic violence.
He often hit me, leaving bruises and marks.
Once he beat me so hard that a thick black mark was left on my calf.
After a few instances of domestic violence,
my mom left to work in another province.
My dad often gambled till late and didnt come home.
I was too scared to sleep alone,
so I kept the TV on and hid in the corner of the bed by the wall.
Maybe growing up in this kind of loveless environment made me crave love even more...
I belonged to the passive personality type,
without my own opinions,
always feeling self-pity,
always escaping,
overly caring about others' evaluations,
and yearning for recognition.
No matter how sad I was,
I would always force a smile in front of others,
afraid of being misunderstood.
Although only my childhood friend was willing to hang out with me,
I longed even more to play with girls.
When I saw female classmates playing string figure or jump rope,
I wanted to join them but didnt have the courage,
so I could only watch from afar.
I remember very clearly one time during long-break,
I stood in the corner watching girls play jump rope for a long time.
I wanted so badly to join them but was afraid of being laughed at,
so I didnt dare to speak.
In the end, one girl noticed me and invited me to play.
Just as I was about to go over, the bell rang.
I was really sad then, and this memory still stays with me...
Sigh...
I kept these thoughts to myself and never told anyone.
Until one day,
I stumbled upon information about transgenders, estrogen, and transitioning on the internet.
This changed my rigid mindset, and after learning more, I unhesitatingly sought out ways to start HRT...
## Juezhe's Departure
> "I never really hoped to be accepted. Born a misfit..."
On that day, that girl went to a secluded mountain, intending to end it all.
She knew her family's financial situation couldnt support her transition nor save her life.
She always felt like a burden...
> "The liquid was so strong, so bitter, and so salty..."
>
> "I hope in the next life I can be a girl... Sorry for making everyone worry even in death..."
Say goodnight to that girl, she was just too tired, and fell asleep...

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---
name: 诀蛰
info:
alias: 诀蛰
location: 中国广西
---
## 导语
> 诀蛰是一个来自广西农村的跨性别女孩,学历不高,但她的内心有属于自己的那份勇气。
>
> 我们所能看到的许多跨性别女性,有着不一样的背景,不一样的经历。
>
> 可能我们更容易看到,许多自带光芒的,试图用知识与学历打破禁锢的女孩们。
>
> 但在这广袤无垠的土地上,还有更多,更多的跨性别女性们,应当被看见。
>
> 诀蛰所留下的文字并不多,因此我们保留了她自述中的第一人称笔法,从而留下她在这个世界上更多的痕迹。
>
> 「女孩啊,不要自卑呢……妳不是怪胎呢,大家一直与妳同在。」
>
> —— 那些秋叶
## 诀蛰的自述
在俺小学的时候,很喜欢女生白白嫩嫩还没体毛的皮肤,还可以随心所欲地打扮自己,留长长的头发,还可以扎辫子,最重要的是可以穿裙子哎,超棒的好嘛,每次看到别的女生俺都会羡慕她们。
俺也有偷偷穿过俺姐的裙子,很开心又很害怕,害怕被别人发现。俺讨厌自己的第二性征,为什么俺不可以是女生……
俺也讨厌那些被贴在身上的标签,俺不能接受,但性别又不是自己能决定的,俺注定改变不了什么,在别人的印象中男生就只能是那种大大咧咧邋里邋遢的样子嘛。
俺有一个很懂事的姐姐,做什么事都很照顾俺,俺顶嘴被老爸打了也会第一时间来安慰俺。和她待在一起的日子里,俺感觉很幸福,不过这份短暂的幸福只持续到了她小学毕业……
也可能有点家庭原因,小时候老爸抽烟喝酒赌博全都沾,还喜欢家暴,他经常打俺。有一次打得小腿都留下了一条很粗的黑色的印子。俺老妈被家暴几次后就去了外省打工,老爸经常赌博到凌晨都不回来,俺一个人又不敢睡,只能一直开着电视躲在靠墙那边的床角,可能是因为这种从小缺爱的家庭环境让俺更渴望被爱吧………
俺是那种被动型人格,没有主见,自怨自艾,总是逃避,过分在意他人的评价,渴望被认可。可就算再难过,俺面对别人的时候也会挤出一丝笑容,害怕被别人误解。
虽然只有发小愿意陪俺,但俺更渴望能和女孩子一起玩,那时候看到女同学玩花绳,跳皮筋俺都想过去跟她们一起玩,无奈没有勇气迈出那一步,只能远远观望。俺记得非常清楚的是有一次大课间,俺一个人站在角落望着远处的女同学玩跳皮筋,看了很久,很想过去跟她们一起玩,但又害怕被笑,就没敢开口,到最后终于有个女孩看到俺了,邀请俺过去一起玩跳皮筋,俺刚想走过去的时候上课铃就响了,那时候真的很伤心,这件事俺现在依旧记忆深刻……
哎……这种想法一直藏在俺心底没和任何人提起过,直到之前偶然间从网络上了解到了药娘,雌激素和跨性别,改变了俺刻板的想法,深入了解后毫不犹豫的就去找途径买糖吃……
## 诀蛰的离开
> 「本来就不抱有能被接受的期望,生来就是个不合群的怪胎……」
在那天,那位女孩躲到了人们难以发现的山上,准备结束这一切。
她知道她的家庭经济条件没法将她挽救回来。
她总觉得自己是个累赘……
> 「好浓,好苦,好咸……」
>
> 「希望来世可以当个女孩子……对不起,死了还要别人为俺担心……」
向那位女孩说晚安吧,她只是太累了,睡着了呢……

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---
name: 訣蟄
info:
alias: 訣蟄
location: 中國廣西
---
## 導言
> 訣蟄是一個來自廣西農村的跨性別女孩, 學歷不高, 但她內心有屬於自己的那份勇氣。
>
> 我們所能看到的許多跨性別女性, 有著不一樣的背景, 不一樣的經歷。
>
> 可能我們更容易看到, 許多自帶光芒的, 試圖用知識和學歷打破禁錮的女孩子們。
>
> 但這廣袤無垠的土地上, 更多的跨性別女性們, 應當被看見。
>
> 訣蟄所留下的文字並不多, 因此我們保留了她自述的第一人稱筆法, 從而留下她在這個世界上更多的痕跡。
>
> 「女孩啊, 不要自卑呢......妳不是怪胎呢, 大家與妳同在。」
>
> —— One Among Us
## 訣蟄的自述
在俺小學的時候,很喜歡女生白白嫩嫩還沒體毛的皮膚,還可以隨心所欲地打扮自己,留長長的頭髮,還可以紮辮子,最重要的是可以穿裙子哎,超棒的好嘛,每次看到別的女生俺都會羡慕她們。
俺也有偷偷穿過俺姐的裙子,很開心又很害怕,害怕被別人發現。俺討厭自己的第二性征,為什麼俺不可以是女生……
俺也討厭那些被貼在身上的標籤,俺不能接受,但性別又不是自己能決定的,俺註定改變不了什麼,在別人的印象中男生就只能是那種大大咧咧邋裡邋遢的樣子嘛。
俺有一個很懂事的姐姐,做什麼事都很照顧俺,俺頂嘴被老爸打了也會第一時間來安慰俺。和她待在一起的日子裡,俺感覺很幸福,不過這份短暫的幸福只持續到了她小學畢業……
也可能有點家庭原因,小時候老爸抽煙喝酒賭博全都沾,還喜歡家暴,他經常打俺。有一次打得小腿都留下了一條很粗的黑色的印子。俺老媽被家暴幾次後就去了外省打工,老爸經常賭博到淩晨都不回來,俺一個人又不敢睡,只能一直開著電視躲在靠牆那邊的床角,可能是因為這種從小缺愛的家庭環境讓俺更渴望被愛吧………
俺是那種被動型人格,沒有主見,自怨自艾,總是逃避,過分在意他人的評價,渴望被認可。可就算再難過,俺面對別人的時候也會擠出一絲笑容,害怕被別人誤解。
雖然只有髮小願意陪俺,但俺更渴望能和女孩子一起玩,那時候看到女同學玩花繩,跳皮筋俺都想過去跟她們一起玩,無奈沒有勇氣邁出那一步,只能遠遠觀望。俺記得非常清楚的是有一次大課間,俺一個人站在角落望著遠處的女同學玩跳皮筋,看了很久,很想過去跟她們一起玩,但又害怕被笑,就沒敢開口,到最後終於有個女孩看到俺了,邀請俺過去一起玩跳皮筋,俺剛想走過去的時候上課鈴就響了,那時候真的很傷心,這件事俺現在依舊記憶深刻……
哎……這種想法一直藏在俺心底沒和任何人提起過,直到之前偶然間從網路上瞭解到了跨性別和 HRT改變了俺刻板的想法深入瞭解後毫不猶豫的就去找途徑買糖吃……
## 訣蟄的離開
> 「本來就不抱有能被接受的期望, 生來就是個不合群的怪胎……」
在那天, 那位女孩躲到了人們難以發現的山上, 準備結束這一切.
她知道她的家庭經濟條件沒辦法將她挽救回來.
她總是覺得自己是個累贅...
> 「好浓,好苦,好咸……」
>
> 「希望来世可以当个女孩子……对不起,死了还要别人为俺担心……」
向那位女孩說晚安吧, 她只是太累了, 睡著了呢……

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