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[PR] Merge pull request #237 from Twinsherry/juezhe
[+] Add juzhe50533467
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a36682cb7c
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people/juzh50533467/info.yml
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id: juzh50533467
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profileUrl: ${path}/photos/profile.jpg
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info:
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born: '2005-09-03'
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died: '2023-05-09'
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websites:
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twitter: https://twitter.com/juzh50533467
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Bilibili: https://space.bilibili.com/621131987
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people/juzh50533467/page.en.md
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---
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name: Juezhe
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info:
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alias: Juezhe
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location: Guangxi, China
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---
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## Introduction
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> Juezhe was a trans girl who grew up in the rural areas of Guangxi. Though she didn't have much formal education, she carried within her a unique courage.
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>
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> We often see many trans women with different backgrounds and experiences.
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>
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> We might find it easier to notice those girls who shine brightly, trying to break barriers with their knowledge and education.
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>
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> But across this vast land, there are many more trans women who deserve to be seen.
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>
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> Juezhe didn't leave many words, so we have preserved her first-person narrative to retain more of her presence in this world.
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>
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> "Girls, don’t be ashamed... you’re not a freak, everyone is always with you."
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>
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> —— One Among Us
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## Juezhe's Self Narration
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When I was in elementary school,
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I really liked the smooth, hairless skin of girls and how they could dress however they wanted, grow long hair, and braid it.
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Most importantly, they could wear skirts, which was awesome.
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Every time I saw other girls, I envied them very much.
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I secretly wore my sister's skirt once.
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I was so happy but also very scared, scared of being discovered.
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I hated my secondary sexual characteristics.
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Why couldn't I be a girl...
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I hated the labels they put on me.
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I couldn’t accept that,
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but gender isn’t something you can choose.
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I was destined not to change anything.
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In others' minds,
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boys were supposed to be rough and messy.
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I have a very considerate sister who always took care of me.
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When I talked back and got hit by my dad,
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she was always the first to comfort me.
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I felt very happy staying with her,
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but this short-lived happiness only lasted until she graduated from elementary school...
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Maybe it was partly because of family reasons.
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When I was young, my dad smoked, drank, gambled, and liked to commit domestic violence.
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He often hit me, leaving bruises and marks.
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Once he beat me so hard that a thick black mark was left on my calf.
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After a few instances of domestic violence,
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my mom left to work in another province.
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My dad often gambled till late and didn’t come home.
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I was too scared to sleep alone,
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so I kept the TV on and hid in the corner of the bed by the wall.
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Maybe growing up in this kind of loveless environment made me crave love even more...
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I belonged to the passive personality type,
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without my own opinions,
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always feeling self-pity,
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always escaping,
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overly caring about others' evaluations,
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and yearning for recognition.
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No matter how sad I was,
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I would always force a smile in front of others,
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afraid of being misunderstood.
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Although only my childhood friend was willing to hang out with me,
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I longed even more to play with girls.
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When I saw female classmates playing string figure or jump rope,
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I wanted to join them but didn’t have the courage,
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so I could only watch from afar.
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I remember very clearly one time during long-break,
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I stood in the corner watching girls play jump rope for a long time.
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I wanted so badly to join them but was afraid of being laughed at,
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so I didn’t dare to speak.
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In the end, one girl noticed me and invited me to play.
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Just as I was about to go over, the bell rang.
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I was really sad then, and this memory still stays with me...
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Sigh...
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I kept these thoughts to myself and never told anyone.
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Until one day,
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I stumbled upon information about transgenders, estrogen, and transitioning on the internet.
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This changed my rigid mindset, and after learning more, I unhesitatingly sought out ways to start HRT...
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## Juezhe's Departure
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> "I never really hoped to be accepted. Born a misfit..."
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On that day, that girl went to a secluded mountain, intending to end it all.
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She knew her family's financial situation couldn’t support her transition nor save her life.
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She always felt like a burden...
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> "The liquid was so strong, so bitter, and so salty..."
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>
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> "I hope in the next life I can be a girl... Sorry for making everyone worry even in death..."
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Say goodnight to that girl, she was just too tired, and fell asleep...
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people/juzh50533467/page.md
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people/juzh50533467/page.md
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---
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name: 诀蛰
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info:
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alias: 诀蛰
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location: 中国广西
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---
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## 导语
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> 诀蛰是一个来自广西农村的跨性别女孩,学历不高,但她的内心有属于自己的那份勇气。
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>
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> 我们所能看到的许多跨性别女性,有着不一样的背景,不一样的经历。
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>
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> 可能我们更容易看到,许多自带光芒的,试图用知识与学历打破禁锢的女孩们。
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>
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> 但在这广袤无垠的土地上,还有更多,更多的跨性别女性们,应当被看见。
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>
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> 诀蛰所留下的文字并不多,因此我们保留了她自述中的第一人称笔法,从而留下她在这个世界上更多的痕迹。
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>
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> 「女孩啊,不要自卑呢……妳不是怪胎呢,大家一直与妳同在。」
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>
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> —— 那些秋叶
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## 诀蛰的自述
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在俺小学的时候,很喜欢女生白白嫩嫩还没体毛的皮肤,还可以随心所欲地打扮自己,留长长的头发,还可以扎辫子,最重要的是可以穿裙子哎,超棒的好嘛,每次看到别的女生俺都会羡慕她们。
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俺也有偷偷穿过俺姐的裙子,很开心又很害怕,害怕被别人发现。俺讨厌自己的第二性征,为什么俺不可以是女生……
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俺也讨厌那些被贴在身上的标签,俺不能接受,但性别又不是自己能决定的,俺注定改变不了什么,在别人的印象中男生就只能是那种大大咧咧邋里邋遢的样子嘛。
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俺有一个很懂事的姐姐,做什么事都很照顾俺,俺顶嘴被老爸打了也会第一时间来安慰俺。和她待在一起的日子里,俺感觉很幸福,不过这份短暂的幸福只持续到了她小学毕业……
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也可能有点家庭原因,小时候老爸抽烟喝酒赌博全都沾,还喜欢家暴,他经常打俺。有一次打得小腿都留下了一条很粗的黑色的印子。俺老妈被家暴几次后就去了外省打工,老爸经常赌博到凌晨都不回来,俺一个人又不敢睡,只能一直开着电视躲在靠墙那边的床角,可能是因为这种从小缺爱的家庭环境让俺更渴望被爱吧………
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俺是那种被动型人格,没有主见,自怨自艾,总是逃避,过分在意他人的评价,渴望被认可。可就算再难过,俺面对别人的时候也会挤出一丝笑容,害怕被别人误解。
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虽然只有发小愿意陪俺,但俺更渴望能和女孩子一起玩,那时候看到女同学玩花绳,跳皮筋俺都想过去跟她们一起玩,无奈没有勇气迈出那一步,只能远远观望。俺记得非常清楚的是有一次大课间,俺一个人站在角落望着远处的女同学玩跳皮筋,看了很久,很想过去跟她们一起玩,但又害怕被笑,就没敢开口,到最后终于有个女孩看到俺了,邀请俺过去一起玩跳皮筋,俺刚想走过去的时候上课铃就响了,那时候真的很伤心,这件事俺现在依旧记忆深刻……
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哎……这种想法一直藏在俺心底没和任何人提起过,直到之前偶然间从网络上了解到了药娘,雌激素和跨性别,改变了俺刻板的想法,深入了解后毫不犹豫的就去找途径买糖吃……
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## 诀蛰的离开
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> 「本来就不抱有能被接受的期望,生来就是个不合群的怪胎……」
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在那天,那位女孩躲到了人们难以发现的山上,准备结束这一切。
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她知道她的家庭经济条件没法将她挽救回来。
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她总觉得自己是个累赘……
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> 「好浓,好苦,好咸……」
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>
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> 「希望来世可以当个女孩子……对不起,死了还要别人为俺担心……」
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向那位女孩说晚安吧,她只是太累了,睡着了呢……
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people/juzh50533467/page.zh_hant.md
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---
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name: 訣蟄
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info:
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alias: 訣蟄
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location: 中國廣西
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---
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## 導言
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> 訣蟄是一個來自廣西農村的跨性別女孩, 學歷不高, 但她內心有屬於自己的那份勇氣。
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>
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> 我們所能看到的許多跨性別女性, 有著不一樣的背景, 不一樣的經歷。
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>
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> 可能我們更容易看到, 許多自帶光芒的, 試圖用知識和學歷打破禁錮的女孩子們。
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>
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> 但這廣袤無垠的土地上, 更多的跨性別女性們, 應當被看見。
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>
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> 訣蟄所留下的文字並不多, 因此我們保留了她自述的第一人稱筆法, 從而留下她在這個世界上更多的痕跡。
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>
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> 「女孩啊, 不要自卑呢......妳不是怪胎呢, 大家與妳同在。」
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>
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> —— One Among Us
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## 訣蟄的自述
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在俺小學的時候,很喜歡女生白白嫩嫩還沒體毛的皮膚,還可以隨心所欲地打扮自己,留長長的頭髮,還可以紮辮子,最重要的是可以穿裙子哎,超棒的好嘛,每次看到別的女生俺都會羡慕她們。
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俺也有偷偷穿過俺姐的裙子,很開心又很害怕,害怕被別人發現。俺討厭自己的第二性征,為什麼俺不可以是女生……
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俺也討厭那些被貼在身上的標籤,俺不能接受,但性別又不是自己能決定的,俺註定改變不了什麼,在別人的印象中男生就只能是那種大大咧咧邋裡邋遢的樣子嘛。
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俺有一個很懂事的姐姐,做什麼事都很照顧俺,俺頂嘴被老爸打了也會第一時間來安慰俺。和她待在一起的日子裡,俺感覺很幸福,不過這份短暫的幸福只持續到了她小學畢業……
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也可能有點家庭原因,小時候老爸抽煙喝酒賭博全都沾,還喜歡家暴,他經常打俺。有一次打得小腿都留下了一條很粗的黑色的印子。俺老媽被家暴幾次後就去了外省打工,老爸經常賭博到淩晨都不回來,俺一個人又不敢睡,只能一直開著電視躲在靠牆那邊的床角,可能是因為這種從小缺愛的家庭環境讓俺更渴望被愛吧………
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俺是那種被動型人格,沒有主見,自怨自艾,總是逃避,過分在意他人的評價,渴望被認可。可就算再難過,俺面對別人的時候也會擠出一絲笑容,害怕被別人誤解。
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雖然只有髮小願意陪俺,但俺更渴望能和女孩子一起玩,那時候看到女同學玩花繩,跳皮筋俺都想過去跟她們一起玩,無奈沒有勇氣邁出那一步,只能遠遠觀望。俺記得非常清楚的是有一次大課間,俺一個人站在角落望著遠處的女同學玩跳皮筋,看了很久,很想過去跟她們一起玩,但又害怕被笑,就沒敢開口,到最後終於有個女孩看到俺了,邀請俺過去一起玩跳皮筋,俺剛想走過去的時候上課鈴就響了,那時候真的很傷心,這件事俺現在依舊記憶深刻……
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哎……這種想法一直藏在俺心底沒和任何人提起過,直到之前偶然間從網路上瞭解到了跨性別和 HRT,改變了俺刻板的想法,深入瞭解後毫不猶豫的就去找途徑買糖吃……
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## 訣蟄的離開
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> 「本來就不抱有能被接受的期望, 生來就是個不合群的怪胎……」
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在那天, 那位女孩躲到了人們難以發現的山上, 準備結束這一切.
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她知道她的家庭經濟條件沒辦法將她挽救回來.
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她總是覺得自己是個累贅...
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> 「好浓,好苦,好咸……」
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>
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> 「希望来世可以当个女孩子……对不起,死了还要别人为俺担心……」
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向那位女孩說晚安吧, 她只是太累了, 睡著了呢……
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