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---
name: Anilovr
info:
alias: Ani
location: Haikou, China
---
>「//La homa mondo devus esti detruita//I will wait for you at Alpha Orionis//」
>「I love every one of you. I really do.」
## Profile
Ani grew up in a single-parent household.
She has helped many people.
But in the end, she, who gave others hope, wasn't able to escape death herself.
> In this cruel and irrational world,
> anything can happen at any time,
> catching people off-guard,
> leaving behind regret and remorse.
On that day, Ani fulfilled her last plan to leave silently.
Yet, her death was sudden and shocking.
>「Maybe separation is not that awful.
> When we are dissolved into wind after millions of hours,
> we will be reunited as bubbles in the same cup of beer.
> No atoms can truly be destroyed in the universe.
> Sooner or later, we will be together again.
<!--
Comments from the translator:
I do not believe a reunion after death can count...
Whatever you do, don't place your hope on that.
-->
December 29th, **2022**, Ani was found dead without any sign of life.
Her death was confirmed by [方方](https://twitter.com/fang050722) and [铃木真依](https://twitter.com/MissSuzuki23) on Twitter.
This world does not deserve you.
May the other side treat you well.
May you can share the joy with those who travel together with you,
on the train travelling through the starry sky.
Death is not the end.
We will meet under the sky of a more loving world.
Wish you can have the happiness that you missed.
> A gentle and kind-hearted friend,
> always thinking about others,
> compassionate to a fault.
> Tried to take care of friends when she should have had taken care of herself;
> shouldered everything herself to not bother anyone else.
Ani was outed on October 22nd.
[Elihuso](https://twitter.com/ElihusoQ) seeked help for her by explaining her situation online.
However, she rejected every offer of help.
> Not accepting any help is my ideal.
> I already went against it twice.
> Once, twice, there will not be a third.
At night, when we look at Alpha Orionis, the brightest star in this starry sky,
you will be waving at us, smiling.

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---
name: GLaDOSister
info:
alias: CangShanJingYe, Jing Ye, Sister G
location: Beijing, China
---
## Description
As her bio says, Jing Ye is “a cute girl researching lingustics”.
Jing Ye is talented in linguistics and passionate about it.
She researched many languages, including both languages originated from China and foreign languages.
She often switch languages while chatting online, so she always seemed lively, cheerful, and even humorous in group chats.
Not only was she proficient in communicating with many languages,
but she also was quick to come up with examples of how pronounciation and grammar are used in everyday conversations for those languages.
Jing Ye's work is not limited to linguistics.
She had contributed to the community of the *Half-Life* series.
She designed some "GMod" plugins and maps; and she was the director of a fanmade work called *Prequel of the United Army* for *Half-Life 2*.
The fact that worth mentioning the most is, she started doing constructed language research,
constructed [联合军语](https://yuyan.fandom.com/zh/wiki/联合军语), [尤波伊语](https://yuyan.fandom.com/zh/wiki/尤波伊语) and [克里加语](https://yuyan.fandom.com/zh/wiki/克里加语) for the project mentioned above, *Prequel of the United Army*.
Because of her work on this project, she was famous both in the *Half-Life* community and in the contructed language community.
Jing Ye's favorite anime is *YuruYuri*.
She used the main character, Akari Akaza, as her profile photo.
Jing Ye is persistent and brave, both for creative work and for life, sometimes even stubborn.
Because of that, she had some verbal conflicts with her friends.
These incidents were however resolved quickly because of her friends' understanding towards her character.
Jing Ye asked for company very often from friends she found in the linguistics community because she didn't feel safe enough.
Whether online or in real life, she was always gave and seeked warmth from other trans women and girls.
Since Spring 2019, Jing Ye was finally able to pass and live as a woman.
Because of that, she was much more confident and more open to showing her cuteness by sharing photos on social media.
However, her life quality went down as both her financial situation and her depression got worse, even went to the edge of suicide sometimes.
Even then, she did not stop her efforts to help other trans people.
In [one of her posts on ZhiHu](https://www.zhihu.com/pin/1091048372731047936), she wrote:
> “Although living is painful for me and I do not know the meaning behind life, I know that I would never regret helping others.”
Even now, this sentence still give strength to many suicide prevention social workers.
Unfortunately, Jing Ye eventually left us, leaving behind many unfinished works.
After Jing Ye's death, many people in the linguistics community, the constructed language community, and the trans community changed their profile photo to black and white to morun her.
Under the ZhiHu question of [What are your thoughts about ZhiHu user @Cang_Shan_Jing_Ye ?](https://www.zhihu.com/question/307482232),
not only were there goodbyes from the friends she made,
but also messages from the linguistics community, to achieve more in this field;
and messages from the trans community, to encourage each other to keep going.
Contributor for this entry: unt

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---
name: miocardmeow
info:
alias: Ling Ka Miao, LingKaMiao, 澪卡喵, MioCardMeow
location: Beijing, China
---
## Description
[Ling Ka Miao](https://twitter.com/MiocardMeow) (Mio Card Meow), a trans girl, passed away after an unsuccessful resuscitation.
Reported by [Miao Xiao Bai](https://twitter.com/pizyj/status/1492928433172582400?s=21) on 2022 Feburary 14th.
Contributor of entry: [Nan Chuan Chao Xiang](https://twitter.com/nkw45)

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---
name: mizuharanagisa
info:
alias: Mizuhara Nagisa, 水原なぎさ, Shui Yuan Zhu
location: Shanghai, China
---
## Description
Shui Yuan Zhu is a trans woman living in Shanghai.
She was friends with Ying.
During her life, she was an active long-term contributor for Chinese Wikipedia and other MediaWiki sites.
Since 2019, she started playing Azur Lane.
Her favorite character was Xiang.
Her hobbies were tinkering with computer hardware like Respberry Pi and drawing.
She was also proficient in Japanese.
Because of depression and other problems, she had to stop going to school since 2019;
because of inacceptance of her family and other problems she faced, her depression and anxiety got worse and started to suffer from insomnia.
On 2021 July 21st, she took her own life to leave this cruel world.
This is the [last piece of writing](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/E6odBBBVIAAM-Zt?format=jpg&name=4096x4096) she left us.
> To every one of my friends
>
> People who know me well usually call me Shui Senpai or Shui Yuan, but my name is actually 水原なぎさ.
> Not my legal name, of course.
> How do I say this?
> During these past few years I've been tormented by chronic depression and anxiety issues.
> I think they finally overcame me today,
> so I decided to end my life.
> I don't really know what would happen,
> either I'd be dead or I'd be in the ICU, lol.
> Regrettablly, I would be unable to enjoy the 3060 video card I just got.
> And Nintendo Switch, PlayStation 5.
>
> Everything goes wrong when my family is involved.
> It's better to hope for a better start in the next life?
> Nope, of course I'm not going to come to this cruel world again;
> the worlds portrayed in animes are much better, not that I think they exist.
>
> (Switching my pen.)
>
> I'm tired of everything.
> I still have games to play:
> What would happen to the girls in Zhen Shou Fu?
> Would that character keep waiting for me?
> I'm sorry, but I cannot keep going anymore.
> I really can't find any energy in myself to keep me going.
> This body is also broken, from head to toe.
> Might as well throw it away, along with these health issues.
> I hope that in the next life,
> I can master drawing;
> I can read more books, number exceeding those I've read in this life;
> Most importantly, being a cute girl.
> (Not that I believe in there being a next life, just a wish.)
>
> I want to thank everyone who have helped me during my short life.
> You helped me many times during various time periods of my life,
> but I really can't thank you individually.
> And, Ying, if there really is a world we go to after death,
> I'll mark the route for you.
> Not really, please live healthily and happily in this life.
> Oh, I forgot.
> I have a Vtuber video to watch, I'm going to watch that now.
> Once again, thank you, every one of my friends.
> Sorry for taking your time.
>
> — Shui Yuan Zhu, 2021 June 21st.
<PhotoScroll photos={[
'${path}/photos/letter.jpg',
]} />
Wish you to be able to meet the girls in Zhen Shou Fu and live happily in another world,
after leaving all of this world's sufferings behind.

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---
name: sevenbird
info:
alias: 柒鸟, Qi Niao, SevenBird
location: Fujian, China
---
> “Look at the moon when you long for me.”
> “There, I will be waiting for you.”
This is the last piece of writing she left us…
---
## About Seven Bird
She was just like her nickname Seven Bird, flew high, flew to the moon.
She built us *Misaka Network* members the website *Misaka Network*, the place where we shared joy.
She was a lively and optimistic girl.
Always willing to help others, she not only cared about us when we are in need, but she also saved many people from suicide.
But “a doctor cannot help themself”, in the end, she was unable to save herself.
She loved rhythm games.
In her last moments, she played the song *Phigros* for the last time to say goodbye.
This is her last wish:
> “The time will come. All of us will be able to live freely as ourselves in this world.”
---
Wishing you to be able to live happily as yourself on the other side.
We will look at the bright moon when we long for you.
<p align="right">
All of Misaka Network
<br>
2022 August 4th
</p>

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---
name: uekawakuyuurei
info:
alias: Ying (Hotaru), Qiu Yun (Akigumo)
---
## Description
[According to Ying](https://twitter.com/Uekawakuyuurei/status/1416208961339019267), they are “Just an unhealthy boy in real life.”.
However, when they are thought to be a girl online, they would not talk about their gender.
Although they felt guilty while doing so,
we always believe Ying to be the most kindhearted and most lovely girl or boy.
Ying is an enthusiast about ships and they like to draw them.
Under their brushes, those ships are no more weapons for warfare and destruction, but vehicles carrying the power of peace.
Twitter user COHAE once left [this comment](https://twitter.com/COHAE9999/status/1413772800444227584):
“I gained such an impression of you on the first sight of your drawings: You are a gentle and romantic person.
Even the cold steel behemoth would become lively under the blue sky and white clouds you create.
Yes, the most powerful weapons in your world might actually be the cutest and gentlest person.”
Donations made because of their drawings is part of their financial resource.
Even after confirming their *indolent cell carcinoma of ascending colon*, Ying did not stop drawing.
Later, they uploaded most of their drawings' digitalized versions to their [Telegram channel](https://t.me/joinchat/65vSQ6ELb3YxN2I9),
making every work they had done free to download and enjoy.
Here's a selected few of her drawings:
<PhotoScroll photos={[
'${path}/photos/IMG_1308.JPG',
'${path}/photos/img002.jpg',
'${path}/photos/img051.jpg',
'${path}/photos/img197.jpg',
'${path}/photos/img231.jpg',
'${path}/photos/img252.jpg',
'${path}/photos/img253.jpg',
'${path}/photos/img370.jpg',
]} />
But this world is just that unfair.
No medicine Ying tried worked for their disease.
In Summer 2021, Ying is diagnosed as *Bone metastasis* stage IV.
Yet, Ying didn't stop caring about their friends to not let us worried even while enduring great physical pain.
In September 2021, Ying went to the other side of the sea (metaphorically) on their favorite ship.
Their last Twitter post was:
“I want to drink a bigggg cup of iced Coke at last.”
No problem, Ying. No matter how many cups of Coke you want to drink, we will buy them for you.
<ChannelBackupButton platform="telegram" />

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---
name: dogesir_
info:
alias: dogesir, Lan Gou (blue dog)
location: Changchun, Jilin, China
---
> “Have you seen *The Train Travelling through the Starry Sky*? I want to get on that train, too.”
## Description
Lan Gou, a girl whose cuteness can be proved just from how she talks.
She was also a girl who can create mesmerizing drawings.
We believe, as long as she wants, she would be able to draw anything well.
Here are some of her drawings before she left:
<PhotoScroll photos={[
'${path}/photos/works1.jpg',
'${path}/photos/works2.jpg',
'${path}/photos/works3.jpg',
'${path}/photos/works4.jpg',
'${path}/photos/works5.jpg',
'${path}/photos/works6.jpg',
]} />
This is her last self description:
> “I don't think I'm going to change it for several months because I poured lots of effort into it”
Now it's never going to change…
<PhotoScroll photos={[ '${path}/photos/intro.jpg' ]} />
English transcript of her self-description above:
> Name: Lan Gou, both online and in real life.
> A strange name, sure. Just read it some more times.
>
> Accept humans and non-human entities as long as they are not trying to harm with malice.
>
> Interested in Parlour music, drawing, literature, music theory, and philosophy (although I haven't done much research in the last three).
> * Posts drawings sometimes on Pixiv. Would have more time to draw after graduation.
> * Not a hardcore gamer. Plays Minecraft sometimes. (Let's play minecraft together!)
>
> Trans!
>
> In Changchun, open to in-person meetings.
> Please play with me!
>
> Likes tweets often. Might overflow your Twitter timeline.
>
> Not good on small talk. Especially in real life.
> Once avoided speaking for half a year.
> So I might not reply to your pm.
> * Often stops suddenly while chatting. Replies only after thinking it through.
> * Does not use indirect expressions.
>
> Might be forced to delete Twitter permanently.
>
> Follows every Twitter user who follows me. Won't unfollow out of nowhere.
> Planning to follow everyone. All unfollows are accidental.
>
> Likes every friends on Twitter. Hopes to be able to use Twitter even in death.
> * Hopes Xiao Lan Niao can live longer than me. If Xiao Lan Niao had something happen to her, maybe I'd end my online presence, too.
>
> Backup contact method doge_sir@outlook.com (might not reply)
>
> Bilibili UID: 2119605209
>
> Thinking of putting my QQ on here.
>
> @qiandao_shi
>
> To be continued!
She was also a lover of Minecraft.
She had been updating a Minecraft map for a long time on Bilibili
Here are some photos she took:
<PhotoScroll photos={[ '${path}/photos/mc1.jpg', '${path}/photos/mc2.jpg', '${path}/photos/mc3.jpg', '${path}/photos/mc4.jpg', '${path}/photos/mc5.jpg', '${path}/photos/mc6.jpg', '${path}/photos/mc7.jpg', '${path}/photos/mc8.jpg', ]} />
It was not her first attempt to get on *the train*.
Before the end, she tried **4** times.
She finally got on *the train* she always wanted to get on.
She was not alone; another girl was together with her on the way.
> “You liked that photo (1st picture) I took in a Winter, so you sent me this postcard (2nd picture). Then I'll send you a photo I took in Summer!” —Shou Tui Che
<PhotoScroll photos={[ '${path}/photos/photo1.jpg', '${path}/photos/works3.jpg', '${path}/photos/photo2.jpg', ]} />
We wanted to receive another postcard from her.
Wish you not lonely on the train. And remember: Look at the star Betelgeuse one more time.
<!--
Comments from the translator:
Please, don&apos;t romantize suicid&#33; I'm begging you&#33;
All of you.
-->

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---
name: donotexist_A
info:
alias: 不存在,存存,donotexist,Do Not Exist,do not exist,existexist,exist exist,Exist Exist,CunCun,cuncun
location: Guangdong, China
---
## Description
*Exist* was a cute girl, so she was pretty popular.
Everyone who meets Exist would be moved by her welcomeness and cheerfulness.
Despite needing to take many medications and [often having to stay in the hospital](https://twitter.com/donotexist_A/status/1383379769903910915?s=20) because of her bipolar disorder and other general health issues,
she was able to be on good terms with every doctor and patient she meets.
Here is a drawing of her by an art student she met during one of her stays in the hospital:
<PhotoScroll photos={[
'${path}/photos/portrait.jpg',
]} />
Because Exist's haircut was similar to the character Isabelle in *Animal Crossing*;
also because her personality was as cute as that of Isabelle,
we call her Isabelle sometimes.
She however didn't seem to like to be called that sometimes.
Exist had a good fashion sense.
Whether it's “human's clothing” (clothing style most people choose for their everyday life), JK, or lolita,
she was able to find the clothing choices to best express herself.
Exist once found a [tagline signaling gender expression diversity acceptance by *Uniqlo*](https://twitter.com/donotexist_A/status/1352976196766633985?s=20):
“This is a piece clothing designed for girls and women, but it's suitable for boys and men, too!”
Exist likes to read books.
Many types of books.
She has a preference for paper books.
Once, she went to [Huado library](https://twitter.com/donotexist_A/status/1358339066056482817?s=20) for the book *Gender Trouble* by Butler.
Exist likes to try out new things.
She often wandered around the city and found lots of great sceneries other people would have ignored.
Whether it's a bookstore visit, a clothes shopping trip, a night of playing rhythm games together, or trying out various foods,
she can always keep everyone engaged.
Exist has too many good qualities to list.
Exist helped many trans people in Guangdong to build up confidence by using her social media.
She shared her experience of how she was able to get a diagnosis of gender dysphoria and get the prescriptions with everyone.
We believe, if we are able to see Exist one more time, she would share all she saw and learnt during her time in the other world with us.
In 2021, May, Exist died of the low blood pressure caused by medication side effects and complications.
Good night, Exist.
Wish you happiness.
<ChannelBackupButton platform="telegram" />

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---
name: Gaoyang
info:
alias: Gaoyang, Lamb
location: Haikou, China
---
## Profile
Gaoyang was a pretty, tender and kind girl. She always acted strong despite being raised in poverty by a single-parent.
Contributor: Han Lianyi

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---
name: homoyamakaze
info:
alias: Qian Yu Mao Tou, Sui Ye Mao Mao Tou, Homoyamakaze
location: Lanzhou, Gansu, China
---
## Description
[Qian Yu Mao Tou](https://twitter.com/homoyamakaze)
wrote the first article about [how to get a diagnosis of gender dysphoria in Liaoning](https://mtf.wiki/zh-cn/docs/psyco/liaoning/liu-hong/)
on [MtF.wiki](https://mtf.wiki).
She also helped many trans people in person to get their diagnosis and prescriptions.
Working together with Qian Yu Zhi Xue, she helped many people get affordable HRT medicine, amount of which was over a hundred boxes.
<PhotoScroll photos={[ '${path}/photos/1.jpg', ]} />
<PhotoScroll photos={[ '${path}/photos/2.png', ]} />
In the evening of 2022 November 9th, she took her life in her house because of a bipolar disorder episode resulted from online violence.
The incident was recorded in legal documents by her girlfriend [Sui Ye You Zi](https://twitter.com/YuzuTvT).
<PhotoScroll photos={[ '${path}/photos/3.jpg', ]} />
<PhotoScroll photos={[ '${path}/photos/4.jpg', ]} />
Confirmed on twitter by both [Sui Ye You Zi](https://twitter.com/YuzuTvT) and [Lee](https://twitter.com/rbqwansui).
Contributor of entry:
[Sui Ye You Zi](https://twitter.com/YuzuTvT)

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---
name: lintong
info:
alias: 林童,Lin Tong,Lintong
location: Wuhan, Hubei, China
---
## Description
> Lin Tong is a girl who is a bit insecure.
> She has a mother who she rarely contacts.
> Dishes like “scrambled eggs with tomatoes” were her favorites.
> Monster Energy was her drink of choice.
> Personalitywise,
> her tendency to ask others to do things when they are not in the mood for it was the most notable.
> Acts like a princess sometimes.
> Likes to trouble her partner but not her friends.
—from her partner in life
> Friend, it's been four months, are you happy in heaven?
>
> Come here, drink this can of Monster Energy.
>
> Maybe you don't really like it, but it was the drink you chose while you were working.
>
> Eat this plate of Wuhan Re Gan noodles, too.
> It might not be authentic enough for a Wuhan native like you, but I can't think of anything else.
>
> Wish you well in heaven, my friend.
> Entrust a dream to me when you have time, alright?
—from her friend in life, 2022 October.

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---
name: noname
info:
alias: noname, no name, anonymous, nameless, unknown, name unknown
---
This page is dedicated to the unidentifiable victims who lost their lives due to systemic violence towards trans people.
Sometimes, we cannot even get a confirmation on if these people are trans.
### 2022 March 9th, Wu Han Tianjie - Feminine-presenting person stripped and murdered in men's bathroom.
At 2022 March 9th 15:45, a feminine-presenting person was stripped and murdered in bathroom.
The assailant and the victim's verbal conflict quickly escalated to physical conflict.
The assailant attacked the victim with a knife, causing the victim to bleed to death.
According to the police report and pictures found online,
the gender marker on the victim's ID is male, but the victim was feminine-presenting at the time of the incident.
People in the trans community followed closely on the development of the incident.
Although there is no concrete evidence on if the victim was trans or was crossdressing,
it is undeniable that the nature of the event is a hate crime against trans women or other gender-diverse people.
After the incident, the police tried to blur the details in the report and downplayed the severity of the event.
Their attitude made us question:
Just because the legal gender and the gender-presentation of the victim was different, a murder case as severe as this would not be taken seriously?
Even the discussions after the event would be censored and stifled, causing there to be so little information available?
Nine days after, on 2022 March 18th, One Among Us's official Twitter tweeted:
> For you who left us in Wu Han, who didn't even had a chance to leave a name:
>
> Nine days passed,
> but you are not forgotten.
> Tens of thousands of us are still mourning you.
> Tens of thousands of "she", "he", "they" of us will work together to ensure a tragedy like this won't happen again.
>
> Rest in peace.
<!-- Comments from the translator: I don't think being this optimistic is a good thing... -->
**Related articles and discussions**：[reddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/China_irl/comments/tb0sen/%E6%AD%A6%E6%B1%89%E5%A4%A9%E8%A1%97%E5%8F%91%E7%94%9F%E6%9D%80%E4%BA%BA%E6%A1%88%E7%96%91%E4%BC%BC%E6%98%AF%E5%AF%B9%E8%B7%A8%E6%80%A7%E5%88%AB%E5%A5%B3%E6%80%A7%E7%9A%84%E4%BB%87%E6%81%A8%E7%8A%AF%E7%BD%AA%E7%9B%B8%E5%85%B3%E8%AF%9D%E9%A2%98%E5%92%8C%E5%BE%AE%E5%8D%9A%E6%AD%A3%E8%A2%AB%E5%A4%A7%E9%87%8F%E5%88%A0%E9%99%A4/), [知乎](https://zhuanlan.zhihu.com/p/478944139), [matters](https://matters.news/@cprpoffice/254661-%E6%AD%A6%E6%B1%89%E5%A4%A9%E8%A1%97%E6%9D%80%E4%BA%BA%E6%A1%88%E5%88%9D%E6%AD%A5%E6%8E%A2%E7%A9%B6-%E6%AD%BB%E8%80%85%E5%88%B0%E5%BA%95%E6%98%AF%E4%B8%8D%E6%98%AF%E8%B7%A8%E6%80%A7%E5%88%AB%E5%A5%B3%E6%80%A7-bafyreicv5icunxpsd2jxfdfkxhk5p4waxyxge7c4cvektwtyzkjfqjoreu)

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---
name: suzuki
info:
alias: 铃木,铃木凉宫,Ling Mu Liang Gong,lingmulianggong,LingMuLiangGong,Suzuki
location: Taiwan, China
---
## Description
> “Remember, I will be playing arcade games while presenting as myself on October 10th.”
>
> “I love you all, even if you don't like me.”
>
> “No matter what, I will be a girl forever.”
Suzuki (Ling Mu Liang Gong) is a mysterious girl from Taiwan, so we are unable to gain detailed information on her.
She is a hardcore computer hardware tinkerer.
Her DIY skills are really good.
We believe that she can make anything as long as she wants to.
> “I really like this server system. I'm going to save up for it!”
>
> “To everyone who worked on this project, thank you!”
Unfortuantely, her young life ended on 2022 December 14th.
A month after that, one of her accounts, [CatEarsLaboratory], managed by her friend, published this message:
“Good night, Suzuki. Wish you can be a girl forever in heaven!”
We were unable to find any archives of her online presence because she always avoided sharing her personal details online and deleted all of her accounts.
Most information about her are already lost in the sea of Internet.
What we do know about her is that she is the creator of [CatEarsLaboratory](https://twitter.com/CatEars2333).
We speculate that what made her left us was online violence.
After Suzuki died, her friend Ling Mu Liang Zhen took over and continued to used her Twitter and Google accounts as she wished for her to “live with her memory”.
We do not know her well, but please wish her rest in peace anyways.