5.5 KiB
| name | info | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Susie |
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Memories
Susie was a sweet and cheerful trans girl. She had a passion for video games. She especially liked the character Goldenglow (Susie Glitter) in Arknights. And so, she used the username “Susiethegamer”.
Susie and her best friend Nekomaki often played games together. She usually played The Finals, and whenever she suffered from simulator sickness, she would switch to Nekomaki’s favourite game Rainbow Six Siege. Susie often showed a charming clumsiness when playing Rainbow Six Siege.
The two often sang Yorushika songs together on Discord every time after gaming. Susie adored Yorushika’s music very much. Nekomaki is not a morning person. As a result, whenever she wakes up, she often finds Susie waiting for her on Discord.
Susie had a knack for fashion, especially Uniqlo clothes. She liked sharing her pictures with her sister. Although she looked a bit chubby, she was very lovely — the kind of cuteness that made you want to pinch her cheeks. She said she’d cosplay Goldenglow once she slimmed down.
When asked if she’d prefer studying in the UK or Singapore, she chose Singapore, where Nekomaki was residing.
“I’ll be waiting for you. We can live together. I will try to help you with your mental health.”
– Nekomaki
In 2023, Susie received an offer from a university in the US. However, she couldn’t attend due to her mental health struggles. She later expressed a stronger desire to study in Japan instead.
Susie had been struggling for a long time with suicidal ideation. Though her friends never brought it up with her, they kept a close eye on her.
In April 2024, Susie and some friends visited Snowfairy, who was studying at a language school in Japan. Those days were filled with laughter.
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(Photos from Susie’s trip to Shibuya, Shinjuku, and Ikebukuro)
Susie almost attempted suicide in Japan. After being informed, Snowfairy almost rushed to Kawagoe in the middle of the night. However, Snowfairy was also dealing with her own mental health issues and had to rely on other friends in Japan for help. Fortunately, Susie didn’t follow through.
“When it was time to say goodbye, she clung to me tightly. I hugged her back, thinking, next time, I’ll take her to more wonderful places and introduce her to my favourite restaurants.”
– Snowfairy
After Susie went back to China, she frequently spoke of her longing to study in Japan. Snowfairy then recommended some more places of interest in Japan.
Later, Susie’s mental state visibly began to deteriorate. During this time, she had several suicidal attempts. Fortunately, Snowfairy always responded quickly enough.
In her final days, Susie stopped playing games and gave away many of her belongings, even including her PC. Nekomaki did not foresee the outcome, as Susie had been persuaded out of previous suicide attempts. She thought this time would be no different.
In her second last tweet, she was sharing photos of her treasured collections (looking back now, it seemed to have been a final display, perhaps a way of reminiscing), but her last tweet was a message about committing suicide.
For various reasons, the local police were unable to find her in time, and by then, it was already too late.
The last time I saw Susie, she was a lively and energetic trans girl, but at the funeral, all I could do was watch her cold, small casket.
Farewell
Until we meet again, Susie.
一緒に遊ぼう、いつまでも。
Drunk on sorrow, tears clouding her fevered sleep, Old memories stir in dreams, fleeting and brief. Waking in tears, still yearning for the past. We met in haste, never to meet again.
Upon waking, Susie’s wallpaper still blinks, and memories flood in with the tears, The gamer Susie who loved video games will never return.
No more chitchatting on Discord.
No more playing Rainbow Six Siege or The Finals together.
The moon lingered on the wayfarer’s hall,
Sea wind nested in the strand’s fiery pall.
Once we, under southern sky’s glorious pane
weaved words of joy that never shall wane.
So bright now, another moon, mirror of a stranger
who can’t rhyme more, but hears the murmur
of fearsome cloud and rapids.
White lilac of barren string
Guard her from snow ’round the unforgiving stars.
The meeting and embrace at Shinagawa Station feel as if it were yesterday, And the izakaya we visited that night often flickers in my mind.
The heavens are cold; may fairies clear the snow and ice from Susie’s path, so she may travel warmly to heaven.
Susie, may you be free from all burdens in your next life. May your wishes come true in a kinder world.
Contributors for this entry: Nekomaki, Snowfairy, One-Among-Us, Rinko (translator for poem)