mirror of
https://github.com/one-among-us/data.git
synced 2024-12-12 21:06:50 +08:00
104 lines
3.9 KiB
Markdown
104 lines
3.9 KiB
Markdown
---
|
||
name: Juezhe
|
||
info:
|
||
alias: Juezhe
|
||
location: Guangxi, China
|
||
---
|
||
|
||
## Introduction
|
||
|
||
> Juezhe was a trans girl who grew up in the rural areas of Guangxi. Though she didn't have much formal education, she carried within her a unique courage.
|
||
>
|
||
> We often see many trans women with different backgrounds and experiences.
|
||
>
|
||
> We might find it easier to notice those girls who shine brightly, trying to break barriers with their knowledge and education.
|
||
>
|
||
> But across this vast land, there are many more trans women who deserve to be seen.
|
||
>
|
||
> Juezhe didn't leave many words, so we have preserved her first-person narrative to retain more of her presence in this world.
|
||
>
|
||
> "Girls, don’t be ashamed... you’re not a freak, everyone is always with you."
|
||
>
|
||
> —— One Among Us
|
||
|
||
## Juezhe's Self Narration
|
||
|
||
When I was in elementary school,
|
||
I really liked the smooth, hairless skin of girls and how they could dress however they wanted, grow long hair, and braid it.
|
||
Most importantly, they could wear skirts, which was awesome.
|
||
Every time I saw other girls, I envied them very much.
|
||
|
||
I secretly wore my sister's skirt once.
|
||
I was so happy but also very scared, scared of being discovered.
|
||
I hated my secondary sexual characteristics.
|
||
Why couldn't I be a girl...
|
||
|
||
I hated the labels they put on me.
|
||
I couldn’t accept that,
|
||
but gender isn’t something you can choose.
|
||
I was destined not to change anything.
|
||
In others' minds,
|
||
boys were supposed to be rough and messy.
|
||
|
||
I have a very considerate sister who always took care of me.
|
||
When I talked back and got hit by my dad,
|
||
she was always the first to comfort me.
|
||
I felt very happy staying with her,
|
||
but this short-lived happiness only lasted until she graduated from elementary school...
|
||
|
||
Maybe it was partly because of family reasons.
|
||
When I was young, my dad smoked, drank, gambled, and liked to commit domestic violence.
|
||
He often hit me, leaving bruises and marks.
|
||
Once he beat me so hard that a thick black mark was left on my calf.
|
||
After a few instances of domestic violence,
|
||
my mom left to work in another province.
|
||
My dad often gambled till late and didn’t come home.
|
||
I was too scared to sleep alone,
|
||
so I kept the TV on and hid in the corner of the bed by the wall.
|
||
Maybe growing up in this kind of loveless environment made me crave love even more...
|
||
|
||
I belonged to the passive personality type,
|
||
without my own opinions,
|
||
always feeling self-pity,
|
||
always escaping,
|
||
overly caring about others' evaluations,
|
||
and yearning for recognition.
|
||
No matter how sad I was,
|
||
I would always force a smile in front of others,
|
||
afraid of being misunderstood.
|
||
|
||
Although only my childhood friend was willing to hang out with me,
|
||
I longed even more to play with girls.
|
||
When I saw female classmates playing string figure or jump rope,
|
||
I wanted to join them but didn’t have the courage,
|
||
so I could only watch from afar.
|
||
I remember very clearly one time during long-break,
|
||
I stood in the corner watching girls play jump rope for a long time.
|
||
I wanted so badly to join them but was afraid of being laughed at,
|
||
so I didn’t dare to speak.
|
||
In the end, one girl noticed me and invited me to play.
|
||
Just as I was about to go over, the bell rang.
|
||
I was really sad then, and this memory still stays with me...
|
||
|
||
Sigh...
|
||
I kept these thoughts to myself and never told anyone.
|
||
Until one day,
|
||
I stumbled upon information about transgenders, estrogen, and transitioning on the internet.
|
||
This changed my rigid mindset, and after learning more, I unhesitatingly sought out ways to start HRT...
|
||
|
||
## Juezhe's Departure
|
||
|
||
> "I never really hoped to be accepted. Born a misfit..."
|
||
|
||
On that day, that girl went to a secluded mountain, intending to end it all.
|
||
|
||
She knew her family's financial situation couldn’t support her transition nor save her life.
|
||
|
||
She always felt like a burden...
|
||
|
||
> "The liquid was so strong, so bitter, and so salty..."
|
||
>
|
||
> "I hope in the next life I can be a girl... Sorry for making everyone worry even in death..."
|
||
|
||
Say goodnight to that girl, she was just too tired, and fell asleep...
|