6.5 KiB
| name | info | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Arita |
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Arita is a gentle and lovely big sister. Her major is architecture/urban planning, which is actually the major that the author longed for when I was a child. In addition to architectural design, she also loves and is good at painting. She also has a camera full of various photos. She is a very artistic person. Arita also knows a lot about makeup and dressing. According to my friend, she recommends many unpopular but high-quality cosmetics brands on Xiaohongshu. She prefers rose-colored lipstick and rose-scented perfume. She sometimes lights scented candles in her room. She seems to be a person who loves life very much. According to her friends, her personality type is somewhat similar to the author's. The first impression she gives is that she speaks softly and "always sits quietly in the corner", but she is very possessive of close people. , will be willing to express their opinions on many things in the world in front of them, and want a lover who can join hands to fight the world.
Arita's favorite band is Soda Green. In fact, Wu Qingfeng, the core figure of Soda Green, is also a singer who is often considered to have unconventional gender expression. One of her favorite songs is "Singing with You": "I can ride my imagination in your direction/Let the invisible me lean beside you and sleep so sweetly/Let the invisible you walk into my dreamland and sing with me." , is a very comforting song. Arita is also interested in TVB and British dramas, and likes two British actors, James McAvoy and Carey Mulligan. She has also watched almost all of Iwai Shunji's movies. The nickname Arita should come from one of Iwai's short films. The author later started watching the tagged videos on her Douban movie list, as if I was watching them with her, and I have almost finished them now. Sometimes I also fantasize about other things that I can do with Arita, such as cooking and cooking hot pot at home, reading novels, discussing academic topics about urban studies that we are both interested in, or traveling to the Scottish Highlands together, or letting her Provide advice for my transition (laughs)
Arita is sometimes troubled by depression. According to her own words, sometimes when she is in a bad mood, she simply reads Dazai Osamu's "Disqualification in the World", so that the sad emotions can first be released in the resonance and then slowly recover. She doesn't often show her negative emotions on public networks, preferring to talk to her friends in private or digest them alone. In fact, a few months before Arita's death, her roommates had noticed something strange, but maybe they didn't have time to react. A few days after her graduation photos were taken, she ultimately chose to leave us due to some currently unknown events.
Having said so much, the author has not actually communicated with Arita herself. Arita is an international student at the same school and grade as me. One day in August when I was anxious to write my thesis and my relationship was falling apart, I was very depressed. A netizen in China forwarded me a missing person notice about her. I didn’t pay much attention to it at the time. Information, after all, there are too many things to care about, but just reading the description gave me a bad feeling. Later, I moved to a new house. When another female roommate came back from a meeting with me and two boys, she suddenly mentioned that her previous roommate passed away. I thought about it for a few minutes and suddenly realized something, and then directly searched for that article. The WeChat ID in the missing person notice is my new roommate. I really couldn’t calm down after a day. Maybe this was some kind of fateful coincidence. It was like I later calculated that if I died on May 13, 2027 (which is her birthday), I would He will always be one day younger than her.
After Arita's death, her mobile phone was sealed by the police as evidence, so no one notified her friends in China. In the end, I became the most unpleasant person to announce the death to her friends. At that time, I posted on Weibo It's excruciatingly painful to type, and it often seems cold and stiff to read. Arita's ex-boyfriend originally wanted to send her Soda Green's remastered new album, but he has been unable to contact her for more than half a year. He and I have communicated on and off on Weibo for several months. He and Arita used to live together in Chengdu, and they gradually lost contact due to long distances a few years ago, but maybe Arita has always been the person he really liked. His final request was to visit Arita's grave, but this wish, at least for the time being, could not be fulfilled. Another friend of Arita's asked me to send her a bouquet of roses, and I sent the flowers to the place where she died on the first anniversary of her death. In fact, I ordered a strawberry cake for her on her 30th birthday.
Perhaps a little unexpectedly, my new roommate and I became very good friends because of her. In fact, when I asked my roommate for a dinner date for the first or second time, she asked me directly on the way home. We are not transgender, and we, both of whom were not in a very good mental state, stayed together for a year to keep warm. We almost couldn’t stay together and returned to China, so much so that I joked that the house was a hospice care center (laughs).
Arita is a person with many special meanings to the author, and it can be said that she is someone I have always loved. I asked Arita's ex-boyfriend before if he would be angry if I said I loved Arita, and he said no. Although my gender on Weibo is female, he also knew that I was transgender during the chat and said a lot of encouraging words to me. I am really grateful to him.
Sister, I hope we will meet one day eventually, right? Just like what the heroine in "The Phantom Thread" said at the end of the film: "...He is still waiting for me somewhere in the sky, This life, the next life, and the next life after that, no matter where my destiny takes me from now on... as long as I stay patient, I will be able to return to him again. " I believe I can do it too. I'm here, wait for me.
Let’s end with a poem by Yeats, haters of the wind:
I became a rush that horses tread:
I became a man, a hater of the wind,
Knowing one, out of all things, alone, that his head
Would not lie on the breast or his lips on the hair
Of the woman that he loves, until he dies;
Although the rushes and the fowl of the air
Cry of his love with their pitiful cries.