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"I will change into gentle breeze and rain, then surround you all along."
By Yumao
"It feels like that you are hiding in crystal alone, all I can see is your shattered figure. "
By Neko
Description
Yumao(Zhangqianye) is a trans girl, who is gentle, smart, tough and lovely.
She introduced herself in her profile: Perhaps Yumao doesn't like taking part in group activities. I love white and red, also that kind of rainbow in Glitch. And I have a sweet tooth, I will feel happy for a long time while holding a packet of white rabbit creamy candies. I love cats, and adopt a cat called Ayaka.
She was an admiral of Kancolle, and her first action figure was Destroyor Akizuki im kancolle.
She loved time with silent and ease. For example, she put on the headphones and drank hot coffee in café, she watched out of the window and observed people came and left. This would make her relaxed. Sometimes, she had some special thoughts. She wished to shooting stars at times, she said: "It's not because I believe that, but in that it's free. And there's no evidence shows it doesn't work."
According to Neko, Yumao loved spicy hot pot, and always enjoyed it with rice.
Yumao liked to watch stars when she didn't sleep yet at night. After she returned to China, due to bad weather and few time, she couldn't watch stars as previous time. So she made a special trip to Dishui Lake once and watched stars.
She saved many thoughts in her private blog, and these blog posts included many areas: computer science, military and politics. She was also a girl who loved literature, and she wrote down much beautiful prose and poetry. Of course, she record daily life in her blog, and we can still see her story, her experience, and her train of thoughts.
Experience
Yumao once studied abroad in the US, then she backed to Shanghai to continue her study in unisersity.
In 2017, she encountered Neko in Twitter(Now X), and she felt that Neko was skilled and powerful. After that, they became close partners.
In that period, there was not so much censorship about transgender topic in Zhihu. So Yumao always @ Neko in relevant topics, then showed their affection in public.
During that time, Yumao got many mental supports. Yumao described the care from Neko like this:
"Even that things were dark and painful, which had been hidden, you still observed and felt them. Maybe you understanded more then myself. How wonderful... You also found my scattered identity, then lifted me out of abyss. That was the first time I was been touched by others."
However, they were forced to separated. After that, Neko was brought back to Yunnan by family, and was sent to correctional school. Then, it was reported that Neko had commited suicide and died. Chinese media Beijing News reported this in video. Yumao was extremely grieved after hearing the news. She continuously sent messages about missing Neko in their Telegram channal. She quoted Cassiopeia(カシオペヤ) , which was a song they used to listen together, to express her grief.
Although she also found that the suicide of Neko ws complicated and confusing according to some routes. But there was no more news about Neko indeed. She really hoped Neko was still alived:
"I always stay alive for you...I get lost cuz missing you. Wish I can see a vibrant you."
(Another version in Zhihu: "Only for you I stay alive... But you are not by my side. Isn't it? Wish you are still alive...")
She always missed Neko, and recalled the days with her. Yumao often wrote down some caring words in her blog, such as prompted Neko to manage her hair, or told Neko to add or subtract clothes.
In this period, Yumao tried to remember previous time and those things which is moving, happy and blissful. But her heart was took up by sadness, and her memory gradually worsen. She said that she forgot many things.
She formerly planned to complete SRS within the year, but she didn't realize that cause of her bad mental health and other reasons.
In 30th June, all hope of her had been removed and she tried to commit suicide. The next day, she left this world with regrets at her age of 17.
Wish that I could become a pretty girl who is kind-hearted, and become the sister of Ayaka and Ruri.
In her blog post Separation and Reunion published in march, she left many words to her friends, and thanked to their company all along.
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After Her Leaving
In Zhihu question What are your thoughts about ZhiHu user @yu-zhang-31-35 ?, many friends wrote their memories of yumao, and expressed their sandness and regret of the death of her. They also felt regrettable for Neko's death due to close relationship between Neko and Yumao.
In fact, Neko didn't pass away. Before the news of Neko's death, in her email in 19th March, they still encouraged each other with the words "Must stay alive".
Transgender cummunity investigated this thing once, and found the fact that Neko was pronounced dead by her family.
**Fact**
Neko and Yumao were forced to seprate in Shanghai. After that, Neko was brought to Kunming, Yunnan, and then hospitalized at a mental health centre for treatment.
During the time, Neko always hoped to meet with Yumao, so she tried to contact Yumao in the interval outside the hosptial when she haved dinner with her parents. Then she persuaded the doctor on duty to issue discharge certificate for her. This action irritated her family. Shortly afterward, her family drived her to Kunming Anning Haohaizi School(hereinafter referred to as "Haohaizi") made use of taking her to Changshui Airport. After that, Neko was locked in the Room 308, which can be seen as a black room.
Days after she came out of the Room 308, owing to her command of computer was excellent and their trust in her, the propaganda department of Haohaizi found her and asked her to fix network system. Neko accepted and fixed the system quickly, then sent a help email to Yumao.
After that, the outside world started to lash out her parents. The investigative journalist of Beijing News also interviewed the staff of Haohaizi to ask the whereabouts of Neko.
However, the parents made a shock decision. They said that they had already brought her out of the school, then cancelled the census register of Neko. In the interview of Beijing News, they spoke in a tearful voice and claimed that Neko had commited suicide in the early hours of 24th March.
Neko was continued to be in Haohaizi since then. She was informed of Yumao's death in October. This news almost devastated her.
But nevertheless, Neko still implemented the words "Must stay alive". She never gave up and tried to calm herself. She kept a diary and develpoed her hobbies and interests at that time. She also found some ways which could resolve her difficulties to take her mind off.
During the latter time in Haohaizi, those around her helped her a lot, her friends accompanied her, and some people delivered things from the outside. Some friendly drillmaster would take her out to play, or bought things to her. This might make her happier.
On 1st September 2019, Neko left Haohaizi, and started her new life after a period of time.
To commenmorate all the difficulties I suffered in the past two years
From 2018-03-16 22:31
To 2020-03-16 22:31
Thanks to all your efforts in that period
This is also, to remember all the things you experienced after we separted
Also, for you in 2018-07-31
Thank you everyone.
Neko, on Telegram
After survived the ordeal, Neko tried to get out of the shadow, and she gradually moved toward to the right road of life.
"Neko will stay alive, to remember that girl I used to loved." This is what Neko always uses to encourage herself.
Good night, yumao, wish you can be a girl and live happily.
Contributors for this entry: One-Among-Us, Ayaka Neko