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| name | info | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Jennifer |
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I am in so much pain, indeed.
I also know that many transgender friends on Twitter are in pain as well.
But we all have to strive to live.
Even if no one around me supports me, I know that you are there across the internet.
So I am not alone.
Experience
Jennifer was a trans girl longing for happiness.
Her avatar was Vtuber Yukihana Lamy, and she enjoyed playing the rhythm game Project Sekai.
When she was 13 years old, she told her parents for the first time, "I want to be a girl." However, her parents dismissed it, thinking that she was influenced by her classmates, and vehemently denied her thoughts with harsh words.
At that time, Jennifer didn't know what "transgender" meant, but she understood the negative connotation of her parents' harsh words.
Nevertheless, she bravely expressed her wish to them:
"I just want to be a normal girl, to study and live like other girls..."
In her innocence, she thought they would understand, but it was only the beginning of her nightmare.
After starting junior high school, she tried to make her parents understand her better. So, she starts to find information about "transgender" online. She even read academic papers, attempting to communicate with her parents.
Jennifer said:
"Transgender identity is something I was born with... It's just that a girl's soul is in the wrong body. I don't even ask for SRS. But can you just let me wear girls' clothes and grow my hair long? I know I'm not pretty, but is it a crime to want to wear girls' clothes?"
But all her efforts were in vain, and what she received in return was more scolding.
Later, in a state of extreme mental distress, she got into a vocational high school. However, after one year, her parents forced her to take a gap, claiming that "vocational schools are full of bad kids."
Since then, she had been living under her parents' constant surveillance, with no privacy and no sense of security.
Nearly four years of mental control caused her to develop several mental illnesses. Online psychometric scales showed that she was severely depressed, anxious, and mentally exhausted, but she couldn't go to a regular hospital for treatment.
In June 2023, Jennifer turned 18. She was eager to find a job and leave home.
Due to her lack of education, she could only work at a local beverage shop, earning just enough to make ends meet.
But she knew it would be a long time before she could escape her original family.
She had to present herself as male for job interviews and work, and everyone referred to her with the wrong pronouns, which caused her great distress.
"I really can't live with a mask on... Is it so hard to be myself..."
Despite this, she felt that working as a server every day was better than staying in her suffocating home environment.
She seemed to see a glimmer of hope. During that time, she even thought that if she could just endure and save enough money, she could live on her own and free herself from her family.
Unfortunately, her improved mental state didn't last long. Her depression and anxiety often caused uncontrollable episodes, and after working for just over a month, she had to leave her job and return home.
After returning home, the harsh words flooded her ears once again.
But by then, her heart had grown numb.
Departure
Jennifer once said, "Jennifer is a strong girl, nya~ Jennifer won't block anyone."
But there was one time, and the last time, she made an exception:
"I blocked Han Lianyi's account. I think she's a great person, but I don't want her to save me. I'm sorry, Sister Han, I'm so sorry..."
As the New Year approached, fireworks and firecrackers were alight with sparks, carrying people's best wishes.
The warm glow of lights filled thousands of homes.
But Jennifer left this world in the biting cold wind,
Her story remained on New Year's Eve.
Brief illusions brought her happiness and kept her from the cold...
But until the end of her story, she never got to take estrogen, wear a beautiful dress, or be called "Miss."
Jennifer, may you no longer suffer and find the happiness you deserve in another world.